An Autistic's thoughts on Autism

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TriggerOnly

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I still don't think I am autistic, and I definably don't tell people that I have been diagnosed.

All it has done is label me. All people do is put every thing they cant explain down to me being autistic.

Ruined my life a lot to be honest, and now I just want nothing to do with it.

I to was diagnosed be four it was "in".

I have had things like my mother (who thinks she "fully" understands me) say "well I see things from, a neurotypical, and so you just cant ever understand". I shit you not she said that more then once. (rant) NO mum we just disagree on something, and you cant aspect this fact and so have to make your self out to be "right" in your own head, so please go fuck your self.

Sorry its a touchy topic.

CrazyGirl17 said:
also I am completely like every one else, but once you drop the autistic line Bam! the world starts looking at you differently.

I am the way I am not because I am supposable autistic, but because I had my father go off his brain at me for 14 years (I'm 17 atm) to take out his stress, and I have always been emotionaly alone not having a single friend or family member to talk to or have a close relationship with.

people need to take responsibly for there actions and them self, all "autistic" as meant for me was a cop-out line for other people, that never gave me a chance.
 

TheRealCJ

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As far as I'm concerned, anybody who uses "I'm an Aspie" as an excuse for dickish behaviour simply isn't one.

Most Aspies I know (myself included, as a matter of fact), downplay their situation as much as possible, not mentioning it at all if possible. Or simply just not talking about it for no reason.
 

Crazy_Dude

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Super Duck said:
I have a friend who went through the opposite of the usual "I have Asperger's, leave me alone." situation. His mother has been convinced for years that he's autistic because he doesn't like his family and doesn't socialize much. It took years of both of us telling her that he doesn't like his family they treat him like shit and that he doesn't socialize because he simply doesn't want to. I still don't think she's convinced, but whatever...
I feel sorry for your friend I am glad my family is more understanding. Its awful that they think he has somekind of disorder just because he doesnt socialize.
 

CrazyGirl17

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Sep 11, 2009
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Well, I think it's about time I responded to a few of your comments. I'm sorry if I don't get to yours, but there's only so much room to post.

Phlakes said:
My brother was diagnosed with Aspberger's when he was in middle school. It kept him from being a high school drop out, it got him into college, and it's getting him jobs out of pity. And he isn't really autistic, just a socially inept asshole using it as an excuse.

Hell, my mother would call it his "safety net". He got everything for nothing, and I had to work my way through life like everyone else. It's bullshit.
Wow... I'm glad I made a resolve to be more independent. Now I just have to work on that...

bluebomber138 said:
I have autism, and I have been diagnosed for about 4 years. I don't like it when people talk about a cure, because to me it feels like a cure for being a certain nationality, or a cure for being a certain way. I don't see where people get off saying that people like us are "weird" because we're "different." In fact, I saw a statistic that said that about 65% of Americans "suffer" from some form of mental "disability" such as schizo, autistic, OCD, or depression. wouldn't that make us the normal ones, and everyone else the weird ones? We are the majority!

Also, its nice to see other people like me.
Good to know.

evilthecat said:
MEGA SNIP.
Ah, good point. I can't really argue with that...

AccursedTheory said:
Again, I can't argue with that.

Serving UpSmiles said:
HerbertTheHamster said:
How many hours of minecraft do you play each day? [small][small]kidding, kidding[/small][/small]

Autism is really weird because it runs the whole gamut from einstein to chris-chan. Can't really say I know any though.
Chris only uses that as an excuse for not just being socially awkward, but a pedophile, pervert, lazy, eccentric, pretentious, condesending. Asshole.

I'm sorry it's just people like him really piss me off.
Whole-heartedly agreed right here. Seriously, people like that get under my skin too.

P.I.Staker said:
I have Autism but i don't see how this makes me different. I hate people either way. :D

People suck...
Agreed. I like to think that having Asperger's lets me see the world differently than most people... But it leads to a wierd dichtomy where I care about people... while being utterly dismayed at human idiocy. It's part of the reason why I don't like people very much.

similar.squirrel said:
I'm not autistic myself, but I'm absolutely fascinated by the syndrome. That may sound disrespectful; I realize that being autistic isn't exactly a barrel of laughs, and I don't view autistic people as interesting specimens. I just find the idea of that mindset amazing. Anybody trying to find a 'cure' is at best misguided, and at the worst, intolerant. We shouldn't be trying to change others; we should endeavor to accommodate them and make use of their skills and viewpoints instead.

Edit: I meant high-functioning, and I'm aware that so-called 'savants' are not the norm.
Good for you, we could always use more people to study Autism and at least figure out what causes it.

000Ronald said:
I apologize if I come off as aggressive, that was not my intention. I wanted to just clear the air about autism... but I'm sorry if I offended anybody.

S3Cs4uN 8 said:
Fagotto said:
CrazyGirl17 said:
2. Nor do I care for people who use it as an excuse to be assholes. Seriously, cut it out, you're giving us a bad name here. Also, it does not make us like the Rainman. Sorry to disappoint you.
I don't really ever recall seeing someone trying to use it as a reason to excuse their behavior.
neither have I
Well, be glad, then. I don't doubt that some people would use it as an excuse, though...

Zekksta said:
As someone who has a severely autistic cousin, I find the fact you don't think they should be researching a cure a way to help incredibly selfish.

She's incredibly low functioning and needs her parents help to use the bathroom/any menial task.

It's easy to be offended by the notion of a *cure* while taking the moral high ground if you're relatively high functioning and think there's nothing wrong with you.

I guess tunnel vision is fun though right?

OT: I'm also having seriously having difficulty accepting that 19 people in this thread alone have some sort of autism. I've met/known like three Autistic people in my entire life.
I never said we shouldn't research treatments. I myself have a cousin with autism, but it was diagnosed when he was young so he's getting treatment. Sorry if I didn't make that clear.

That's it for now. Keep sending your posts and I'll figure out a response!
 

Palademon

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Mar 20, 2010
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I was diagnosed with Asperger's but the best explanation I got of what it was at the time is that one of the symptoms is being bullied....riiiiiiiiight. Because when someone's a prick, I'M the weird one.

Anyway, I don't consider myself to have social problems, people just aren't interested in me. They don't have the same interests.

EDIT: Also, I hate getting offered extra help by teachers even though I don't need it. I'm not retarded.
 

ashrossy

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Diagnosed with Higher functioning Autism at 6, Dyspraxia at 7 and Aspergers at 11.
I don't notice much difference in my life compared to others. I have a closer circle of friends. I have a girlfriend and I'm living with my 2 best friends ready to attend university in September. I'm good at computers (studying games design/Comp Sci), been learing c++ on and off for about 6 months.

I mostly find it fascinating, I like talking to other people about how they perceive things (I tend to have an outside view on what I'm doing, almost like I'm watching myself). I interpret events in a different way.
I have a very good memory, mostly for passwords and phone numbers. I can remember some events in my life with very good precision, but a lot of other people can do that too.

The most crippling thing in my life happened about 3 years ago. I was diagnosed with non-24 hours sleep-wake syndrome. In short, my body thinks there's around 27 hours in a day, I've had it under a fair amount of control recently, but mostly I force tons of caffeine down my throat in the "morning". Not healthy, not recommended, but I tend not to drift too far off. That has stopped me from keeping in education and even the strongest benzos haven't managed to keep it in check. Only sheer force of willpower is going to help me now, and best friends willing to drag me to University by my ankles if necessary.

In short - Autism is a disability, it can be hard to live with. The things that come with it (dyspraxia etc) can also be hard. Unless it leaves you unable to communicate in any level it's only as bad as dealing with a minor disability (I have difficulty walking due to a problem with my knees/left foot).

Oh, and unless you've been diagnosed with something. Don't say you have it. That does annoy me. I've fit the exact specifications for stuff before but tested negative for it.

oh and
@similar.squirrel If there is anything you want to ask, I'm happy to answer. I find most other peoples mindset interesting!
 
Nov 12, 2010
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S3Cs4uN 8 said:
Psycho Cat Industries said:
I was diagnosed when I was 5.Something that I have learned is that Asperger's is common among family,inherited through example.Personally,I see it as a double edged sword.It has proven me with so many advantages and yet so many vexes.I used to want to be normal,to be stupid,as I thought most people were.Don't get me wrong.Now a days,that divider has proven useful in sorting out people as friends,but it just kills me.There are these speech classes that I had to take because I was different and its screwed with my head to where I can't think right anymore.If only everyone were like us.
if everyone was like us it wouldn't be interesting.
At least there wouldn't be a contrast.Considering some of the line up,we'd probably be colonizing mars by now.
 

zhoominator

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TehCookie said:
Does anyone else feel like autism just a way to get rid of the retards and the stigma surrounding them? I bet if you take anyone who was diagnosed mentally retarded had them re-diagnosed today it would be autism. Whoever made it up didn't want autism to have that same negative impact as retard so they put some normal people into the classification. You talk to someone with high-functioning autism, most are completely normal. Perfect isn't normal, everyone has something wrong with them. Unless it's drastically interfering with your life you don't have a problem.
Wow, just wow. Talk about fucking ignorant. Refer to my earlier post on how high functioning autism affects me. You think that is normal? Really? Have you bothered to do ANY research into what autism is AT ALL? Of course not, and it's this ignorant attitude that ends up making what would otherwise be minor problems into much bigger ones

Do you even know what the fuck retard means? I don't think you do. If you'd showed the same level of ignorance and bigotry regarding a black man you'd be lynched, but for those with disabilities diagnosed by people who've put decades into research (rather than some punk with a keyboard who thinks they're some bloody smartypants), that's fair game?

People like you are the worst form of scum, those who write off people with a condition that they don't even attempt to understand. You make me sick.
 

Terminal Blue

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similar.squirrel said:
I just find the idea of that mindset amazing. Anybody trying to find a 'cure' is at best misguided, and at the worst, intolerant. We shouldn't be trying to change others; we should endeavor to accommodate them and make use of their skills and viewpoints instead.
I don't disagree..

I think the tendency to make autistic people out as misunderstood geniuses is a bit off though. I remember as a child I became obsessed with planes for a while. I had this big book on planes from world war 2 which I would look through all the damn time and I could pretty much recite it by heart. I don't think it's really a special autistic skill though, anyone could do that if they were passionately interested, it's just that autistim tends to make you obsess over particular things. It's not actually a nice experience, when I recall something I used to obsess over it's like the sleep teaching in Brave New World. The information is meaningless. I have no emotional connection to it, I haven't remembered it because it's important or meaningful to me. It's just there, and sometimes it's creepy to have things come out of your mouth and just to think 'why did I remember that'.

The other problem is that there's no control over it. Even today I find it very difficult to concentrate. Once something clicks with me and I actually get into it I remember it practically forever and will be able to come out with random facts about it 6 years later, but I have no control over when that happens.

I think a lot of the supposed 'good points' of high functioning autism basically come down to the fact that a lot of people find it difficult to learn. It doesn't mean they couldn't do it, but they have to really want to. When autistic people get really interested in something, that level of 'wanting' doesn't factor in. You learn and you remember, it's pretty much compulsive. I don't think there's anything autistics do which normal people couldn't do, sometimes it's just maybe a bit easier. Certainly nothing which outweighs the cost.

As someone who is right at the top of the high functioning category and has very few obvious symptoms any more, I do wonder what I'd be like if I wasn't autistic at all. I'd probably have learned a lot of important life lessons more quickly. I'd probably be less intolerant of people who don't share my opinions. Other than that I'm not sure. For obvious reasons it's hard to compare.

Interestingly, my little brother has ADD. I envy him so much sometimes because he's so good at some things, especially 'people skills'. It's like he has no inhibitions sometimes, he just walks up to people, talks to them and gets on with them. It's easy to feel admiration for that ability.

..until you realize that it's not that he's confident, it's that he genuinely doesn't think things through. He throws himself into stupid situations without thinking and then tries to make out that it's actually someone else's fault. He almost killed himself recently because he randomly climbed onto the roof and then fell through a window trying to get back down. Still can't explain why. He's not even really good with people, he has no trouble meeting people but he has no long term friends and everyone he meets eventually cottons on that he's not just 'spontaneous'.

He's still brilliant and I love him ever so much, but it just goes to show that sometimes seemingly enviable traits are just things anyone could do, and are often not worth the hassle.
 

Katnap_Devikat

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My brother was diagnosed as high functioning austistic two weeks after an epilepsy diagnosis (fun year) and for the first couple of months he used the whole 'but im autistic' as an excuse to get away with everything. I mean literally everything: he eats someone else food? Oh he's autistic, He insults and acts like an arse to our parents? Autistic, about the time he actually physically threatened my partner and tried that he realised it did not work. A trip to the hospital and a call from the police (i kinda got into to trouble for beating him, it was in hindsight a stupid idea) later he apoligised and has since been behaving fairly standard (pretty much the same as he was before the diagnosis). Plus he's my brother and i'd forgive the bastard anything given time.

On the other hand i did have friend who used her autism as a crutch to beat people with; no job? autism, no uni? autism, why not? cant stand large groups of strangers! then she goes and get drunk every other night in a club that caters to over a hundred people at once! I once joked about hitting a woman (in context with a tv show)and she freaked out. She made a similar joke later (about castration) and then got pissy when i called her, her reasoning? you guessed! Autism.

Honestly this has dragged on for far to long and became a good chance to vent (rather then bottle it all up) and i would like to point out that by knowing and working with Autistic people and having seen some of the s**t they put up with (like managers that act like their all complete retards) i must say that most of you deserve a pat on the back and a giant fricken round of applause for proving to the world that your just as good and useful as the next meatbag.

TL:DR Version: Don't look down on people with mental conditions, and for Autistics? You are all alright unless you purposely use your condition a way to explain away stupid and inexcuseable behaviour.

That is All, time for Portal 2.
 

Vault101

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Sep 26, 2010
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Katnap_Devikat said:
My brother was diagnosed as high functioning austistic two weeks after an epilepsy diagnosis (fun year) and for the first couple of months he used the whole 'but im autistic' as an excuse to get away with everything. I mean literally everything: he eats someone else food? Oh he's autistic, He insults and acts like an arse to our parents? Autistic, about the time he actually physically threatened my partner and tried that he realised it did not work. A trip to the hospital and a call from the police (i kinda got into to trouble for beating him, it was in hindsight a stupid idea) later he apoligised and has since been behaving fairly standard (pretty much the same as he was before the diagnosis). Plus he's my brother and i'd forgive the bastard anything given time.

On the other hand i did have friend who used her autism as a crutch to beat people with; no job? autism, no uni? autism, why not? cant stand large groups of strangers! then she goes and get drunk every other night in a club that caters to over a hundred people at once! I once joked about hitting a woman (in context with a tv show)and she freaked out. She made a similar joke later (about castration) and then got pissy when i called her, her reasoning? you guessed! Autism.

Honestly this has dragged on for far to long and became a good chance to vent (rather then bottle it all up) and i would like to point out that by knowing and working with Autistic people and having seen some of the s**t they put up with (like managers that act like their all complete retards) i must say that most of you deserve a pat on the back and a giant fricken round of applause for proving to the world that your just as good and useful as the next meatbag.

TL:DR Version: Don't look down on people with mental conditions, and for Autistics? You are all alright unless you purposely use your condition a way to explain away stupid and inexcuseable behaviour.

That is All, time for Portal 2.
there arnt disability services that can help her get a job or somthing? well I guess if she dosnt want to work she aint gonna work....
 

Sorafrosty

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ashrossy said:
Diagnosed with Higher functioning Autism at 6, Dyspraxia at 7 and Aspergers at 11.
I don't notice much difference in my life compared to others. I have a closer circle of friends. I have a girlfriend and I'm living with my 2 best friends ready to attend university in September. I'm good at computers (studying games design/Comp Sci), been learing c++ on and off for about 6 months.

I mostly find it fascinating, I like talking to other people about how they perceive things (I tend to have an outside view on what I'm doing, almost like I'm watching myself). I interpret events in a different way.
I have a very good memory, mostly for passwords and phone numbers. I can remember some events in my life with very good precision, but a lot of other people can do that too.

The most crippling thing in my life happened about 3 years ago. I was diagnosed with non-24 hours sleep-wake syndrome. In short, my body thinks there's around 27 hours in a day, I've had it under a fair amount of control recently, but mostly I force tons of caffeine down my throat in the "morning". Not healthy, not recommended, but I tend not to drift too far off. That has stopped me from keeping in education and even the strongest benzos haven't managed to keep it in check. Only sheer force of willpower is going to help me now, and best friends willing to drag me to University by my ankles if necessary.

In short - Autism is a disability, it can be hard to live with. The things that come with it (dyspraxia etc) can also be hard. Unless it leaves you unable to communicate in any level it's only as bad as dealing with a minor disability (I have difficulty walking due to a problem with my knees/left foot).

Oh, and unless you've been diagnosed with something. Don't say you have it. That does annoy me. I've fit the exact specifications for stuff before but tested negative for it.

oh and
@similar.squirrel If there is anything you want to ask, I'm happy to answer. I find most other peoples mindset interesting!
This is probably offtopic, but can I just say that you sound like a great person? Just had that feeling when I read your post, and I think that when I get some positive vibe from people, I should tell 'em:)
 

bdcjacko

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Jun 9, 2010
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I have the dyslexia and the adhd so people with real autism/aspergers fascinate me because of how hyper focused they can be and sit for hours doing their thing or whatever. While I get bored after 15 minutes and it is a huge strain on me to keep focused.
 

ashrossy

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Sorafrosty said:
ashrossy said:
This is probably offtopic, but can I just say that you sound like a great person? Just had that feeling when I read your post, and I think that when I get some positive vibe from people, I should tell 'em:)
No probs, I'm not really that great. Got just as many flaws as anyone else you'll meet I suppose... I usually get the feeling people think me a hypochondriac, thanks for showing me there are some people that trust people (especially over the internet!)

bdcjacko said:
I have the dyslexia and the adhd so people with real autism/aspergers fascinate me because of how hyper focused they can be and sit for hours doing their thing or whatever. While I get bored after 15 minutes and it is a huge strain on me to keep focused.
My brother has ADHD. Hyper-focusing can happen in people with ADHD. You might not have found the right thing. I tend to get distracted easily but when I'm programming I won't stop for hours. I've forgotten to eat and drink for 12 hours straight before now. Do what I do and try a bunch of different hobbies, keeps you occupied and you might find something you like!
 

Exterminas

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So what exactly is your agenda?

People who pull an illness as an excuse and are not diagnosed with it are assholes?
Sure. Nobody will argue on that.

Or is it that people who get such a diagnosis later in their life have somewhat less of a right to show symptoms?

I don't get what you want to tell me.
 

Thimblefoot

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I absolutely think they should be researching for a cure to autism. My brother has low functioning autism, he can't go outside by himself, he can't talk, he has no concept of danger, is obsessive compulsive to an insane degree, has no social skills of any kind (trying to throw himself over the railing on the second floor of out local Tesco). Basically, he needs constant care and attention, and is a huge drain on our family.

You have to rememebr, there are other kinds of Autism, and researching a cure for it is a massive deal.
 

Wintermoot

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I see that you read/heard of about Chris Chandler sorry you had to read that (for the record he has mental retardation not Autism)
I personally have autism and the only thing that makes my life different about it is that I had to go to school with assholes for a portion of my life (nononono it,s his disorder he can,t do anything about it!) I first go diagnosed with ADHD somewhere in the 90,s (I heard it was a trend back then) later I got re-diagnosed with Aspergers I hate they still view it as a mental disease (like Multiple Personality Disorder or Borderline) it,s more of a personality trait (IMHO)
 

Wintermoot

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Exterminas said:
So what exactly is your agenda?

People who pull an illness as an excuse and are not diagnosed with it are assholes?
Sure. Nobody will argue on that.

Or is it that people who get such a diagnosis later in their life have somewhat less of a right to show symptoms?

I don't get what you want to tell me.
I think he read about Chris Chandler he continuously pulls shit like almost running people over and posting vids of him doing stuff not best described company he always uses "but I,m autistic" as a excuse (I forgot to mention he is almost 30, is still unemployed and lives with his parents in house that should be condemned)
if you want to read more visit this site: http://www.sonichu.com it has all the things he has ever done on the internet on it.
 

Aetera

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My little brother is Autistic. He's moderately functional. If you've ever seen the movie What's Eating Gilbert Grape, it's pretty much that exact level. He's not so severely Autistic that he can't communicate with other people, but he needed an aid to get through school, and no one could ever even consider him going anywhere by himself. He basically has the same interests/communication skills as a 7 year old, even though he's 20 now.

That said, he wouldn't be the same person if there was some "cure." My brother is just incapable of understanding hatred or the desire to harm others. He can't even fathom it. He sees everything as beautiful, and is the most positive, happiest, most stable person that I know. He's just... purely innocent, I guess. Happy. The kind of person that you just want to shield and protect.

I can't really see Autism as something that needs to be cured. It requires special attention and accommodations, yes, but it's such a large part of the person with it.
 

CrazyGirl17

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Sep 11, 2009
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Okay, since there haven't been any new posts, I guess I'll just do the next round of replies:

Vault101 said:
Katnap_Devikat said:
My brother was diagnosed as high functioning austistic two weeks after an epilepsy diagnosis (fun year) and for the first couple of months he used the whole 'but im autistic' as an excuse to get away with everything. I mean literally everything: he eats someone else food? Oh he's autistic, He insults and acts like an arse to our parents? Autistic, about the time he actually physically threatened my partner and tried that he realised it did not work. A trip to the hospital and a call from the police (i kinda got into to trouble for beating him, it was in hindsight a stupid idea) later he apoligised and has since been behaving fairly standard (pretty much the same as he was before the diagnosis). Plus he's my brother and i'd forgive the bastard anything given time.

On the other hand i did have friend who used her autism as a crutch to beat people with; no job? autism, no uni? autism, why not? cant stand large groups of strangers! then she goes and get drunk every other night in a club that caters to over a hundred people at once! I once joked about hitting a woman (in context with a tv show)and she freaked out. She made a similar joke later (about castration) and then got pissy when i called her, her reasoning? you guessed! Autism.

Honestly this has dragged on for far to long and became a good chance to vent (rather then bottle it all up) and i would like to point out that by knowing and working with Autistic people and having seen some of the s**t they put up with (like managers that act like their all complete retards) i must say that most of you deserve a pat on the back and a giant fricken round of applause for proving to the world that your just as good and useful as the next meatbag.

TL:DR Version: Don't look down on people with mental conditions, and for Autistics? You are all alright unless you purposely use your condition a way to explain away stupid and inexcuseable behaviour.

That is All, time for Portal 2.
there arnt disability services that can help her get a job or somthing? well I guess if she dosnt want to work she aint gonna work....
I'm on the disability service in my state, but I'm not sure if other states have it. However, I don't use my autism as an excuse, and am currently looking into getting a job.

henritje said:
Exterminas said:
So what exactly is your agenda?

People who pull an illness as an excuse and are not diagnosed with it are assholes?
Sure. Nobody will argue on that.

Or is it that people who get such a diagnosis later in their life have somewhat less of a right to show symptoms?

I don't get what you want to tell me.
I think he read about Chris Chandler he continuously pulls shit like almost running people over and posting vids of him doing stuff not best described company he always uses "but I,m autistic" as a excuse (I forgot to mention he is almost 30, is still unemployed and lives with his parents in house that should be condemned)
if you want to read more visit this site: http://www.sonichu.com it has all the things he has ever done on the internet on it.
That's one of the things I was thinking of when I started the thread. Seriously, that guy pisses me off to no end. Makes me wish I had a Death Note...
Thimblefoot said:
I absolutely think they should be researching for a cure to autism. My brother has low functioning autism, he can't go outside by himself, he can't talk, he has no concept of danger, is obsessive compulsive to an insane degree, has no social skills of any kind (trying to throw himself over the railing on the second floor of out local Tesco). Basically, he needs constant care and attention, and is a huge drain on our family.

You have to rememebr, there are other kinds of Autism, and researching a cure for it is a massive deal.
Aetera said:
My little brother is Autistic. He's moderately functional. If you've ever seen the movie What's Eating Gilbert Grape, it's pretty much that exact level. He's not so severely Autistic that he can't communicate with other people, but he needed an aid to get through school, and no one could ever even consider him going anywhere by himself. He basically has the same interests/communication skills as a 7 year old, even though he's 20 now.

That said, he wouldn't be the same person if there was some "cure." My brother is just incapable of understanding hatred or the desire to harm others. He can't even fathom it. He sees everything as beautiful, and is the most positive, happiest, most stable person that I know. He's just... purely innocent, I guess. Happy. The kind of person that you just want to shield and protect.

I can't really see Autism as something that needs to be cured. It requires special attention and accommodations, yes, but it's such a large part of the person with it.
Like I said, I sorta...forgot about lower-functioning autism when I first wrote the OP, and I apologize if I insulted anyone.

That being said, I never said we shouldn't at least study autism, maybe find out where it comes from.

Some of you have opposing viewpoints on the subject, and I'm all for it. All I want is a friendly discussing on both sides of the fence.