Caring deeply for someone would infer that I had to feel an emotion strongly, this doesn't happen, there are people who I vastly prefer to be around, but usually that's because we have fun while other people serve as a mild irritant and while having some fun and being mildly irritating, are both fairly low on an emotional scale, the difference between those feelings is a fairly large one, so I would have to say that, the people who I care most deeply about are the people that I've accepted honourarily as family, my family for the most part are self centered blind to the rest of the world assholes, so they don't count so much.
I have felt strongly for people in the past, it's just that in the instance of being betrayed by every single one of them on some level or another, most of them in ways that either shamed me in the face of the rest of my "friends" for years, or nearly ended in me being arrested, or put in a mental institution just because that would've been more convenient than accepting that when I don't ever sleep, have nobody backing me in any way, and living in a goddamn warzone(household full of bickering screaming matches and punishments doled out for reasons ranging from having a grumpy expression, to swearing, being a complete removal of my gaming privaleges for months at a time(in a time when that was my only escape from said hell)).
So fuck emotion, fuck it in the ass, I've tried to get my feelings to not be so bitterly numb all the time, and sometimes I get little peeps at what it is to feel happy, but only when I'm high out my tree, or drunk as fuck, and one can't be productive living in that state for more than a few times a month tops, if you can afford it.
I now "feel" with logic, I think about life as I would think about business, I run my entire existence off of a complex conversion system allowing me to do a proffit/loss calculation for every conceivable situation, and then go by that.
I mean hell I know I suffer from a certain degree of neurosis, simply due to a lack of meaningful physical contact with others, I know for a fact that my repression of my own emotions subconscious as this tends to be, is unhealthy, and that eventually something is going to break, but hey, may as well just keep on going, it's not like my life has any purpose or meaning to it, I'm just another human, with only as much or as little value as any one person can really have on a cosmic scale, which is to say... pretty much none.
