40k jokes

[White_Hawk]

After making a few with some freinds, id like to see what the people could make up, so joke away.

I'll start.

How many guarsdmen does it take to paint a Leman Russ?
It depends on how hard you throw them...


Things you don't wanna hear when you're in the Imperial Guard:

"We're outta ammo?"
"CHARGE!!!""
"You mean you FORGOT the Leman Russes?"
"Why are the Dark Angels surrounding us?"
"Funny, the Ogryns don't smell as bad when dead."
"Hey, a grenade without a pin!"
"You just had to forget the gas for the chimera, didn't you?"
"You know, guys...Chaos isn't SO bad"
"Fix bayonets!"
"Whaddya mean orbital bombardment?"
"We missed our shooting phase?"
"Hey, Sarge, this thing just fell out of the sky, it's all fleshy and squishy, and there are scratching noises inside."

 

[The Afrodactyl]

How many Inquisitors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Spoiler

3. 1 to screw it in, 1 to call it heresy, and 1 to deny the lightbulb's existance.

 

[loc978]

Space Marines are great tacticians.

nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

 

[Hollock]

Why did the tau get sent to time out?

Spoiler

for not respecting their Eldars

[HEADING=1]Oh my god! I'm so fucking funny[/HEADING]

 

[GodsAndFishes]

What do you call a lasgun with an underslung flashlight?

Twin-linked.

 

[mythgraven]

How many Inquisitors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Spoiler

3. 1 to screw it in, 1 to call it heresy, and 1 to deny the lightbulb's existance.

They also require a fleet to conduct an Exteriminatus on the planet where the lighbulb was.


Whiskey Echo!!
Mythgraven

 

[Danzaivar]

So an inquisitor walks into a bar and [REDACTED FOR HERESY].

40k jokes are great...

 

[Blackmage9999]

this made me laugh so hard
http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs34/f/2008/300/c/8/The_Emperor_Protects_by_Gacopierz.jpg

 

[Lord Of Cyberia]

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Ten thousand orcs.
Ten thou--WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

 

[tris4992]

why is the office of chaos such a mess, they have a DEfiler

 

[matell]

http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/159813/Khorne+flakes/ -> damn funny
also, in IG: "Command says to take cover under the bodies of the deceased 341'st company!" "But sir, WE are the 341'st company!"

 

[ThreeWords]

How many Inquisitors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Spoiler

3. 1 to screw it in, 1 to call it heresy, and 1 to deny the lightbulb's existance.

I lol'd

Space Marines are great tacticians.

nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

Heresy!

 

[AcrylicHero]

why is the office of chaos such a mess, they have a DEfiler

why did I laugh at this????

 

[Dr. wonderful]

http://1d4chan.org/images/8/86/Hell_Yeah_by_Gannadene.jpg

This. The whole damn thing.

 

[HT_Black]

Q: Hey, how do you piss off a Chaos Lord?

A: Show him this:

 

[ThreeWords]

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Ten thousand orcs.
Ten thou--WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

I'm totally going to use that to people IRL

 

[Boba Frag]

http://1d4chan.org/images/8/86/Hell_Yeah_by_Gannadene.jpg

This. The whole damn thing.

That's priceless XD Brilliant!

 

[fullbleed]

Warning, there's a lot here.

Spoiler

Lol love tactical genius hurr.

I think... enough for now.


Also this is just funny, in a kind of Tommy Wiseau in 'The Room' funny.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/11267272/

 

[fullbleed]

You know what? I'm bumping this.

Edit:And this

 

[Irony's Acolyte]

Well most of the stuff about the Orks is hilarious. I mean think about the Shokk Attack Gun. Just think about it.

Spoiler: Here are some humorous images