A Girl's Hero Complex?

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Ionait

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Aug 18, 2008
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Am I the only girl that does this? I'm alone. In a bad situation. Scared. I scream (for whatever reason) and it's my guy's name. I realized, I have this weird background thought process going on, that if I feel I am in some sort of trouble I can't get myself out of, I feel like I should be able to call his name and he'll come running/magically appear or something.

I know how dumb that sounds, believe me, but I find myself reacting this way anyway. And I think this is why, when I call him on the phone, or even call for him in the house, and he doesn't answer, I get panicky.

Do any other girls (or do you know any girls) that also have this kind of boyfriend/husband-hero complex?

I mentioned it to my guy and his friends and there was a lot of eye rolling and chuckling going on, haha!

Editing to add my post to this as clarification of what I'm talking about:
In hindsight (it IS 20/20) I totally understand some of the creeped out reactions. I myself know some of the people you all must be channeling to get these reactions. It's not.. quite.. what I meant though. xD

I'm married to my guy and we have two children. At times it seems we are far past the realm of romance and fantastical dates, but there are still qualities about him I admire, and no matter what, when I think of him, I still think of him the same way I did when we first met, as someone to love and admire, and think of a little like a hero.

When he goes on long trips out of the country for work and something at the house happens like my two year old is being particularly awful or the power goes out, I'll still think of him, and sometimes I'll still mumble his name (usually mumble rather than proclaim, as that would freak out the babies xD). And sometimes I wish he could just magically appear and be back by my side. That's not to say I'm helpless when he's not around, or I spend all of my time in the fetal position because he's not with me. But it's in little moments, that you want to be with someone so much, that you have a flicker of a thought like, well he is supposed to be thousands of miles away, but, maybe he'll be right here, right now.

I still get annoyed/anxious when he doesn't answer his phone anyway. Because it's incredibly often. And usually at the worst moment ever. But I reserve the right to nag. :p

Added:
And any misconceptions (or not I guess) are my fault. I had a question/topic, and I figured most people weren't married, so I tried to make it incredibly vague (in my head that meant relateable).
 

Dags90

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Oct 27, 2009
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Sounds like mild codependency. The only person I could think of like that would be Ozzy Osbourne in his reality TV show. "SHAAAAAAAARON!"
 

Chemical Alia

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Feb 1, 2011
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No, and I don't know anyone who does. At least no one who seriously does beyond the desire to be cutesy, which is always irritating to see. It sounds like your still retaining the behavior of a small child in that way.
 

Colour Scientist

Troll the Respawn, Jeremy!
Jul 15, 2009
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I wouldn't say I'm like that at all. I like my independence and if I get in a bad situation I like to try and sort it out myself rather than running to my boyfriend. I haven't actually met a girl who's like that before, at least not to that extent. Sounds like an archaic complex to be honest.

Ionait said:
I know how dumb that sounds, believe me, but I find myself reacting this way anyway. And I think this is why, when I call him on the phone, or even call for him in the house, and he doesn't answer, I get panicky.
For lack of a better word that sounds kind of needy. I'm not trying to be mean, just honest.
 

Genericjim101

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Jan 7, 2011
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Sorry sounds needy to me : /. Mind you I was one who encouraged independence in my then girlfriend when she was having trouble with guys to be able to deter them herself rather than rely on me "Here take this, you stick this in a dude's leg it WILL NOT come out again" XD.
 

Smiles

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Mar 7, 2008
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I know chicks like that in real life and they piss me off. I never understood why they act how they act and it makes me want to kick in their teeth. I know its just a ploy on their part(sometimes) to get attention from the guys but they are not earning their respect and are doing no favors to womankind.

In other words if you want guys to respect you and not treat you like a pet or something grow a pair.
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
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Smiles said:
I know chicks like that in real life and they piss me off. I never understood why they act how they act and it makes me want to kick in their teeth. I know its just a ploy on their part(sometimes) to get attention from the guys but they are not earning their respect and are doing no favors to womankind.

In other words if you want guys to respect you and not treat you like a pet or something grow a pair.
Protip: "Grow a pair" doesn't work too well with girls. EDIT: Checked your profile, you're a girl. Huh. I'll stop handing out advice then.

Anyways, it just sounds like a mental hangup. A self-help book would probably do the trick.
 

Phasmal

Sailor Jupiter Woman
Jun 10, 2011
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No, not at all.
I'm a woman, not a child.
Plus my mum was always paranoid when I was a kid, and taught me how to handle being `cornered` if the situation ever arose.
 

Smooth Operator

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Oct 5, 2010
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It sounds like you are fairly young or new to dating.

I remember a girl from the early days that was like that, as if I somehow became the single solitary pillar of her world, sweet at first but that sort of thing never ends well.
Everyone should be able to handle themselves otherwise it can become quite the burden for their partner.
 

Lokithrsourcerer

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Nov 24, 2008
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there are a wide range of possible reasons behind this from codependency and abandonment issues to simply being in love.

on the one had there may be a deep seeded psychological reason for you to do that. on the other hand u might just be deeply in love with this guy in which case that reaction would be similar to calling out a name during sex your calling the name of the person most on your mind at a time when u are not in a normal state of mind whether from fear or sexual climax the psychological and neuro-chemical processes are pretty much the same.

In short your either crazy, or crazy in love. without meeting you in person i couldn't guess at which one :D
 

synobal

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Jun 8, 2011
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Perhaps take a martial arts of one of those women's self defense classes. Personally I always thought having a class named 'women's self defense' a bit silly, why suggest women need some sort of special class to defend themselves instead of just a self defense class or martial arts class. Any who if you do take it, it's not just about how to fight. Knowing how to defend yourself and some of the techniques taught can alter how you think in an emergence or stressful situation.
 

Blow_Pop

Supreme Evil Overlord
Jan 21, 2009
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Never had that problem. And honestly it sounds like a codependency issue. I am my own hero.
 

Ulquiorra4sama

Saviour In the Clockwork
Feb 2, 2010
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Maria Brink?

"And all I can think is I'm here alone
Please find me and say...
Even if the world ignites into flames you'll be right here by my side.
And as it burns away you smile at me and say that not even death could take me.
Away from you"

I don't really know anyone like that myself, but i suppose it's just something that lingers from ancient times. I guess just as much as women want a man who can take care of them, men want a woman who depends on them.
 

SckizoBoy

Ineptly Chaotic
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Jan 6, 2011
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A Hermit's Cave
Ionait said:
Nnnnnn... my ex-gf was, sort of like that...

She was fine by herself (as in, she could go without needing to text/call me every hour, and considering her mental state, that's not bad going), but considering a number of traumatising events that she's been through, I think I'll forgive her need to shriek my name in despair...

FUCK! DAMNIT!

...

Sorry, but I find myself suddenly concerned about her, but since we're going through forced incommunicado, I'll have to make do with typing expletives online... (nothing personal).
 

SilentCom

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Mar 14, 2011
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There are no heroes anymore, they all died off when people started living for themselves.
 

emeraldrafael

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Jul 17, 2010
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A couple of gf always used to call for me, even if they knew there was no way feasible I was going to hear them. Of course usually I was around if they were going to a dangerous area, so I would hear them.

I dont know, i dont think its so bad. Its a natural reaction when youre scared and/or cornered for most people to call out for someone, or for someone to think I need to call someone. I know my first thought when I get caught up in a bad situation alone is that I wish my uncle or grandfather was around, or at least one of my friends.
 

Mr Thin

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Apr 4, 2010
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On the surface it seems kind of adorable, and it must be a huge ego boost for him, to be needed like that. But I imagine that it would get annoying after a while, for both parties, and it doesn't sound healthy.
 

bruggs

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Jul 29, 2011
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Is it really that bad? Is it really so childish to need someone? To be wishful?

The idea of being saved (though perhaps not in that fairytale way) sounds appealing to me, and something I'd wish for. But I'm not worse off for it. I don't have unrealistic expectations.

I think if someone's in a situation where they start to fantasise about a saviour, then it's not the fantasy that's the problem, but whatever got you in this situation.

Though I can very much see everyone else's point of view, and agree that unrealistic hopes like this -can- lead you to disappointment, I don't think you can say that for sure about Ionait.

I hope that made sense...I'm now worrying it didn't...
 

Som_kun

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Jan 24, 2011
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SilentCom said:
There are no heroes anymore, they all died off when people started living for themselves.
There is one.

I have the exact opposite problem, having 6 little sisters (technically 5 but my twin sister was born 4 minutes after so HA!) Being the oldest (and the only guy) I grew up as the guardian of my sisters (my parents split and I was the only constant in their lives) I've beat down many boyfriends/stalkers/jerks who mess with my sisters, so I've grown to come running when any girl calls for help (Girlfriend HATES this) so in the same way, when my sisters need help they call me. I'm not their boyfriend, but i'm my sisters' hero.
 

Ionait

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Aug 18, 2008
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Is it ok to post replies a few days later? xD I forgot about this thread!

In hindsight (it IS 20/20) I totally understand some of the creeped out reactions. I myself know some of the people you all must be channeling to get these reactions. It's not.. quite.. what I meant though. xD

I'm married to my guy and we have two children. At times it seems we are far past the realm of romance and fantastical dates, but there are still qualities about him I admire, and no matter what, when I think of him, I still think of him the same way I did when we first met, as someone to love and admire, and think of a little like a hero.

When he goes on long trips out of the country for work and something at the house happens like my two year old is being particularly awful or the power goes out, I'll still think of him, and sometimes I'll still mumble his name (usually mumble rather than proclaim, as that would freak out the babies xD). And sometimes I wish he could just magically appear and be back by my side. That's not to say I'm helpless when he's not around, or I spend all of my time in the fetal position because he's not with me. But it's in little moments, that you want to be with someone so much, that you have a flicker of a thought like, well he is supposed to be thousands of miles away, but, maybe he'll be right here, right now.

I still get annoyed/anxious when he doesn't answer his phone anyway. Because it's incredibly often. And usually at the worst moment ever. But I reserve the right to nag. :p

Added:
And any misconceptions (or not I guess) are my fault. I had a question/topic, and I figured most people weren't married, so I tried to make it incredibly vague (in my head that meant relateable).