TheIronRuler said:
Togs said:
bit heavy on the exposition but not bad in a nihilistic kind of way.
Could you be a bit more descriptive? I didn't understand your criticism.
Thank you for reading and commenting .
You go in quite heavy with world details, telling the reader rather than showing them- read over stuff like this done by professional authors and you'll see they tend to drip feed information as the story progresses.
You've also got a good way of putting things, but always remember too few adjectives are better then too many, plus it kinda already has a noirish feel to it- going heavy on this style in my personal opinion would make it even darker and heavier (nihilistic may of been the wrong word for that), which I take it is the tone your going for?
EDIT= wow too many uses og the word "heavy"- WTB thesaurus.