A question for the men and women of The Escapist

[gamerguyal]

Yes, I promised a question, but first, a story to frame it: I was at an outdoor music festival tonight with a friend, and they always set up rows of long metal benches in front of the stages, in an attempt to avoid mosh pits I assume. Now, this was one of her favorite bands, so she made it our goal to get as close as possible, and that just wasn't happening with those stupid benches, so we opted to come in from the side and try to get in front of the benches to the 10 feet between them and the stage. We ended up getting pretty close to the stage, but the area we were in had a lot of people trying to shove their way forward. We were next to a fence bordering the stage, so if we got pushed, it hurt. As a result, I did my best to try to shield her as best as I could from the people pushing forward. Now, for context, I'm a tall but not very muscular guy, and she's also fairly tall and could've probably held her own if a mosh pit had broken out. In short, she wasn't helpless, but I still felt the need to try to protect her as much as I could.

My question for my fellow guys: How would you act in a similar scenario, and why?
And for the women: How would you feel being "protected" by a male friend? Would you accept his gesture, or would you prefer to take care of yourself?

 

[The Elcor Batman]

I would have acted in a similar manner, as i've always tried to act the gentleman around the ladies.

Very commendable act, good sir, as that could have been very dangerous.

 

[joiny]

Ive been in a similar situation, and i did the same thing. Just happend naturally i suppose.

 

[Cheesus333]

Well, I think you did the right thing. Chivalry might be dead, but selflessness isn't. It's perfectly fine to protect a woman, obviously.

If I actually went to gigs, I'd probably do the same in a similar situation - I, like you, am tall but not particularly built. I don't go to them, though. Not sure why.

 

[Eleuthera]

I do and have done the same on a few occasions. Most memorably during a Prodigy concert, where a kind of double wall was formed by me and some other (unknown) guys to shield the girls in front of us from the pit behind us. The girls I was there with told me they appreciated the help, the other girls i didn't speak to so they looked like they were glad we did it as well.

 

[Palademon]

I may try to do that if they were my friend, but random women no.
Even though I hate any kind of sexism, I can't help but have that instinct at the back of my head. I may try to avoid it until it's clear they need help.

 

[Astoria]

My boyfriend always feels the need to protect me in moshes. I'm pretty short so I get crushed a bit when things get rough. I find it sweet but I do feel bad because he can't fully enjoy himself.

 

[Frybird]

Being pushed against fences in concerts just f**king hurts, even if you are a tall guy or gal.

She might've held her own, but even then it's a nice gesture that she did not have to deal with that. I'd act the same, at the latest if it looks like she looks uncomfortable being pushed.

 

[RyQ_TMC]

I find that I do this sort of thing instinctively. Might be a case of upbringing - my family is on the traditionalist end of the spectrum when it comes to gender roles - but doing it seems so natural to me, and in some cases I only notice I've done it after it's done.

Once, I was at a New Year's Eve party with my then-girlfriend. Everybody was standing in a circle around a big-ass firework waiting to be fired. It didn't fly, instead blew up in our faces. I grabbed her and pulled her behind me so quickly that I felt the burn on my back. So I think there was no thought process involved there.

I can't speak for the women, but I've never had one show any discomfort at my "protecting" gestures.

 

[IzisviAziria]

Few months back, Korn and Disturbed played in Portland where I live. A friend of mine, who is a female, had 2 tickets, but didn't have anyone going with her. They were general admission tickets, which means floor, moshing, crowded throngs of people. I went with her, partly because I vaguely like the bands, partly for the experience of going to a concert (even shitty bands can be decent if the concert has the right atmosphere or you go with the right people) and partly because an attractive female should never go to a mosh pit solo.

I did the same as you. I spent the entire concert doing my best to make sure she didn't get hurt. I actually took quite a beating for it. The crowd got rough, it's bad enough looking out for yourself, and when you're looking out for two, it gets worse. We actually managed to work our way through the pit to the front row, up against the fence. It got a bit better then, since all the pressure was coming from one direction, and I could just brace my arms against the fence with her in front of me. Worked pretty well, and we got a sweet spot to see the bands from.

Afterward, she was very appreciative. She's a strong, independent woman. She works full time, rides a motorcycle, lives on her own, and doesn't need anyone to survive. But the simple fact is, a pit with 2000 people in it throwing each other around is a dangerous place to be, and it's even more dangerous for a smaller person.

We're going to Rock Fest later this summer.

Edit: Seems I missed the point of the OP. In my situation, she did actually need/want some help. Not so much the case with the OP. And in that case, I would say that it's probably a little sexist, and maybe a little... dorky that you tried to "protect" her from nothing. In short, kinda this:

OT: STOP WITH YOUR PATHETIC WHITE KNIGHTING, DORKS.

 

[manaman]

First take sex out of the picture. Is it weird to be doing something? No? Carry on.

A person helping to protect a person who was in all likely hood not as physically strong. Okay.

Now you just have to figure out if you where doing it because she was female, and wouldn't have bothered otherwise. Cause then its still sexist, even if it wasn't necessarily wrong to do.

Not that all sexist acts are wrong either. You just have to go by what is acceptable in the society you live in. I still have a bit of the southern gentleman in me.

As for being pushed at a show. Well I cracked a couple of ribs once pretty much the same way. It also could have been when I got kicked, but I'm pretty sure that was closer to the shoulder, and more towards my back then where my ribs cracked.

 

[gamerguyal]

A person helping to protect a person who was in all likely hood not as physically strong. Okay.

The thing is, I'm not that much stronger than her. In terms of physical strength, we're about even. What I tried to get across in the OP is that she didn't really need my help.

 

[putowtin]

bravo my good man, bravo! Us women like that kind of thing, oh we may pretend we don't and say we can look after ourselves, but we like it when there's someone else there to lend a hand!

The one time I went to the front at a festival by myself I was thrown over the barriers, boy did that hurt!

 

[Brutal Peanut]

I think it's a nice gesture and shows you are concerned for that persons safety, even if they didn't need it. Personally, I'd accept it.

 

[Roofstone]

Female.

And I would feel flattered that he was manly enough to do it. It is a cute gesture. And I would be very thankfull. = )

Your a good friend man.

 

[captaincabbage]

Male.

It's good to see that chivalry is still alive and yes, I would have done the same thing.

 

[Thaluikhain]

A question for the men and women? Who does that exclude?

But, I'd presume that it'd be ok, but I'm not big on mosh pit etiquette.

 

[Superior Mind]

Gentlemanly conduct good sir, I applaud.


Generally, I find, mosh pits are good natured places. Lose your footing and some disembodied arm will help you up. I've seen people who weren't as hard as they thought they were having to retreat from the centre of a mosh pit and people have parted to let them through. Everyone is in a mosh pit to have a good time. Helping someone out who might need it is just the proper thing to do.

 

[Thaius]

Male.

Just because a girl can handle herself is no reason for chivalry to die. You don't do it because she's helpless, you do it because it's the kind and polite thing to do. There's nothing wrong with that, and not enough people do it anymore.