10 Ways to Get Out of the Friend-Zone!

[CaptainMarvelous]

Wait, aren't Fedoras like those broad-brimmed things Indiana Jones wears? Why the fuck we all wearing Trilbys? I didn't grow out my neckbeard for this!

OT: The fastest way out of the Friendzone is to kill the person in questions pets, steal their credit cards and set fire to their most precious belongings. I guarantee, you WILL be out of the friendzone 8D

 

[EeveeElectro]

snip

snip

M'lady?

*fans self*

Wow, such gentleman.
Oh dear, I appear to have lost my pants!

Why would you do this to us? I'm in Costa and now I have to masturbate in front of all these people!!

What? How dare you be breaking out of our friendzones?
Don't you know that's where we get our power from?

Thats it, I'm bringing forward the next Nice Guy sacrifice.
Mark my words, you will all suffer the humiliation of being... friends with women.

No, don't!!! The less men we have, the less attention we have to feed off! Think of the other poor women who use clearly interested guys as a way to help their incredibly low self esteem!

 

[WWmelb]

Instructions unclear. Married an eggplant.

My god. My belly hurts now.. i haven't laughed like that in a long while.

I guess if the eggplant initially tried to friendzone you, then you are still winning...?...? .. i think

 

[axlryder]

Incredibly juvenile post. It's not the objects of ridicule I have a problem with (though it is getting kind of old at this point), it's the recycled jokes and ham-fisted delivery. I hope the rest of the community doesn't stoop so low as to engage with this kind of humor.

 

[Paradoxrifts]

Is it really too late to round up all the users of Reddit and Tumblr and send them to isolated labour camps in distant frozen Siberia?

It's not as if any of them are likely to breed anyway.

 

[Baron von Blitztank]

I did all these but I somehow ended up with my dick inside a salmon. Can you tell me where I went wrong?

You obviously didn't tip your fedora enough! Tip it! Tip it like your life depends on it!

OT: When I saw the title, I thought to myself "Oh, not one of those threads." Surprised it's nothing like that.

All I have is a trilby, does that count?

 

[Naeras]

I have no idea what I just read, but I fully approve of it.

 

[PainInTheAssInternet]

1. This thread is for fun. Smile and joke, if someone turns this into a real thread I'm going to have to bomb Canada. You don't want me to kill the mooses, do you?

Don't bomb us! Think of us as USA's fedora. What will they do without us?

Nice guys DO finish last

Spoiler

because they make sure she finishes first

 

[shrekfan246]

Incredibly juvenile post. It's not the objects of ridicule I have a problem with (though it is getting kind of old at this point), it's the recycled jokes and ham-fisted delivery. I hope the rest of the community doesn't stoop so low as to engage with this kind of humor.

You seem to be laboring under the impression that people are "above" a certain kind of humor. Which, in itself, is quite humorous actually.

Besides, what's wrong with sarcasm and satire? It's generally considered to be a much more "intellectual" form of "humor" than puns or jokes, and most anecdotes struggle to be relayed properly across the form of text. Not that sarcasm doesn't suffer the same, but when it's this subtle it's not hard to pick up on.

If you don't like this form of humor, all right. But it's no more "juvenile" than making puns out of something and there's no arbitrary "[Thing] has to be this sophisticated for me to find it amusing" measurement behind silliness. People are going to find humor in things you don't like, every day of every week.

 

[freaper]

Incredibly juvenile post. It's not the objects of ridicule I have a problem with (though it is getting kind of old at this point), it's the recycled jokes and ham-fisted delivery. I hope the rest of the community doesn't stoop so low as to engage with this kind of humor.

I'll stroke your beard if you stroke mine.

OT: For a second I thought the threat wasn't meant as satire, then I saw Taco's avatar and I farted with great relief.

 

[hickwarrior]

Just... don't let this flippant thread turn into one of THOSE threads... I'm not even sure what I'm talking about here. I need to hide real quick.

I'm not sure how it started, but when I started to follow these points, one of my newfound harem instagram'd it. Next thing I knew, I was getting slipped, my nipples got twisted and spanked with a board of nails in it. Even now, they are trying to find me. I'm worried what they will do if they find me. What have I found?

My euphoria is at an all-time low because of this. Anyone, please tell me how to deal with this. I did so many things already, I am at a loss fo- Oh no. I need to stop typing. They're here...

 

[Seydaman]

Holy shit this list by itself made me wet

Guys. This guide will turn the gay girls straight...

Captcha: Your refund is on the way

That's right, captcha knows what's up.

Instructions unclear. Married an eggplant.

i'm sitting in class with a serious film about the sixth amendment and I couldn't stop from choking on my laughter...

 

[anthony87]

Incredibly juvenile post. It's not the objects of ridicule I have a problem with (though it is getting kind of old at this point), it's the recycled jokes and ham-fisted delivery. I hope the rest of the community doesn't stoop so low as to engage with this kind of humor.

Well then please do tell good sir, how to humour?

 

[chiggerwood]

Don't just listen to Taco, take it from me. These totally work!

Just a few months ago I was friendzoning men left, right and centre but they took these tips on-board and now I turned my feelings for them on like a tap!

Thank God they pointed out how much of a douche my old boyfriend was after speaking to him for four seconds. I wouldn't have realised otherwise, being a stupid woman and all.

Now it's out with the old treating me wonderfully with candle-lit meals and back-rubs and in with the new lack of affection and watching them play games all day.

Life is really great!

This is why you listen to the almighty penis people. EeveeElectro knows what's up! If you catch my dri- sweet, bungee jumping Erebus... The friendzone thing still going on huh? Thanks for the info. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going back to my bunker. Non assholes feel free to join, drinks, popcorn and cheesy movies will be available. Please leave all memes at the door, Thank you.

By the way, What in the name of Nyx's taint hairs is Euphoria?

OK, I am going to Nerd The Fuck Up right now. Be warned.

I'm guessing that since you referred to Erebos up there, all-powerful god of the mono-black devotion deck who is second only to Nylea in being wickedcool, the Nyx you're referring to is that of MtG. As in the awesome Nykthos, shrine to Nyx, which rocks out with its cock out in my green devotion deck.

AFAIK, within the lore, Nyx is actually the place where the gods live, a la Olympus. Hence the next set being "Journey into Nyx". As such, it doesn't really have a taint, and thus no taint hairs. HTH, HAND.

OT: I don't really have anything on-topic to say. I'm just a Magic geek and a pedant

I don't actually know anything about Magic the Gathering. I was talking about Erebus and Nyx two of the original four or five gods who were birthed from Chaos (the great void which preceded the universe) in ancient Greek mythology. They're basically the grand parents/uncle/aunt to Zeus and all of them in Olympus. Originally I was originally going to use Jeebus, but I thought Erebus sounded better.

 

[anthony87]

Next time, please educate us on how to stop being a beta, as well as how to manipulate tiny female brains (with techniques such as negging and feigning disinterest) in such a way that they cannot resist our overwhelming masculinity and end up clinging to the end of our penises like horny barnacles.

Euphoria is the only way out of the freind zone. Just keep insulting women until they like you. And remember, you're better than them anyway. I deserve your vagina, after all I'm such a nice guy. I might not be very nice, be very attractive, smell very good, have any personal hygiene, always wear the same trench coat and i might regard women as a series of trophies and orifices but I'm really just so much nicer than all those horrible people you date.

Spoiler: It's all in Euphoria Monthly

I've read that over and over again but it just doesn't seem to help me! I even took the advice printed inside and started wearing a hat all the time in order to look euphoric but I think I may have hatted wrong.

Spoiler

I'm so bad at this....

*Starts building house in the friend zone*

 

[Alssadar]

I did all these but I somehow ended up with my dick inside a salmon. Can you tell me where I went wrong?

You didn't do anything wrong.

You have done a greater task than any of us. Gods-speed, noble euphoric warrior

 

[anthony87]

I did all these but I somehow ended up with my dick inside a salmon. Can you tell me where I went wrong?

You didn't do anything wrong.

You have done a greater task than any of us. Gods-speed, noble euphoric warrior

The correct answer to that is obviously "A". You get the woman top half and....well....there's gotta be a hole somewhere for the eggs to come out right?