Advice on workplace dramas: STAY THE F*%K AWAY!!

[Parasondox]

Are ginger cats more alpha than other cats. I live in East London and in my area, cats are the new "gangs". It was foxes but I think the cats too care of them.

Work. It's... I don't know. How would you describe it? It's different for many people depending on the field, but one thing that is common, if you work with a team, is workplace drama. So my advice to people who are about to start work for the first time, Do not get involved in workplace dramas. Stay the fuck away. When I say drama, I mean gossip, rumours, false crap that turns into bullying. The more longer you work somewhere, the more you will discover who creates the drama.

Mini Rant. So today I was in the middle of some stock movements, I'm not in a stage at work where I just do my job and go home. The environment is toxic, sadly. A colleague came up to me, the one that is known for steering the pot of intoxicated drama, told me that I should be careful because someone said something bad about me. She couldn't say who it was and what was said but be "careful". My response was,

"Why are you telling me this then and why should I care because I don't care what people think of me".

Firstly, I wasn't annoyed at assumed rumors, I was annoyed at THAT. The birth of an argument. An argument I refuse to care about. That kind of action causes negative tension. Something I refuse to take part in. I know in any work place, there will be one or two people who do not like you. They will dislike for the most smallest things. It's the norm sadly but I just don't like the gossip, the two face chatter. With me, its what you see is what you get. I am not going to act differently and I don't broadcast my personal life. Many have done so in my workplace and it backfired on them. You expose everything about your life, they then give you whatever opinion or talk behind your back about it but you then get angry cause they are talking about it? THEN DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT!!

What pisses me off more is before she told me, she was on the phone, which she shouldnt have been on, talking and gossiping about staff to an ex colleague. Those two are known for doing this and everyone knows this and have given them cold shoulders. You do not want negative energy in the air while at work. It's uncomfortable.

Have many of you been through this kind of workplace mess before? Please share your stories. Honestly for those who are starting work for the first time, try to avoid it because you will then be stuck in the middle.

Seriously? Why the hell do some like unnecessary drama? Do they not get any excitement in life or do they just want to watch the world burn?

Drama has always happened since the beginning of the work force, but in today's world, does social media create more of a need in people to broadcast things in their life to feel accepted?

Broadcast your thoughts.

 

[Blitsie]

Out of personal experience, I completely agree and its like such an obvious thing to say but dammit, workplace drama is like walking through tall grass initially not knowing there's a snake laying about in it, and getting bit. From there on out you're very careful about those footsteps your taking in that grass because sadly you can never take away that snake. Chances are your first experience with workplace drama will always result in you being a part of it, either willingly or unwillingly. But heck you live and learn.

I was contracted as a personal driver for this large operation where we were each stationed in groups at a specified lodge and our job was basically to just be on standby and take the residents wherever they want, a group of good friends and co-workers were already on the job a week before me so I came there on my own and got thrown in a driving group of complete strangers, I eventually became really decent friends with them and they always spoke about this other group of utter assholes also being stationed at our lodge; what luck that it turns out those group of people were my good co-worker friends and what luck they approach me and we give each other all great buddy greetings right after the other group just told me how shitty they were (I hope you're still following me here haha)

Ultimately, best move was just to tell both groups I'm neutral on this matter and its their own shit to handle which sort of worked, my relations with the new group of driver friends was forever strained though haha and things got really toxic at one stage but whatever. Its like you say though, Parasondox, not giving a shit about what others think in the workplace goes a long way, they also start leaving you alone then because you refuse to add fuel to the fire they so desperately want.

 

[Kanedias]

Advice on... DRAMA... stay the hell away. Period. The end. No mas.

 

[sanquin]

I generally stayed away from the drama at my workplace. Most people involved came to me (among others) to complain about others involved. And I just basically nodded my head and left it at that. It didn't really affect my interaction with anyone either, as I always first and foremost base my interaction with others on my own experience with them.

 

[veloper]

The joy of workplace drama is that the participants can't simply walk away, but have to continue to see and even work with each other. Most of you kids don't fully appreciate the sheer luxury of merely being flamed and trolled online.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Are ginger cats more alpha than other cats. I live in East London and in my area, cats are the new "gangs". It was foxes but I think the cats too care of them.

Ginger cats are about 80-90% male, and male cats tend to be rowdier, particularly when young. So, yes.

Have many of you been through this kind of workplace mess before? Please share your stories. Honestly for those who are starting work for the first time, try to avoid it because you will then be stuck in the middle.

Yes, I've worked in an environment where everyone was very snitchy, bitchy, and deeply invested in getting involved in one another's business. It's exhausting and demoralizing and creates a ridiculous amount of extra work for supervisors/managers. I've also worked in the opposite environment and much prefer it. I'll take a useless lazy colleague over one who is toxic to work with 100 times out of 100.

It's very difficult to "not get involved in drama" when people will often bring the drama to you, but if you do find yourself embroiled in work place drama, do your best to not engage. Stay friendly, stay professional. A good rule of thumb is to be the least stressful employee to manage in your department. Your manager will love you for it, and that's the person who ultimately controls your salary and advancement, not an irksome co-worker.

"Why are you telling me this then and why should I care because I don't care what people think of me"

Wanted to comment on this as an aside, because it's something people say quite often and it's empty braggadocio. At least, one hopes it is, because a complete lack of care about what people think of your behavior is characteristic of sociopathy. Of course we should care what people think of us. There's a huge gulf between considering the source of input and categorizing it appropriately, and simply "not caring".

The joy of workplace drama is that the participants can't simply walk away, but have to continue to see and even work with each other. Most of you kids don't fully appreciate the sheer luxury of merely being flamed and trolled online.

Likely a joke, but that's not really a good analogue. The overwhelming majority of offices have numerous safeguards in place to mediate behavior and ensure the maintenance of a professional environment. A dramatic co-worker can be very annoying, but it's a problem that tends to eventually solve itself. There are very few safeguards in place for online aggression, and those are usually easily overcome. Online existence is not something easily suspended in the modern world. For many people it might be near impossible.

I recall Total Biscuit saying that he knows of NO ONE in his extended circle of friends, business associates and acquaintances who have a large online persona who has not undergone therapy to deal with "flaming and trolling". He has, quite without exaggeration, suggested numerous times that dealing with it both contributed to and exacerbated his cancer. All of those people have their livelihood entangled with being online. Expect that to continue and become even more prominent for upcoming generations as the internet becomes more and more hard-baked into every day life. Good luck getting away from that.

 

[HybridChangeling]

The best way to be in a work place (especially in a temporary one) is to basically be a really polite robot. Yes, no, how are you, basic greetings and questions. Work place friendships (especially in an office or retail) have to be approached in a very professional manner. I met people at work who value your friendship with how you work. Sick a day? Now we are going to be slightly passive aggressive. Didn't finish that thing because of a busy schedule? Now we forgot to invite you to the dinner or movies. I learned more and more that life and work is no longer something allowed to mix in certain sectors of the workforce. It wasn't like I was a bad worker when I was younger, in fact I had plenty of customer references to my customer service, as well as managers complimenting my work ethic to the point where they were trying to promote me before I left.

As for drama, just be a polite robot, take no sides, and be professional. Sure you might not make any waves at first, but just stick to work until you earn some respect and then you can make some more impact. Now that doesn't mean be a pushover, if someone starts drama with you, report it QUICK. The longer you wait to report it, the more likely you will be seen at fault just as much as the instigator.

Or maybe I am biased because of my experiences. Take what I say with a grain of salt.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Work place friendships (especially in an office or retail) have to be approached in a very professional manner. I met people at work who value your friendship with how you work. Sick a day? Now we are going to be slightly passive aggressive. Didn't finish that thing because of a busy schedule? Now we forgot to invite you to the dinner or movies.

Those people were not actually your friends.

I am friends with my co-workers. In some cases, we've worked together almost a decade. We'll cover for one another to let someone take a nap or knock off early if they're not feeling well. Obviously sick and we're the first ones to suggest going home. We've given each other rides, loaned money when someone is short, even bought food for one person going through a tough time financially. We'll write glowing recommendations to managers, take bad clients over if someone is having a tough day, and are just generally pillars of support and commiseration. Because we're actually friends. The "friends" you're describing sound like proper shits.

 

[Ryotknife]

Im fortunate enough not to really experience this. In all of my jobs, there is minimal interaction with my co-workers. Night shift at Kmart, I will see my co-workers a few times a day, maybe talk to them once seeing how we all work alone in separate wings of the building. Construction, no time to talk as you are physically exerting yourself. If you are talking, you are not working hard enough (or maybe that was just directed at me since i was the new guy). Current job, Im basically the only hardware assembler and work basically alone in my own wing of the building. It is only recently with me helping my coworkers with testing and calibration that I now have frequent conversations (ie, a few a day). When im sent out as a field service representative, I will have like 3 coworkers tops (more likely just 1), and then spend the rest of the day at a hotel. Course, the downside is that isolation sucks. Especially once Im set out into the field and live inside a hotel where going to work is the high point of my day.

Not that I avoid interacting with coworkers, I enjoy it, but I never really had much opportunity to do so.

 

[Parasondox]

"Why are you telling me this then and why should I care because I don't care what people think of me"

Wanted to comment on this as an aside, because it's something people say quite often and it's empty braggadocio. At least, one hopes it is, because a complete lack of care about what people think of your behavior is characteristic of sociopathy. Of course we should care what people think of us. There's a huge gulf between considering the source of input and categorizing it appropriately, and simply "not caring".

I should have been more specific. I still care. I care about many things. I try to portray myself as someone who is open minded, accept others and just want to do right by people. With doing that I expect to be with hatred, love, annoyance, etc. It's life. In this environment, my workplace, I have seen so much Fallout, battles, gossip, bitchiness, that it makes it hostile and I have grown to just not care about false rumours and gossip about me. In my work place I really do not care what they think of me because I here to do my job and enjoy myself. If someone hatred me, good for them. I don't have time for hate in life.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I have seen so much Fallout

Man I wish I worked where you work. They won't even let us play Solitaire here. =D

 

[Fappy]

Work place friendships (especially in an office or retail) have to be approached in a very professional manner. I met people at work who value your friendship with how you work. Sick a day? Now we are going to be slightly passive aggressive. Didn't finish that thing because of a busy schedule? Now we forgot to invite you to the dinner or movies.

Those people were not actually your friends.

I am friends with my co-workers. In some cases, we've worked together almost a decade. We'll cover for one another to let someone take a nap or knock off early if they're not feeling well. Obviously sick and we're the first ones to suggest going home. We've given each other rides, loaned money when someone is short, even bought food for one person going through a tough time financially. We'll write glowing recommendations to managers, take bad clients over if someone is having a tough day, and are just generally pillars of support and commiseration. Because we're actually friends. The "friends" you're describing sound like proper shits.

Yeah, I agree with Guppy here. Not much else to add, honestly.

OT: I am lucky in that I work with a bunch of really cool folks. There's plenty of drama within our company, but our team takes no part in it. We joke around and help each other out all the time. I've never seen anything that even resembles a fight either.

 

[x EvilErmine x]

Eh just be the fulcrum. Be the guy or girl whom is polite, smile, listen, and always has something good to say about anyone. It's by far the easiest way to avoid all the drama. Granted that not everyone will like you but those people will also have not ammo to cause conflict with you. Eventually you'll get to know everything, people will tell you all sorts of things and if you can keep your mouth shut about it and not gossip then that's when you really start to know your colleagues.

It's a bit insidious but it really does lead to an easier bullshit free exsistance in the office.

 

[Bat Vader]

I usually go to work with the mindset that I am not there to talk, gossip, make friends, etc. I am there to work and earn money. So far it's helped me avoid most of the workplace drama.

 

[davidmc1158_v1legacy]

It really is necessary to just develop a degree of detached professionalism. Workplace politics/drama will exist in every workplace that consists of a t least two human beings. There's just no getting around that. And, sometimes, some of those people are going to be jerks.

As for my own personal experience, I used to work with a particular person, let's just call him Turd Blossom, who I knew outside of work and who was associated with my circle of friends. One day, he decided to attempt to break up my best friends' marriage. Both persons in the couple had been friends with me for nearly ten years at that point. The reason he decided to do this? By his own admission: "Just to see if I could."

I had to work with Turd Blossom for nearly four more months before he got himself fired and I was promoted into his position. As for my married friends, when Turd Blossom's actions came to light one of them detailed exactly how she would physically harm him if he every showed his face again and her husband simply informed Turd Blossom that he would cover for her in case of any police investigation. Turd Blossom departed town and I haven't heard from him since. Though word through the grapevine has come back to me that he's been changing his name and drifting from city to city to avoid creditors.

Maintaining professionalism and some emotional distance allowed me to get through those four months without being arrested for aggravated assault, so I can recommend the stance from personal experience.