A conundrum to drum. No-one under 18.

[LiftYourSkinnyFists]

Correct term is "Mash'n'Dash" Girls already used to men in her life being let downs she'll expect it move on to the next lucky bloke she finds at a bus stop :|

 

[Scarim Coral]

Err did you by any point mention her that you were 17?

OT- You maybe a lucky git but it sound way too fishy (not the criminal record but what everyone else before me had pointed out).
It sound like you may get something bad out of it than the good (sure sex is great and all but is it worth dealing with that aftermath that you may face). I getting a feeling that you may end up one of those bitter guy who post why your girlfriend or relationship suck in the future.

Regardless it's your action to take so you should be prepare for any unforseen consequences in the future.

 

[Athinira]

The girl wasn't pregnant. There was no miscarriage. The girl was off her head.

Now. Sex is good. The more the better. However, is it worth the consequences? Always consider the consequences. I know it's cool to just say 'forget the consequences', but then, when it comes back bad, the fuck do you do then? What happens when YOU want to break it off and she doesn't? She's already demonstrated that she likes to have what she wants, when she wants it, given her aggression already, and the fact her foster mother hovers awkwardly by the door means that she's clearly taken the run of the house.

What foster mother allows a daughter to do all that? Not one that expressly cares for her adopted daughter's welfare. This is something you don't want to be involved in. This won't be anonymous. It'll be a calamity.

I'll say to you what i said to another guy earlier in the thread: You're not as good at judging people as you think you are.

First of all, you say the girl has shown aggression. In fact, she has shown very little aggression. It's true she hasn't been subtle about the fact that she wants something to happen (and eventually did make something happen), dropping several impossible-to-miss hints on the way, but dropping hints isn't aggression, and it was OP who decided to pursue it. She hasn't pushed herself on OP in any way, and he had the chance to walk away at any time he wanted.

She buys him, a complete stranger, a beer for no specific reason -> He accepts, breaking another agreement with a friend.
She tells him about her background and habits -> He doesn't back off.
She invites him over -> He accepts.
She doesn't ask him to kiss her, HE asked if he could. She just said yes.
Finally, and most importantly: She gave him HER number, leaving the initiative to continue this relationship in HIS hands. She didn't ask for his number (unless OP left that out).

In fact, the only aggressive act she did was ask him if he had a girlfriend or was looking for one, and that happened after they had made out. The rest (the beer and inviting him over), while on her initiative, is not aggression, it's dropping hints (something which girls are very good at) to see if he bites. The girl has shown that she likes the guy and wants him, but aggression is the very last thing she has shown. She simply dropped hints that she liked him, while at the same time getting also letting him know what he was walking into, giving him the chance to back off. The OP decided to bite.

Also, you can't judge anything based on the foster mother. People have very different philosophies to live by. My youngest sister of 15 recently asked my mother about P-pills (contraception pills that is) while i was in the room, meaning that she is either touring her first experiences with sex now or in the very close future, and my mother didn't reprimand her or anything. Does that mean my mother doensn't care about her welfare? Of course not. But the girl in question is 19 years old, which is considered grownup in most countries, and that's a point where many decisions about your own life is in your own hands, and some parents prefer to stay out of business they don't consider their business.

You are grossly misjudging the girl for starters, and the rest of your paranoia is based on jumping to conclusions (read: poor guesswork) based on very little information. I agree the guy should be careful, but forgive me if i don't find your assessments very convincing after your last post.

 

[EvilMaggot]

Ok, so here's the thing. Don't read if you're under 18.
My mate asked me yesterday if I wanted to go to this charity concert thing. As he frequently does, he turns up late, but I had stopped waiting for him- a fairly attractive girl has asked me the time and we've started talking. She asks if I want to go to the pub and she buys me a beer; I try to pay her back but she told me not to worry. It's all cool, we're still talking. My friend rings but the girl invites me to her place, so I ignore my phone. We get to her place. By this time she's told me that she smokes, is a frequent vodka drinker and has a criminal record. To put things in context, I'm trying to get into University and while my parents aren't exactly... well, snobby... this girl isn't the type that I'd want to introduce to them.
But I'm trying to live in the moment and stuff. This girl is in a foster family because her step-father kicked her out, so I get introduced to her foster mum. She seems cool enough with me being there, so me and this girl go into her bedroom. I ask if I can kiss her and she said yes, and within about half an hour I realise I'm at third base and wondering what the fuck is going on and what lucky prick's life I'm seeing through my eyes. She's giving me oral, but every time we start getting anywhere, we can hear her foster mother moving around outside the door, like she's trying to catch us in the act.
Anyway. This girl gave me her number before I left and kept asking if I had a girlfriend and if I was looking for one. I didn't say anything committal, but left with her number. I've got her number on my phone right now. Now, being a 17 year old guy who's fairly frustrated at this point, I think a lot of you can appreciate how much I want to... alleviate this frustration. But as much as I want to just let my cock do all the thinking, I'm feeling that I should be a bit careful as well. The criminal record is going to be a problem. I'm well aware that this is a slippery slope I'm looking down, but I really, REALLY want this fuck, and I think I'd be throwing away a lot of happiness if I don't keep hold of this.

So anyway, seeing as how I don't think I can talk about this to people I know and definitely not my family, I thought I'd instead confide in total strangers to give me advice.

EDIT: It's not the fact that she has a criminal record that bothers me, it's the fact that I'm wary that she might get me into trouble before I know what the fuck. Also, yes I know what her charges are for.

Do it... everything has thier mistakes and live with it... if you both a looking for a good time.. do it and ive had a girlfriend that also was like her.. just far worse (though found that out later) but fuck her, date her try and get a relationship going and see where it takes you and fuck your parents... they dont have the right to judge before they know her (was the same prob with my later psycho gf xD..)

 

[Thyunda]

The girl wasn't pregnant. There was no miscarriage. The girl was off her head.

Now. Sex is good. The more the better. However, is it worth the consequences? Always consider the consequences. I know it's cool to just say 'forget the consequences', but then, when it comes back bad, the fuck do you do then? What happens when YOU want to break it off and she doesn't? She's already demonstrated that she likes to have what she wants, when she wants it, given her aggression already, and the fact her foster mother hovers awkwardly by the door means that she's clearly taken the run of the house.

What foster mother allows a daughter to do all that? Not one that expressly cares for her adopted daughter's welfare. This is something you don't want to be involved in. This won't be anonymous. It'll be a calamity.

I'll say to you what i said to another guy earlier in the thread: You're not as good at judging people as you think you are.

First of all, you say the girl has shown aggression. In fact, she has shown very little aggression. It's true she hasn't been subtle about the fact that she wants something to happen (and eventually did make something happen), dropping several impossible-to-miss hints on the way, but dropping hints isn't aggression, and it was OP who decided to pursue it. She hasn't pushed herself on OP in any way, and he had the chance to walk away at any time he wanted.

She buys him, a complete stranger, a beer for no specific reason -> He accepts, breaking another agreement with a friend.
She tells him about her background and habits -> He doesn't back off.
She invites him over -> He accepts.
She doesn't ask him to kiss her, HE asked if he could. She just said yes.
Finally, and most importantly: She gave him HER number, leaving the initiative to continue this relationship in HIS hands. She didn't ask for his number (unless OP left that out).

In fact, the only aggressive act she did was ask him if he had a girlfriend or was looking for one, and that happened after they had made out. The rest (the beer and inviting him over), while on her initiative, is not aggression, it's dropping hints (something which girls are very good at) to see if he bites. The girl has shown that she likes the guy and wants him, but aggression is the very last thing she has shown. She simply dropped hints that she liked him, while at the same time getting also letting him know what he was walking into, giving him the chance to back off. The OP decided to bite.

Also, you can't judge anything based on the foster mother. People have very different philosophies to live by. My youngest sister of 15 recently asked my mother about P-pills (contraception pills that is) while i was in the room, meaning that she is either touring her first experiences with sex now or in the very close future, and my mother didn't reprimand her or anything. Does that mean my mother doensn't care about her welfare? Of course not. But the girl in question is 19 years old, which is considered grownup in most countries, and that's a point where many decisions about your own life is in your own hands, and some parents prefer to stay out of business they don't consider their business.

You are grossly misjudging the girl for starters, and the rest of your paranoia is based on jumping to conclusions (read: poor guesswork) based on very little information. I agree the guy should be careful, but forgive me if i don't find your assessments very convincing after your last post.

I'm not saying the OP is any better. Personally, I find his judgement poor and his situational awareness worse.

If your sister has asked about contraceptive pills, that means that your mother is aware that she's trying to play it safe. Would she feel the same way if your sister came home with a cigarette in her mouth, a bottle of cheap vodka in one hand and a stranger in the other? It's not about being 'grown up', either. A parent should look out for their offspring regardless of the age - until time comes for the roles to be reversed. I'm 19. I live a hundred miles away from my parents. With my girlfriend. I know full well that my mother would probably kill me if I started smoking, despite the fact I'm technically an adult in England and can do whatever the hell I want. She would be offended if I brought strange women back to her house for a fuck. It's not just parental responsibility, it's making sure that your charge respects you, and this girl clearly doesn't.
It IS the foster mother's business. It's in her house. She should have the authority to say what goes on in it.


And to the OP: You really ought to be ashamed of yourself. You ditched a friend to follow a stranger home? What's wrong with you? I'll be honest. You can't get out of this. You asked for a kiss and you took her number. It's gonna be awkward enough to back out as it is, so I really think you ought to avoid the sex on this one. You've proven you're not very good at recognising a stupid decision, so I doubt very strongly you'll be able to handle any sort of consequence.

 

[Low Key]

I have asked for plenty of girls' numbers and never called. Sometimes I ask for their numbers just to prove to myself I can get them. You have no obligation to call her back at all, and you have even less of an obligation to date her just because she sucked you off. Don't get roped into thinking you need to do something you are unsure of because sex has been offered.

First things first, you need to think about what it is YOU want out of this. Forget about what she wants. You just met her, so her needs should mean nothing to you. I assume you want some uncommitted action, so let her know that BEFORE you go any further. If you're not a dick about it, you could probably convince her since there are plenty of girls out there willing to fuck outside the confines of a relationship. Proper wording is key. If that does work out, don't ever show her where you live. That's not the "player" mentality there, but a self-preservation mentality based on her criminal past. Rent a room somewhere and do your business there.

If that doesn't work out and you don't want to date her, well, you'll be in no worse of a place than you were before she came along. You won't get sex, but you won't be getting into any unwanted trouble either.

 

[Athinira]

I'm not saying the OP is any better. Personally, I find his judgement poor and his situational awareness worse.

How come?

So far:
- She hasn't got his number (he got hers)
- She doesn't know where he lives
- She doesn't know who he is (beyond his first name)

As of right now, he's got the whole situation and all the power of this in his hands. So far, he played his cards absolutely like he should.

If your sister has asked about contraceptive pills, that means that your mother is aware that she's trying to play it safe. Would she feel the same way if your sister came home with a cigarette in her mouth, a bottle of cheap vodka in one hand and a stranger in the other? It's not about being 'grown up', either. A parent should look out for their offspring regardless of the age - until time comes for the roles to be reversed.

We're going to have to disagree here. It's great when parents help their children even after they're grown up, but they don't have to do it, and beyond all else they should encourage them to make their own decisions and not babysit them until they're 25-30 years old, providing guidance if necessary.

We can agree that the vodka and the smokes isn't a good sign, but a stranger doesn't necessarily have to be a bad sign either. The foster mother can't even be sure it's actually a romantic interest and not just a friend (guess why she was listening at the door), and despite all parent-protectiveness in the world against smoke, alcohol and drugs, there is absolutely no reason to interfere in her social life. You never know if the stranger she comes home with is actually a great guy with a decent job that is capable of taking care of her and help her to a better life, or at the very least teach her a few valuable lessons before she moves on.

I'm 19. I live a hundred miles away from my parents. With my girlfriend. I know full well that my mother would probably kill me if I started smoking, despite the fact I'm technically an adult in England and can do whatever the hell I want. She would be offended if I brought strange women back to her house for a fuck. It's not just parental responsibility, it's making sure that your charge respects you, and this girl clearly doesn't.

Again, you absolutely have no idea about that. If my daugther (no i don't have one, but if i did) brought home a guy in the same manner, i absolutely would not interfere unless we are talking someone who shows clear signs of being in the "wrong crowd". The fact that you would actually let her control that aspect of your life (including your smoking) actually shocks me a bit, but I guess i might be able to attribute that to English culture compared to other places in the world where people are perhaps more free-spirited about such things.

That your mother would be offended about you taking someone home for sex actually says more about her lack of respect for your maturity and life than it does about your "lack of respect" for her house, because of bringing home someone for sex is quite normal in most modern countries. Which brings me to this....

It IS the foster mother's business. It's in her house. She should have the authority to say what goes on in it.

Listen: Just because you have authority doesn't mean you should exercise it at every opportunity or without reason.
Your mother might not "approve" of you taking strangers to her house to fuck, but that doesn't mean she should interfere if you still lived at home, because that's the kind of interference that is preventing teenagers maturing into adults. Sometimes the things that is for the best might not be something you like, so you must be prepared to make exceptions that sometimes compromises your own integrity, morals or norms. If your mother doesn't like that, then you should tell her to stick to her own business. That doesn't mean you should start doing all the things that she dislikes just to annoy her, but she has to accept that children and the way they decide to live cannot be controlled 100% by the parents, and parents should accept that children aren't always going to choose what the parents think they should choose.

And to the OP: You really ought to be ashamed of yourself. You ditched a friend to follow a stranger home? What's wrong with you?

His friend was late and didn't call him in good time to tell him he would be late. His friend should be ashamed and should learn to be on time. It's hopefully a lesson that served him well, because I've had the same lesson where people decided to move on instead of waiting on me. My fault, not theirs.

You can't get out of this. You asked for a kiss and you took her number. It's gonna be awkward enough to back out as it is, so I really think you ought to avoid the sex on this one. You've proven you're not very good at recognising a stupid decision, so I doubt very strongly you'll be able to handle any sort of consequence.

To me, you've just proven that you're paranoid, and to paranoid people most decisions seem "risky". That doesn't qualify them as stupid. And he is perfectly capable of getting out of this. Getting out of an ackward situation isn't any more difficult than just facing up to it, because "awkwardness" is just a mental state, and getting rid of it is as simple as not giving a shit. He can, if he wants, just not call her and forget about her forever at this point. It's really that simple. If he decides to continue, he just need to play his cards right.

To give an example, my last girlfriend didn't get to know my address until we had been together for almost a month. He can easily pull the same stunt, change his phone number and get her out of his life at any time he wants, although i recommend simply telling her goodbye first, and only breaking contact if she gets really insistent. He can easily give it a few weeks to get to know her before taking it to the next level and revealing his life to her.

 

[Shoqiyqa]

What do you think she wants out of it? Because I can tell you, it isn't sex. She's trying to allure you via sex to conform to her needs (i.e. money or some fairy tale idea of a boyfriend, which not even The Most Interesting Man in the World could fulfill.)

Also, do you see her and respect her as a person? Or do you just want her to be your living, breathing, sex doll?

She's using you, not for sex, for some other scheme. You'd been with her for what, a few hours before she's performing oral?

I agree with all of the above ...

Yea, that's not a sign of anything remotely serious.

... but not with that part.

Her step-father kicked her out? Sucks to be her. Really.

Think about that.

Yes, being fostered probably sucks too.

It's hardly surprising she's got a ciminal record. If it's for torturing animals to death and burning down houses with people in them, GTFAway from her. If it's for having an open beer with her in a public place or stealing a chocolate bar because she was broke and needed a lift, GTFOver it, world.

OP: She wants and needs a hell of a lot more than casual sex. You say you really want this fuck. Take my friend's advice: if you want to empty your sack, jerk off; if you want to get your dick wet, take a shower. As long as he has those outlets, he's a man in whose arms a girl can safely sleep. You, however, seem eager to let your lust take over and push decency and humanity into the back seat. She doesn't need another guy to use her like that. She ... you know what? Here! Read Nikki's story [https://jaynaylor.com/betterdays/archives/2003/10/post-55.html] through (she reappears in chapter 15) and see whether it changes your opinion or priorities at all.

Sex for sex's sake is fine with me as long as you both know and understand and accept that that's all there is to it. Brutal honesty: I think she needs someone more mature than you.

I'd worry that it's even fair to her to be having sex with her. She might be in a rather poor emotional state if she's looking for someone that desperately.

I have to wonder, does no one at all feel guilty about suggesting just using her and getting out of there when it seems she kinda wants something more? I mean really I kind of wonder if she's just desperate for someone. And if she is doesn't it seem unkind to use her desperation like that?

You don't know the whole story here, she didn't say what the record was for, the story with her step-dad, or really anything about her. Maybe get to know he a bit better before doing anything else. If she is looking for a commitment, and you aren't, don't do it, otherwise you'll end up being a douchebag who used someone for sex. If she just wants to do it, then do it.

And be nice about it, if you just intend to exploit her open nature then don't even go there.

It sounds like this girl has had a really rough childhood and teenage years, as well as some daddy issues. She may have the wrong idea about what constitutes love and companionship in a relationship. Maybe you could end up being a positive influence on this girl, ...

Thankyou. It's nice to meet another person in this sea of humanity.

..... ..... ..... ..... .....​

use a couple of rubbers, but go for it!

Using two condoms at the same time is not recommended for either safer sex or pregnancy prevention. In fact, "double-bagging" can increase the friction between the condoms during intercourse, making them more likely to rip or tear. [http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1139.html]

Although it may SEEM like a good idea, it is not recommended (for either safer sex or pregnancy protection) to use two condoms at the same time. This act, also known as "double bagging," can actually increase the friction between the condoms during sex which makes them more likely to rip or tear. It is fine to just rely on the use of one condom as your method of birth control as condoms are 85% to 98% effective and are not only reliable in preventing pregnancy, but can successfully protect against many sexually transmitted infections.

Also, keep in mind that a male condom should NEVER be used at the same time as a female condom. When used as one?s only contraceptive method, female condoms are 79% to 95% effective.

Using two condoms at the same time - either two male condoms or a male and female condom - is not a good idea as the friction of them rubbing together may result in one or both of the condoms tearing. [http://www.avert.org/spermicide-condoms.htm]

24% of Young Adults Think Two Condoms Are Better Than One [http://news.change.org/stories/24-of-young-adults-think-two-condoms-are-better-than-one]

Can I get some comprehensive sex ed in the house?

It's disturbing that a quarter of young people aged 18-29 believe that doubling up on condoms -- which I just learned is called "double-bagging" -- works better, according to a new report by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. For the record, in this case less really is more: two condoms rubbing together is more likely to cause a rip and get a girl pregnant. Pairing a male condom with a female condoms is a terrible idea for the same reason. (I got a phone call while writing this post, and told my very intelligent 23-year-old friend how concerned I was by these findings. She said, "Wait, so that doesn't work? Good to know.")

Hint for happy, HIV-negative living: know stuff.

..... ..... ..... ..... .....​

Forget about what she wants. You just met her, so her needs should mean nothing to you.

For the record, you're one of several people who've posted to this thread who would do well to stay the hell away from my little sister. Want to argue? Argue with the kindling axe.

... on her criminal past.

Go and read Strangers in Paradise. See whether you can figure out the circumstances leading up to the breaking of a fridge door. Consider whether having broken that door makes that girl someone to be shunned, spurned, despised and avoided.

If the answer's "yes," well you can already stay the hell away from my little sister, so no change there.

 

[Thyunda]

snip

Alright. Let me point something out. If my offspring wanted to have sex, they can go do it elsewhere. I don't see why I should have to deal with it. They can...oh...I don't know....get their own place to live? If it goes wrong, if a pregnancy comes of it, do you think I've got the resources to support their child too? If you can't handle the consequences, then you avoid them. Simple as. I hate this culture of doing whatever the hell you want with no thought to your surroundings. Clearly, you're incapable of reading between the lines, so I'll make it clear for you.

So he fucks the girl. Then he gets bored and moves on to the next girl that buys him a drink. What's gonna happen to the first one? Clearly, her life isn't going quite so well right now. The last thing she'd need is for somebody to do that to her.

There is more to this than casual sex. One of the things I can't stand about this community is this bizarre obsession with casual sex. Yeah, it's good if both parties know it's only casual. And how can you be sure that somebody knows? Perhaps you should pay a little more attention to the emotional side of things.

My mother may or may not approve of me taking strangers home. I don't know. I didn't do it. Y'know why I didn't do it? Because I had no interest in allowing a random person into my personal life. Where I come from, that's not something you do. You never let anybody you don't know find your house or your family. That was just common sense back home. My friend didn't seem to know this rule, and as a result he was beset by people in his own home. A lot.

Anyway, I let my mother control my smoking because she knows what's best in that respect. My father smokes. She used to smoke, though quit when she became pregnant the first time. She knows the damage it does to the wallet and to the lungs. So I trust her. This isn't about control, this is about advice.

I would not support a culture of anonymous sex. Casual yes, anonymous no. People seem to forget that it's a very personal thing. I don't mean in the respect that it should be reserved for romantic couples, I mean you're putting all your trust in the other person. It's a remarkably stupid thing to do.

Now. If you're quite done insulting me, I'd like to hear your response to that. Paranoia my arse, I just happen to have a shred of rationale and decency left in me.

 

[Shoqiyqa]

Sure but if she's only telling him the nagatives about her within the first few hours and then begins luring him with sex that smells of scheming. I doubt she wants an actual relationship and instead wants something more of a fake "make me feel like someone can love me" kind or ordeal.

Maybe she wants an actual relationship but is afraid to try for it and that fake version is as close as she thinks she can get.

Of course, finding an apparently single man in a bar, buying him a drink, taking him home and sucking him off isn't really the best way to go looking for an actual relationship but ... umm ... *looks around* Heck, maybe it is. I don't know. Maybe the best thing the OP can do for her is adopt her as a friend, introduce her to other friends and be a stable, kind presence in her life before, during and after relationships with other people.

That and help her quit smoking. Quite aside from the health and smell reasons,

Don't post those kind of advertising things, even as a joke. Thanks!

Hey Ma! I'm in a quote!

Okay ... how about approximate prices without the links?


*ahem*


Motorbike: £3700

50 acre rainforest reserve: £2500

Used 2-seat flexwing microlight: £2100

Smoking for the next year: £2046

Folding trike: £1750

Save 10 kids' sight: £1700

Two weeks at the south end of South America: £1600

A month in SE Asia: £1550

10 days sailing the Greek islands: £1000

7 nights B&B in an Austrian ski resort in January: £700 up to over £1000 for two people, including flights

Which way do you get to tell people you spent your money?

"Hey, dude, did I tell you I smoked 20 a day all last year?"
"Dude, srsly?"
"Fo realz!"
"You got pics?"
"Hellz ya, bro."
"Let's see!"

 

[Athinira]

Alright. Let me point something out. If my offspring wanted to have sex, they can go do it elsewhere. I don't see why I should have to deal with it.

Hopefully because you're a responsible parent that realizes that it's great for young people to get some experience in life, especially if you have a child that matured rapidly.

A parent that is blocking their offspring from learning the rules of the world when the offspring is physically and mentally ready for it is a terrible parent. It stifles development

Not all young people have the ability to move out and get their own place the instant they turn 18. In my country, Denmark, which has one of the highest living standards in the entire world, 25% of young males under 25 still live home at their parents house (i don't know the female ratio, i just read the male one some time back), reason being a mix of lack of jobs for them, because they're still studying, and above all else a terrible lack of cheap apartments in larger cities. Therefore they are typically have to stay home for a few more years. However, they are still adults, and parents not letting them act like adults isn't going to help them move on in their life.

I can't tell you what rules you make in your house, but i can tell you that your philosophy is egotistical, stupid and counter-productive. That's why most parents allow their grown children to do things adults actually do. They realize they can't keep treating them as children even while they're still at home.

If it goes wrong, if a pregnancy comes of it, do you think I've got the resources to support their child too?

See, this is your problem. You keep thinking of all the negatives with doom and gloom all over.

Chances are that if you explained to your child how important protection is (and perhaps even keep condoms in the house on your own merit for exactly that reason), then nothing is going to happen. And in the unlikely event that it happens, that doesn't spell the end of the world. If a condom breaks, there are emergency contraception. If she gets pregnant for real, most countries allow you to have an abortation.

In fact, the chance of an unwanted pregnancy is likely HIGHER if you don't let your kids fuck at home. If your child has a partner, and they like to have sex (but you don't allow it at your home), then they will find some other place to do it, a place where they are less likely to have brought protection with them. Young people are the most careless when they're desperate. Your logic is paranoia-fueled and counter-productive.

-

Most of your other post can be replied to in the same way: Stop thinking that the most negative of all the negative things can happen, because they likely won't. I don't have a problem reading between the lines. You have the problem that you're a pessimist and believe absolutely everything will go wrong unless you play everything 120% safe. It's hard to argue with people like you, because you imagine all the negative things go wrong.

Anyway, I let my mother control my smoking because she knows what's best in that respect. My father smokes. She used to smoke, though quit when she became pregnant the first time. She knows the damage it does to the wallet and to the lungs. So I trust her. This isn't about control, this is about advice.

Except that's not what you wrote. You said she would kill you if you started smoking. Until this post, you didn't wrote that you "took her advice". You wrote that you did it out of respect for her, and you also just wrote that you "let her control your smoking", while at the same time writing that it's not about control.

I also took my mothers advice and never started smoking, but i didn't do it for the reasons you originally stated. I did it because to me it was the wisest thing to do. If i wanted to start smoking tomorrow, I'd do it and i wouldn't give a rats ass about what my mother felt about it.

Now. If you're quite done insulting me, I'd like to hear your response to that. Paranoia my arse, I just happen to have a shred of rationale and decency left in me.

Just because hearing the truth hurts doesn't mean I'm insulting you. I'm pointing out the flaws in your logic.

And yes, I'm pointing out that you are paranoid, because you are (or at the very least you're a pessimist). One needs only to take one look at your posts to figure that out, because you keep pointing out "worst case scenarios" in almost every single one of them, which ironically is what pessimists do. When you are just thinking about worst case scenarios, the I'm sorry to say it, but that is a sure-fire sign that all rationale and decency has left the building a long time ago.

 

[TheKruzdawg]

in conclusion, tap that ass like a shy kid playing a snare drum for the first time in front of an audience. (the drum=the ass)

I agree with everything else you said, but this comment made me laugh. So he should tap her softly, without steady rhythm, trying to make his parents proud? At least that's how most beginning snare drum players sound to me (and how I sounded once upon a time).

 

[Trippy Turtle]

Yeah I would go for it. Also why don't you want under 18's in here? It not exactly like we are all pure innocent angels and its not like we can't give decent answers.

 

[Eventidal]

You're 17, and about to have sex with someone. Simultaneously cheating on your mate.

For f**k's sake, kid, if you're going to pull that kind of asshole move, AT LEAST have the decency to tell your current mate you're not interested in him anymore. Be wary of the criminal girl, but if she's not over 18 at least it's not statutory rape. If this IS the case, for the love of God don't do it. Ignore your pants-brain for another year. If things go wrong her life gets basically cut short. Criminal record against her, statutory rape would ruin her FOREVER, and all because you wanted a little pleasure in the moment.

I'm assuming you live somewhere where the age of consent is 18, BTW. If not, ignore that stuff. But still, don't cheat. That's seriously such a douche move, I'd consider it karmic justice if the girl turned out to only be having sex with you to steal stuff from you or otherwise screw you over later.

Um, I think you're confused man. I'm not cheating on anybody, my mate is just a friend I hang out with. And no, age of consent is 16 here; I'm 18 in less than a month and this girl is 19.

OH.

I forgot that in other countries "mate" doesn't mean partner necessarily. :| Well, I DID say to disregard that stuff if the age of consent wasn't 18 there, so... yeah, you're probably perfectly fine to mess around a bit.

Now if you were in America, you'd be screwed. Our laws don't take underage sex lightly. (and wholly ignore the fact that the we're biologically matured enough for sex around age 14)

 

[Eventidal]

You're 17, and about to have sex with someone. Simultaneously cheating on your mate.

Maybe it's because I'm from Australia but...Mate is essentially a best friend, so i don't think that would essentially add up to cheating. Besides, i think the correct term for this would be boyfried/girlfriend not Mate and he didn't say he had a girlfriend/boyfriend so yeah.

Probably just not an American thing. That term isn't really used here, except by some for "partner" which is why I assumed that. After all, to mate with someone is to do the nasty with them after all, so I'd normally assume that a mate is someone you would... mate with.

And the age thing, that was also assuming consent age of 18. I hate the laws regarding consent age and sex in general here as much as anyone, but you learn never to take chances with that stuff. OP is over 16 and not in a relationship so there's not really much of an issue here.

My revised advice: Go for it still. Still be cautious- sometimes things really ARE too good to be true, but you're still young enough to get away with another mistake or two in life.

Edit: fffffffffffffffff sorry for double post :|

 

[Thyunda]

snip

So, what, I'm supposed to allow my child...regardless of age...to be going at it under my roof? Somehow, I don't like that idea. I would also be pretty pissed if they were sneaking around while I was out. I didn't have to do it. Don't see why they feel the need to.

But hey, I skipped that whole period of my life. Sex is not, was not, and simply won't be a big deal to me. It's not so important that everything has to stop for it. It's not 'protecting' children, it's teaching them some damn respect.

And yeah. I'm a pessimist. Doesn't mean I don't take risks, it just means I'm set up for the consequences. What's wrong with that? Shall I be like my ex, and wind up in a care home because she refused to heed my warning? She thinks twice before she takes a guy home now. Do I be like my friend, and fuck everything that moves? Nope, because he'd be bleeding every other weekend if I hadn't kept people from stabbing him. Shall I be like my other friend, and have my parents' house destroyed because I wanted to throw a party? There are rules. If you don't follow the rules, you get fucked up. It's only logical.

The part about my mother was badly worded, yes. I accept that she will stab me in the face if I start smoking, however I understand her reasons why. Perhaps if I disagreed, I would take control myself. Given that it was her that kicked my unemployed ass halfway across the country, I should probably take her seriously.

Now. Let's see. I took a volunteer job that was almost guaranteed to get me injured. I was well aware of the risks. I knew the men were dangerous. I knew drugs and alcohol were heavy factors. I still did it. I never quit. I simply had many contingency plans should things go wrong...which I wholly expected them to. And, shortly after I finished my contract, I was told some guys had attacked the staff there. Which would have included me.

If I was as much a pessimist as you say, I'd never have done that job.

My logic is simple. If you can't rely on yourself to handle the consequences, it's not worth tempting fate. It's all well and good doing what you want. Yeah, okay, it's fun for a day or so. Then it all comes back...and when you're giving up your future to take care of a child you can't afford to keep, you have to ask. Was it really worth the sex?

I do not want to be in that position. So I don't give the world any reason to put me in it. That's not paranoia, that's common fucking sense.

 

[Bloedhoest]

I lolled.

About as bad as discovering that your one night stand is married and has a kid ...

 

[FernandoV]

Ok, so here's the thing. Don't read if you're under 18.
My mate asked me yesterday if I wanted to go to this charity concert thing. As he frequently does, he turns up late, but I had stopped waiting for him- a fairly attractive girl has asked me the time and we've started talking. She asks if I want to go to the pub and she buys me a beer; I try to pay her back but she told me not to worry. It's all cool, we're still talking. My friend rings but the girl invites me to her place, so I ignore my phone. We get to her place. By this time she's told me that she smokes, is a frequent vodka drinker and has a criminal record. To put things in context, I'm trying to get into University and while my parents aren't exactly... well, snobby... this girl isn't the type that I'd want to introduce to them.
But I'm trying to live in the moment and stuff. This girl is in a foster family because her step-father kicked her out, so I get introduced to her foster mum. She seems cool enough with me being there, so me and this girl go into her bedroom. I ask if I can kiss her and she said yes, and within about half an hour I realise I'm at third base and wondering what the fuck is going on and what lucky prick's life I'm seeing through my eyes. She's giving me oral, but every time we start getting anywhere, we can hear her foster mother moving around outside the door, like she's trying to catch us in the act.
Anyway. This girl gave me her number before I left and kept asking if I had a girlfriend and if I was looking for one. I didn't say anything committal, but left with her number. I've got her number on my phone right now. Now, being a 17 year old guy who's fairly frustrated at this point, I think a lot of you can appreciate how much I want to... alleviate this frustration. But as much as I want to just let my cock do all the thinking, I'm feeling that I should be a bit careful as well. The criminal record is going to be a problem. I'm well aware that this is a slippery slope I'm looking down, but I really, REALLY want this fuck, and I think I'd be throwing away a lot of happiness if I don't keep hold of this.

So anyway, seeing as how I don't think I can talk about this to people I know and definitely not my family, I thought I'd instead confide in total strangers to give me advice.

EDIT: It's not the fact that she has a criminal record that bothers me, it's the fact that I'm wary that she might get me into trouble before I know what the fuck. Also, yes I know what her charges are for.

EDIT 2: YES, I AM AWARE OF THE IRONY OF ME SAYING 'NO-ONE UNDER 18' WHEN I AM 17.

A) I'M 18 IN LESS THAN A MONTH.
B) IT HAPPENED TO ME AT THIS AGE, BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR PEOPLE UNDER THAT AGE TO READ THEMSELVES. I KNEW THE MODS WOULD GIVE ME STICK FOR IT IF I DIDN'T PUT THE AGE THING ON IT.

ALL PEOPLE JUST WANTING TO POST TO POINT THIS OUT- STFU AND GTFO.

What about this point requires me to be over 18?