A Sensitive Issue

[Lt._nefarious]

I am a guy, I am really bad at relationships. Like, genuinely terrible. But the other day (last Thursday) I had a lady caller, who told me she wanted a relationship with me and all this lovely stuff. I really liked this girl (I don't anymore for reasons that will become clear) and, to put it bluntly, she used me. She came round to my house, we watched Inglorious Basterds (I chose the movie, it was her first Tarantino movie and I couldn't be with someone who had no Tarantino in there lives) and it was all nice. As the credits of the movie rolled she leaned over the couch to kiss me. Since we'd been dating for a week and this was our first date; I assumed it would be an innocent peck. It was not. Our kissing involved into other things that would, in the proverbial game of rounders, be called getting to third base. This was all well and good, we both had fun, and after it all she left my flat, hopped on a bus and said "See ya soon.".

Thing is, the reason I need advice right now is, well... After she got on the bus she texted me saying that we weren't going to be in a relationship. I feel used, and I've run out of places to turn for advice. Either I'm told it was my fault or whoever I ask for advice "doesn't see the big deal" and I feel awful. I've been out with 3 girls who have all done bad things to me but this is the worst any girl has done to me and I'm having trouble getting over it. I don't even know what advice I'm asking, I guess I'm asking for the sympathy and support I need that no one has given me.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I don't understand how you say you no longer like her, yet you are seemingly really upset about this.


I know the thought of someone using you is awful but when you no longer like them, it doesn't hurt as much as you seem to be.

In my opinion it doesn't sound like she used you. I think she realised she didn't like you as much as she thought and didn't want to drag it out.
Maybe it was the way she felt when you kissed or touched each other or any number of reasons. At least she was honest with you.

I really don't want to be cruel but being this upset over dating someone for a week seems silly to me. A bit of light fondling and kissing doesn't seem too bad, much less than full sex.
Sometimes people just don't like you the same way you like them and they might even need time to realise that themselves. There's nothing to say or do to convince them otherwise, sorry. You can't get mad with someone because they don't share your feelings, at least she didn't drag you along for months and made you love her like she could have.

People are telling you it's not a massive deal because I'm presuming they're older and wiser than you and can tell you that from experience.
It's not much help when you're young to hear it because you think no one cares, but they do. They just know in time you'll realise shit like this happens and will keep their advice for a time when you've come out of a serious relationship.

Do whatever you think is necessary to take your mind off it and time will eventually heal it altogether.

Make sure you know what you're saying when you say 3 other girls have treated you badly, too. Some people can be overly sensitive and just need a bit of perspective. Don't be diving headfirst into things until you're sure you both want the same things. And if it doesn't work? Take some time out, relax and don't worry so much; there's always time to get back on the horse.

Learn from these situations, they'll help you into growing a thicker skin and a stronger heart.

If this is the worst a girl has done to you, you have gotten off very lightly.

 

[Lt._nefarious]

*snip*

The 3 girls treated me badly in that they cheated, blamed me for their self harming, stole from me, didn't allow me to see my friends and broke my copy of Fable 3 out of nought but spite.

The people giving me advice were mostly younger or the same age as me.

And it wasn't just fondling, but it wasnt really sex. Thing is she knew I wanted a proper relationship and that's what hurts really

 

[Abomination]

*snip*

The 3 girls treated me badly in that they cheated, blamed me for their self harming, stole from me, didn't allow me to see my friends and broke my copy of Fable 3 out of nought but spite.

The people giving me advice were mostly younger or the same age as me.

And it wasn't just fondling, but it wasnt really sex. Thing is she knew I wanted a proper relationship and that's what hurts really

You're not making much sense here. A girl NOT wanting to have a relationship with you but wanting sex with you is the worst thing you've ever had happen to you?

From what it seems she just wanted a good romp in the hay but you wanted a relationship.

Walk away from it knowing you're at least sexually attractive.

You're taking this the entirely wrong way.

 

[Spiridion]

I'm trying to see where you're coming from, but I'm having a bit of a hard time with it. Different people are willing to do varying degrees of sexual things outside of a relationship. Sometimes this can be viewed as a precursor to a relationship, sometimes it's just a fun time, sometimes people don't want to do these things until they're in a relationship. All of these are fine.

It mostly sounds like your expectations didn't match up. That's unfortunate, but it's not really the end of the world. I would consider all of these things worse than hooking up and later deciding things weren't going to work out:

The 3 girls treated me badly in that they cheated, blamed me for their self harming, stole from me, didn't allow me to see my friends and broke my copy of Fable 3 out of nought but spite.

I'm not sure whether or not you have expectations regarding whether or not sex should happen outside of a relationship or if you communicated that. If you do, in fact, view sex acts as specifically part of a relationship that's perfectly fine. Make sure you communicate that clearly so your potential partners can respect that. If you did in this case... then frankly she was rather disrespectful and I'm sorry you had that experience. But I suppose I would view it as better to find out someone would disrespect you like that before you're in a relationship than after.