Recent content by pensandpapers62

Thanks for the feedback. I felt that explaining the Armageddon part what help the player understand why they cant really go outside the city and that the game takes place entirely in a large city and in the seemingly infinite dungeon.

Thank you for the feedback friend, I'll see what I can do.

Those are both excellent games so you make a strong case. I'll have to think on it more.

Good luck! Thanks for your advice.

That's an interesting suggestion. But what does that leave the player with? I'm afraid it would leave not much for them to go on. Their first impression might be "Wow another generic rpg". I imagine that it will be a story heavy game.

Yes there should be, I'm very fond of the short curvy type. There is far too many bone thin types in anime.

I havent set in stone what theme it will be, but I think parts will be grim and parts will be very bright, I want heavy contrast between the surface city and the caverns below.

Many thanks. I've put in your corrections. I agree it needs to be shorter but I'm not sure where I want to make cuts yet.

This is the best feedback I've gotten so far, thank you. I've now implemented some of the easier fixes you suggested. I certainly do need to have more variety of words and provide more names of places. Although, fazed is the correct word see here and other sources...

Note 1. 8/21/2016: I did post this in Advice forum awhile back but I did not get much feedback so I'm trying here. Note 2. 8/22/2016: Tonight I trimmed some words off and replaced others, I hope its a better read now. Any feedback is appreciated, I mainly want to know if this story...

Thanks for the feedback. The genre is high-fantasy rpg with turned based combat. This text would be presented during the games's intro and would be supported with an image slideshow of sorts in the back round to as a a visual aid to the player. I realize it is probably too long but I'm not...

Huh, I thought I would get at least one response. Maybe I should try posting this in off-topic.

Any feedback is appreciated, I mainly want to know if this story introduction would make you want to try this game. I want to hook the reader in. Thank you for reading! Genre: High-Fantasy, Setting: Urban/city, desert, underground. Long ago several kingdoms were engaged in trade with...