237: Getting Back in the Game

[sylekage]

Breakups, deaths, and job loss all suck. Video games are awesome. so video games = cure.

but seriously, anything that can get your mind off of something bad like that is always good, but video games I've found, are always the best. Nothing like humiliating people on modern warfare 2 to ease your mind.

 

[Labyrinth]

Excellent article. The honesty packed more emotional punch than a lot of essays I've seen on the topic. Thankyou for this.

 

[Gethsemani_v1legacy]

What Mr. Westbrook describes in his article has some evidence in psycholgoy as it is. Johan Cullberg is a Profesor Emeritus in Psychiatry and has developed a model for crisis and lossmanagement where this situation can most certainly be applied.

He talks about four stages that the human psyche must go through after a crisis or loss before we can truly be said to have moved on. The first stage is obviously shock, during which people might not react at all, they might cry or panic it is also a period of time during which no person is thinking straight and psychosis or neurosis might manifest. The Shock wears off after a few hours to a few days depending on severity and individual circumstances and is followed by the reaction phase.
The Reaction phase is several weeks to a few months long and this is where we find what Mr. Westbrook described in his article. Those found in this phase can wracked by guilt, they are sad, angry or confused and are exhibiting clear signs of using mental defense mechanisms to keep it from overwhelming them. What Mr. Westbrook describes is Suppression and it is what I believe many gamers (including myself) use during tragedies. By engaging in games we can distance ourselves from our emotions and let them gradually "seep out" or fade in intensity. By not dealing with the loss we've suffered but simply putting distance to it, we can reach a point where we eventually feel our emotions aren't too strong to be dealt with.

As an end note, let me say I liked this article a lot.

 

[kingmob]

Funny, I did almost the exact opposite after my GF (we never married but lived together for 6 years) left me. I also lost my job and my house at the same time and was 'forced' to a fresh start. I quit gaming for a while altogether. Not only did I regard it as something 'unproductive' I also did not feel like playing at all. I took on learning the guitar all by myself (which soaked up hours), started studying by myself, found a house, found a job, started exercising again, etc. Gaming made me feel bad, as if I relapsed into a bad habit (although it wasn't really that bad, I'm wasn't even close to addicted).

But, 2 years later, I have awakened the gamer in me once again. Bought a new PC, I have joined an active TF2 clan that aims high, bought one game after the other on steam and started playing big games I've missed in the mean time, at the same time that my new GF is starting to take up much of my free time.

I understand now that my GF had me by the balls even after the breakup. I was left pondering what went wrong and took some drastic measures, fundamentally in some false hope to win her back, even though i understood it would never happen and even hated her (it was a really bad breakup). Some measures were too drastic and I almost paid the price. A strong anxiety attack (feels like a hearth attack) at my 27th woke me up.

There must be a moral to this story somewhere I think falling back to gaming for a while is a healthy way of recovering, but I must say that to this day I still bear the fruits of my madness. It left me as a skilled guitar player, many new friends, A healthier lifestyle and better body and an awesome new career. It also left me with an unparalleled knowledge of what I want in my life.
Balance is everything I guess.

This post went a little further than I intended

 

[smudgey]

That was a touching article. It reminded me of how i got back into gaming after my break-up.

 

[Ironmaus]

What Mr. Westbrook describes in his article has some evidence in psycholgoy as it is. ... What Mr. Westbrook describes is Suppression and it is what I believe many gamers (including myself) use during tragedies. By engaging in games we can distance ourselves from our emotions and let them gradually "seep out" or fade in intensity. By not dealing with the loss we've suffered but simply putting distance to it, we can reach a point where we eventually feel our emotions aren't too strong to be dealt with.

Absolutely. From a psychological perspective this whole article makes fantastic sense.

One of the things he does in the article is mention his achievements: "I liberated a significant portion of the city from the gangs that occupied it...." People who are suffering after the end of a relationship can, consciously or not, feel that time they've poured into a relationship has been wasted. They can feel reset, similar to, though much stronger than, having a character in an MMO wiped out. Most video games are designed to give a very strong feeling of achievement, so he can rebuild that feeling of being accomplished.

Additionally, he was dealing with some loss of identity. Pointing out that he began "doing things I'd always wanted to do, but could never have done as part of a couple" shows that he was redefining himself as a person. But mentioning that he "...stopped to heal wounded civilians, even when [he] had somewhere [he] really needed to be," shows that he was at least loosely aware of using games to perform a similar redefinition, or a least a clarification.

This memoir would make an even more interesting article if it were cowritten with a psychologist.

 

[lawgiver]

Such a good article! I wish this article came to me a few months earlier, it could have been a huge argument in my Junior Research Paper. It's perfect real world example of how games can help emotionally and socially! Anyways, thank you for such a beautiful story.

 

[Gulandro]

I really like these kind of honest articles around. Can't say anything better or wiser, just to get better and have fun. Oh and fight fire with fire, get some new girl who likes games. It worked for me.

 

[Irridium]

I remember when my grandpa died.
He was an awsome person, and I cried like a baby when I found out, and I cried at his funeral.

Gaming helped me cope.

But still, I miss him...

 

[uppitycracker]

I actually had to take a huge step away from gaming when my ex fiance and I split up. The more I sat around and tried to keep my mind occupied with something so... stationary, and not exactly social (online games or not), the more I drove myself insane. I really needed to get out of the house and renew my social life, anyway, as relationships (when handled the wrong way) can really do a lot to destroy that side of life for an individual. Now, of course, I'm getting back in touch with my gamer side, if anything as something to do when I'm not out doing my thing, or with my current girl. And hell, I have the occasional gaming session with my lady now, but yeah, games were much more destructive than helpful when my big relationship ended.

 

[DND Judgement]

i play video games all the time because i'm single... definately not the other way round...

 

[CrimsonTemplar]

My (now) ex-wife moving out was the impetus for me playing WoW, it helped fill the empty hours when I'd get home from work until I went to bed.

 

[Turing]

Somwhat along these lines, when my parents told me they were getting a divorce (way back in another lifetime when I was, 12 I think it was) I dealt with the anger and frustration by loading up a game of Syndicate on my trusty Amiga 1200 and eradicating everything in sight for several hours.
After that, it didn't really bother me.

 

[jh322]

This is really similar to what happened to me in the months after christmas 2008. I'd broken up with my high-school sweetheart (we only actually stayed apart for 6 months but I wasn't to know that) after being together for over four years. I went to my buddy's house, and we just played loads of Fifa, Street Fighter IV, L4D and other stuff, when I was playing games I wasn't drinking, so he really helped me out, and he basically made up his spare room for me to stay at, because me and the girl still shared a house. Like-minded company and video games are a really powerful combination; you've got total escapism on one hand, but on the other you're genuinely grounded in the real world by sharing a space with someone you get on well with. I'll say this; without my mate's help I probably would have been in considerably more of a mess.

 

[Spacelord]

There might actually be something to this gaming as a cure for depression business. Why hasn't anyone done any research on the matter yet?!

 

[Kailon791]

I 100% agree with this article. When i had similar relationship problems the only thing that took my mind off it and taking out my anger elsewhere was to put in Gears of War 2 and proceed to beat the &*%* out of the Locust Horde. Something about the 1-2 punch and Torque Bow finishers just seemed right. And low and behold, I got over it without too much grief, all thanks to gaming.

 

[NLS]

Yeah, I hadn't played CSS for half a year after meeting that girl, and then one day it was over. I just jumped right back into CSS again and "pwnt some noobs".

 

[Grand_Pamplemousse]

Girls are overrated.

Fuck it, I'm gonna go play some games.

 

[Charlie the Grenadier]

Good to hear things are on the up. Best of luck, mate.