a clueless dating topic...

[DudeistBelieve]

Meh. In a mood. Want to hear folks opinions.

Read this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lindsey-kesel/the-right-way-to-approach_b_4577088.html

So is like... that the appropriate way? Cause in my head shit like giving her a book with your number in it would be considered creepy. I mean I've only read online like the only appropriate place to approach a woman is in a bar, or at least thats the example thats always given.

 

[Jux]

If I were single, I'd just stick to dating apps, set ups through friends, or bars and night clubs. I get that some women are cool with being approached in bookstores, the supermarket, coffee shots, etc, but a lot of them also aren't. Personally I'm not interested in having someone invade my personal space when I'm just trying to get through a normal day, so that's the baseline I extend to others. A more nuanced answer though is I'd say it's situational. Being able to read social cues and other peoples openness goes a long way in knowing whether you've got a green light to chat someone up out the blue.

Most of the bullet points seemed ok though as far as good advice for being social goes.

 

[Bilious Green_v1legacy]

I've come to they conclusion that in our current society, everything is rape, so it's best just not to approach women at all. Just play more videogames instead.

 

[Phasmal]

Well, there is no 'right way' to approach. That might be the right way to approach that particular woman, and women with similar tastes, but I don't think I would have liked any of those approaches. Simply because I'm not really a person who is open to 'cold approaches'. I don't date people I don't know.

It seems to me that too often guys are looking for a magic answer to approaching women, and there is none. Women are individuals, with different tastes. An approach I might find cringeworthy might knock another girl off her feet.

I'm quite fond of Doctor Nerdlove's advice: http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2016/01/how-to-approach-women-during-the-day/.

One tip I would always give; take rejection with dignity. There's nothing more unattractive than a guy turning into a little tantrum-throwing child because they got told 'no'.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Creepiness is in the eye of the beholder. Every one of those scenarios seemed uncomfortable/ inappropriate to me, but obviously some women are flattered by stuff like that. In real life I've had some friends perceive someone as creepy, while other friends thought that same person was charming and friendly. That's just a risk you take when you go for the cold approach.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Creepiness is in the eye of the beholder. Every one of those scenarios seemed uncomfortable/ inappropriate to me, but obviously some women are flattered by stuff like that. In real life I've had some friends perceive someone as creepy, while other friends thought that same person was charming and friendly. That's just a risk you take when you go for the cold approach.

Just as I was thinking.

I've been bingeing this show on and off, Hello Ladies. Steven Merchant plays the lead of the awkward british guy in LA trying to find a girlfriend, but he's completely oblivious to what a shallow idiot he is. He has this one line when approaching a girl during yoga class goes wrong and he's all "Look whatever, I'm creepy. I'm not going to apologize for trying to meet somebody."

Eh, I like that line.

Still not for me. Looks like it's online dating apps or bust.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Just as I was thinking.

I've been bingeing this show on and off, Hello Ladies. Steven Merchant plays the lead of the awkward british guy in LA trying to find a girlfriend, but he's completely oblivious to what a shallow idiot he is. He has this one line when approaching a girl during yoga class goes wrong and he's all "Look whatever, I'm creepy. I'm not going to apologize for trying to meet somebody."

Eh, I like that line.

Still not for me. Looks like it's online dating apps or bust.

I don't think I'd laud someone for unapologetically being gross. If someone goes for the cold approach they should acknowledge that many women do not appreciate being approached by a stranger solely for their looks, and they should be respectful and understanding if the woman is not receptive. If someone realises they've crossed the line into full blown creepy then yeah, they should apologise and leave.

 

[SweetShark]

There is not a correct way how to approach. Is just happens.
I still remember a random meeting I had with a girl when I wanted to go to Athens and we just happened to change phones. You just follow the flow I guess.

Also even some advise some others give you of how to "hit" a girl, isn't 100% correct.
A friend of mine told me when we were in a tavern with one girl I liked "don't open a discussion for the cities you are close by. It doesn't work and she will see you as a boring guy."
Well...I end up doing the opposite and I was talking about our cities and how stupid is to have "difference" because of our Origin as a joke. Also at the end just happened and I told her when she gave me a goodbye kiss to me
"Do you want do something spontaneous?". [I don't the correct word]
Jackpot, and awesome kiss for me. This was enough for me for the first time.

So I guess base of the mood you act accordingly.

 

[Katherine Kerensky]

I've come to they conclusion that in our current society, everything is rape, so it's best just not to approach women at all. Just play more videogames instead.

This is the only right answer. My conclusion is that it just isn't worth it, in case it doesn't work out. Again and again.
Videogames won't ever say no, though, or abandon you.
Happiness is an 8-inch floppy disk. Though, some of those smaller ones have a far higher capacity.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

I've come to they conclusion that in our current society, everything is rape, so it's best just not to approach women at all. Just play more videogames instead.

This is the only right answer. My conclusion is that it just isn't worth it, in case it doesn't work out. Again and again.
Videogames won't ever say no, though, or abandon you.
Happiness is an 8-inch floppy disk. Though, some of those smaller ones have a far higher capacity.

It's fun, but it's not enough.

Just as I was thinking.

I've been bingeing this show on and off, Hello Ladies. Steven Merchant plays the lead of the awkward british guy in LA trying to find a girlfriend, but he's completely oblivious to what a shallow idiot he is. He has this one line when approaching a girl during yoga class goes wrong and he's all "Look whatever, I'm creepy. I'm not going to apologize for trying to meet somebody."

Eh, I like that line.

Still not for me. Looks like it's online dating apps or bust.

I don't think I'd laud someone for unapologetically being gross. If someone goes for the cold approach they should acknowledge that many women do not appreciate being approached by a stranger solely for their looks, and they should be respectful and understanding if the woman is not receptive. If someone realises they've crossed the line into full blown creepy then yeah, they should apologise and leave.

well I mean that's the humor of the show... I imagine as is goes on he'll eventually grow as a human being and all that jazz, they don't paint him as entirely unsympathetic. Just awkward and off putting and trying way too hard.

 

[Emryn]

Yeah, I would take that article with a huge pinch of salt. That might be what she likes but from the way she's written it there's only one type of person and they are all the same as her? Very closed minded.

Personally I hate people trying to hit on me in a bar while I'm out with friends but I'm fully aware that is the sole reason some people go out to bars. There's never going to be a right way. Saying that, there are plenty of wrong ways.

I used to get a train to work and this guy would get on the same train at a different stop on the way home. I would see him looking through the windows as it pulled up, watched him get on and he would walk from carriage to carriage til he was on the same one as me. He never spoke to me or even sat close enough to have a conversation, just sat on the other side a few seats up so he could just stare. I brushed it off as a coincidence at first but after weeks of this happening it freaked me out. This would be a good example of what not to do.

Also, don't give us shit if we're not interested. You have no idea what might be going on in our lives at that time, maybe we just got out of a relationship, maybe out dog died that morning, maybe we're moving area soon, maybe we're just not interested. Be a man, take it on the chin and graciously move on. If, however, she is one of those types that snorts and says something along the lines of "are you joking, I wouldn't touch you if I was paid" then laugh it up and count your lucky stars that you dodged that bullet.

If you do get chatting, but don't feel shes too interested then don't keep pushing it in hopes of changing her mind. Chances are she's not interested but she didn't want to be presumptuous or rude. So make your excuses, tell her she's welcome to come say hi if you see each other again if she likes and go on about your day. You might not get a date but you might make a friend, that's not a bad thing. You weren't a dick and maybe she has a friend who's perfect for you.

Just take it easy. Feel nervous? Don't go in with the intention of scoring a date, just having a chat. If it goes well, bonus.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

I don't mind cold approaches. I'm a sucker for cheese and that cherry blossom line would have at least started a conversation. I also don't mind it when someone is particularly nervous about their cold approach either, because it takes a lot of courage to even risk it. I don't mind dating strangers (found my boyfriend on OKCupid, had never met him before then), though I would like to take the time to get to know them a little before moving into anything serious.

If in our initial interaction, they come off as creepy or I don't find interest in them, I have no problem saying "Thanks but no thanks". I'm a shy sort but strangers don't really bother me, particularly in Penera Bread or Starbucks, since those are the go-to locations for meeting strangers in a place with plenty of witnesses.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Not really.

It's absurd to think all women have the same opinions on how you should approach them, double absurd to think one woman in particular will have the same opinion on how and when to approach them every moment and every day of their lives, and triple absurd for someone to claim they know all of the above. Women are, shockingly, as unique as men, and like men, what they're willing to accept from others changes from minute to minute, based on mood and circumstance.

Cold approaching a woman is a crap shoot - Probably half of them are going to be annoyed that you even tried in the first place, and then every subsequent decision you make from that point has a chance of alienating them. And since it's unknowable, it seems pretty silly to try and conform to one woman's expectations because you read about it. So really, all you need to do is...

1. Avoid doing the things that are universally creepy (Stalking, touching, groping, staring, sniffing, etc).

2. Fucking run with it and be yourself (Unless yourself is someone too nervous to cold approach a woman. Then be someone else for a moment, then switch back to you). If she doesn't like your clumsy innuendo or lame joke, then you probably were going to fail at some point anyway.

On a personal level, I'm a man who lives in the woods. The only times I'm in a position to meet women outside of a social setting is times when I'm out and about, and have shit to do. In such circumstances I'd usually be annoyed myself if I was approached, so obviously I'm in no mood to be doing the approaching myself.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

I'm just going to skulk back to a Match.com or POF account, and just wait for her (whomever she is) to make the first move. Stupid idea anyway.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

The more I hear people talk about the proper way to get a date(and I read it a lot, since Im a dateless wonder) The more I think nobody has a clue how they do it and they just stumble into it thanks to magical stuff they have no control over called hormones.

 

[Barbas]

Thread locked at OP's request.