a quick question about dateing, and right and wrong.

[azzamatazz]

OK escapist, im in a dillemma.
I met a wonderful girl at a party and we really hit it off. We've since been in contact via facebook and getting along like a house on fire, we can talk all day about nothing at all..
SO wheres the problem... well right when i was about to ask her out cause it was getting pretty serious lol, she asked how old i was... then it hit me, i had no idea of her age... 5 years younger.... im 21 and shes 16... is that wrong? we arnt... you know... till shes 18. i really like this girl, she has a smile that makes my heart skip a beat..... basically escapist. am i a pedo? hahahaha

 

[Simalacrum]

Ooooh, very borderline there mate, I've got to be honest with you! However, I wouldn't worry about it too much - you may get some weird looks from some people, but if you really honestly care for this girl, then go for it

Of course, the whole sex thing might wanna wait, cause I think that would count as a bit pedo-ish... other than that though, I'd say it's a tad weird, but not TOO weird

 

[azzamatazz]

some interesting advice guys thanks...
hahaha
well we've agreed no sex till shes 18...that should solve the creep factor...
i truely care about this girl.. shes one in a million..
this issue requires some thought.
hahaha thanks for your advice people

 

[Aurgelmir]

OK escapist, im in a dillemma.
I met a wonderful girl at a party and we really hit it off. We've since been in contact via facebook and getting along like a house on fire, we can talk all day about nothing at all..
SO wheres the problem... well right when i was about to ask her out cause it was getting pretty serious lol, she asked how old i was... then it hit me, i had no idea of her age... 5 years younger.... im 21 and shes 16... is that wrong? we arnt... you know... till shes 18. i really like this girl, she has a smile that makes my heart skip a beat..... basically escapist. am i a pedo? hahahaha

A lot of countries around the world the legal age is 16, so there it would just be legal.

As a lot of people said it's borderline, so at least play it safe, and stay out of the way of temptation.
That said; I guess you might get a lot of differing reactions from different people. a 5 year difference in the long run isn't so much, but you are probably right now in different places in life, and I think a lot of people think its to much when she is "only" 16.

Isn't the "rule" half your age +7? which would be 17.5 for you

But as long as you don't do anything illegal, I won't judge you

 

[tharglet]

5 years ain't much in the long run. Yeah, it's kinda weird at that age, and I think it's sensible for you to wait, as people can change some, going from 16-18.
2 years will be plenty of time for each of you to see where the other is headed

 

[JemJar]

The half age plus seven thing is actually a pretty sane rule. If nothing else, she's in a totally different phase of her life to you, her priorities will be different etc. etc.

Of course, you won't pay any attention to rational on this one, so I bid you the best of luck and hope that things don't get too messy.

 

[Cupid]

Age difference seems to only be a problem with everyone else but the couple. I feel that if you both are comfortable with the difference in age, great. It seems that you both worked out the kinks of some things before hand, which is the mature thing to do. Even better is going into a new relationship knowing where you stand, what is expected..or not. Communication is key in all relationships and friendships. It looks like you both are off in the right direction and on some good footing as you both were honest of things such as this thus far. Good luck. =)

 

[Nickolai77]

Legal age in the UK is 16, but i don't see any reason why you carn't just wait a year or two before having sex with her. People may give you funny looks for going out with her, but if you really love and respect her and they can see that, they will eventually respect you as couple too.

 

[Pumpkinmancer]

Get off facebook and social networking sites. I guarantee that will have an immediately positive result. If you have to stay on it in order to stay in touch with people, keep your relationship OFF of it. Some people, and some relationships, cannot cope with constant 24 hour socialization. Some people like to ruin relationships or cant help but work to do so.

Further, new relationships will fail with constant and endless input from friends and families. Often a new relationship develops best quietly and on the side where two people can learn about each other without the distractions that come from other people.

Constant and endless communication between two interested parties is not as essential as good, clear, and regular communication.

That?s not everything there is to relationships of course, but it?s my contribution.

 

[SovietX]

Go for it, but try not to be too serious about it. Also, be prepared for hanging around with her friends. They will most likely be incredibly immature.

 

[azzamatazz]

Right now, the only major hurdle i can see is her parents, who arent exactly keen on me...
but at the same time they've never met me... so we will see how that goes, i was supposed to meet them this monday but shes gotten nervious about it an wants to wait a bit longer.
I love her, there is no doubt about it.
And my gut tells me she loves me just as much.
But yes, people do change with time, i know this. but im willing to wait for her if i need to.
(also i live in vic AU so legality isnt an issue, more one of morallity)

 

[Gentile]

How did you ever get on the wrong footing with her parents?

 

[Pumpkinmancer]

but im willing to wait for her if i need to.
(also i live in vic AU so legality isnt an issue, more one of morallity)

Morality? What morality? Based in which culture and at which period of time and under which circumstances? Morality is as fluid as water, as insubstantial as air. The only morality that really matters to anyone is their own.

If you want walk within the moral guidelines of your community, than legality is often a reflection of the morality of that community. If they say 16 is fine, then the general moral consensus is that it is so. You should do what you want, only held back by what you think is right and how much risk you are willing to take. But I digress.

If she wants you to wait for her, then it is good that you are willing to do so. 16 is a pretty fluid time in a persons life though, it is likely what she thinks and feels now for anything may change at the drop of a hat.

If she wants to get into it right now, then why not enjoy what you can share while it lasts?

 

[lemiel14n3]

I generally consider 5 years to be a good number but as I'm 21 like you and I myself also would consider dating a 16 year old kinda weird. I'd work at keeping it platonic.

But I guess I don't consider it wrong, just weird.

 

[The Stonker]

Well...
If you guys like each other and all but!
She's probably just high on hormones like all teens (including my self) and I huh...
Oh well, good luck and don't let your penis decide.

 

[M Rotter]

i think its funny that as you get older the age difference thing is not as important (rightfully so) but it is really hilarious to pull out the "when my girlfriend was eleven i was 18" thing which is what my boyfriend and i do (im 20 and he's 27). the looks you get are so good. and no sarcasm, creeping people out in any way i can is so amusing. So uh i guess look forward to future comedy situations!

 

[Loud Noise]

I don't really think age is an issue as long as both parties understand. You can always wait until 18 to do physical things obviously (though it depends on your state, some states consider ladies to be consenting adults at 16).

My boyfriend is 12 years older than I am and we met when I was seventeen. He is my sweet angel and I couldn't be happier.