An Asexual living in a sexual world.

[Eric the Orange]

OK first off I wouldn't say I'm completely asexual. I view my sex drive the same way I view having to eat, breath, or use the bathroom. It's just a thing that I have to take care off when my body needs to. Usually about once a month. But the rest of the time it's something that doesn't really cross my mind.

So that why I feel like I'm an alien living among humans most of the time. Once you start looking at human culture from the outside you begin to see just how prevalent sex/sexualization is in everything. Well that's an exaggeration obviously, but it does seem to permeate most human cultures to a large degree.

And It's not like I don't understand. From a biological perspective the need to pass on ones genes is second only to the need of self preservation. So it makes sense that it would be a kind of common denominator thing.

Which is all the more reason I feel like such an outsider a lot of the time. Like I'm missing something that is one of the most basic things about being human, or even being an animal.

Try and imagine if everyone else in the world was obsessed with, like, sticking their heads in bowls of jello. Like it was everywhere, in books, movies, TV, advertisements. Large portions of the internet were dedicated to it, and those that weren't still had it involved in some way. How weird would it feel to be someone who had no interest in sticking your head in jello, to see everyone else so obsessed with it. That's kind of how I feel not caring about sex in our world.

 

[Risingblade]

Sticking your head in jello actually sounds like it would be pretty pleasant.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

A good friend of mine once described it as "being the only sober person at the party". Not that he thinks being sexually driven is entirely the same as being intoxicated but just that he views the world with a detached, observational attitude while everyone else is absorbed by the party's aura. Or something. I'm not him.

 

[9tailedflame]

Well i mean there's a lot of people out there that have a crazy sex drive, and all it does is remind us how lonely and pitiful we are. Here i am with a pretty insane sex drive and nothing to do with it other than porn.

I mean largely the reason it's so cultural is because people use it to try and manipulate people, like sex in advertising. It's good to be outside the reach of that kind of manipulation.

 

[Something Amyss]

Do you really need to look at humanity from the outside to see the prevalence of sex?

 

[crimson5pheonix]

I think the most obvious moment of this is when you're with a group of people and they point you at a piece of eye candy.

"Check that out!"

"Yes indeed, that person cares about their appearance. Weren't we in a conversation?"

 

[Snotnarok]

Well I can at least say you're not alone, haven't been posting here much but last time I posted about my asexuality it resulted in someone getting temp banned for being angry about it.

It's weird sure and it's only frustrating when you have to explain it to anyone who comes across that info. Personally I got over the weirdness ages ago, just eased into it and while it's not naturally the norm, it's just how your brain works. Considering it's a mass of electorchemical reactions, kinda weird that it works the way it does at all right? ...Now I'm just being stupid and technical. IDK, don't feel bad about it, you're normal, just a weird normal I guess.

 

[Dizchu]

A good friend of mine once described it as "being the only sober person at the party". Not that he thinks being sexually driven is entirely the same as being intoxicated but just that he views the world with a detached, observational attitude while everyone else is absorbed by the party's aura. Or something. I'm not him.

Actually I have a similar comparison. Not having any interest in drinking alcohol is much like having no interest in having sex. The immediate reaction is "how can you know you don't like it if you don't try it?" and "live a little!" Similarly, any potential interest in drinking alcohol and having sex can be ruined by how peers treat it. One might like a bottle of cider every now and then, but the image they get is "let's get so drunk that we throw up and pass out". Similarly people often talk about sex in a comparably vulgar way that is certainly off-putting to me.

 

[Something Amyss]

IDK, don't feel bad about it, you're normal, just a weird normal I guess.

"Normal" is a worthless word anyway.

Just embrace your inner freak.

one of us...one of us....

 

[Kae]

I'm not sure what I am but I haven't had sex in eleven years and I don't particularly care to do it again, I seem to have no interest in pursuing any sort of romantic or sexual relationship and the most I think about when I find a person really attractive is maybe kissing them but that's about it, makes it rather awkward to talk to everyone else when most of what they talk is sex, well more like they insert sex jokes into every single conversation, but I don't exactly make my disinterest secret[footnote]I do not announce it but I'm fairly attractive so I get asked about my sexuality often since it should be pretty easy for me to get "laid" according to most people.[/footnote], and yeah the analogy that Redlin5 mentioned is pretty on point, it's very similar to when you are the only sober person at a party, feels very awkward and makes you rather detached.

 

[Eric the Orange]

Do you really need to look at humanity from the outside to see the prevalence of sex?

It's more like that most people see it as so normal that it doesn't even register. Like it's such a normal part of every day existence that it not even worth examining. You don't have to be outside of that to notice it but most people don't even think to examine it at all.

EDIT: I thought of a decent analogy. It's like breathing Air. Most people don't even wonder why we breath air, it's just a thing we have to do. Eventually some curious people examined it and made a science of why people and animals do the things they do, but for most people it was just a thing we had to keep doing to live.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

-Snip-

I get how you feel. Being trans and asexual kinda plays that way with me too, from both sides no less. So many of the guys I know default to thinking of me either as one of the guys[footnote]Being considered one of the guys is actually pretty funny to me, because of how stereotypically mega feminine I tend to be, along with how well I generally pass.[/footnote], or a lesbian, so they point out a "hot" girl and say some thing like: "I'd hit that." When I look the most I get out of it is seeing a pretty girl, who might be wearing something cute, and the only thing I want in the latter case is the cute shoes, or article of clothing she has. Other wise it's just; "oh, a pretty girl, yeah that's nice, not interested." With girls I know they'll point out a "hot" guy, to which my general response is "meh", or "yeah he's handsome", with no intent of jumping said person's bones.

Honestly, since I'm panromantic, it's less about feeling alien to me, as much as it becomes an annoyance of everyone around me sexualizing all things. Because having everything get related to sex is really irritating and boring to me.

 

[FPLOON]

I feel ya, yo... and for me, I can cleverly "hide" that aspect of myself through a semi-barrage of perversion-based innuendos and blatant overtones to the point that even my best friend questions why I even know so much about specific kinds of pornography especially of the Japanese kind... It has also gotten me the nickname "The Perverted Asexual" from said friend, which I personally find both fitting and hilarious...

With that said, I've came to accept that to most I'm missing out on some pretty real-life sexy shit firsthand, but to me I don't feel like I'm missing anything at all... Besides, I can focus on other shit almost like I'm my own anthropologist or some shit... I blend into the sexy conversations, comment on any bodes on screen regardless who people would assume I'm actually into, and even crack some innuendo jokes to show that it's not always about me and my lack of actual sexual attraction... Sure, anyone can basically do all that (or never do any of that) and then some, but no matter what someone might assume is how you can tell one's true attractions, it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing... and with Asexuals only having sometimes half of that swing in the form of a romantic attraction, let alone those with no swing whatsoever, all we can do is be the person we feel makes us happy just like everyone else and, for me personally, that can be summed up with the nickname "The Perverted Asexual"...

Now, who wants to talk about <url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hestXK5J0fc>cake?

"Normal" is a worthless word anyway.

Just embrace your inner freak.

one of us...one of us....

Gooble Gobble?

 

[SweetShark]

I remember a CSI episode which had this kind of subject as a major plot point.
It didn't go so well for the Asexual person.....

Spoiler: Spoiler fot this CSI Episode

It revealed that even if the killer/raper was asexual, he wanted at least to try to do something like a "ritual" after another partner in crime first raped a girl. He said it was the only way to feel "normal" after constantly reject his desire the need to have sex.

But anyway.
I have many different kind of "tastes" myself which is similar to your situation in a smaller scale of course.
But my example involve attractive humanoid creatures from any kind of place/space/time you can imagine.
Also I live in Greece, so this isn't something to be very confortable to say around....

 

[Something Amyss]

Gooble Gobble?

Who are you calling a turkey!?

(But yes XD)

EDIT: I thought of a decent analogy. It's like breathing Air. Most people don't even wonder why we breath air, it's just a thing we have to do. Eventually some curious people examined it and made a science of why people and animals do the things they do, but for most people it was just a thing we had to keep doing to live.

Honestly, I think that might be a worse comparison. You're not a pariah for not breathing. Well, you might be. I don't really know how we'd react to the undead. But you're generally not considered strange for not breathing because you're dead. Or about to be.

I mean, I can hold my breath for a good minute without discomfort, but even if I really tried hard, I would eventually pass out. It actually is a biological necessity. I haven't had sex in over a year because my SO is having issues with dysphoria. I mean, I would like to have sex, but I'm not going to pass out or die because my nethers aren't getting stimulation from another party. The jello angle was probably the better one. But hey, that's my opinion. I like sex. I just don't see it as worth such high levels of fixation. This doesn't make me asexual, looking at sex from the outside. To the contrary, I'm closer to omnisexual or whatever you call it, because I will sleep with anyone. I don't just like sex, I like it with men, women, and anyone else not in boxes.

I'm not trying to be rude, it's just that this is a discussion people have been having my entire life. It's not a novel principle you need to be an outsider to see. Maybe in gaming, because if you talk about excessive sexuality the responses are either to call you a puritan or complain that you're taking away our toys, but society (Western, at least) doesn't seem quite so oblivious.

Actually, as someone who doesn't drink, I like the whole "only sober person at the party" analogy. Maybe it just resonates with me better as someone who has drank before, but doesn't have any interest in continuing to do so and sees no real point in fixating on it.

Given the responses I've seen to asexuals, and the responses I get for not feeling the need to drink, I suspect these are pretty close. But I'm not asexual, so I wouldn't know.

I remember a CSI episode which had this kind of subject as a major plot point.
It didn't go so well for the Asexual person.....

Spoiler: if you have some sort of sexual minority in CSI, odds are pretty damn good it's not going to go well.

 

[SweetShark]

I remember a CSI episode which had this kind of subject as a major plot point.
It didn't go so well for the Asexual person.....

Spoiler: if you have some sort of sexual minority in CSI, odds are pretty damn good it's not going to go well.

It was the same for another episode which it had heavily the subject of Furry culture? I never saw this episode.

 

[Eric the Orange]

snip

Let me put it another way, If your on the inside it's possible not to notice it. If your on the outside it's impossible not to notice it.

 

[Rattja]

I get where you are coming from there, and yes it can be quite frustrating.

Decided to go out this halloween and join some friends at a party and we started to do Truth or dare from this phone app thing. I kid you not, every single question was sexual in nature.

I used to like you feel like an outsider or whatever, but in the later years I've learned to accept it and sorta embrace it.
Best advice I can give is not to be weird about it. It may not be entirely "normal" but if you act like it's like the most natural thing in the world for you, most people will not hassle you over it.
That is my experience anyways.

 

[Lieju]

Yes, I can get that to some extent but... It's not really just 'sexuality' that's so prevalent.
I grew up hating romance and thinking I was asexual, zero interest in sex, kissing, couldn't imagine getting married having kids, felt pressured into it, had no sexual thoughts at all and was grossed out by being touched and coerced into being with guys...

Turned out I was a lesbian.

I am autistic in addition and have had mental health professionals tell me I 'shouldn't' have sexual feelings, and that's also the kind of experience some of disabled people I know have had.

The world really doesn't like the sexuality of some groups...

You really think all that sex is something all non-asexual people are into?
I'm even grossed out by straight romance, and need to see that on bloody everything.

 

[Snotnarok]

IDK, don't feel bad about it, you're normal, just a weird normal I guess.

"Normal" is a worthless word anyway.

Just embrace your inner freak.

one of us...one of us....

You're a glorious bastard with words of truth. Normal these days is reality TV and other dumb things, screw that nonsense!