1 Month for my Life to Crumble Down
- Thread starter TitanAtlas
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I think a lot of us have been in a situation like this; I've lost everything in a space of a week before and it was very hard but I managed to claw my way back up.
Parents~ It's a shame they're getting a divorce, but sometimes marriages just don't work out. My parents had a terrible divorce to the point of my mum getting a restraining order against my dad because they couldn't be within two feet of each other before they were screaming, arguing and trying to kick the shit out of one another.
I got through it, and I'm sure there's plenty of people on here who have and will back me up. You can do it too.
If your dad is feeling suicidal, get him any help you can. Nothing is stopping him from moving on with his life.
Get yourself sorted first, then focus on your career. You may get a second shot at it, maybe not. That's a shame but instead of letting it drag you down, focus on getting a job first to get some money together - to get a new car for example. When you're a bit securer with money you can think about your career.
Girlfriend~ Ring/text her? Tell her you need to know if this relationship is going anywhere and if it isn't then it's unfair for her to drag you down even more. If she knows what you're going through she should be there for you now. Pretty sure you're young, there's plenty of others out there for you but I wouldn't focus on getting into another relationship right now.
It's a shame about your dog, but such is life. They have a lot less on this planet than we do; the best thing you can do is to make his remaining time the best you can.
Parents~ It's a shame they're getting a divorce, but sometimes marriages just don't work out. My parents had a terrible divorce to the point of my mum getting a restraining order against my dad because they couldn't be within two feet of each other before they were screaming, arguing and trying to kick the shit out of one another.
I got through it, and I'm sure there's plenty of people on here who have and will back me up. You can do it too.
If your dad is feeling suicidal, get him any help you can. Nothing is stopping him from moving on with his life.
Get yourself sorted first, then focus on your career. You may get a second shot at it, maybe not. That's a shame but instead of letting it drag you down, focus on getting a job first to get some money together - to get a new car for example. When you're a bit securer with money you can think about your career.
Girlfriend~ Ring/text her? Tell her you need to know if this relationship is going anywhere and if it isn't then it's unfair for her to drag you down even more. If she knows what you're going through she should be there for you now. Pretty sure you're young, there's plenty of others out there for you but I wouldn't focus on getting into another relationship right now.
It's a shame about your dog, but such is life. They have a lot less on this planet than we do; the best thing you can do is to make his remaining time the best you can.
Don't get me wrong, you do have my sympathy, but the best thing I have to say to you is this:
Right now, you need to focus on getting through your current situation.
It won't be quick and it won't be easy - but you CAN do it, and you WILL do it. If you want to be a cop, especially a good one, you need to develop the ability to stand tall and spit in life's face any time it does something like this to you.
When you're done with this, and have become a cop in spite of these difficulties, you will find that you have accumulated some very useful experience.
Best of luck to you.
Right now, you need to focus on getting through your current situation.
It won't be quick and it won't be easy - but you CAN do it, and you WILL do it. If you want to be a cop, especially a good one, you need to develop the ability to stand tall and spit in life's face any time it does something like this to you.
When you're done with this, and have become a cop in spite of these difficulties, you will find that you have accumulated some very useful experience.
Best of luck to you.
Just a word of advice mate, if you do want to talk to your dad, don't refer to suicide as being 'something stupid' because in the mind of a suicidal person, it is not stupid, it is the only action that they have left.
If they feel that you think that their course is stupid or silly, they will close off due to either shame or resentment and you will be unable to help them.
In addition, do not dance around the issue, if you intend to discuss this, ask him frankly 'are you intending to take your own life?'
Finally, recognise that suicide counselling is a deep and complex task. The best way to help is to either convince him to seek proffessional help or seek detailed advice for yourself.
Oh, watch out for these Key indicators that a person is seriously contemplating taking their own life. Risk taking, a change in the level of drug and alhohol consumption, giving away of important possessions and verbal references to things like 'when I am gone'. Never treat any of these as attention seeking and immediatly seek proffessional help and/or advice.
If they feel that you think that their course is stupid or silly, they will close off due to either shame or resentment and you will be unable to help them.
In addition, do not dance around the issue, if you intend to discuss this, ask him frankly 'are you intending to take your own life?'
Finally, recognise that suicide counselling is a deep and complex task. The best way to help is to either convince him to seek proffessional help or seek detailed advice for yourself.
Oh, watch out for these Key indicators that a person is seriously contemplating taking their own life. Risk taking, a change in the level of drug and alhohol consumption, giving away of important possessions and verbal references to things like 'when I am gone'. Never treat any of these as attention seeking and immediatly seek proffessional help and/or advice.
My hero, Bruce Lee, once injured his back so badly, the doctors told him he would never be able to do Martial Arts again, the one thing he loved most in the entire world. But he refused, in his words:
"Defeat is a state of mind, no one is ever truly defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality."
So he recovered, he pressed on and now in the eyes of many, he is one of the greatest martial artists to have ever lived due to his absolute refusal to give up, he never accepted defeat and that is what you must do. Pain is temporary if you push past it and beat it, but if you give up it will last for the rest of your life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0z29W1IYNus&feature=related
"Defeat is a state of mind, no one is ever truly defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality."
So he recovered, he pressed on and now in the eyes of many, he is one of the greatest martial artists to have ever lived due to his absolute refusal to give up, he never accepted defeat and that is what you must do. Pain is temporary if you push past it and beat it, but if you give up it will last for the rest of your life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0z29W1IYNus&feature=related
C'mon lad!
This doesn't have to be this bad.
Talk to your parents, maybe find someone else to talk to, if nothing else a psychologist or something of the sort.
I am, as can be seen from my avatar, an avid LiverpoolFootballClub fan and our song of choice is "You'll Never Walk Alone!" and for a reason.
I can't say I've experienced the things you have but I have faith in you!
and You'll Never Walk Alone
YNWA my friend!
This doesn't have to be this bad.
Talk to your parents, maybe find someone else to talk to, if nothing else a psychologist or something of the sort.
I am, as can be seen from my avatar, an avid LiverpoolFootballClub fan and our song of choice is "You'll Never Walk Alone!" and for a reason.
I can't say I've experienced the things you have but I have faith in you!
and You'll Never Walk Alone
YNWA my friend!
Well you see, life is trying to hand you a bag a shit. You can accept that bag and it's smelly glory, or you can say "Fuck this" and throw the bag at life. Ask your girlfriend "What's up?", Maybe get a bicycle and ride around on that (Healthy, good for police force). As for your dad? Tell him to man up. He thinks life would be better without himself? Tell him of all his good deeds, friends, loved ones and just how god damned awesome he is. As for your dog, well I'd say spend a lot of time with it. Take it to somewhere it would have fun. Then when it's his time, just remember all the good times you've had with him. Your career? You will get a second chance. Don't worry about that. Try to enjoy life no matter what it hands you.
I can tell that you haven't had a dog that you've taken care of since they were a puppy. I do. It's not just a dog, it's a friend.White Lightning said:
It sucks, and I'm not going to lie about that. Most of the folks here have encouraged you, that's good, and it's what you need.
I'm not going to do that, though, and I acknowledge that I'm going to sound like a dick here, so skip to the last paragraph if you want the feel-good bit.
Your car crapped out and you have no career? That sucks. Rely on public transport for a while. Get a shitty job working minimum wage to cover your bills and put a bit away. Live within your means. If that means shit-tier Internet connection, Pay as you Go phone with restricted texting, no TV, and no gym membership, then that's what you do. You gotta man up and make sacrifices if you want to get out from under the rock you've found yourself beneath.
Your lady (who you've been with for a month? Ish?) is ignoring you? You haven't been with her that long at all and, barring any sort of bolt from the blue, love at first sight situation, it's not really that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. My wife of 10 years just filed for divorce. My buddy's wife of 9 years is sleeping with his best friend. Relationships go south. Sometimes they can't get fixed. If she won't respond to you, there's not much you can do. Don't pin your happiness on another person.
Your parents are splitting up? That's harsh, but at least they're still alive, and at least they're not using you as a pawn in their divorce.
You can't be a cop? Probably for the best, considering how you're dealing with the stress of the other stuff going on in your life right now. Wait a year. Get better, stronger, and smarter. Retry. Get in.
Your dad's depressed and suicidal? Don't just sit around and be sad about it; call his Union Rep and explain what's going on. I will pretty much guarantee you that the PD has a shrink that he can go to, and they will do it discretely, so that his pride isn't hurt.
Your dog is dying? That's terrible, and I genuinely feel for you. Cherish every single second you have remaining with it. Remember the good, and remember the bad, and remember the love you feel for it.
It seems like life is shitty now, and it is. The shitty thing is that, in my experience, it doesn't really get better. Seriously. Things are shitty even when other, better things are distracting you from that fact. Yes, you can choose only to wallow in the shit that life hands you, but you can also accept the fact that not everything goes the way you'd like.
That being said, though, do not ever give in to despair. Do not ever think that your life is terrible and pointless. You mean the world to dozens of people, even if you don't realize it or think it. You are the rock that someone relies on. You are the joy in someone's life. You are the reason why someone goes home at night happy. They might be someone you've never even met, but I can guaran-gods-damned-tee you that they exist.
I'm not going to do that, though, and I acknowledge that I'm going to sound like a dick here, so skip to the last paragraph if you want the feel-good bit.
Your car crapped out and you have no career? That sucks. Rely on public transport for a while. Get a shitty job working minimum wage to cover your bills and put a bit away. Live within your means. If that means shit-tier Internet connection, Pay as you Go phone with restricted texting, no TV, and no gym membership, then that's what you do. You gotta man up and make sacrifices if you want to get out from under the rock you've found yourself beneath.
Your lady (who you've been with for a month? Ish?) is ignoring you? You haven't been with her that long at all and, barring any sort of bolt from the blue, love at first sight situation, it's not really that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. My wife of 10 years just filed for divorce. My buddy's wife of 9 years is sleeping with his best friend. Relationships go south. Sometimes they can't get fixed. If she won't respond to you, there's not much you can do. Don't pin your happiness on another person.
Your parents are splitting up? That's harsh, but at least they're still alive, and at least they're not using you as a pawn in their divorce.
You can't be a cop? Probably for the best, considering how you're dealing with the stress of the other stuff going on in your life right now. Wait a year. Get better, stronger, and smarter. Retry. Get in.
Your dad's depressed and suicidal? Don't just sit around and be sad about it; call his Union Rep and explain what's going on. I will pretty much guarantee you that the PD has a shrink that he can go to, and they will do it discretely, so that his pride isn't hurt.
Your dog is dying? That's terrible, and I genuinely feel for you. Cherish every single second you have remaining with it. Remember the good, and remember the bad, and remember the love you feel for it.
It seems like life is shitty now, and it is. The shitty thing is that, in my experience, it doesn't really get better. Seriously. Things are shitty even when other, better things are distracting you from that fact. Yes, you can choose only to wallow in the shit that life hands you, but you can also accept the fact that not everything goes the way you'd like.
That being said, though, do not ever give in to despair. Do not ever think that your life is terrible and pointless. You mean the world to dozens of people, even if you don't realize it or think it. You are the rock that someone relies on. You are the joy in someone's life. You are the reason why someone goes home at night happy. They might be someone you've never even met, but I can guaran-gods-damned-tee you that they exist.
Deep breath, my man. Sounds like you've got a lot going on (Captain Obvious is here.) So what you need to do is this.
Sit down, make a step by step plan about the career thing first. Decide what your possible options are.
Inform your girlfriend that if she clearly is being a pain in the neck in a time you need support, you don't need her. She's just an add-on if she's just standing there being awkward.
Keep comforting your dad but don't take on more than you can chew. Everything seems to be piling up right now. It's okay to say to him "Dad, I love you. But I'm messed up myself right now. So gimme some time to myself as well."
You have my deepest sympathies for your dog. However it is a fact of pet ownership that they aren't around as long as we want to be. Grieve for your dog in your own time.
Most of all. Make sure you take some time to actually enjoy yourself. Go out to a bar or something. Chill with some friends or just sit down with a good book or a game and just lose yourself for a while. You can always PM me.
Sit down, make a step by step plan about the career thing first. Decide what your possible options are.
Inform your girlfriend that if she clearly is being a pain in the neck in a time you need support, you don't need her. She's just an add-on if she's just standing there being awkward.
Keep comforting your dad but don't take on more than you can chew. Everything seems to be piling up right now. It's okay to say to him "Dad, I love you. But I'm messed up myself right now. So gimme some time to myself as well."
You have my deepest sympathies for your dog. However it is a fact of pet ownership that they aren't around as long as we want to be. Grieve for your dog in your own time.
Most of all. Make sure you take some time to actually enjoy yourself. Go out to a bar or something. Chill with some friends or just sit down with a good book or a game and just lose yourself for a while. You can always PM me.
Dude, that is possibly the worst piece of advice you can give someone who's dealing with a suicidally depressed individual. Increasing their feelings of isolation is a sure-fire way to push them closer to the brink, and I'm fair sure that's not what TitanAtlas wants here.Detective Prince said:
You have your health and you haven't killed anyone.
That's something.
Seriously, means a lot. There's plenty of hope for you. And with the fact that you genuinely seem to care about a job, just shift your ambitions over to something else and keep on at it!
It really sounds like the rug has been completely pulled out from under you and that really sucks. But you have to just get yourself a new one. You can do it, you have all the tools necessary.
Also, about your dog... Well, that's what dogs do. They give us such joy, then they go away. But if you really love your dog, that means that he did a very good job of it. The only way for him to do any more good is for your memories of him to make you happy, too.
Focus on how happy he made you, not that you don't get to see him after he dies.
That's something.
Seriously, means a lot. There's plenty of hope for you. And with the fact that you genuinely seem to care about a job, just shift your ambitions over to something else and keep on at it!
It really sounds like the rug has been completely pulled out from under you and that really sucks. But you have to just get yourself a new one. You can do it, you have all the tools necessary.
Also, about your dog... Well, that's what dogs do. They give us such joy, then they go away. But if you really love your dog, that means that he did a very good job of it. The only way for him to do any more good is for your memories of him to make you happy, too.
Focus on how happy he made you, not that you don't get to see him after he dies.
You can't expect someone who's life is crumbling down to deal with someone else who's life is in the same place. It doesn't work that way. Sometimes you have to think of yourself as well. It's not healthy for a human being to add more stress. If his dad really is suicidal he needs professional help which I'm sure TitanAtlas can't provide him with. Simple as.jimtheviking said:
Thus my suggestion of getting him into workplace-provided counselling. His dad's a cop. Cops have shrinks on hand for shit like this - I say this as the relative of both cops and shrinks, telling him to say "Dad, you have to deal with this on your own" is terrible advice. Telling him to call the shrink there and say "Dad, I told Dr. whomever at the precinct what you said to me, and they want to talk to you - I love you and I'm worried about your safety" is probably the best course of action for him to take.Detective Prince said: