What Else could I Possibly do to Make My Friend Stop Being So Moody?

[Kanlic]

EDIT: I filled in some missing words, my foolish brain thinks faster than I can type

I live in the Bronx. A lady friend of mine gets home from work at around midnight. Naturally, she is too scared of walking the 15 minutes home alone, so I usually meet her at the stop to walk her back. This particular instance I was doing her dishes in her apartment upon request, but realized I had to go. I made a quick survey of the apartment to see if she left me her keys, saw nothing, so I left.

Of coarse when I got to the stop, she was holding some cake she brought for me from working at Whole Foods. Tres Leches, if you never had one, they are seriously the best cake, if only for the fact that you cannot cram in more calories per cubic inch. She offhandedly asked me if I had the keys from the apartment, which I said no. She was laughing. Then she stopped. The shit storm I received for the next 20 minutes made me glad only crack addicts were outside. She was so pissed that she snatched the cake from my hands and said "YOU'RE NOT HAVING THIS."

The problem is that her roommates are out of town so we had no way of getting back into her apartment until the next day, which wasn't such an issue because my place had an extra bed. Still all of this was a pain in the ass because my computer and game systems are at her apartment, so I had nothing really to do as well except wait till the next evening for the land lord to give us the master key.

Now I realize how annoying all this really is but I really tried to make it up to her by:

A) Apologizing for not hearing her tell me she left the keys
B) Surprising her with her favorite sub combo, a tuna melt and a barrel of green tea (she didn't thank me even though I watched her devour them)
C) Accompanying her to the city to get the master key, and then reimbursing her the $15 it cost to make the trip when she complained.

What kills me is that she was actively ignoring me the entire time, not saying a word to me other than "let's go." Now I am sitting back in her apartment after we found the hidden keys under a pillow, to which she demands another apology for not looking hard enough. WHat am I supposed to do here? She is kicking me around to the point that I am the one who is mad.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

That was a weird read.

If your version of the truth is reliable and including all the necessary facts, you're a remarkably attentive friend, and you don't deserve shit for screwing up once...not when you're genuinely sorry for it.

My friends forgive instantly when there is a fuck up, that's kinda what friends do. I'm guessing your relationship with her is a little more complicated.

 

[coolkirb]

Do nothing their probably haveing a bad week, espicially if you work till midnight

 

[Coffinshaker]

That was a weird read.

If your version of the truth is reliable and including all the necessary facts, you're a remarkably attentive friend, and you don't deserve shit for screwing up once...not when you're genuinely sorry for it.

My friends forgive instantly when there is a fuck up, that's kinda what friends do. I'm guessing your relationship with her is a little more complicated.

Mr. Panda, I am shocked and appalled at your lack of the apt response, given your name...

"D) Give her some lovins!"

Ah, fixed. Anyways, some people are moody. Just tell em "hey, I do good things for you and you're being a butt. calm down or take a walk!" if you end up going separate ways, then it wasn't meant to be.

 

[goldendriger]

Can i just say "Chokeslam" and leave it at that? Or maybe find a way to dish it back, if she gets stroppy "Thats what you do all the time!"

 

[2fish]

This doesn't sound like friendship as much as indentured servitude. If post is correct you made error you didn't hear about/find the keys you say sorry end of discussion.

If she keeps this shit up you burn the bridge.

I mean do you want to date this said female? I find that I put up with more crap from female I want to date but not that much more.

If it is not give and take it is not a relationship/friendship.

Is there a history of this sort of "discussion" between the two of you?

 

[TheBritishAreComing]

I say stand up for yourself a little. Maybe she'll see then that she is pushing the limits and she'll stop, at least a bit. And better to vent the bit of anger you have now then exploding with rage later.

 

[FFHAuthor]

I'd hate to sound cruel, but from the narrative you've given, you sound more like a 'doormat nice guy' being used and walked on than a friend. That's just how it looks in the narrative, but seriously dude this reaction of hers looks a lot the way someone treats someone who they really do not truly care about.

Might be a dick comment, but I don't think that you can 'make her less bitchy' because it doesn't seem like she treats you like a person worthy of respect as a friend. Without that, there's no way you can call it a friendship...you're a servant.

Yeah...dick analysis...but I have to be honest, sorry dude.

 

[RubyT]

Your post is missing words here and there.

And I can't fathom which missing word would turn "...Now I am sitting back in her apartment after we found the hidden under a pillow..." into sense. I reckon it's 'hidden key', but you didn't mention any such thing before.

Anyway, your girlfriend is what we call a *****. You can either take her shit or stand up to her. In which case she will probably walk away. If she doesn't, because she cares more for you than your post makes it appear, by standing up you can slowly show her the boundaries of accepted social conduct.

However, leaving an appartment without knowing where the keys are is always stupid. Lesson learned.

 

[Heartcafe]

Maybe she's on her "time of the month?"
I know girls who do a 180 in personality every time that week swings around. Let her eat the cake. Food is always good for calming a women down.

But if she's like this all the time, then flip the bird and get out.

 

[Neverhoodian]

Sounds to me like there isn't anything else you can (or indeed should) do. You've already gone well above and beyond the call of duty. I hate to sound callous, but your "friend" sounds like a selfish harpy. If she's still getting on your case or giving you the cold shoulder after all you've done, then perhaps it's time to give her a piece of your mind. Let her know that you've tried doing everything in your power to rectify the situation, and that her lack of appreciation bothers you. If she refuses to listen, then I think you should stop seeing her for a while. If she's particularly vehement about it or continues to hold a grudge, then you'd probably be better off severing relations entirely.

Of course, this is assuming your account of the story is the unvarnished truth.

 

[GigaHz]

You could kill her. That would solve her mood problem.

Just sayin'.

 

[Kanlic]

That was a weird read.

If your version of the truth is reliable and including all the necessary facts, you're a remarkably attentive friend, and you don't deserve shit for screwing up once...not when you're genuinely sorry for it.

My friends forgive instantly when there is a fuck up, that's kinda what friends do. I'm guessing your relationship with her is a little more complicated.

Yea, I agree with ya there. It's frustrating, but she is just characteristic of most of the women in my life. If I ain't on my hands and knees than I ain't anything at all. She is probably one of my most strong willed friends though. I've been kicked out of the apartment before because I declined to help her and friend of ours bring groceries from the store because the friend took my sunglasses without asking. They labeled me an asshole for the day.

The thing that makes this complicated is that she is my only good friend that stayed in town for the summer. So we have been having relations like its just something we do after work and before dinner. She knows I lost my virginity to her, so naturally I am more acquainted with her. She is also part of a group of five friends I have casual sexual relationships with. She sees other guys too and there really isn't any secrets between us. I guess you can call this an open relationship, although she hasn't seen anyone since the summer began.

Well hippy stuff aside, she seems to like me, and I haven't been screwing around since the last day at school, so I don't know what her beef is.

I'd hate to sound cruel, but from the narrative you've given, you sound more like a 'doormat nice guy' being used and walked on than a friend....Might be a dick comment, but I don't think that you can 'make her less bitchy' because it doesn't seem like she treats you like a person worthy of respect as a friend. Without that, there's no way you can call it a friendship...you're a servant.

This doesn't sound like friendship as much as indentured servitude. If post is correct you made error you didn't hear about/find the keys you say sorry end of discussion... Is there a history of this sort of "discussion" between the two of you?

2fish, read the earlier part of this comment if you are curious. As for the servitude stuff, I feel pretty obligated to do some housework while she is at work. The general rule of thumb is whoever buys the food doesn't have to cook and clean. I usually buy it, so she does it most of the time, but there have been instances where I was forced to to clean what I needed just so I could eat a bowl of cereal. In this case I had dish duty because she bought the food.

I was helping her out and buying her food today because I couldn't help but feel partly responsible for the whole instance. I usually try not to let people lean on me.

 

[evesgirl21]

my first reply on here...EVER... but...thought i could help

Wow...I'm assuming that this is mostly a male perspective....
As a girl i think we're missing a few things

a) you locked her out of her house (or apartment or whatever it is)
b) YOU LOCKED HER OUT OF HER HOUSE!
when its your house and your stuff you'll undrstand how it feels...having a place to sleep doesnt solve everything

I don't know about you but I've been locked out of my place before (my fault though. XD) and had to go through a sh*t storm to get it open again...shes lucky she didnt have to call a locksmith or something...that sh*t gets EXPENSIVE. If shes the type to gripe over $15 then i think she wouldnt be too happy about paying $75 like i did once.

Not to be rude but you make yourself out to be such a hero...she obviously cars about you seeing as she brought you cake...how many guys get cake for doing dishes??? She was being kind of a ***** but...did you desrve it?

Did she have to "ask" you to do those dishes or beg? Did she tell you to get her keys? Did you look...really? Really you kinda have to look at both sides here...

As a "friend" don't you think she would have forgiven you if she thought you meant it...Just sayin'

 

[Kryzantine]

As to the OT, I'm not sure there is anything you can do. You could give her a big hug, but there's not much you can do from your end. They need to take the breather, lie down for a bit, relax, forgive and forget. Be thankful that this is a one-time thing and she will get over it (and there's honestly no nicer way to put that).

This city breeds some difficult people. Some good people, but some difficult. Don't let yourself get moody, that's the surefire way to keep her in a bad mood. But be humble about it. It'll take a bit of time, but she will apologize to you.

 

[bushwhacker2k]

Do nothing their probably haveing a bad week, espicially if you work till midnight

It does seem likely there are deeper issues, or possibly related issues that happen/don't happen as a result. I guess just be careful to remember the keys.

 

[Silverfox99]

The best response to messing up is not just an apology. You need to let her know it will not happen again and make sure it doesn't. You can talk all you want but its your actions that really matter. People will screw up but its what you do after wards that matters the most.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

Sounds to me like what you have is a problem. It's OK, most people have them. It's a common side effect of being a human being.

Oh crap, left my "Asshole Mode" on again. Let me get that.
*click*

OK, let me try that again. Look, no matter how much background info you provide in your post, there's no way you'll be able to give enough. I don't KNOW this girl. I don't KNOW you. How can I possibly assess this situation any better then you can on your own?