A sad thing.

[RedxDecember]

We've all probably had a friend like this in school or right now. he's a great friend, jokes with you, but as soon as the bullies or "cool" kids come around he takes they're side and bullies you . So I'm dealing with this situation in high school, and i was just wondering if any of you knew what i should do. IMPORTANT: The friend is truly a great friend and I don't want to completly blow him off.

 

[Xhumed]

Well, he doesn't SOUND like that great a friend to be honest. A great friend wouldn't do that to you, would they?

 

[Fire Daemon]

Is he a great person or a great friend? A great friend wouldn't betray you like that.

It's not your friends fault, he's probably affraid of the bully or is affraid of people not liking him, most popular/friendly/chatty people are in my experience.

Next time he does this look him square in the eye and say "What the fuck did you do that for!" if he is your friend hopefully he'll come to his senses. He could not and never be your friend again but do you really want someone that bullies you to be your friend?

 

[Ultrajoe]

Great friend? you could be right or wrong here.

1) He isn't a great friend: If this is the case then you should not consider his words as worth shit, less than even the bully because he is a tool.
2) He is a great friend: If this is the case then you can ask him why he does it and ask him to stop.

Friends are the ones you tell your flaws.
Great Friends are those that already know them.

 

[L.B. Jeffries]

As Joyce noted, there are really only 2 effective tools when it comes to handling the ones you love: silence and exile. It sounds like you've exhausted the first extensively.

 

[sirdanrhodes]

Well, he doesn't SOUND like that great a friend to be honest. A great friend wouldn't do that to you, would they?

Ditto, I hate them, but there is something called embaresment factor. Basically, I was walking around with a few friends, and two of them starts singing dragonforce. Now, don't get me wrong, he has a great sense of music, but when you blurt it out in front of a chav hang out, you tend to think "shut the fuck up dickhead!"

 

[hypothetical fact]

Sounds like he wants to be popular, it also sounds like you have two options:

1. Become cool yourself so the snivelling worm crawls back.

2. Make sure that he will never be considered cool, you may achieve that in whatever way you find best.

Or talk to him but that is the boring thing to do.

 

[Fire Daemon]

Sounds like he wants to be popular, it also sounds like you have two options:

1. Become cool yourself so the snivelling worm crawls back.

2. Make sure that he will never be considered cool, you may achieve that in whatever way you find best.

Or talk to him but that is the boring thing to do.

No. Just no.

That is terrible advice.

Your telling him to drop down to the bullies and his semi-friend's level by bullying over people. Don't bully your friend and don't bully other people so that you can be "cool". It isn't worth it.

 

[afrophysics]

What's all this about "you must fulfill X to become good friend"?
Sounds like something you'd read on a myspace bulletin post.
My advice: tell him what he's doing (in a nice way, of course)

 

[Rolling Thunder]

I find the most effective method here would be to remove the factor of the bully. By means of bringing your forehead into sharp, direct contact with their nose. This will result in extreme, often dehbilitating pain and most likely that you'l never have problems with them again.

Or they'll beat the shit out of you. But even then, they'll most likely only do it once, and move on to an easier victim.

 

[Novajam]

It sounds like you've realised he isn't that great a friend but you're a little hesitant to drop him. Staying silent doesn't work, and speaking out usually wrecks it even faster. Retaliation is risky; start going toe-to-toe with him and you'll probably be outnumbered quickly, unless his "cool" friends don't hold him in high regard either, so the safest option is to find another friend.

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

Talk to him about it, and depending on the type of bullies publicly tell them to go fuck themselves. After that he will feel more secure being your friend in future.

 

[Phoenix Arrow]

He wants acceptance probably. If he's an important friend to you then tell him to cut it out, if he's not that important then avoid him if he keeps at it.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

He wants acceptance probably. If he's an important friend to you then tell him to cut it out, if he's not that important then avoid him if he keeps at it.

...pretty much. Mature thing to do is tell him you don't like it. You 2 might not be great pals for a few days as a result of it, but male friendships don't take much fixing generally.

 

[Vallen00]

I've dealt with people like this before. My advice is to use the C*ck shot, or in the case of women, a headbutt to the ovaries. The C*ck shot can be achieved via two main methods: 1) The windmill) This method entails finding an excuse to kneel on the ground. Best one is to pretend to retie shoe. While on one knee, ball hand into fist, wind up arm in windmill motion, and strike. Has to be done quickly, as person will probably get suspicious when arm is windmilling. Or 2) the stealth attack) This method is requires distracting the person for a second. Any distraction will do, providing the person looks away from you. The "look over there" distraction is usually an effective method. After distraction is achieved, quickly strike downwards in the direction of their genitals. The headbutt to the ovaries starts similar to the windmill. The only difference is when on one knee, you grab the woman by the thighs and perform a headbutt. These methods are highly effective when performed correctly. After performing said action, calmly explain to the person that this action can be performed again if they ever do what they just did again. I've found that threat of future harm is a very effective motivator.

 

[SecretTacoNinja]

The 'cool' kids arer never 'cool' they just act like that because they're dead inside, I'd say ditch the bastard if he does it to you again.

 

[SnowCold]

Is he a great person or a great friend? A great friend wouldn't betray you like that.

Neither would a great person

back on topic, Everyone has that freind or IS that friend at some point of their life.
The only thing I can think of is to tell him that its you or them. If he prefers them, well, you should be glad he isn't your freind anymore...

 

[Fraught]

Phew, I'm happy that hasn't happened to me much. But does he bully only you, or everyone? If he bullies everyone, then it can be pretty normal. I mean, I've seen people before who are great persons, who everyone at the school loves, and one day they just go batshit-briefpoops, and everyone hates him beacuse he cusses too much, bullies too much etc.

I say, ditch him. There are many other great friends to be made, and if he bullies you, leave him, or try to do something horrible to him, so maybe he could see what he's doing and come to his senses. Also, the previous sentence was bullshit, don't considerate doing what I said there.

 

[klakkat]

Get him back somehow, but in a friendly way. Kids rip on each other, it's what they do. It may have been something of a test, to see if you can fit in with their clique. I hate to say it, but in that case, well, you didn't pass. Hell, my friends and I insult each other all the time, sometimes gang up on each other for comedic effect, etc. We never mean anything by it, but it only works because we all understand that.

That should probably be added to the geek fallacy list somewhere; geeks often perceive insults as signs of disapproval and hate. While they can be, more often they're friendly, and serve more to bond two people; but they have to be reciprocal in that case. If one person is insulting another who isn't insulting back, then chances are it's not a friendly relationship. Also, insults of a friendly type MUST be to the person's face; saying it behind their back isn't friendly.

If someone insults you, read into how they do it, not just what they say; note their stance, tone of voice, etc. Really, you shouldn't even be paying attention to the content of the insult, it doesn't matter. If their delivery clearly has hateful overtones, or you think they're talking about you behind your back, then it isn't friendly banter; avoid them. If their delivery sounds jovial, or seems to be leading you on, insult them back in like fashion. Be careful though, some people have unexpected taboos on what you can insult them; stick to generic, less creative insults until you figure out those taboos.

Most importantly though, don't take it too seriously. Even if they do hate you, so what? Don't take their insults as suggestions (i.e. if they make fun of your glasses, for example, don't feel you have to switch to contacts). You'll have to figure out for yourself how to deal with the insults, but a starting point is to keep your sense of humor about things. You'll find that people respect wit more than intelligence, so if you can come up with snappy comebacks you will probably gain respect; hell, if you comeback at all you'll gain some respect compared to just idly standing there.

 

[RedxDecember]

Heres more info; the friend is nice to me as long as the bullies aren't around, and i mean really nice. Also he hasn't done it recently and I'm afriad if I do all these suggestions the next time i'll look to harsh, and also the friend has more respect to my other friends than me, so if i do tell him to go away i'll probably lose some other friends as well. The reason why he has more respect than me with the other people because he's likely the 2 or 3 top leader or friend in our 7 or 8 group. i'm most likely the 7th or 8th. and sure I can go loner really well, but.... i'll try some suggestions then tell you what happend.

Another thing i could blow up at him maybe get in a fight and then i won't be Leo the geek, but leo the a-hole.