Advice for what to do about "friends" at school.

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Silent_Protagonist

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Jul 6, 2011
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If it's not too much trouble I'd like to get some different perspectives on a situation I am currently in. I'll try to condense the story (it may be a bit long) and any advice is welcome/appreciated.

I am currently in grade 12 and going through some strange thing with my friends. Since June 2011 the people/group of friends I have hung around since the start of grade 9 have ostracise me from the social group. It started over the summer when they were all hanging and I wasn't being invited. I thought nothing of it, and personally didn't want to start an argument so I left it alone. As school started however it continued, but with a twist. At school, at all points through the day, they talk normally to me as if nothing is different. Yet, on the weekends it's almost as if I disappear from existence. I have tried talking to one of the friends and all he says is "I'll talk to the guys" yet nothing seems to be different. I get my hopes up through the week as everything appears to be fine yet nothing changes. They go as far as saying they don't receive my text messages. (Which is bullshit when I send more than one and my phone says they have received the messages) To add to the problem, my school is very cliquey, making other social groups kind-of obsolete.
So, did I ruin my chances of making things better by just letting the obvious alienation continue because I didn't want to start a fight or did I do the right thing? Should I just confront them all?
My plan was just to be passive-aggressive and just wait for HS to be over and move on with my life in University. However having to sit through 6 months of baisically not doing anything sounds like torture.

TL;DR Friends not wanting to hang with me after school but act as though nothing is wrong at school.
 

Fat Hippo

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May 29, 2009
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Do you think you've changed in any way? I've noticed myself hanging out less with some people myself, because habits of theirs simply started to annoy me, or they just started getting more and more annoying. I don't know how deep your friendship with these people is, but maybe you have started acting differently?

I don't want to imply that you're no longer fun to be around, as I really can't judge the situation, but in my experience things like these rarely happen without a reason, so whether you've changed or they've changed, something must have happened. And if you don't think your friends have started behaving differently, aside from no longer wanting to hang out with you on weekends, you might have to take a look at yourself, and see if you are still "same old you". And if so, is that a bad thing or not? Are you even still compatible with this group?
 

Silent_Protagonist

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Jul 6, 2011
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Fat_Hippo said:
Do you think you've changed in any way? I've noticed myself hanging out less with some people myself, because habits of theirs simply started to annoy me, or they just started getting more and more annoying. I don't know how deep your friendship with these people is, but maybe you have started acting differently?

I don't want to imply that you're no longer fun to be around, as I really can't judge the situation, but in my experience things like these rarely happen without a reason, so whether you've changed or they've changed, something must have happened. And if you don't think your friends have started behaving differently, aside from no longer wanting to hang out with you on weekends, you might have to take a look at yourself, and see if you are still "same old you". And if so, is that a bad thing or not? Are you even still compatible with this group?
I have been changing slightly yes, I find myself not being so "High school immature" any more. (By this I mean I still want to go out and party, just not do extremely 'stupid things') Also, they have been acting differently, it's hard to explain without going super into detail. They aren't completely the same people they were 4 years ago.

Don't worry, I know your not implying that :p. There is the biggest problem though, I have ZERO clue as to why this is happening. Apparently it's cause one of the people has secretly always hated me and has persuaded the others but, to get ALL of them against me seems a bit out there (or at least I'd like to think).
I honestly don't think I am compatible, but I am willing to be a bit different so the next few months aren't terrible, is that even a good thing though is my biggest dilemma.

(Thanks for the advice btw. Honestly, having an outside opinion is very useful)
 

Beautiful End

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Feb 15, 2011
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Well, let me tell you this. It's normal. And this will pass.

Yeah, it sounds a bit patronizing, so let me explain. You seem to be going through that phrase when people don't know what they want. In this case, they don't know if they still like their friends or if they wanna try something new and so on. You must realize 12th grade is kinda hard on some people emotionally since they feel the pressure of having to grown up; some people would consider it a time to buckle up since high-school-party-time is over, so to speak.

Anyway, don't be alarmed if your friends suddenly decide to turn into jerks and ignore you. Half of the people you know right now won't remain your friends forever. And I know it sounds pessimistic, but let me explain. Once you leave high school, you're gonna realize who your true friends are. You'll be able to differentiate those who were your friends just for the heck of having a friend with similar interests through high school over those who really wanna remain your friends after crazy high school is over.

In your case, it seems your friends think either you changed or maybe they changed and they're trying to part ways. But if you ask me, whether they're going through an emotional roller coaster or they're just being dicks, it's not justifiable or nice of them to ignore you, especially since you have no idea of "what you did wrong". They're dodging you, simple as that. And that's not cool.
To add insult to injury, they don't even wanna explain themselves to you. A simple "I'll explain later" or "You suck" or "We suck" would suffice. But they're just pretending you're not there anymore. Not cool, man. Not cool.

My advice? Don't worry about them, seriously. Carry on with your life. If your friends can't stand who you are, then they're not really your friends. Something that you learn as you get older: True friends don't have to put up with you, but they can at least learn to deal with you. You see, true friends don't ditch. They point out what they're uncomfortable with in order to find a middle ground. Your so-called friends are not interested in doing this, obviously.

You can always find at least one new, good friend. Give it a shot. Why not? I mean, don't shun your "friends" either. For all I know, i could be wrong; I don't know you. But they don't seem too worried about what you're going through, so why should you worry, then? Make the best out of the rest of your high school years. I know it sounds hard to do when you think you have no friends, but hey, try it. Seriously. When you look back at it, you might be happy to realize your last 6 months in high school were the best...or something like that.


So for my TL:DR?: Your friends don't seem to want you around anymore. They're jerks. Don't worry about them and try to find new, true friends who accept you for who you are (Or who are at least willing to talk to you when something's wrong).
 

Galletea

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Sep 27, 2008
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6 months isn't really that long when you think about it. Have you tried asking just one or two if they want to hang out? It might be that one or two of them has some beef with you and peer pressure means that if the alpha's are dicks, then the rest of them are too. After HS you'll lose contact with them all anyway and move on. You're being quite sensible with your options as confronting them could backfire and make school hellish for you. See if you can make a new friend or two in your classes, what have you got to lose? 6 months you'll forget about within a few years?
 

manic_depressive13

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Dec 28, 2008
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There's no point pushing it if they're going to insist on acting like that. Find a way to occupy yourself in your free time. I don't see why hanging around with people who are currently cold-shouldering you should be a more fulfilling way to spend six months than, say, reading some books.
 

Silent_Protagonist

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Jul 6, 2011
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Beautiful End said:
Well, let me tell you this. It's normal. And this will pass.

Yeah, it sounds a bit patronizing, so let me explain. You seem to be going through that phrase when people don't know what they want. In this case, they don't know if they still like their friends or if they wanna try something new and so on. You must realize 12th grade is kinda hard on some people emotionally since they feel the pressure of having to grown up; some people would consider it a time to buckle up since high-school-party-time is over, so to speak.

Anyway, don't be alarmed if your friends suddenly decide to turn into jerks and ignore you. Half of the people you know right now won't remain your friends forever. And I know it sounds pessimistic, but let me explain. Once you leave high school, you're gonna realize who your true friends are. You'll be able to differentiate those who were your friends just for the heck of having a friend with similar interests through high school over those who really wanna remain your friends after crazy high school is over.

In your case, it seems your friends think either you changed or maybe they changed and they're trying to part ways. But if you ask me, whether they're going through an emotional roller coaster or they're just being dicks, it's not justifiable or nice of them to ignore you, especially since you have no idea of "what you did wrong". They're dodging you, simple as that. And that's not cool.
To add insult to injury, they don't even wanna explain themselves to you. A simple "I'll explain later" or "You suck" or "We suck" would suffice. But they're just pretending you're not there anymore. Not cool, man. Not cool.

My advice? Don't worry about them, seriously. Carry on with your life. If your friends can't stand who you are, then they're not really your friends. Something that you learn as you get older: True friends don't have to put up with you, but they can at least learn to deal with you. You see, true friends don't ditch. They point out what they're uncomfortable with in order to find a middle ground. Your so-called friends are not interested in doing this, obviously.

You can always find at least one new, good friend. Give it a shot. Why not? I mean, don't shun your "friends" either. For all I know, i could be wrong; I don't know you. But they don't seem too worried about what you're going through, so why should you worry, then? Make the best out of the rest of your high school years. I know it sounds hard to do when you think you have no friends, but hey, try it. Seriously. When you look back at it, you might be happy to realize your last 6 months in high school were the best...or something like that.


So for my TL:DR?: Your friends don't seem to want you around anymore. They're jerks. Don't worry about them and try to find new, true friends who accept you for who you are (Or who are at least willing to talk to you when something's wrong).
Honestly, thank you so much. I have no intention of keeping in touch with any of them after high school and I realize you meet new people and so forth. I understand what you mean by not occupying my time with them and find at least one good friend to hang out with, which is most likely what ill begin to do.

I just didn't know if I was over reacting with the situation thinking that I did something wrong or that I was being paranoid because I feel at some points "like I have no friends". But when it is rationalized into "its just 6months of your life" it doesn't seem like that long.

I'll push through it and try to move on, but having to turn away from friends of 3 years instantly isn't easy.

Thanks though, I really did need the outside opinion. (Y)
 

requisitename

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Dec 29, 2011
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I would ask each of them point blank. Put them on the spot, make them uncomfortable, make them face the way they're acting toward you. You may not like the answers you get, but at least you'd know and could plan accordingly. This would give you some closure.. or, it would me, at any rate. Your mileage may definitely vary.

Also, what Beautiful End says. Very, very much. Try to make new friends. Explore your interests without them. Live your life and if they want to be a part of it, they will. If they don't, you're really not losing much. Who needs friends who are jackasses?
 

Rin Little

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Jul 24, 2011
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I went through something similar but mine started hitting once I got into college. Eventually I just ditched them all and found new and better friends. I realized that a lot of them were just real gossipy and cliquey too, so I said screw it and found other people who weren't.