Am I over-reacting?

[Vanguard_Ex]

Hello my dear comrades. I hope I don't earn your contempt with this thread.

Basically, my life has come to what I can only describe as something as a mix between a crossroads and a standstill, both of which are annoying phrases but I can't think of anything else right now.
I've just learnt that my girlfriend cheated on me, wahey. I know, I know, it's another relationship thread in disguise but I'm not asking for you to tell me what I should do. I'll explain:
My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. I'm situated in England, her in Scotland, so it's not an abominable distance. We've been in the relationship for roughly 7 months, but were very close for several months before. I've visited her and all that so I know what I feel is real when I say I loved her, I still do.
But, less than 24 hours into our relationship, she cheated on me. I've only learnt this today.

What I want to know, as the title suggests, is whether you guys think I'm over reacting when I say that I'm considering just cutting the cord and moving on. I've got university in just over a month and it would be 3 years before I'm done. That's a long time to be in a long distance relationship with someone you're unsure if you can trust.

Oh and please guys, I know it's our style to subtley flame and mock the kinds of users who make these threads, I know. But just this once, could you go easy? For an old friend in need of a pinch of help?

ADDITION: I neglected to mention, she was very drunk when she did this. I know it's not an excuse but it's a factor.

ADDITION #2: When I say cheat, I mean she went off and kissed the guy at least a couple of times...I know that might sound tame to some but the fact of the matter is, that's still cheating, and I was having a hellish night while she was doing this.

Decision: We are no longer in our relationship. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and I'll have to get used to it somehow, but I know the pain will wear off. Honestly now, I just want her to be happy.

I want to thank each and every one of you who contributed to this thread and helped me. You've proven to me once again that I really can call on this community in times of need.

 

[Mr. Google]

If she cheated on you that quick and you are going to be gone for 3 years im sorry to say that you should just break it off
[edit] If you would, i would like to see what you choose

 

[nunqual]

Was this just 24 hours after your relationship began? If so, then she probably wasn't fully committed to the relationship with you. However, I am not here to tell you what to do, if you think that you can't get over her unfaithfulness, by all means cut it off. It's not an unreasonable decision. If you think that you can and want to save the relationship, meet with her and talk to her about it.

 

[Kungfu_Teddybear]

I think you should move on and find someone closer to where you live. Long distance relationships barely ever work out also the fact that she cheated on you within 24 hours also means she can't really be trusted to not do it again. Love her or not she cheated on you so clearly she doesn't feel the same way about you, you deserve someone who feels something real for you also.

 

[ChaoticKraus]

She cheated on you within 24 hours? Unless there was a redeeming reason i would personally be very careful about trusting a person who cheated on you that quickly. Personally i think i would cut the cord.

That it is a long-distance relationship just makes it worse, i know that i would go insane with suspicions if i was in the same situation as you. I'd say it's more trouble than it's worth. Though it depends a lot on how you are as a person. How easeily you fall in love, if you are good at meeting women, how suspicious you are etc.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

Was this just 24 hours after your relationship began? If so, then she probably wasn't fully committed to the relationship with you. However, I am not here to tell you what to do, if you think that you can't get over her unfaithfulness, by all means cut it off. It's not an unreasonable decision. If you think that you can and want to save the relationship, meet with her and talk to her about it.

Yes, just under. We were, eh, 'officially' going out, if you will, on New Years Eve, around 4 in the morning. She cheated on the night of New Year. It just hurts so fucking much.

I think you should move on and find someone closer to where you live. Long distance relationships barely ever work out also the fact that she cheated on you within 24 hours also means she can't really be trusted to not do it again.

That's kind of what I'm thinking, after all what's a relationship without trust?

 

[Cherry Cola]

Dump her. There's plenty of fish in the sea, and I know you well enough to tell you that you deserve better than this relationship.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

She cheated on you within 24 hours? Unless there was a redeeming reason i would personally be very careful about trusting a person who cheated on you that quickly. Personally i think i would cut the cord.

That it is a long-distance relationship just makes it worse, i know that i would go insane with suspicions if i was in the same situation as you. I'd say it's more trouble than it's worth. Though it depends a lot on how you are as a person. How easeily you fall in love, if you are good at meeting women, how suspicious you are etc.

Mhm, it just feels so devalued now. Also, in that order: meh, kind of easily? About the same as most people I guess; I'm not that particularly good; I'm quite suspicious but if someone earns my trust then fair enough.

 

[The Austin]

Cut the chord. If she cheated on you THAT quick, its safe to say that she's no good.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

Dump her. There's plenty of fish in the sea, and I know you well enough to tell you that you deserve better than this relationship.

Wow...thank you Hub. People like you make me eternally grateful that I'm a part of this community.

Speaking of which, I'd just like to say that I'm so thankful for the feedback so far. You're all being so wonderfully understanding.

 

[StBishop]

I can't really give you any advice that will be universally applicable in this situation, I can only tell you what I would do in the same situation.

Leave.

Really it's as simple as that, I personally would have no desire to stay in a relationship with someone who didn't respect me or the relationship.

However you also need to take into account that perhaps she regrets it, your own feelings for her, you own opinions of how severe cheating is etcetera.

I don't think you'd be over reacting to call it quits but again, it's your call and, ultimately, you have to live with what she's done/breaking up with her depending on your decision.

PS. Protip, don't have revenge sex with her friend/sister/mother/random chick at a bar.

 

[MetalDooley]

Get rid of her.Trust is one of the cornerstones of any relationship and it's pretty clear you can't trust this girl

 

[El Dingo]

Once a cheater, always a cheater, I say.

That statement is true, even if it's not. Allow me to explain. Most people who cheat once are inclined to cheat again, meaning she's got good odds of cheating on you a second or third or more times. Now, even if she DOES remain faithful and doesn't cheat, there's going to be a constant doubt in the back of your mind, ESPECIALLY during a long distance relationship, of "What's she doing now? Who is she with?"

She destroyed the trust in your relationship in record time, and trust is VERY hard, if not impossible to rebuild after being betrayed so viciously the first time. In many cases, it's easier to trust a complete stranger then it is a loved one who has hurt you so.

Long story short, my suggestion would be, cut ties and walk away. Nothing but pain and suffering awaits you if you stay, mate.

Good luck with all this. I'm with you having been in similar situations a few times. It's NEVER easy.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

I'm all for forgiveness and second chances for most people, but in my opinion this situation you should end it. The long distance factor can't help, and the fact that she cheated on you suggests that she was never too interested. With you being so far away, it would be difficult to discipline her (sounds so harsh, sorry, I don't mean hit or shout or anything, more keep a close eye on her and let her know how it felt), so it's likely that she'll have no problem doing it again.

That's probably not what you want to hear, but it's just my thoughts. I'm a bit bitter when it comes to relationships (I wont go into why) so perhaps I'm not the greatest source for advice.

And I won't delve. Thank you though, sometimes you need the harsh end of the spectrum to get you thinking clearer. I just hoped to God this wouldn't happen to me but come on, making it happen through the girl who claimed she fell in love with me is just some kind of big cosmic joke.

Once a cheater, always a cheater, I say.

That statement is true, even if it's not. Allow me to explain. Most people who cheat once are inclined to cheat again, meaning she's got good odds of cheating on you a second or third or more times. Now, even if she DOES remain faithful and doesn't cheat, there's going to be a constant doubt in the back of your mind, ESPECIALLY during a long distance relationship, of "What's she doing now? Who is she with?"

She destroyed the trust in your relationship in record time, and trust is VERY hard, if not impossible to rebuild after being betrayed so viciously the first time. In many cases, it's easier to trust a complete stranger then it is a loved one who has hurt you so.

Long story short, my suggestion would be, cut ties and walk away. Nothing but pain and suffering awaits you if you stay, mate.

Good luck with all this. I'm with you having been in similar situations a few times. It's NEVER easy.

Damn, I like your style. And your advice, it's incredibly easy to follow this logic. You might scoff in disbelief if I told you that she cheated on her last long distance boyfriend.
But she's by no means a bad person, really. I know that sounds a bit incredible but, yeah.
Thank you, I hope all is well on your end. Brothers in suffering!

 

[Naeo]

Was it a one time thing or did it go on for a while?

If it was a one time thing I'd say it really depends. If you still really do feel for her and know for a fact that she really does feel for you, then you might want to try to keep going for a bit. But, the phrase "long-distance relationship" is a bit worrisome as, sorry to play devil's advocate, there's no real way for you to know what all she's doing. If you're going to be at Uni (assumedly not in her hometown) for three years that's probably not gonna help things in that manner. But, my two cents would be that if it were just the once, and since she was "very drunk" (which I assume to mean more or less completely shitfaced/smashed) and people do stupid stuff when they're really drunk, I'd take that into account.

However, if it were more than just a one-time thing, especially if it happened more recently, I'd up and walk away because that's a huge betrayal of trust and display of selfishness.

 

[Talon_Skywarp]

Dump her...you will break up at uni anyway.

 

[Vampire cat]

So she cheated on you 24 hours in but not again after? It's a big confusing.

 

[Nigh Invulnerable]

Sorry to hear, man. My advice is to drop her as well. She cheated on you (admittedly while drunk, but I'm not very sympathetic to that excuse) and you can't easily go see her. Add in the fact that you're going to uni soon and it's not worth your time or effort. Be her friend still if that isn't too painful for you, but don't spend much effort on her. Maybe she's genuinely torn up about what she did and all that, but she'd have to work hard to earn my trust if I was in your shoes.

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

Well, hold on now. You were at a part of a relationship where you really did not mean much to each other yet, and that is when she cheated?
Am I getting that right? Because all the cries of "DUMP THE WHORE" seem to suggest otherwise.

Look. Only you know the girl. Does she love you? Is the intensity mutual?
If so, is she the kind of person that would cheat on someone she loved?

If you are unsure of the answers to those questions, then you don't really know her, do you. Where's the loss. Pick a random course of action and run with it.
But if you do know the answers, then you'll know what to do.

...
I don't have to spell that out for you, right? I can end this with the pseudo-wise "only you can decide" bullshit?

Okay, just in case, the good answers are yes, yes and no.
Anything other than that and you dump her.

Now, go forth my son.
Or something.