WTF NPC Conversations

[TheKruzdawg]

Have you ever been strolling through your favorite game and then heard an NPC something that just made you laugh because it was outrageous or made you think WTF? I've got two and they both actually happened about an hour while playing Oblivion, within 5 minutes of each other.

First one: I was in the Imperial City trying to find the apothecary shop and I passed by the Courier stand. I heard a woman say "I'm glad we have the Black Horse Courier, I don't know how we'd get the news without it." To which a guard replied, "Just listen to people talk. It's uncanny how well informed everyone is." That is interesting, Mr Guard, how you seem to know the instant I do anything you dislike.

Second one, walked into the magic shop in Skingrad and during my talk with the Dark Elf woman who ran the shop, she all of a sudden asked me how bad the fine for Necrophilia is. I asked if it was a first offense. She said, "Let's assume no." I somehow knew it was 500 gold and she informs me that's nowhere near as bad as in Morrowind.

What about you, Escapists? Any interesting conversations overheard from NPCs?

 

[Melon Hunter]

From a very old FPS called Sin. In the first mission, you play as a police officer clearing out a bank during an armed robbery. If you listen carefully when you pass one of the locked doors in the bank, you can hear a terrified employee shout "Don't shoot! I've got a wife and kids; kill them!" Made me chuckle.

 

[Gill Kaiser]

The GTA series is usually very good for funny pedestrian banter like this. I can't remember anything specific but I know I enjoy it.

 

[vrbtny]

From a very old FPS called Sin. In the first mission, you play as a police officer clearing out a bank during an armed robbery. If you listen carefully when you pass one of the locked doors in the bank, you can hear a terrified employee shout "Don't shoot! I've got a wife and kids; kill them!" Made me chuckle.

You sadistic person!!

 

[Melon Hunter]

From a very old FPS called Sin. In the first mission, you play as a police officer clearing out a bank during an armed robbery. If you listen carefully when you pass one of the locked doors in the bank, you can hear a terrified employee shout "Don't shoot! I've got a wife and kids; kill them!" Made me chuckle.

You sadistic person!!

I was only laughing at the fact that I expected him to finish at the word 'kids', like any cliched civilian caught in an armed robbery. Honest!

 

[Qtoy]

Fallout 3, in the Citadel.
Brotherhood of Steel Knight #1:What's the latest report?
Brotherhood of Steel Knight #2:Goodbye.

 

[Johnson294]

"Hello, what is going on with you?" in the most generic, emotionless voice you could ever imagine, repeated 1000 times. I loved Oblivion, but the NPCs constantly saying the same emotionless line made me want to gouge my eyes out.

 

[Drakmorg]

Try playing Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines as a Malkavian, every dialogue option you get is pretty entertaining. It's especially funny when you see the reactions from other NPCs and they have no clue what you're talking about.

My favorite bit in that game so far was when I ended up in a conversation with a street sign, and the last dialogue option I had was something along the lines of "You win this time stop sign!"

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Make sense of that. I dare you.

 

[CRAVE CASE 55]

LA Noire

I was walking around and Heard a Random chick walking by HERSELF say "Sister I was so tight I could barely walk..."

WTF this has happened 2-3 times

 

[ZeZZZZevy]

pretty much every conversation between 2 crimson guard in Jak 2

it's just hilarious

Make sense of that. I dare you.

words cannot describe

 

[Ashcrexl]

all of these. i've only heard one of them in my own game, but these are definitely dead baby comedy at its best.

 

[Arluza]

in video games:

"Hi" "what's going on with you?" "I don't like you and I don't WANT to like you."

in a tabletop:

"Hi" "If you lie you me, I will kill you before you get to the period."

 

[The Apothecarry]

Some of the Rainbow Six: Vegas 2 terrorist conversations were hilarious.

Conversation after poking a snake camera under a door to find four guys huddled behind it:
"Hey, you think they can see us?"
"Shut up, dude. The doors are locked."
"No, they might have like a tiny camera or something."
"What are you on, bro?"
"I'm just saying. They could blow the door open with C4 any minute now."
*I'm laughing because I had placed C4 on this particular door before using the camera*
"Whatever, man. You're fucking crazy."

BOOM!

 

[Kenbo Slice]

One of the doctors in Assassin's Creed Brotherhood said "Try my new lead based cure for syphilis." I lol'd pretty hard at that.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

No Bark Noonan in Fallout Vegas, which Mr New Vegas tells us on the radio is 'talking to a toy bear near one of our microphones'

''It's ghouls, I tell ya. Religious ghouls in rockets looking for a land to call their own. Don't you laugh at me! I know a spell that will make you show your true form; cave rat taught it to me."''

Makes me chuckle.

 

[Symias]

Ghandaiah from The Nameless Mod
"OH MY GOD I HAVE POCKETS!'

 

[Belgian_Waffles]

Make sense of that. I dare you.

What is this I don't even.

How did you even find this video? It's hilarious.

 

[Defense]

Earthbound in general is full of this, but I laughed out loud when someone asked me about a Beatles song.

"Fill in the blanks. XXXterday. Can you answer this?"
Yes No

Too bad the game is so mediocre otherwise.