Damn, that's genuine dedication, both in being a good friend or being in love. I'm asexual, so I've never had to deal with the dreaded "feelings," so naturally, I'd assume that it would be best to not tell her and just go on with the way things are. I'd prefer that, if a friend felt that way towards me.innocentEX said:
Of course, that's me and a hypothetical, and not you and your friend. If you feel you need to tell her, be sure to point out that you value the friendship, and that if needbe, your feelings towards her can simply be a passing factor in the platonic relationship you want to be lifelong. You said it yourself- she's attractive, and appeals to you for other reasons. Hopefully she'll find it a bit flattering, too.
"Pawn Friend"?WingedIncubus said:Bravo, you are starting to understand the dynamic at play here. She sees you as a guy friend. You are not refreshing, you are inoffensive and non-threatening. Hard, I know, but I call a cat a cat. You are NOT among her love plans. She isn't oblivious, she isn't digging you.innocentEX said:
I think you have figured the answer yourself. First you have next to no chance, plus you are already caught in her cobweb of friendship and severing it by trying to change the relationship will be perceived as a betrayal to her because she is at risk of losing her pawn friend and all she has invested. Plus a man who suddenly become sexualized is threatening and stressful to women, she doesn't know how you will react if she rejects you (women are VERY scared of what a pissed off man can do in a fit of rage), and she will probably not be able to cope with the whole situation.
Since you are seeing the matrix, contrarily than 99% of guy friends who in love and willfully blinded by their feelings for "the girl" they creeped into friendship status with so to get close to her, I'll help you out here. I'll throw you a bone so that you can muse on it. Take it as the birthday gift.
Yes, you need to reevaluate your friendship, but in another direction. Girls make great friends, and having a lot of girl friends around you does mark you as more attractive, social, and outgoing. They are great at giving support in case of need, plus they make great helpers in seducing other girls, if played right and if the relationship is genuine. If you really like her presence and you feel it is a genuine friendship, then suck up the loss and move on to another girl, and keep her as friend. Even better, coop her in helping you find another girl and seduce her, if she is a genuine friend, she'll help you out (by changing your wardrobe, grooming you, spot girls who check you out, put out a good word for you, play the seductress to have other girls preselect you, etc.). And make it very clear that you expect her to help you out as a real loyal friend, no c-ckblocking or jealousy issues, otherwise it's bye-bye for her.
If you can go without her, though, and the temptation to tell her is too strong, then fire away and attempt it. I warn you though, it fails 99% of the time, but failure is good if you get a lesson from it. So if it does fail, the absolutely worst thing you can do is meekly accept and return to "friendship" status. It will mark you as spineless, other girls will pick on that (girls talk, a lot), and you will lose all value in her eye. Instead, if she refuses, man up, assume that your relationship is irremediably screwed, and say "that's cool, but I like you and it won't change as just you being beside me is torture. So I think we can't be friends anymore, good luck", and physically move away from her. She'll respect you more that way because you show you have the balls to assume your desires despite the risk, terminate the relationship on your own to spare any more suffering, and move on with your life.
"ven better, coop her in helping you find another girl and seduce her, if she is a genuine friend, she'll help you out..."
Jesus Christ, why do so many people want to make friendships between the sexes into some sort of power trip/sex espionage?
Maybe the girl the OP is talking about really does like him as a person. And perhaps she would like him in the same way if he were a movie star or some sort of hideous monstrocity. It is possible, you know.
" Plus a man who suddenly become sexualized is threatening and stressful to women, she doesn't know how you will react if she rejects you (women are VERY scared of what a pissed off man can do in a fit of rage), and she will probably not be able to cope with the whole situation."
Yes, angry men can be scary, but so can angry women. This supposed inability to cope with the situation is usually a girl feeling like an absolute ***** because their very presence causes someone they genuinely care about to suffer. The OP mentions how he is "tortured with how close she is yet how far she is." If she's had, say, a friend/admirer from middle school whom she tries to make contact with every now and then, only to receive his pledge of unyielding love, she's prolly going to feel even worse.
"I warn you though, it fails 99% of the time, but failure is good if you get a lesson from it. So if it does fail, the absolutely worst thing you can do is meekly accept and return to "friendship" status. It will mark you as spineless, other girls will pick on that (girls talk, a lot), and you will lose all value in her eye."
This is bullshit. If she's a real friend in the first place, she'd be happy that she can maintain a relationship with the good person she has had the chance to be around. And women don't smell fear, or something silly like that. I've had friends admit that they have had a crush on me, and I didn't think any less of them. In some cases, it made me think more of them, because they held the friendship to be more important. If the OP is in an environment in which all the females, en masse, will determine that someone is unsuited for dating because they weren't being hard-headed over having a crush on a friend, he needs to find other people to socialize with!
Why be around people who would pass judgement on you solely by some gender-steriotypes? Life doesn't have to be that fickle.
