Advice

[V TheSystem V]

One of my friends in college has been going out with this girl for about a month. He's been happy, but he's been expressing his annoyance and his madness when she doesn't text back or reply on MSN. She has taken ages to send him a simple text or something when she says she wants to talk to him, but gives lame excuses as to why she has taken as long as she has. He puts her first but feels she hasn't been treating him the same, according to him.

Today, he was getting really annoyed, said that he had even sent her a text saying that she could split up with him if she wanted. She doesn't reply. He goes mental, calls me, and says about how she hasn't replied to any of his texts or anything, saying she doesn't care about him. He loves her, but doesn't think she loves him back. I say to him that he should possibly take a break or break up with her if she is going to make him feel like this. He abandons both suggestions, but thinks I made valid points. I want him to be happy with her, but I can't offer any more reassurance for him after he has said this all before.

An hour later, his girlfriend goes mental at me for telling him they should split up, saying she thinks I am big headed, self centred, ugly, and a c***. He knew I felt bad about saying everything that I did, but I couldn't see how he could stay with her when she made him feel like he did. It got to the point where I said she was manipulating him in a way, which made some sense as it ended up with him apologising to her. He is now really upset, has gone mental, and his girlfriend hates me. I apologised several times, he told me it was OK, but I really don't feel reassured as he could use this against me. I even told him I wouldn't blame him if he did.

So, Escapists, do you think I did the right thing in saying they should split up, or am I, as his girlfriend put it, a big headed, self centred, ugly c***?

Any replies given, whether criticising what I did or agreeing with what I did, would be much appreciated.

UPDATE: All is well now. Friend is fine with me now, not sure about his girlfriend yet, but will have to wait and see I guess.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

You certainly did make the right decision, one I would make. Their reactions may make you think otherwise, but people are people.

I say try to not make the couple rely on texts or IMing for communication, rather using face-to-face conversations or phone calls.

 

[Imp Poster]

Your first mistake was to put yourself in the middle of a "mental" situation between a guy and a girl. I have always end up as the bad guy doing it even if they were my best friends and I just cared about them.

As the problem at hand, why does he care so much? Does he not see her all that much? It doesn't drive me insane if my girl doesn't return my calls or text as long as I know we are getting face time which we routinely do. It does bother me abit I admit because it is like what's the point of cell phones/texting if we can't have a two sided conversation. Funny thing is, it bothers her too when I do it. In the end, I don't value texting with her. She may be busy or I may be busy all of a sudden. Face time is all that matters to me.

 

[Robert632]

You did the right thing, as you told you're friend he should end the relationship that keeps making him so upset and(I'm assuming this) appears to be somewhat unhealthy.

 

[burningdragoon]

Your advice was fine, but I would have started with trying to get your friend to not freak out over silly txt messages. Though, if that was their main form of communication, then things probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.

 

[V TheSystem V]

Thanks for the advice. Just to answer some queries, they didn't see each other much so yes, text was one of the only forms of communication they had. They can't see each other face to face much because he has a lot going on with his job and coursework in college and stuff. I have tried to stop him freaking out before, but to be honest, her excuses were pretty lame at times. She said she went downstairs to get something, didn't reply to him for half an hour; she said she found what she wanted and was back upstairs within 10 minutes, so why take so long to reply to him? Seems a bit weird, or forgetful, or something.

 

[Cupid]

I think his gf is a c*** and you are a good friend in expressing your thoughts to your friend. She was out of line in telling you what she did, afterall, your friend has a say, no? Im sure your opinion really didnt screw things up for them, it sounds like they already were screwed up. If all it took was that silly little spat to get her so angry, your friend is better off without her. Who the hell is she to ignore her boyfriend? That is so disrespectful of her, among other things. If she cared of him, he would have felt that, but he didn't. Screw her, she sounds like the true meaning of '*****.'
In the future, it may be best to keep your feelings to yourself as sometimes they come back to bite you in the ass. Not that it should be that way, but it's just the way it can go at times. Sucks, cause I don't think you did anything wrong. Actually, you cared more for your friend than his gf did.

 

[The Stonker]

Advice number 1.
Never,ever,ever come between a boy and a girl.
Advice number 2.
It paints you as the bad guy, that's bad, since it might ruin anything you do in your love life with other women.
Advice number 3.
He took your advice, he takes the impact, end of story.

 

[tharglet]

At the end of the day, it's your friend's decision if he calls an end to it or not.
Wouldn't be surprised if the girl is trying to shift the blame onto you for the breakup, because you're some random third-party who she doesn't love. (She may not be doing this consciously, but it is harder to blame the ones you like).

Sounds like the relationship was on the edge of dying by itself anyway. If a couple can't get used to the way the other communicates, or comes up with a common method, then it'll probably fall apart sooner or later.

I think you did the right thing. You could see your friend was unhappy, and it could quite well be the case he just wanted to be reassured he was doing the right thing.

Hopefully you'll be able to weather the storm that's sort of come your way, and it'll be over ^^.

 

[SadisticPretzel]

You gave your friend the right advice for the situation. From your post I'm guessing you're not too close to the girlfriend, so I would just blow off what she said.

 

[V TheSystem V]

You gave your friend the right advice for the situation. From your post I'm guessing you're not too close to the girlfriend, so I would just blow off what she said.

I was close to the girlfriend, but she hates me now, so probably not as close as we were before. They haven't broken up, but I will be REALLY unhappy if my friend remains unhappy while with her. I know I shouldn't get in the way but when I am asked about these things, and I can't offer reassurance any more, I am going to say something I will regret. And trust me, what I said I regret so much it hurts. I am hoping that even if my friend actually does hate me now and his girlfriend hates me, maybe what I said will be a little bit of a wake up call for her, and she will treat him a bit better and be a bit more responsive. I don't want to lose anyone, but if I do I just hope that they are happy.

Sorry if the post made it seem like they have split up. They haven't, but I REALLY hope it gets better for them.

 

[V TheSystem V]

Was talking to my friend the last couple of days. He's been REALLY off with me, so I wouldn't be surprised if he hates me right now, and he has good reason to be honest. I did say his girlfriend may have been manipulating him by turning things on him and resulting in him apologising.

 

[Rofl-Mayo]

It sounds to me like it isn't your fault. She is just one huge, crazy, bat shit inane, nuts, controlling *****.