An ethical question involving adoption

[Vault101]

Well actually now that I think about, its not really about adoption per se but I guess it deals with similar themes.

This is inspired by some british mini series I half saw once and I cant remember the name.

Ok the scenario is a child is Kidnapped at a very early age, by a woman.While what she does is inherintly wrong she does it because she is distraught because she cant have children, not "thinking clearly" at the time (doesnt justify it, just her reason)

ok so fast forward the kid is 13 or 14 she has been raised perfectly fine by the "kidnapper", basically its found out.

So whats the right thing to do? give the child to her original family? not only is the news that your mum kidnapped you, thats a very vulnerable age...basically what Im saying is that shit might not go down well

however the biological parents have a right dont they?

so anyway as I can remember in the original miniseries I DONT agree with the decision they made,

1.ok kid automatically goes and lives with biological parents...who are upper class, she came from a lower class background, doesnt fit in so much (and from what Ive seen on TV britan has some serious social issues, like its youth are friggin scary) anyway in regards to that I honestly dont know

2. "kidnapper" mother isnt allowed to see kid....ok THATS fucked up, not only are you made live with strangers but you cant see your mum again

anyway Im interested to what you guys think

 

[IBlackKiteI]

Well its pretty obvious what should be done legally, but as for what really should be done, I do not know.

Damn, I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this.

 

[tzimize]

Thank god most people arent wacky enough to do something like this.

Awful question, I honestly dont know. The best interest of the child should be at heart...and I guess that should include involvement from both "families".

 

[Wierdguy]

In this case Id say the kid should be allowed to have a say In whats going to happen. Granted the kindapper did a seriously fucked up thing and wounded a family greatly, but after such a long time with the kid not having any memory of its original family... well they arent really family anymore in such a case.

 

[Anjel]

The kidnapper goes away for a long, long time and the child is returned to their rightful guardians.

Definitely this. Kidnapper is biological parent only - does not make them a good Mummy.

 

[Jordi]

It's a hard problem. But the child stealing "parents" (and perhaps anyone who knew about this) should and will be punished, so as bad as it may be for the child, the family he grew up in is going to be severely disrupted when the authorities find out about this. This means that the child is going to have to go to a different family anyway. I don't know if that should necessarily be his biological family, or perhaps family of his fake parents that he actually knows. Compared to a foster family, his biological parents would probably be better though.

For some reason I also feel that it matters how old the child was when he was stolen (i.e. if he was 4 or 5 y/o he should go back to his original parents, but if he was a few weeks old, maybe not).

Since the kid in this scenario is 13 or 14, I think he's old enough to be listened to when it comes to his own preferences. He probably shouldn't get the final say in the matter, but I think going against his wishes should be prevented as much as possible. So if he wants to visit his fake parents in prison, let him. If he wants to live with his "grandparents" instead of his biological ones, that might be something to really think about.

 

[sublight]

There was a real-world variation of this recently (as in, within the last year), except that the child was already an adult when the kidnapping was discovered and it's questionable whether the kidnapper's child-rearing was "perfectly fine", but it didn't seem to be exceptionally f'ed up.

In the papers, people were giving the kid (now a 20-something) crap because she wasn't being nice to her bio parents and had asked about a reward (the bio parents had put up $X as a reward for their kid's whereabouts, with the money going into a fund for the kid if she turned up by age 16 or so. The date had passed and the money was gone, but she still asked if it was around. How evil of her). I couldn't get behind all the stick she was being given because the situation seemed so one-sided: the bio-parents had been thinking about her for years, but she'd only just heard of them and was now being expected to instantly jump into the role of grieving long-lost daughter, not to mention the fact that the woman who'd been her mom all her life had just been hauled away by the cops on the say-so of these two strangers (from her perspective). Maybe there was potential for reunion and reconciliation (or maybe just 'union and conciliation' since the kid had literally been stolen from the hospital nursery), but the kid just didn't seem interested.

Considering the issues brought up in th OP, it was probably for the best that she wasn't found until after she'd become an adult.

 

[oooooooooooooooooooooooooo]

How anyone is having trouble answering this is beyond me.

So, because someone's crime lasts a long time, they get away with it? That means every kidnapper just has to run far enough and wait it out.

Nonsense.

You stole a child that isn't yours, a child that has parents. I mean, christ. These people gave birth to their child and they have every right in the world to get them back.

At this stage its got nothing to do with whether the kidnapper should be punished, or even have that much to do with what the biological parents want. Its what is best for the child, and the emotional trauma of finding out your mother actually kidnapped you and having to go live with your biological parents, whom you've never met, could well be a price to high to pay for 'justice' in this situation.

 

[oooooooooooooooooooooooooo]

I'm sorry if you find the truth so inconvenient.

Seriously, you're just going to throw one line of weak rhetoric at me as a reply? I mean I'm happy to have a discussion, but replying like that is more than a bit irritating.

 

[Astoria]

Hmm tough one. What the woman did was wrong and she should be punished for it but it isn't fair to also punish the child. I'm not sure what the punishment is for kidnapping but if the woman was out of jail before the child was old enough to live on their own then the child should be able to chose whether to live with its biological parents or the woman. I'd hope that the woman would get the minimal sentence due to the circumstances and the fact that she treated the child well.

 

[dillinger88]

I personally believe that the kidnapper needs to be punished as, you know, it's against the law. There would have to be some SERIOUS counselling for kid though. It would fuck their mind at possibly their most fragile age.

It's similar to people who are raped and then fall in love with their attacker and not wanting to press charges. In my opinion a crime as serious as these can't go unpunished.

 

[Thaluikhain]

So, because someone's crime lasts a long time, they get away with it? That means every kidnapper just has to run far enough and wait it out.

More or less that's what a statute of limitation is. Doesn't apply to the most heinous of crimes, though, as it really rubs people's faces in the inherent wrongness of it.

 

[SckizoBoy]

I'm sorry if you find the truth so inconvenient.

Dude, it's not inconvenient, it's just difficult. Fair enough everyone here agrees that regardless of the time between the criminal act and now, the false parent should be punished. And taking away the child is the best way to do that, nothing is going to get a genuine 'I'm sorry' out of them than taking the child away.

However, the collateral is taking the 'parent' away from the child. Therefore, the child is debatably being punished for a crime he/she was the victim of. The child has now lost his/her only (contextual) parental figure. Being replaced by the biological parents is a massive shock at best since they haven't been around for nearly a decade and a half.

But, I'm inclined to believe that the same should be done: return child to biological family. 13/14 is still young enough for the child to adapt, albeit slowly. If it was with a 16-17yo, then, I think it would be a problem.

 

[Thaluikhain]

This just in: if you want to kidnap a child, just grab a young one and move to Canada. Wait a few years and the public will be on your side, you new parent, you!

More or less, yeah. You'll probably become a celebrity, make a career appearing on low grade TV shows, reality TV commentator and the like.