Am I just at fault?

[Yoshi4507]

So, I'm currently seeing this girl quite often. Friends with benefits thing. Its amazing, dont get me wrong. The only problem though is that she has a boyfriend. To make it better, we are all coworkers. Luckily he doesnt know, but has suspicion. I know she is in the wrong for doing it, but whats bugging me is " how wrong am I in comparison"? At the moment all I can think of is I, m not the one cheating, she is, hes a real d-bag to her anyway, and me always coming to that conclusion is whats bothering me. Whos more wrong?

 

[Yoshi4507]

Not sure if this would be a good site to post, but it seemed to be likely to be more honost

 

[Esotera]

Above all else, don't shit where you eat (or in this case work). This situation has the potential to make your work environment incredibly awkward/hostile.

I suppose it depends a lot on who initiated it - if it was mainly her, then she has most of the blame.

 

[Aris Khandr]

She may be more to blame, but if you knowingly help someone cheat, you're still a jerk. There just isn't any justifying knowingly sleeping with someone else's partner behind their back.

 

[lechat]

would you say the guy would be justified in punching you in the face?
then you are not without blame

 

[capper42]

As others have basically said, the best thing to do is to think about it from his perspective. Whether or not you think what you're doing is morally wrong, you'll still be a badguy in his eyes, so the repercussions from him finding out could be very serious.

Have you spoken to the girl about it?

 

[Colour Scientist]

She may be more to blame, but if you knowingly help someone cheat, you're still a jerk. There just isn't any justifying knowingly sleeping with someone else's partner behind their back.

Yup yup, especially if it's a continuous thing.

hes a real d-bag to her anyway

That's a pretty lame attempt at trying to make him seem like the bad guy.

Why doesn't she just tell him that she's fucking someone else and the two of you can continue along your merry way guilt free?

 

[Yoshi4507]

As others have basically said, the best thing to do is to think about it from his perspective. Whether or not you think what you're doing is morally wrong, you'll still be a badguy in his eyes, so the repercussions from him finding out could be very serious.

Have you spoken to the girl about it?

Yes, and she said she isnt going to be with him for long. She hates how he treats her, but is afraid to say anything.

 

[Rawne1980]

As Eso said, never do it with someone you work with. When things go tits up .. and they will .. it's going to make working very uncomfortable.

I've got an incredibly low moral standard so i'm not going to tell you that what you're doing is wrong, i've done it myself so it would be hypocritical.

Just giving a friendly warning, it will come out sooner or later and you've got to work with them both .... it isn't going to end well.

Always found it safer if I avoided sleeping with or dating anyone I worked with. Keep business and pleasure separate so to speak. That way, when things blow up, who cares?

 

[Vegosiux]

would you say the guy would be justified in punching you in the face?
then you are not without blame

Concise and to the point. I like this one.

Why doesn't she just tell him that she's fucking someone else and the two of you can continue along your merry way guilt free?

Well, you know what they say, if they cheat with you, don't be surprised when they cheat on you.

 

[capper42]

As others have basically said, the best thing to do is to think about it from his perspective. Whether or not you think what you're doing is morally wrong, you'll still be a badguy in his eyes, so the repercussions from him finding out could be very serious.

Have you spoken to the girl about it?

Yes, and she said she isnt going to be with him for long. She hates how he treats her, but is afraid to say anything.

Then tell her to pull her finger out and get on with it. She's the one really to blame here, and is putting everyone in an awkward situation. I know you said you're just a friends with benefits thing, but it sounds too me like you're more emotionally invested than that.

Whatever happens, just make sure to wait a while before being obviously with the girl in front of the other guy, just for the sake of relations at work.

 

[Queen Michael]

You know she's in a relationship but have sex with her anyway? Not okay, dude. Not okay. I mean, let's be honest here: Everybody reading your question agrees that it's better not to do what you're doing. If he's a D-bag, then have her tell him instead of using it as an excuse to do something that, when push comes to shove, you have to agree isn't something that good people do.

tl;dr: You're helping her do something immoral. Not okay.

 

[Angie7F]

Well, it takes two to tango.
Also, you should not s@@t where you eat.

 

[Andy Shandy]

None of you are innocent in this situation. The other guy is enough of a douchebag - if what you say is true, of course - to turn her to cheating on him, she's an asshole for cheating, and you're not any better for helping her.

If it helps, I do feel more sorry for him then I do for either of you.

 

[Hagi]

Most useful stuff has been said already.

Only thing I can add is for you to weigh whether or not the guilt and/or worrying that this current fling gives you (which it obviously gives in some degree or you wouldn't have posted about it) is more or less taxing on you than spending effort to break it off and find a new gal to have jolly sex with.

Even if you decide you're not in the wrong it might be worth it to find a gal whose life isn't in quite such an apparent mess. There's a lot of fish in the sea and all that and this one doesn't exactly seem to be exactly prime quality.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Yeah, it doesn't matter who is more wrong. She's arguably more wrong but that doesn't stop the OP from being in the wrong.

 

[Phasmal]

She's more wrong for breaking her commitment, but you are also wrong and you probably already know that.
If you need to categorise from most to least wrong it goes: Her, you, him (if he really is a terrible boyfriend but he's obviously not terrible enough to break up with so I call bullshit on that).

 

[AnarchistFish]

Gonna go out on a limb here and say that this is her responsibility and not yours, but you should probably question hanging out with a girl like this. Although if it's just sex then that's probably not a problem.
But why is she still with him if he's a douchebag and she's dissatisfied enough with the relationship to cheat? Not going ahead with an affair wouldn't have solved the problems with this relationship but they would have prevented inflaming them quicker and the shit could really hit the fan if you all work together and he finds out. Maybe you should've questioned this more in the first place, more with the consequences in mind than anything else.

 

[Padwolf]

Yes you are at fault too. Saying that he is a d-bag to her is not an excuse to help someone cheat. She's more wrong for cheating on him in the first place but you are helping her. If he is that terrible a boyfriend she would have spoken up about it. You should have questioned these things in the first place. There's no justifying it, OP.