A fear

[Booze Zombie]

Well, Escapists, it's that time again. Y'know, when I come on here and go "woe is me with my strangeness, which I don't really get, anyone else get it", essentially.

I appear to have an amazing fear of rejection engrained into my personality, anyone who I grow close to and perceive as becoming "distant" I will engage with on an obsessive level unless my attachment with them is broken under very detressing terms. I fear that saying something "wrong" will end a chance, result in crushing defeat and upset or otherwise be extremely bad.
I fear laughter is directed at me for my incompetence, that I am a punchline to a joke... etc, etc. It all seems to follow a common theme of insecurity and fear of rejection, humiliation and defeat.

I am seeing some professional help and slowly trying to unravel the ball of yarn... but it's slow going. Can anyone offer insight into any level of this sort of condition? It would be greatly appreciated. I don't expect any of you to solve my problem, that's for me to do. I merely seek some fireflies to help light my path, if you'll pardon the metaphor.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Booze Zombie]

Let's see if the magic first post solves my mystical problem. Every topic I make seems to never appear until I make a post in it... odd stuff.

 

[Vicarious Reality]

This is like looking into a whole different petri dish
I am generally very private, and i accept people passively into my life, but even complete strangers are treated with the same respect as my closest.
Very self sufficient.
The rest of my people is probably similar.

Seems like you have some sort of confidence deficiency.
Live life or do not.

 

[bobmus]

Let's see if the magic first post solves my mystical problem. Every topic I make seems to never appear until I make a post in it... odd stuff.

I'm getting this problem a lot myself lately as well. I've found that if you leave it ten minutes it often appears out of nowhere, with some comments attached.

OT: Try to remember that when people seem distant, it's very probably got nothing to do with you, and a lot to do with something else in their lives. They could be crushing on someone, have some worries about work or whatever, or even just having some problems with sleep.
Stay cool with them, and they'll continue to hang out with you for the same reasons they always have before.

 

[Trippy Turtle]

I have the insecurity around laughter like you do but I'm on the opposite end of the scale for the rest of it. I don't really like getting close to people except select few. If people are acting distant then just act normally. There is probably a reason behind it and forcing the issue won't help.

 

[Doneeee]

It seems possible that you might have some sort of personality disorder but you've probably already pondered that. The only advice I can give is if you've got something fix it and your mind is all hunky dorry just learn to look past your issues. Nice ERB Dr.Suess Avatar by the way.

 

[Craorach]

I had this alot when I was growing up. It got so bad that I distanced myself from friends who I'd known for most of my life because I was convinced they were setting me up, teen movie style, for some huge practical joke. I automatically rejected friends and even girls I liked because it was all going to be a joke.

For me, this was the result of a paranoid/depressive mother who didn't trust anyone, and years of bullying. I couldn't take even the slightest joke without thinking everyone hated me, I was convinced the world wanted to crush me, and I let it.

The best solution for me, was to get away from the area and start fresh. For me, that meant the other side of the world.. but I doubt it needs to be that extreme.

Edit: Captcha.. Sizzler, describe this brand in one word... how does "shit" manage to fit that Catcha?

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

So a fear of becoming yet another friend lost to the sands of time, where distance or shift of interests unintentionally alienates you? That's going to be hard because even on my relatively short time on Earth I have picked up friends and had them fall away from my life without meaning to. I think this will likely happen to a lot of people throughout their lives as keeping up with everyone you consider a friend is a lot of effort...

Dunno how I can help but I know I would be a little weirded out by someone trying to hang out as much as they can with me after a period of relative quiet. I wish you the best of luck finding the solution!

 

[Booze Zombie]

Dunno how I can help but I know I would be a little weirded out by someone trying to hang out as much as they can with me after a period of relative quiet. I wish you the best of luck finding the solution!

Fair enough. It would probably freak me out a bit, too. I even question it as it happens... thankfully, it's a recent occurance and it's melting away... but it's not comfortable to have it surface at all.

 

[Rose and Thorn]

Unfortunately I would say I am pretty much the exact opposite of you. Ever since I got my heart broke I have instead of fearing rejection, am always prepared for it and almost expect it. This makes actually getting close to people very hard and ever since my heart got broken and I had to get over the person that broke it, it has since be very easy for me to "let go" of friends.

I do feel you though and I think my highschool self could have related to you very well, especially when you said "I fear laughter is directed at me for my incompetence, that I am a punchline to a joke... etc", I liked that line and it made me think of my school days.

I think the best cure is to really get to know and trust youself, be your own friend. Support youself as if you were holding your own hand. Be your own bestfriend and lifes little insecurities will seem that much easier when you start to see how little point your fears have.

 

[Booze Zombie]

I think the best cure is to really get to know and trust youself, be your own friend. Support youself as if you were holding your own hand. Be your own bestfriend and lifes little insecurities will seem that much easier when you start to see how little point your fears have.

True, I am trying to work towards this goal in my life, actually. Hopefully without becoming detached, just stronger.

 

[Esotera]

You just need to chill out a bit, identify problematic thought patterns, and think of a positive solution to any bad thoughts, then implement it. Obsessively forcing an attachment on someone is just going to make them end it, as unless they're very very high-maintenance, they're going to get worn out.

Basically try and stop caring too much about the negative things, and think of something cool to do instead. It sounds hard and is, but it's possible. Try listening to some reggae or running, or just sitting & doing nothing for a few minutes.

 

[Booze Zombie]

You just need to chill out a bit, identify problematic thought patterns, and think of a positive solution to any bad thoughts, then implement it. Obsessively forcing an attachment on someone is just going to make them end it, as unless they're very very high-maintenance, they're going to get worn out.

Basically try and stop caring too much about the negative things, and think of something cool to do instead. It sounds hard and is, but it's possible. Try listening to some reggae or running, or just sitting & doing nothing for a few minutes.

I appreciate that input, seems quite a few people suggest the listen to some music, sit back and relax approach to behaviour management.

It most certainly seems effective.