Advice for guys who don't know how to approach women.

[IrishSkullpanda]

A lot of women have come into this thread and talked about how appalling some of the advice OP has given is- and that is fine. However, some of the advice they have given back to us is almost equally weird.

Katatori summed it up the best. "There's a reason some guys are cautious. And it's because experience with women has taught them to be."

This has been my experience quite a lot in the past. I've been attracted to plenty of my friends, asked them out, and had the friendship completely fall apart over an innocent date, because many women don't seem to realise that men ARE capable of remaining friends.

Now, if a guy wants to pick up someone for a one night stand, a good chunk of OP's advice is relevant. If you want more than that, it's the wrong advice to follow by far.

The only advice I can possibly give to men, from a male perspective, is this- A large number of my relationships have come about because women sent signals to me that I completely missed, before finally coming out and asking me. Prior to asking me, I treated them as close friends; after we started going out, I lost all cognitive reasoning and started treating them like glorious glass statues.

Those relationships DO NOT last. If you want to have a relationship, try to pick up on signals, but also remember, as has been stressed quite a lot in this thread already, that women are just as much human as you- and that by no means should they walk over you, or you LET them do so.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

Just coffee.

I know, right?

I mean you go up to a woman and say "Greetings, human female! I wish to facilitate the exchange of information in an informal and non-threatening setting that you would find acceptable and would suggest that such exchange takes place while imbibing a hot beverage made from water and roasted plant known as 'coffee'. There will be no obligation to submit to anal probing and/or live vivisection. Do you find this proposal acceptable?" and they look at you like you're a damned lunatic.

 

[geK0]

I prefer not to play these sort of mind games with people. If I have to pull some sort of bs alpha-male act to get somebody's interest, then they're just not right for me.

I've always been sort of a reserved, quiet, relaxed, go-with-the-flow sort of person, and my behavior doesn't give people the impression that I'm confident (I have a positive self-image, I'm just a little introverted), so if I started every relationship pretending that I'm this macho-stud-lady's-man, they'd never really get that far (I'm a terrible actor, so they'd see right through that pretty quickly).

 

[II2]

Aw, man, you started out with so much promise and had to go make it all-

Thank you for posting that .gif it made my day.

 

[Jenvas1306]

my single adivice is: be yourself, use common sense, be aware that women are just people too and not some mystic creatures.

seriously, that stuff with nerd guys getting no girls, thats just imprinted and mostly cause they look at bimbos. My bf is undenyable a nerd, but so am I and thats just where our similarities begin. find someone who fits you naturally, nothing is better than that.

BUT: why is this just for guys? Im sure lots of girls could need advice too.

 

[Silvianoshei]

To quote XKCD, "Just talk to them like a fucking human being."

I probably would not take this advice. I am a firm believer in proper communication and zero drama relationships.

 

[Extra-Ordinary]

Generally speaking, it's good advice not to listen to advice from people on the net.

Especially if the author comes across as really creepy. That means most stuff advising guys how to attract women, of course.

(Notice how it's always "How to get girls to like you", never "How to make yourself into a more likable person"? I would have thought trying to be a better person might be a wiser idea than attacking people's self-esteem)

Are you trying to tell me that this guy didn't know what he was doing?

http://boldanddetermined.com/2012/11/29/how-to-meet-shy-girls/

Because that would just be poppycock!

Captcha: 4G Fast

WHOA, captcha, this stuff takes time.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

Alright so listen to this shit. Got a friend of mine. A handsome fellow, but not exactly what you would call an Adonis, if you feel me. An above average guy at best. He's been in relationships, he's had his break ups. You wouldn't think anything of it on the surface. Here's the thing: every straight girl who he's friends with is in love with him.

Yeah, that's right. Every. Last. One. I say this because the only one's who I know that aren't are two of my friends who have identified themselves as either lesbian or asexual.

Let me give you an example of my knowledge of this guy's love life, and you'll see what I mean:

A couple years ago, my friend (we'll call him Joe) was dating girl who was my friend for a number of years. They broke up two years ago, and it was a bad break up, because he was essentially fed up with her clinginess. Eventually, they reconciled and were once again at the friendship stage. Once that had happened, immediately another friend of mine started desperately trying and failing to get into his pants, the reasoning he gave her being that he didn't want sex without a relationship. Fair enough, since she wasn't looking for one at the time, so she desisted. Now, just last year, Joe started dating another friend of mine who, according to her, had been in love with him for years but couldn't tell him because of he was already taken.

So, Joe is once again spoken for, and let me tell you shit hit the fan when this happened. Once it became common knowledge, everyone started pining for his attention. The girl who only wanted a one night stand was now admitting to him that she really did want a relationship. Joe's old girlfriend who had gone through two boyfriends in the intermediate time (both of which didn't work out because she wasn't over it with him) called him up and had a tear-filled episode about how she was still in love with him and that she desperately wanted him back. His childhood friend, someone who I thought was one of the few women immune to him, someone who has been described as being like a sister to him tried to seduce him when they went out drinking together one night which resulted in a tear-filled episode over how she's been secretly in love with him for years. Then, another friend of mine who WAS a self-proclaimed lesbian admitted to him in a tear-filled episode over how she's been secretly in love with him. And then there's another girl we're friends with who we're both pretty sure is in love with him since she's always rubbing up against him and resting her head on his shoulder whenever she gets the chance even after he asked her to cool it.

I could go on, but it's already become second-verse-same-as-the-first at this point. This all happened within the span of a year. It's quite ridiculous.

Now I'm betting you probably think at this point that I'm exaggerating. That there's no way one guy would have all this attention without something special about him. Well, you are right. There is something special about good ol' Joe, something that sets him apart from the rest: his sexual interest is minimal at best.

I'm not saying he's gay. He's not. A while ago, he revealed to me that the concept of sex doesn't interest him in the slightest, that he doesn't like the way an erection feels and even masturbation was something he never did since it always felt weird and laborious. "So much effort for so little pay off" as he put it. Completely sexually unmotivated. Thus his attitude reflects this. He never sought out women in a sexual way or even for a relationship, but that's not to say that he was awkward or socially weird around females. He wasn't. He got along with girls perfectly fine, hell better than fine. He is both really friendly but uninterested at the same time. Every relationship he's ever been in (including his current one) was done because the girl always initiated it, and he just went along with it.

Everything that was listed in the OP he does naturally (well, except for the emotional abuse part). He acts confident around women because he has nothing at stake to lose, thus he has no reason to be nervous; he's generally disinterested in women, making them desire his attention and approval even more on a subconscious level; he would never look at another woman's neckline/cleavage because he's not looking for it; he's physically comfortable with women and teases and jokes with them because he does that with all his friends regardless of gender; and he's a handsome guy.

I think I can say without hyperbole that he is the most natural and successful ladies man that could ever exist.

It's just too bad none of them can ever have sex with him.

 

[generals3]

snip

If you think about it it makes total sense.

A: the fact he's "hard to get" makes him perceived as more loyal and less likely to cheat.
B: Now this is probably more "far fetched", but if you think about it don't most people like a challenge and don't most gain much more satisfaction from "winning" something challenging? I could make a parallel with gaming. I know few people who gain more satisfaction from faceroll games than challenging ones. But, and here is where the parallel with the general attitude of people gets even more obvious: he got everyone flocking onto him after he broke up with his gf. This ensured that not only was he a challenge but also a challenge that could be "won". Because let's not forget that while people like winning challenges they also don't like facing challenges they're almost sure they won't win.

So really, it is not that surprising that him being a "challenge" is a desirable trait. And i would go as far as saying that it goes for both genders.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

snip

If you think about it it makes total sense.

A: the fact he's "hard to get" makes him perceived as more loyal and less likely to cheat.
B: Now this is probably more "far fetched", but if you think about it don't most people like a challenge and don't most gain much more satisfaction from "winning" something challenging? I could make a parallel with gaming. I know few people who gain more satisfaction from faceroll games than challenging ones. But, and here is where the parallel with the general attitude of people gets even more obvious: he got everyone flocking onto him after he broke up with his gf. This ensured that not only was he a challenge but also a challenge that could be "won". Because let's not forget that while people like winning challenges they also don't like facing challenges they're almost sure they won't win.

So really, it is not that surprising that him being a "challenge" is a desirable trait. And i would go as far as saying that it goes for both genders.

True, I'm sure he seemed that way. Like he was playing hard to get. He wouldn't be the one to ask a girl out, so one that was waiting for him to do so would end up disappointed. Problem is, every girl that had feelings for him played this game, that he needed to be the one to ask them out. The one that won out (the girl he's currently dating) did so because that's just how her attitude is, more take charge and impatient. Funny thing is, if they had just simply asked him out when he was single again, he would have probably said yes. He was only "hard to get" if you played this stupid game of trying to get him to make the first move. He may not have any sexual attraction to women, but he does like women. The "challenge" was only there if you made it a challenge.

Let me tell you, he wasn't expecting every single girl he knew to be fighting for his attention like this. I certainly wasn't. He got really frustrated and couldn't figure out why everyone seemed to be after him. We eventually made the connection when he told me about his lack of sexual interest.

Sure is weird how love and attraction works...

 

[Psykoma]

Just coffee.

I know, right?

I mean you go up to a woman and say "Greetings, human female! I wish to facilitate the exchange of information in an informal and non-threatening setting that you would find acceptable and would suggest that such exchange takes place while imbibing a hot beverage made from water and roasted plant known as 'coffee'. There will be no obligation to submit to anal probing and/or live vivisection. Do you find this proposal acceptable?" and they look at you like you're a damned lunatic.

Tbh it would depend on how it's delivered. If I imagine a sheldon cooperesque retelling, acting like he has no emotions, then I'd laugh and ask to substitute my coffee for hot chocolate.

But a creepy or threatening posture and tone could ruin something even as hilariously awesome as that line.

 

[nohorsetown]

I dunno.. I looked around on the internet, and I think I found better advice. Here, let me share:

"Pay attention and watch for signals. Make sure the woman is always where you can see her. You may need to use baby gates, or close the doors, to keep her from wandering off. If you notice her sniffing around, or starting to squat, quickly scoop her up and take her outside. Also, always take her outside shortly (within about 10 minutes) after eating or drinking. Do not use the outside-time to play. Simply stand or sit off to the side and wait.

Repetition and consistency are two key factors in training. When you take her outside, always take her through the same door and to the same area of your yard, and use the word or phrase you want her to associate with this. This will train her to understand what you want her to do. It is crucial that you praise her every time she goes in the designated spot, because women want to please their owners and will be encouraged to repeat the action that caused them to be loved on and praised."

...

Nah, but seriously, don't try to manipulate people. If you're approaching women and being fake to get laid, you're slime. Hopefully, you'll go for a she-slime, and have a grand time playing head games with each other. Or you could fuck over a nice woman, maybe give her some emotional scars for later, after she's figured you out and ditched your slimy ass.

 

[siomasm]

Lol wow, seems like everyone decided to take that last bit to the extreme. I didn't convey it exactly as I wanted to, but that's the crude nature of the psychology behind it the way I see it. Doesn't mean that I verbally abuse my wife or any of the girls I've dated (quite the opposite with the wife )

I think I conveyed the idea better with:

but the idea is to basically acknowledge each others flaws and make peace with them. Pretending they don't exist or that either of you is immaculate isn't very healthy for a relationship.

You don't really know someone until you know their flaws. By recognizing each other as perfectly normal, flawed, human beings (And in practice, poking fun like you do with your friends) I've often found that you become a lot more comfortable around that person, because you can act far more natural. You don't have to worry so much about them noticing your flaws when they acknowledge and accept them just as you do. Both the good and the bad.


And after all, it's just advice. If you think it was "Great until.." Then by all means use what you feel is relevant.

 

[wearesoneutralthatithurts]

I'll stick to being a shy person with no hope whatsoever.

thats okay too. my ltb was/is this kind of guy-very "closed" but i am very open and frank person and talked open about my things then gave him possibility to relate and answer his point of view. worked very well.

 

[Pink Gregory]

That's easy.

Just make no outgoing gestures to anyone, ever; talk about the wrong things and generally be a hedgehog.

Works for me!

 

[Thaluikhain]

Just make no outgoing gestures to anyone, ever; talk about the wrong things and generally be a hedgehog.

Spoiler: I can believe that

But yeah, nobody has ever died from lack of creepy pick up techniques.

 

[Ryotknife]

(reads the OP)

ugh, so many freakin rules. This is why i hate playing "the game" not only for relationships but interviews. It is a whole lot of pointless grandstanding and a waste of everyone's time. Course, the "treat them like a person" doesnt work either from personal experience if they want the game.

Also the part about not staring reminds me of the "resistance is futile" gif where you see how long you can maintain eye contact without copping a stare.

 

[gazumped]

I don't go in for dating or hooking up with people I don't know so I feel I can't say much on the subject of being approached by strangers (the honest acknowledging of flaws vs. manipulative emotional abuse bit has already been covered so I'll leave that) but I just wanted to say I might actually break my unwritten rule if I was approached like this:

I mean you go up to a woman and say "Greetings, human female! I wish to facilitate the exchange of information in an informal and non-threatening setting that you would find acceptable and would suggest that such exchange takes place while imbibing a hot beverage made from water and roasted plant known as 'coffee'. There will be no obligation to submit to anal probing and/or live vivisection. Do you find this proposal acceptable?" and they look at you like you're a damned lunatic.

I like people who aren't afraid to be a bit odd and make fun of themselves. I'm sure other women like other things. And men, as well. I've had a fair few nerdy 'misfits' fall for me but I know full well that the popular arty guys at my college would never give me a second glance.

Even for a one night stand, you're probably going to have a better time hooking up with someone who likes you because of the kind of person you are than the person you're pretending to be, I'd have thought.