MrFalconfly said:
What I mean is, the character "happens" to be gay. Not "The character is gay". Just let it be a subtle, blink-and-you'll-miss-it thing.
Treat it like it's absolutely normal, and nothing to be noticed.
Here's the problem with that language.
Heterosexual couples and relationships are a big deal. At least, in the context of most stories. Every show, every book, more than likely has a "will they or wont they" plot. Romantic kisses are a big deal, internal fireworks are shot off. Just off the top of my head, Atom and Hawkgirl's ongoing romance in Legends of Tomorrow, Flash and Iris, Peralta and Santiago, Daisy and Lincoln etc etc etc
their romantic subplot is on screen, their romantic drama is on screen, their kisses are on screen
so why, oh god why, do Gay couples have to slide under the radar and be "subtle" and "blink and you'll miss it"?
I don't want to miss it. I want gay couples to get the same romantic plot tumors that straight couples get. I want a woman to mention her wife as much as a straight guy would mention his wife. I want a plot where a dude forgets his own anniversary so he has to rush and buy cheap flowers on the way home for his husband.
This whole idea you're going for is just as toxic and harmful as not including them at all.