Advice for broken hearts

[Torkuda]

Do what adults made you do as a kid when you got upset. (Or at least what my parents did after initially dealing with any real problems I had). Go do something fun. Joke with your friends, rough house if you can admit you're indeed not "too mature" for that, listen to your favorite music or watch a good movie. Do what you enjoy and don't feel guilty about.

 

[Yopaz]

I'm going to have to disagree with the "don't expect your life to be happy" club above, because whether your life will be happy or not is in your hands. The difference between Hollywood fairy tales and real life is that most things require work, and they're not always handed to you. Sometimes they are, and then you just have to enjoy it. Don't do what I did and worry there's a catch and stress over it.(Also, just as a side note: happiness can be anything. It doesn't have to be something earth shattering.)

You know, you are saying the same thing in a different way than those above. Don't expect your life to be happy, make sure it's going to be happy. You just twist the same things around and focus on a more positive spin while saying the same.

I still agree with you to some extent though. We can't make sure we'll be happy because there's too much outside our grasp, but we should strive towards it and try to make the best out of a bad situation when that happens.

OT: Think of all the people who's got it worse than you. Like me who will likely never get in a relationship at all.

Exercise, I wouldn't recommend running because once you get into a rhythm you'll start thinking and from personal experience what's bothering me usually floats up first. Lifting weight that are heavy enough usually makes me unable to think of anything except the number of times I lift (often even such simple things are too much) and boxing is great because it makes you focus everything on where you direct your punches.

The best thing about exercise (besides releasing endorphins that make you happier) is that if you work out hard enough you'll be too worn down to think afterwards.

Also try reading The Wheel of Time series. Great series if you can keep it up, but it might get a little dry at times which turns some people off. However the story is complex enough to occupy your mind, especially later when it comes to a lot of political schemes.

Also as others have suggested, time. It passes, you'll move on, you'll experience something similar again. It's not the end of the world, allow it to happen.

 

[NomNom The World]

You could always try not being a little ***** and eat some concrete?

But seriously, I just came out of an engagement earlier this year, poised for marrige, house and dog together and than she goes and pisses me off right good, easy ways to deal with it?

Get social, real social. I suddenly discovered I had friends again, and these friends still liked to party, sure you feel crap sunday morning but what's a good bender without a hangover?

Get laid, even if it's at a brothel (they have thier place, believe that), gets the ball rolling again. I find after a long relationship I'm off game for the next few weeks post breakup, that makes picking up gangers pretty hard, get that ball rolling.

Fill your time with meaningful activities, drinking and drugs (while they have thier place) only mask the pain temporarily and you can get all nostalgic and lonley while stoned off your chops, you overthink shit, leads you to bad places, avoid like the clap.

Listen to music that puts you on game, nobody feels good listening to nickleback, bunch of whining bull****, you need to stay amped, some dank electro is what you need.

Get a fresh haircut, you should be doing this anyway. See how good you feel after a new cut.

Spend time with your dog, if you have one, dogs are great bros, plus unlike your human friends they don't complain about menial crap that you don't care about, they eat the defecate and they like balls, recipe for fun. Plus they're good time wasters.

Above all don't fall into the trap of just walking into the next person because you 'need' someone, enjoy being single, because being loyal in a relationship blows, depends obviously.

 

[xplay3r]

Me and my boyfriend of three years broke up last night. It sucked. It sucks. More than anything, it sucks that he's my home, my best friend, he's the number one guy I call when I feel like shit, and now when I indeed feel very shitty, he's the one person I can't call.

But all wounds close up eventually. Let yourself grieve, but don't get stuck. If you feel like crying or yelling in the middle of the day; take a time out, let it out, then go back to shool or work or whatever it is you do the rest of the day. Keep busy, meet friends, and be kind to yourself. Wait it out and don't forget that you've come out on the other side before, and you will again.

This made me tear up a bit.
I broke up with my girlfriend about 5 months ago, we were best friends for a year, and than we fell in love and were in a beautiful relationship for almost another year, but than... idk things fell apart for reasons that still aren't completely clear to me. She started dating the one guy I was worried about her having feelings for a week after she broke up with me.
for the first 2 or 3 months, I remember taking bathroom breaks at work to go sit on the floor and cry, reading old messages from her that made me cry so hard I had trouble breathing. I remember not wanting to leave the house, and I remember hating myself, blaming myself, and thinking of all the ways I could've fixed it, screaming into my pillow at night, not being able to sleep and feeling like I wanted to crawl inside myself and rip pieces out, and cry until I drowned in my own tears...

Then two of my very good friends start taking me to do stuff all the time, they made me laugh, and smile, they pulled me up. They saved me. Now I realized how ridiculous I was acting, but I'm glad what happened happened because I appriciate those 2 friends way more than I use too now. It reminds me of that line from firefly "When you can't run, you crawl, and when you can't crawl, you find someone who can carry you." looking back... it's not hyperbolic to say they save my life... they really might have...

But it's true, though, the best thing to do is be patient with yourself, allow yourself to be sad, don't think of the what if's, and the woulda, shoulda, coulda's, that will just drive you nuts and it doesn't help anything. But most of all, know that there it's only temporary, and use that fire, that sadness and anger, and regret, inside you, and throw it in the fire inside you, burn it, use it as energy. Take the time you need too, to let yourself feel what you have to feel, but than use all that left over emotion, and use it to better yourself. I was living with my parents, no job, no license, no money, nothing when I was with my girlfriend, and then I took all that negative emotion inside my and used it as fuel. Now I have a job, I'm moving out in a week, I have a drivers license, and I'll have my own car in about a month, I'm looking in to collages, I'm starting to eat healthier, and I'm finding happiness inside myself instead of trying to find it in somebody else.

When you're that broken, you get to rebuild, so rebuild and make it glorious.

Spend time with friends, do things you love, enjoy some emotionally moving art (it's like exercise for your heart) take the time you need to take to be sad, but then get right back out there and live like you've always wanted to. Spend time with members of the sex that you are attracted to, and notice all the beautiful things about them, it helps remind you that the person that left you isn't the only person in the world, there are so many amazing, wonderful, beautiful, fascinating, great people out there. You let yourself have those moments, but then you've got to fight, and it will be worth it, and it'll be beautiful, and you'll feel more alive than every.

p.s. I met a girl last week and she gave me her phone number, we're going on a date next week, and that's not a thing that happens to me... like... ever... I'm excited. I know it sounds clique but it's true, things get better.

 

[Brian Tams]

I tend to sit down and remember that I'm NOT the only person that is going through, or has gone through, a broken heart before. I don't mean this as a sort of "Laugh at all the starving kids in Africa!" sort of thought.

What I mean is that, with me, I tend to go through a lot of "whoa is me" type of moments. However, I remind myself that people have gone through what I have done before, and most of them have worked through it. If they can do it, there's no reason why I can't either.

 

[Rip Van Rabbit]

- Largely unavoidable, but really think about how and why your relationship ended. Now that sounds silly, doesn't it? But it's important to determine what exactly went wrong.

I would temper this with great caution, because it's very easy to dwell on hypothetical "what if" scenarios. Understanding your situation gives you a better idea on how to deconstruct it/tackle it/handle it, instead of trying to rush the process ahead blindly. Learning from any mistakes or missteps that were made is invaluable. To counteract these "discoveries" try your best not to let it dominate you. Instead, try to accept it. You're allowed to mourn, but try and avoid dwelling.

- I have fallen into the trap where I didn't allow myself adequate time to heal and get my bearings.

So by all means, whatever emotions you have bottled up inside, deal with them in the most constructive method that you can think of. Talk to a friend, take up a creative hobby that can serve as an emotional outlet (creative writing, drawing, The Whistling Choir Death Match Championship), exercise and if you need a day to mope around: Do it. You're fully allowed to experience and work through your own emotions.

It...may not be a pretty process...and in extreme cases, you'll fall off the wagon and have to pick yourself up again (DAMN YOU TEQUILA!)...At the end of the day, try and keep your mind relaxed and your body occupied.

I've found that you need new ground to stand on, a new emotional foundation if you will, until you obtain the mental clarity necessary for you take the first step forward towards recovery as a whole.

- You aren't weak or possess any less value as a person.

It's easy to be self-critical and view only what's wrong with your life...but it's difficult to optimistic, to see opportunities rather than obstacles. A broken heart can often lead to someone feeling incomplete without their partner, while in many cases this feels true, this does have the unintended side-effect of not noticing the plethora of personal goals you wish to obtain, the freedom to indulge in new interests and stepping outside of your comfort zone.

It's difficult to acknowledge, but unless you allow it, you'll shrink away. Don't let heartache define you.

[hr]

What was said above probably sounds crude and other posters have already addressed various approaches much more eloquently than I did. However, my inbox is always open to those that wish to talk.

 

[blackrave]

Well you could start with pretending she is dead
Then convince yourself you're not empty inside and you don't want to jump from the rooftop of highest building you can get to
Then get drunk and cry a lot
Then convince yourself again and again until it works
Helped me... eventually

P.S.Don't follow my advice if you need quick fix- this solves things in ~5years

 

[Thaluikhain]

I'm going to have to disagree with the "don't expect your life to be happy" club above, because whether your life will be happy or not is in your hands. The difference between Hollywood fairy tales and real life is that most things require work, and they're not always handed to you. Sometimes they are, and then you just have to enjoy it. Don't do what I did and worry there's a catch and stress over it.(Also, just as a side note: happiness can be anything. It doesn't have to be something earth shattering.)

Yeah, I'm going to disagree with you on that. There are things which are within your power, but not everything is. Saying that the power to be happy is within someone's hands is saying it's their own fault if they are not, which often isn't the case.

 

[A.A.K]

My long time girlfriend of 3 years and I broke up December last year.
I dealt with that pain by drinking copiously, buying a couple 8balls and getting into not one, but TWO street fights.
Then when I 'got over it' in January, I sleazed my way around till April.

Fell in love with who I thought was the perfect woman in May...
Things went south by the end of July, and I dealt with that pain by...

Listening to a fuck tonne of underground hip hop, and just generally being unpleasant. Treating people like resources than anything else. Women were there for sex, men were there either for a sparring session or money.

Looking back on this year (and I suppose December as well) and how I dealt with it...
I'm not sure what to think aside from I wouldn't be surprised if there's a psych student on this forum reading my comment and diagnosing me with Borderline Personality Disorder or Antisocial Personality Disorder.

Neither one of my solutions are particularly 'wholesome'.

 

[alextramp]

I started a new relationship online dating (Romance Compass in my case ).
it helped me to escape