So, your the sperm that beat all the other's to the punch.
You?
With your love of performing to a nothing less than average standard.
Your natural paranoia mixed with your craving of attention,
and most of all, you, with your not so brilliant penis.
Welcome, to life dear friend.
I find it hard to beleive that if I was once a sperm that I was the quickest out of the lot. That race was more fixed than, well, something that's extremley fixed in a sinister evil way.
So your born, people think your ace. Your bald for the most part, you cry alot and you shit yourself, but people still think your the best thing since sliced bread. If you had any sense at that time you'd take them to the cleaners, unfortunatly for you, you have no idea people like you, infact all your thinking about is food and sleep. Looking back at this now, your not so ace, your a bit of a dick.
Cruel though, wouldn't you say, that people love you to pieces and your not even aware of it, yet later in life when all you could do with is someone to say "Hey, I like you", there is no one. Not a soul....or is that just me. Probably.
So there you are, Mum and Dad's little bundle of joy. They feed you, cloth you, you cry and you shit your pants, for the most part, everybody's happy. God knows why.
You learn to walk, you learn to crawl they clap, you smile, Bob's your uncle. Life is grand.
You grow a few years older, you string sentances together, people describe you as being "Full of beans". Only if you knew what was to come you poor, poor bastard.
It starts with school.
Of course reception or "kindergarden" for any americans is probabaly the most conscious fun you'l ever have. The building blocks, the climbing frames, the fun books about dog's running away and returning home. Slowly you learn how to spell, how to do simple maths and also how to not shit your pants. Well done you.
It stays like this for a fair few years. You get, albeit only a little bit taller and you can talk and write a little bit better, but for the most part, life is and always was grand. Trust me, get used to saying was.
Welcome to junior school. The place where winners are found and losers are shunned and scorned and generally ridichuled. This is where nicknames are made.
You start to notice, not at first but eventually, that girls exsist.If you only knew now what trouble they could cause, you would wish you hadn't noticed them.
Things become serious and before you know it your sitting tests and having to show people that yes, you have learned something. This though is still fine, its still brilliant, its still easy, life is still grand, but only for a short 6 week period. 4 years of junior school could never prepare anyone from the horror that is and always will be, high school.
The first steps onto the yard (no more calling it a playground, you'l get beat up) and you see the crowds of bigger boys, pushing and shoving each other. The crowds of "goths" or "moshers" standing and generally looking as though they don't and never had wanted to be there. The popular girls, the popular boys, the geeky girls, the geeky boys, the naughty kids, the stay indoors kids, the loner kids, the wanderer kids, the funny kids, the boring kids, skater kids, hippy kids and any other clique I have missed off. They're all there, and they all hate first years, FACT.
Your first year, as daunting and as horrible as it seems at first goes in a flash and before you know it you have assigned yourself into one of these cliques or you have invented an entirely new one.
I do apologise for this part of this review, I should really remember more about high school but I don't, so what follows is a paragraph that pretty much sums up what I remember.
Meeting mates by bus stop. Getting onto bus. First years at the front, last years at the back, anyone else in the middle. Arriving at school. Forgot homework. Detention. Break. Forgot homework. Detention. Dinner. Test tomorrow don't forget to revise. P.E : Cross country today lads *collective sigh*. Last break. Home.
Eventually you do some tests, they give you your results and you go to college or you get a job. I went to college. Runcorn Sixth form to be exact, but more about that next time....
You?
With your love of performing to a nothing less than average standard.
Your natural paranoia mixed with your craving of attention,
and most of all, you, with your not so brilliant penis.
Welcome, to life dear friend.
I find it hard to beleive that if I was once a sperm that I was the quickest out of the lot. That race was more fixed than, well, something that's extremley fixed in a sinister evil way.
So your born, people think your ace. Your bald for the most part, you cry alot and you shit yourself, but people still think your the best thing since sliced bread. If you had any sense at that time you'd take them to the cleaners, unfortunatly for you, you have no idea people like you, infact all your thinking about is food and sleep. Looking back at this now, your not so ace, your a bit of a dick.
Cruel though, wouldn't you say, that people love you to pieces and your not even aware of it, yet later in life when all you could do with is someone to say "Hey, I like you", there is no one. Not a soul....or is that just me. Probably.
So there you are, Mum and Dad's little bundle of joy. They feed you, cloth you, you cry and you shit your pants, for the most part, everybody's happy. God knows why.
You learn to walk, you learn to crawl they clap, you smile, Bob's your uncle. Life is grand.
You grow a few years older, you string sentances together, people describe you as being "Full of beans". Only if you knew what was to come you poor, poor bastard.
It starts with school.
Of course reception or "kindergarden" for any americans is probabaly the most conscious fun you'l ever have. The building blocks, the climbing frames, the fun books about dog's running away and returning home. Slowly you learn how to spell, how to do simple maths and also how to not shit your pants. Well done you.
It stays like this for a fair few years. You get, albeit only a little bit taller and you can talk and write a little bit better, but for the most part, life is and always was grand. Trust me, get used to saying was.
Welcome to junior school. The place where winners are found and losers are shunned and scorned and generally ridichuled. This is where nicknames are made.
You start to notice, not at first but eventually, that girls exsist.If you only knew now what trouble they could cause, you would wish you hadn't noticed them.
Things become serious and before you know it your sitting tests and having to show people that yes, you have learned something. This though is still fine, its still brilliant, its still easy, life is still grand, but only for a short 6 week period. 4 years of junior school could never prepare anyone from the horror that is and always will be, high school.
The first steps onto the yard (no more calling it a playground, you'l get beat up) and you see the crowds of bigger boys, pushing and shoving each other. The crowds of "goths" or "moshers" standing and generally looking as though they don't and never had wanted to be there. The popular girls, the popular boys, the geeky girls, the geeky boys, the naughty kids, the stay indoors kids, the loner kids, the wanderer kids, the funny kids, the boring kids, skater kids, hippy kids and any other clique I have missed off. They're all there, and they all hate first years, FACT.
Your first year, as daunting and as horrible as it seems at first goes in a flash and before you know it you have assigned yourself into one of these cliques or you have invented an entirely new one.
I do apologise for this part of this review, I should really remember more about high school but I don't, so what follows is a paragraph that pretty much sums up what I remember.
Meeting mates by bus stop. Getting onto bus. First years at the front, last years at the back, anyone else in the middle. Arriving at school. Forgot homework. Detention. Break. Forgot homework. Detention. Dinner. Test tomorrow don't forget to revise. P.E : Cross country today lads *collective sigh*. Last break. Home.
Eventually you do some tests, they give you your results and you go to college or you get a job. I went to college. Runcorn Sixth form to be exact, but more about that next time....
