a lil bit of trouble.

[Khuzaki]

So, this girl I'm attracted to and have had feelings for, for 2-3 years, has gotten a boyfriend.
she knows how I feel, but she's pretending not to notice whats going on with me. I'm hurt really bad, and my gut is telling me to just run, break all contact and leave. but I want to hold on because she is my best friend, and the closest friend I've ever had.

a few of the people I've talked to agree with my gut, and are telling me to just run for it.
but that would be really hard on me and I'm not sure I'd take it very well.
but I know every time she talks about her boyfriend, or going out on a date, etc, I'm gonna hurt a lot more. so, I turn to this escapist, what do you guys think I should do? if anyone needs me to elaborate just ask.

 

[cryogeist]

well if she knew you had feelings for her but got another boyfriend then its obvious shes not interested in you....well...interested in THAT sort of way...either that or she really does not like you.

 

[Khuzaki]

its not her lack of interest thats hurting me, but my feelings for her. I understand that she doesn't want the relationship to turn that way, but that doesn't make feelings magically go away.

 

[Hitokiri_Gensai]

Well no, but you have to learn to either move on and forget about the feelings you have, or walk away completely. If she has ignored the feelings you have, and not talked to you about it or what she was going to do, id say shes not entirely the best friend. Although it depends, have you ever brought it up with her directly?

 

[Khuzaki]

yea,I told her how I felt.
we decided a relationship was a bad idea at the time.

 

[Stublore]

If she really is your best friend, do you want to lose that friendship?
Or is she your best friend because you hoped one day for more?
If it's the first, then perhaps you should stick it out, and try to deal with your feelings of rejection. Good friends are indeed hard to find, and I'm not saying it will be easy, but is the friendship worth the pain?
If it's the second then it was never really about friendship, and if you cannot handle it depart on good terms.

 

[infohippie]

You could sabotage their relationship before it gets serious.

Oh, wow, what an incredibly bad idea that is. OP: DO NOT DO IT. She will find out, and hate you. Or you will keep it to yourself and hate yourself.

I'd say your only real choices are: Put up with it and remain her friend (without expecting anything further down the track), or if that's too painful you need to walk away entirely. That'll hurt too, but it'll probably hurt less in the long run.

 

[KarlMonster]

I know this hurts, and it sucks like nothing you've ever experienced before. However, this is one of those fucked-up times when the mature thing to do is to stick around, and try to act civil, if not courteous or even friendly. Tell yourself that he is a substitute for you, if that helps.

I was in a situation where it was obvious that the other guy was just a stand-in for me. He roughly resembled me physically, wore the same sorts of clothes (jeans, flannel shirts, kinda dorky-looking) and was a bit taller than I. I was fine with it because I thought it was funny. Yeah, maybe the 'stunt double' is having a better time right now, but we know he's a poor substitute. The key here is to respect her wishes, in whatever way you can manage that.

 

[Kpt._Rob]

Whether you run away really won't make a bit of difference as to how much pain you'll feel. And in the long run, I would say you might feel even more pain if you run.

The problem is that you can't run from feelings. You have to let them go. And that, needless to say, is a tall order. It's something few people ever manage to learn, and even those who do often forget. still, you might want to think of it as a valuable life lesson. Specifically, that things aren't always going to go the way you want them to. In fact, things rarely go the way that anyone wants them to. Learning to deal with that is learning to let go to your attachment.

To be kind of cheesy and quote the Tao te Ching, "have, but do not possess. Act, but do not expect." To do anything else will only make you miserable in the long run. It's never too early in life to learn to let go of the things you want, and be content with the things you have.

 

[Colour Scientist]

You're going to have to stop being close friends with her and move on, she's clearly not interested in you romantically.

It sounds harsh but it's the truth. It's manipulative to stay friends with her just in the vain hope that eventually she might settle for you when she doesn't want to be with you and has made that clear. You'll be miserable. If she truly is your best friend you'll let her be happy with the person she wants to be with.

By this, I don't mean sever all ties completely but make some distance.

Or is she your best friend because you hoped one day for more?

I have a feeling this may be right on the button.

 

[Khuzaki]

If she really is your best friend, do you want to lose that friendship?
Or is she your best friend because you hoped one day for more?
If it's the first, then perhaps you should stick it out, and try to deal with your feelings of rejection. Good friends are indeed hard to find, and I'm not saying it will be easy, but is the friendship worth the pain?
If it's the second then it was never really about friendship, and if you cannot handle it depart on good terms.

well the friendship came before the feelings, and that's the hard thing.
I think the friendship might be worth saving, assuming she isn't doing it intentionally.
but on the other hand it'll hurt alot, like it woke me out of a dead sleep.

You could sabotage their relationship before it gets serious.

Oh, wow, what an incredibly bad idea that is. OP: DO NOT DO IT. She will find out, and hate you. Or you will keep it to yourself and hate yourself.

yea I wouldn't consider that. to be honest I'm happy for her, my problem is I'm just kind of hurting over past feelings.

 

[Hipsy_Gypsy]

I wonder if she's letting on she doesn't know you have feelings for you is because she values your frienship too much perhaps? Or she feels there's no reason to? If that makes any sense, lol.

Have you tried to talking to her about it in the past? I mean, considering you've been able to hold these feelings for about two or three years I would have thought you would have made some form of step forward. Then again, it can be really difficult to do so.

Just like a few people have already said, all you can really do is to wait it out. Good luck to you either way!


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