Am I just at fault?

[Uszi]

Don't shit where you eat.

Learned that personally too, not over the internet. It makes work really weird after you see a coworker and then you break it off but you have to keep working with said coworker. And your case will be double plus weird, since you've got this weird love triangle thing, and it will get ugly if he finds out.

I would say you're also at fault, and that the longer you keep at it, the more explosive it's liable to become. I'd tell her to dump the dude (if she's cheating then I assume she's having problems with him) or call it off. But, that's the rational choice. If the sex is just that good, then keep doing it and irrationally hope that things won't implode.

 

[Lionsfan]

So, I'm currently seeing this girl quite often. Friends with benefits thing. Its amazing, dont get me wrong. The only problem though is that she has a boyfriend. To make it better, we are all coworkers. Luckily he doesnt know, but has suspicion. I know she is in the wrong for doing it, but whats bugging me is " how wrong am I in comparison"? At the moment all I can think of is I, m not the one cheating, she is, hes a real d-bag to her anyway, and me always coming to that conclusion is whats bothering me. Whos more wrong?

Do you want a relationship with this girl? Or is it purely a sex thing?

 

[Jamacus]

I've been in the same boat... Sleeping with a friend who's in a 'bad' relationship. Fine and dandy at first, problems arise when I developed feeling beyond just sex. Very quickly it turned from harmless fun into bad situation, as I didn't really know where I stood with her. We rapidly went from best friends to awkward encounters and forced texts. My advice is don't get to the stage where you have stronger feelings for her. Looking back, she messed both of us (boyfriend and myself) but I shouldn't have allowed that situation to happen... Both in the wrong I?m afraid.

 

[Tropicaz]

If you know she's seeing a guy then yeah, it makes you at fault. I'd be willing to bet that the other guy, if and probably when he finds out, will agree.

 

[Fuzzed]

So, I'm currently seeing this girl quite often. Friends with benefits thing. Its amazing, dont get me wrong. The only problem though is that she has a boyfriend. To make it better, we are all coworkers. Luckily he doesnt know, but has suspicion. I know she is in the wrong for doing it, but whats bugging me is " how wrong am I in comparison"? At the moment all I can think of is I, m not the one cheating, she is, hes a real d-bag to her anyway, and me always coming to that conclusion is whats bothering me. Whos more wrong?

If we have to lay down a fault, then she's obviously the one at fault (unless you made her sleep with you by slipping some date-rape drug in her fruit punch). She has the boyfriend. She's the one in the commitment. You're just being a regular old horny dude. Nothing wrong with that. But since you know that she has a boyfriend, it becomes a morality issue on your part. It's not the most polite thing in the world to be sleeping with another dude's girl. I mean if she never told you then whatever. But personally I get uncomfortable when I find out a girl I've been sleeping with has a boyfriend (which has happened quite a lot in my life recently...).

As to your remark about him being a big d-bag to her, sounds like she's being the bigger d-bag by fucking you. No offense.

 

[Your Gaffer]

would you say the guy would be justified in punching you in the face?
then you are not without blame

If she was married then I would agree with you, but if she is just dating this guy and cheating, then I don't think OP is really under any obligation to back off, especially if he isn't friends with the boyfriend.

The only thing that really makes the OP a dumbass is that both this girl and her boyfriend are his coworkers.

 

[Monster_user]

I've been in the same boat... Sleeping with a friend who's in a 'bad' relationship. Looking back, she messed both of us (boyfriend and myself) but I shouldn't have allowed that situation to happen...

It's a bad relationship, but not a bad enough one for the girl to want to leave. If she is not willing to leave now, then will she ever be? This situation should be handled the same as if it was reversed. Say a girl wanted to marry a guy, but the guy was dating two women. It's time to get serious, time to choose one.

You need to set an ultimatum, make her choose, you or him.

Being more old-fashioned, "with benefits" is ring on finger serious, and so I would recommend avoiding "with benefits" situations anyway.

 

[DrunkenMonkey]

So you are essentially the guy the girl is cheating with. Even worse the relationship is purely physical with no emotional attachment. Which means like most cheating couples you don't even have the luxury of the excuse that you belong together. Even more worse you know the guy who's girl you are currently screwing..... and you are asking if you are in the wrong here. Wow.

Yes
Yes. you are in the wrong here
Don't even try to wiggle out of it.

The blame lies equally with both of you. She had the idea to cheat. You enabled the idea, knowing the score beforehand.

 

[Vegosiux]

Why do I somehow get this ominous feeling that "Don't care, had snu snu" is coming somewhere along the road in one way or another? Maybe that's just me being cynical though. *shrug* I need to tone down on that I think.

 

[fwiffo]

So you are essentially the guy the girl is cheating with. Even worse the relationship is purely physical with no emotional attachment. Which means like most cheating couples you don't even have the luxury of the excuse that you belong together. Even more worse you know the guy who's girl you are currently screwing..... and you are asking if you are in the wrong here. Wow.

Yes
Yes. you are in the wrong here
Don't even try to wiggle out of it.

The blame lies equally with both of you. She had the idea to cheat. You enabled the idea, knowing the score beforehand.

This sums up my thoughts. Its pretty sad when people use the internet for support, to justify dishonesty.

 

[Dogstile]

No, you're fine. You don't care about him, she knows exactly what she's doing. You're not obligated to that relationship in any way. Of course, if he punches you for it, he has a right to be pissed, but I don't see a problem with sleeping with someone who has a boyfriend you either don't know/like.

If you knew the guy and he was a friend, that'd be a dick move. As it stands you don't have an obligation to take care of her relationship for her.

 

[cerebreturns]

In a moral sense you are wrong. In a legalistic sense you are not wrong, depending on the state and the country. What you are saying is that you believe cheating is ok. You are supporting it.

Justify it all you want, but you are ok with it and supporting it.

also have you considered that in fact she doesn't care about you? your little more then a distraction for her, she obviously has feelings about the guy otherwise she would break up with him. And you don't care about her since you are letting her hurt herself, him and her job like this.

If you honestly feel anything for her beyond a nice fuckhole, you should man up and take responsibility for what it is you are doing with her.

 

[m0ng00se]

Everyone here is lame.

It's not really that bad. The other guy will understandably be pissed about it if he found out and that's on you to deal with but there's not really anything to feel guilty about.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

Short answer:
You are both at fault.
Don't have sex with co-workers, no matter the relationship status, ever.
Leave her alone and find someone else, who doesn't work with you, to thoroughly explore.


Long Answer:

Spoiler

She obviously takes their relationship with a certain degree of seriousness because she feels like she has to hide the knowledge of the two of you together. Which implies that their relationship isn't open. If this was an open-relationship then there wouldn't be any issues, besides the fact that you work together. As far as I can tell, you are both at fault. I don't particularly think it's about who's 'more wrong', though people will say she is because she 'knows better' and she's the one in the relationship - which is hard to argue with, but not impossible. And you obviously want people to blame her, because then you'll feel better about where you've stuck your one-eyed wonder weasel. So, it sounds like you are just trying to justify that fact that you now feel guilty or at least very morally weird for sticking your pecker into something you probably shouldn't have which could lead to a serious issue regarding your work and may even lead to some bodily harm coming your way.


If you want this to flourish into a serious relationship, then you'll have to ask her to decide which of you is more important to her. Though I think that would be pretty stupid on your part because she'd probably end up doing the same thing to you in the long-run. If you don't want anything serious with her, I'd very much encourage you to find someone else, who isn't a co-worker or in a serious monogamous relationship, to rub genitals with.

 

[Zakarath]

Unless you are so weak-willed that you will automatically say yes to everyone who offers you sex, you are as much a willing participant in her cheating as she is. You're knowingly helping her get herself into a situation which can and likely will go very wrong for all involved, rather than doing the reasonable thing and having her work out her issues with her current boyfriend before getting intimate with her. And, as you so keenly noted, she is in the wrong for doing this. If you care about her at all, why are you helping her get into some potentially rather ugly trouble?

It it were me, this is a situation I would steer well clear of.

To make it better, we are all coworkers.

uhh... How does that make it better? Like, at all? I hope that's sarcasm.

 

[farscythe]

meh if you knew she was in a relationship then your both equally guilty as i see it.
(course as i see it cheating on/with anyone is just wrong) but yeah..

i hope your prepared for the shit storm when it all comes out. tho i suppose..if she leaves him for you it will take some of the shit off.....just dont be to surprised if they stay together and both turn on you.....enjoy your work day mate

 

[legend forge]

Whos more wrong?

Neither of you is 'more' wrong, but both of you are at fault. You know she is in a relationship and that puts just as much blame on you. If my girlfriend cheated on me and the guy she cheated with knew I was in the picture I would blame both of them. Being co workers would make it more complicated. Congratulations on making things as difficult as possible for yourself.

 

[cerebreturns]

Here's what I think is going on in the OPs head right now. "Most people say it's wrong...but a few said it's ok. Obviously I'm not some prude held down by out dated mentality's...they need to just understand that life isn't as black and white as they pretend it is. See these few kindred souls who say i'm not wrong understand".

You came on here because you feel guilty. You are guilty. If all you want is to seek someone who will mindlessly tell you your ok and your a good guy, go back to your slut.

 

[ninjaRiv]

the fact that you're even asking means you think you're wrong, at least a little bit.

However, I'm in a similar situation and I can tell you that no, it's not wrong. I don't think so, anyway. She's the only person in the wrong here. It sounds fucking shallow and brutal but it's true. I mean, we're not great guys for going along with it but we're not wrong.

The guy WILL blame you, though. So, watch out for that.

 

[ninjaRiv]

Actually, thinking about it, I forgot to mention the work place aspect; That's pretty dumb. The whole shitting where you eat thing.