Am I overreacting?

[Rad Party God]

In my honest opinion, you seem to be truly concerned about your nephew and that's okay, you wouldn't belive how many parents bought GTA V for their kids arond christmas, I told each and every parent that asked me about the game about it's content and half of them at least showed a slight glimpse of responsability when I informed them about it's "mature" content.

I would be equally concerned about my nephew if my sister bought him a game of similar nature, but at least she and her husband (my godfather) are very responsible about what media he's consuming and if it's suitable for him or not, at least my godfather asks me about a game's content and sometimes he lets my nephew play M rated games, but only when he's around, supervising him.

If I were you, I would ask my sister if she truly knows what his son is getting into, just because "his friends are playing it" doesn't mean it's okay for him to play it.

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

My thoughts, as someone whose primary-school-age cousins are in the oppostie scenario of what you describe (their parents won't let them play any violent videogames but I do when they come over), and who found himself left out of conversations an unfortunate amount in retrospect because of his game choices not coinciding with his friends', are they should be able to play whatever they like, especially if it also helps socially. Kids don't want to see horror and sex for its own merits. They aren't mature enough or don't understand. If it didn't have the allure of being "against the rules", they'd just play what was entertaining or challenging for them in the same way I never watched horror movies although I had plenty of opportunities via a certain friend. I don't like horror and there's no point in me watching it.

Essentially my idea is you allow kids to watch and play whatever they want in order to develop a sense of agency and sensibility that relies on their own judgment rather than "this is what you can do and this is what you can't do", and as for the other stuff (shooting people in GTA for example), that's mild as fuck and I would allow any child to do it.

But I'm not going to tell other people how to raise their children. You voiced your concerns, as conscience dictated. Let them do their own thing.

 

[jamail77]

No you're not.

You simply adressed something that legitimately worried you and thought your sister might not have been aware of.

If I had a family member of that age I wouldn't want them to play GTA5 either... I'd just give 'm The Last of Us.

You'd give them The Last of Us, but not GTA V? The former may not be violent and chaotic for the heck of it as the entire GTA series is, but it's got some pretty messed up content. If you don't want family members that young to play GTA, I would think The Last of Us would be off limits as well. That's just my opinion though.

OP: You didn't overreact necessarily, but I can't help wondering how well you know the kid. Perhaps, he really is ready to play such a game. I was deemed mature enough to play a decent amount of explicit/mature/whatever games at a similar age as were some of my friends, but I know other kids who would have been denied and, knowing them well enough at the time, I'd say rightfully so. If you don't think he is ready, that's fine, of course.

As others have said, it's great you care, but at same time he is not your kid. I highly doubt it will mess him up severely even if he is not ready for the game. You have to have preexisting psychological problems for such video games to cause any serious problems, if you ask me. It's one thing if you're not mature and knowledgeable enough, it's another when certain media can make you do things that can hurt yourself and others to an extreme level.

Overall, I just think it's great you are so concerned for your nephew. Yes, he is a family member, but not someone who is your personal kid. So, arguably his problems aren't as important to you. Yet, you are still heavily invested; I think it's great that you don't brush it off as not your problem just because he's not your kid. I will say that the excuse that his friends are playing it is definitely one ridiculously silly cop out from your sister/his mom.

 

[RedDeadFred]

No you're not.

The rating is there for a reason. There is no way an 11 year old is mature enough to properly deal with that content. If they somehow were, I would question the environment they grew up in...

 

[manic_depressive13]

People need to stop patronising the shit out of young people. I think eleven is plenty old enough to play GTA. It's not about being afraid to be the "bad guy". It's about having respect for your kids and their intelligence, and not imposing arbitrary, unnecessary restrictions. If you're that concerned why not sit down and talk to the kid about it.

 

[mrdude2010]

It depends on the emotional maturity of the 11 year old. I was playing Halo: CE when I was 11 and I knew it was supposed to be just a game.

 

[Mike Richards]

No you're not.

You simply adressed something that legitimately worried you and thought your sister might not have been aware of.

If I had a family member of that age I wouldn't want them to play GTA5 either... I'd just give 'm The Last of Us.

You'd give them The Last of Us, but not GTA V? The former may not be violent and chaotic for the heck of it as the entire GTA series is, but it's got some pretty messed up content. If you don't want family members that young to play GTA, I would think The Last of Us would be off limits as well. That's just my opinion though.

There is some context to consider. GTA is by and large a parody, which has also in recent entries expressed more of a flare for the dramatic, but still in general a biting satire of... quite a lot of things actually. But it's the kind of satire that can be very, very easily taken at face value if you aren't paying attention. That's one of the reasons why its so easy for people like Jack Thompson or Fox to hype it up as the scum at the heart of their imagined problem.

The Last of Us is, in regards to it's mature content, a perpetually somber and even exhausting experience designed with the sole intent to not only show you horrible things but remind you exactly how horrible they are. They're both subtle commentaries, but GTA's parody is easier to miss if you aren't looking for it then The Last of Us' straight-faced honesty.

I have no problem with the thought of one of my hypothetical children playing GTA when I feel they're emotionally mature enough to handle it, whatever age that might end up being. But I think they'd probably be ready for Last of Us first, and I'd want them to experience that and things like it first.

I'd rather show them something repulsive that intends for them to be appropriately repulsed so they can learn from it and explore those ideas from a place of relative safety, before I'd show them something repulsive that they're supposed to laugh at before they understand why they're supposed to be laughing.

EDIT:

No you're not.

The rating is there for a reason. There is no way an 11 year old is mature enough to properly deal with that content. If they somehow were, I would question the environment they grew up in...

Now hold on, I don't know that's entirely fair. I am on a whole in favor of having a rating system but it's a suggestion, a source of information. The moment you start treating it as a rule you start running afoul of the arbitrary inconsistencies, the internal politics, and the complete disregard for shades of gray. It should be an individual decision, case by case. And using that decision as the basis of questioning a child's environment, flat-out offhandedly ignoring the possibility that the parents have done that due diligence properly, is laughable at best and quite a lot more worrying at worst.

I first saw The Matrix when I was rather young, don't quite remember how old so that already says something. Certainly much younger then the R rating intended. But my parents felt I was ready for it, and I loved it. Not only did I think it was the coolest movie I had ever seen, I was fascinated by it and we had a lot of great discussions about its ideas.

But would I have had the context to understand everything that Fight Club was trying to say? Hell, if I had seen Paranormal Activity back then I probably never would have slept again. My parents made that call each time, unique to the work in question. You can't make blanket statements about what every 11 year old is ready for, just like you can't judge all R/M rated works as exactly the same. Another kid my age might have been terrified by The Matrix's idea that reality isn't real and anyone could be an Agent, but Paranormal Activity would have rolled off them like the rain.

And remember, just going by the idea that the rating is there for a reason, the relatively tame Halo is M, just like GTA. But Arkham City, which I'd count as considerably more menacing and packing more psychologically adult content then Halo only gets a T, because you technically don't ever kill anyone and Batman is kinda silly right? Just some cartoon for kids. Or maybe you'd rather look at the time Oblivion got re-rated as M because someone made a crappy nude mod and the ESRB broke their usual rules for online or 3rd party content. Which physically cannot effect any of the console versions that still got re-rated. Oh yeah, the rating is sure there for a reason.

 

[SKBPinkie]

Lol at the people saying he's overreacting. And then people go on to complain about 10 year-olds on XBL calling them gay.

You're not overreacting, dude. It feels like you simply told her that the game is not appropriate without telling her about the particular scenarios / conversations in the game (correct me if I'm wrong).

Once she knows, then yeah - it's not your problem anymore. It's her kid, and she should know what's best for the kid. Even if she doesn't - it's not your problem.

Informing her of the details is enough, as she doesn't seem to know much about the GTA games. What she does with that info is her choice.

 

[ProtosOmega]

You are definitely not overreacting. I wish more parents were actually like you.

 

[SexyGarfield]

While I generally lean towards letting the parent decide what is right for their kid 11 seems a bit young for the content of that game, especially if their parent doesn't know exactly what the kid is going to see. As for the people arguing that kids can process whatever is put in front of them in a healthy way, I used to have a coworker that let his 5 year old play the this game and a bunch of other modern shooters. The father constantly complained that his son would rise to violence in competitive matters but wouldn't even entertain the idea that the concepts exposed to him through the medium of gaming were at all responsible. Ask yourself where you would put the line for a child virtually torturing someone.

 

[Savagezion]

It's not your kid. You get to express your opinion exactly once.

You have done so.

Now butt out and stop being a backseat driving jerk.

How horrible to have family taking an active interest in your children. This attitude is "I am the parent and I say so" often used as a way to avoid usig logic by "pulling rank" because it is easier than using logic.

I will always bow to rank but I will also usually point out what a cop out it is before I do.

 

[Callate]

I'm sure that somewhere out there is an eleven-year-old who wouldn't find the content of GTA V troubling, and could process it without it doing them any harm or raising any unpleasant emotions or fears.

But I suspect that child is a rare bird.

I don't think you're overreacting. I don't know how well you know the child, but that your sister feels the need to pull the "all his friends are playing it" card as part of the defense makes this sound more like some combination of a) "I don't want to put up with my child whining and/or saying they hate me" b) "I want to be the 'friendly, cool, easygoing parent', rather than the 'fun-killing disciplinarian' parent" c) "I'm willing to assume society will work out an acceptable lowest-common-denominator and I'm just allowing my child to partake in it so that he'll be socially acceptable to his peers."

The best I can suggest is maybe sending a link to a YouTube video of the torture scene to her, trying to gently suggest that, no, this really isn't acceptable for an 11-year-old. But ultimately, that's about all you can do, and it doesn't sound like you can push much more without it just becoming a sore point between you and making her less likely to listen to you in the future. He is her child, after all, even if I agree that it sounds like she isn't taking this portion of her parenting duties seriously enough.

(My nearly-eleven-year-old daughter is just starting to be allowed to play games like Torchlight.)

 

[Mylinkay Asdara]

I don't think it's "overreacting" to tell someone something they might not be aware of - especially where the well being of a child is in the balance. Now, if you snatched the game up - ran out in the yard, chucked it into the woodchipper and screamed NO repeatedly - then yeah, you're overreacting (and should probably be medicated).

Since when did speaking up become an overreaction? - or even questionable as one? Did I miss a memo?

I'm absolutely shocked that as many people have said this is overreacting in this thread. Honestly.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Overreacting yes, because you expressed your concern and still feel concerned. Not your kid,not your problem.

It's his nephew. Expressing concern about what he's being exposed to is a very understandable stance for an uncle to adopt.

OT: I wouldn't say so. Its of course hard to take away a gift once given, especially to someone that age, so I would bring up the rating label system with her and not drop it. Or you could let her deal with the consequences on her own. I'm not saying he's going to grow up to be a serial killer or anything but I might expect to see some negative attitudes/behaviors cropping up.

I know I was impressionable at that age.

 

[Racecarlock]

Here's a crazy idea. Why don't you ask the kid?

Seriously, parents NEVER seem to do this. They never seem to just go for the "Sit down with your kids and have a discussion about laws and being a good human" approach. They always ask other people what to do and never ever get the child's opinion.

I know that when I was 11 I was mature enough to handle those conversations. So instead of talking with us, have a talk with him instead.

 

[Gorden Springel]

I played GTA3 when I was 11 and I turned out alright, in my opinion anyway lol. That said, I haven't played GTA 5 so it's quite possible the game is worse than GTA 3 was, but so long as the kid understands it's a game then I wouldn't think you should get bent out of shape over it.

 

[Casual Shinji]

If I had a family member of that age I wouldn't want them to play GTA5 either... I'd just give 'm The Last of Us.

You'd give them The Last of Us, but not GTA V? The former may not be violent and chaotic for the heck of it as the entire GTA series is, but it's got some pretty messed up content. If you don't want family members that young to play GTA, I would think The Last of Us would be off limits as well. That's just my opinion though.

I was kidding.

I know I didn't add a '', but I thought it would speak for itself.

 

[white_wolf]

No you aren't this is an M game that earns its rating with not just the torture with her response it sounds like Witcher series is also cleared for her child. No offense but your sister sounds like she hasn't done her research or just saw some free roam bits and thinks thats it if she wants him to be into M games playing it herself thoroughly mainquest, sidequests, and hidden quests or watching extensive lets play would be a better option.

I was talking to a Game Stop employee a few months ago about M games and the subject of kids with them and GTA 5 was broached he said when they find parents trying to buy M games like GTA for their young child they can read them the riot act on the thing and they still say they're ok with all the game provides their little one the classic, " All his friends are doing it," argument is bad parenting so if all his friends are doing drugs later down the line would she also read up on the harm it could do but be fine with it cuz she wants to be the cool mom, with the in crowd child? Parents are that parents first their child's friend later. Maybe get the clips of some of the content that worries you and email the video to her and show her exactly what he'll see and see if she's still fine with it maybe you could be the tester before she runs out and buys the game (if thats something you'd be up to doing) and give her a review if you know the child's mental state well or if she and you make up acceptable and non acceptable viewing content for his age and maturity level not based on his friends wants this could be an option if she doesn't or can't play the game in question.

 

[Ed130 The Vanguard]

I played GTA Vice City when I was, I think, 9 years old or something. I don't think it made me all that crazy. If your nephew is mentally stable I wouldn't worry too much.

Roman boys used to go to gladiator fights and they still became some of the greatest leaders the world has ever known. All this "think of the children" stuff is nonsense as far as I'm concerned.

The Romans also like to crucify prisoners in view of enemy fortress, prolonging their suffering for days while practicing 'decimation' (where out of every ten soldiers nine would have to beat the tenth to death) on deserting soldiers or even on ones who had just lost a battle, and underwent the rule of no less than five separate emperors in one year due to assassination, bribery, and a civil war or two.

Yep, totally a group of people we should copy entertainment preferences from.

OP, you should at least explain to your sister that while yes all his other friends are supposedly playing it, it's a game where you can get lap dances and murder hookers.

If that doesn't get your sister to do anything then there really isn't much more you can do as at the end of the day all you are to the child is just a Aunt.