15 Things Dead Space Taught Me

[Paragon Fury]

1: In the future, all religion shall be banned. Nothing good ever comes from it. EVER.

The Emperor approves. Worship of him is not a religion, it is the only truth.

Am I allow to point out that said worship is ironically the biggest weakness holding back humanity, or is that not allowed?

Questioning the Emperor is heresy. Thoughts of heresy create impurity. Prepare to be purged.

You cant denie that the emperor has done so much for humanity, conquering billion of solar systems and making the strongest army imaginable, that isn't a progress slower is it?

So what happens when the Emperor finally bites it for real, or the technology humans keep scavenging finally runs out or breaks beyond their limited repair knowledge, or any number of the bad things that occur from having your head stuck too far up a god's ass?

 

[MrGalactus]

But what about the crew?
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
NOT THE CREW!!!!

The will be missed

ugghh, such a terrifying and soulless answer!

 

[Mathak]

9: When someone goes nuts and starts rambling about "alien monstrosities" and weird symbols, they are to be taken completely seriously and several battalions of military forces are to be dispatched to hunt the source down.

I hear sending a large military force to deal with the Army of Darkness often works out well, and hardly ever results in a massacre, after which the sole survivor is forced to go on a quest to stop the Evil Aliens before it is too late.

 

[Omikron009]

In the future, proponents of nefarious eugenics schemes will infiltrate major manufacturing firms and design industrial equipment that is inherently dangerous with impractical or nonexistent safeguards. This will weed out the weak and stupid, in order to improve efficiency and boost profits.

 

[Paragon Fury]

But what about the crew?
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
NOT THE CREW!!!!

The will be missed

ugghh, such a terrifying and soulless answer!

What? They're replaceable.

 

[Cheesus333]

Point 2 made me think of all ships and stations looking like giant rings with legs. AND IT WOULD BE AWESOME.

But Point 9 made me think of this:

Space Troll: "OH GOD, MONSTERS AND DEATH ALL AROUND! SOMEONE SAVE ME!"

*Military arrive"

Military: "We're here sir, don't panic! What's the problem?!"

Space Troll: *Indicates small animal"

Military: "...This is a dog."

Space Troll: "UMADBRO?!"

 

[AnAngryMoose]

1: In the future, all religion shall be banned. Nothing good ever comes from it. EVER.

The Emperor approves. Worship of him is not a religion, it is the only truth.

Death to the False Emperor!

OT: I loved this list. Reminds me of a user on the City of Heroes forums he did lists similar to this. Make it a regular thing. Now.

 

[Naheal]

Point 2 made me think of all ships and stations looking like giant rings with legs. AND IT WOULD BE AWESOME.

But Point 9 made me think of this:

Space Troll: "OH GOD, MONSTERS AND DEATH ALL AROUND! SOMEONE SAVE ME!"

*Military arrive"

Military: "We're here sir, don't panic! What's the problem?!"

Space Troll: *Indicates small animal"

Military: "...This is a dog."

Space Troll: "UMADBRO?!"

He is clearly tainted by the Warp and must be cleansed.

*Bang.*

1: In the future, all religion shall be banned. Nothing good ever comes from it. EVER.

The Emperor approves. Worship of him is not a religion, it is the only truth.

Death to the False Emperor!

HERETIC! DIE!

 

[Scott Guthrie]

you sir are a genius

 

[SteewpidZombie]

1: If a ship doesn't respond for several days and no signs of life are onboard...destroy it with the most powerful weapons your Armada has.

2: If for some god forsaken reason your put into a small squad of people to go onboard such a vessel, remember that the 'Battle Hardened' commander is usually the first one to die or go crazy. Also remember that 50% of the time the one outsider or untrustworthy person is a traitor.

 

[No-Superman10]

16: The "Activate Emergency Protocol" button will automaticall seal ALL doors, air vents, maintenence tunnels and transport elevators. Let's see the buggers get around THEN.

Dead Space 1:
Place: Deck
Door got busted off by big-ass-alien-************, that literary runs through the door, tries to kill you and sh*t on your couch, course that's how he rolls

Maybe so, but if the Infectors can't get around, then no Brutes can be created to begin with. Simple.

 

[bubba145]

32. The use of psychic powers must be given freely and used with buzz saws in order to destroy anything moving.
33. Shotguns are also to be stationed every ten feet.

 

[philosophicalbastard]

Hindsight is perfect, isn't it.


Although in all seriousness if you consider the comics and animated movie canon, EarthGov has known about the Necromorph plague for a good couple centuries and, stereotypically, kept it under wraps to turn into a bioweapon. Their attempts at covering up the bacterium and the marker are what spawned the cult of Unitology anyway. Also, the Ishimura did have redundant systems, but they were all sabotaged by the Unitologist crew members.

I actually think they're trying to create their own Human Instrumentality Project like thing, but they were trying to take the necromorphs out of the equation unlike the unitologists (though I'm not to sure if this is correct).

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

SOMEONE FROM THE MILITARY GIVE THIS MAN A JOB!

My thoughts exactly, this is like the bible of space life.

 

[Agayek]

Here's what Dead Space taught me:

If a ship full of 1,000 people is not answering, signaling, or showing any signs of life whatsoever, turn around and come back with back up. If, out of all those people, no one has been able to notify or response to rescue in any way, a small detach of five people is not going to be enough.
Whenever someone on your team starts to lose it, kill them. Insane laughing or worshiping the very things that just slaughtered everyone qualifies. As soon as the words, "That's it. We're all going to die. They're going to kill us all!" leaves a person's mouth, shoot them. Bad for moral, and those that have seen Dead Space Downfall know what I'm talking about.

I'd change the line to "Game over man! Game over!".

As for what I've learned from Dead Space: Never, ever, under any circumstance, is anyone allowed to ever recreate alien artifacts. Any that are found shall be destroyed immediately, and the discoverer shall be put to the torch.

Please tell me you're not serious. Just please. Pretty much everything on this list is wrong for so many humanitarian reasons, or simply logistical reasons.

...

Really?

 

[Watchmacallit]

You forgot one. Air vents do not need to be the size of any human from baby to adult. Air is not big!

 

[irishstormtrooper]

snip

Please tell me you're not serious. Just please. Pretty much everything on this list is wrong for so many humanitarian reasons, or simply logistical reasons.

Aaaaand...buzzkill.
In all seriousness, that's a pretty genius list you've got there.

 

[BioHazardMan]

You're totally right, we should ban religion. Good plan.

 

[Dumori]

Here's what Dead Space taught me:

If a ship full of 1,000 people is not answering, signaling, or showing any signs of life whatsoever, turn around and come back with back up. If, out of all those people, no one has been able to notify or response to rescue in any way, a small detach of five people is not going to be enough.
Whenever someone on your team starts to lose it, kill them. Insane laughing or worshiping the very things that just slaughtered everyone qualifies. As soon as the words, "That's it. We're all going to die. They're going to kill us all!" leaves a person's mouth, shoot them. Bad for moral, and those that have seen Dead Space Downfall know what I'm talking about.

The only thing I can think of being more demoralizing than one of your team members losing it would be for your leader, the guy who's order you follow and you are supposed to entrust your life to, executes said lost it team member right in front of you.

The Imperial guard begs to differ

Fear isn't moral. One can raise moral or make fleeing worse than the big nasty xenos.


However that list is just mildly stupid. Destroying all corpses on a flaine ir heavy damage? What about medical technology in dayto day life not zombie attacks. Instantly blowing up all schools is pointless anyway. I'll tell you one thing I'd refuse to live in ANY state that required me to have a government controlled kill switch built into me.

 

[Mr Pantomime]

6: Military weapons will now be the standard-issue equipment for all engineers everywhere.

I think that makes more sense