An Uneasy Community is a Community nonetheless

[Palindromemordnilap_v1legacy]

After weeks of strong rain a small town's being flooded. The people are starting to evacuate their homes in busses, all of them enter except for the local priest. "No," he says, "god is gonna save me". So the busses leave without him. The water rises. Soon the town can only be entered by boat. One comes by the priests house, trying to change his mind. "Father, get on the boat, the water will continue to rise and you're gonna drown!" but once again the priest refuses. "God is gonna save me" he repeats. So the boat leaves. The water keeps rising. The priest is holding out on his rooftop. A Helicopter comes in, asking him to finally leave the town. But the priest still refuses. "God is gonna save me" he says. So the water keeps rising and slowly and painfully, the priest drowns. At the pearly gates he meets god. "Lord, why didn't you save me, I served you all my life!" he protests. God looks at him. "I tried. I sent ten busses, a boat and a helicopter your way."

It's an older joke, but it checks out.

Spoiler: Anyway, here's some real eye-rollers

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

I saw this advert in a window that said: ?Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.? I thought, ?I can?t turn that down.?

What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1

My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.

What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.

What's Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!!!!

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat? Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth; and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.

What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

People don?t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.

A Roman walks into a bar, says to the barman "Make me a vodka martinus". Barman, slightly confused, asks "You mean a vodka martini?" The Roman answers "Woah woah buddy, if I'd wanted a double I'd have asked"

 

[Chewster]

So, anybody hear any good jokes lately?

This woman comes home to her husband. "Dear husband," she says, excited. "You'll never guess who I saw on the bus today!" "Oh yeah," he casually replies, "Who did you see?" "Well," she begins. "There I was, riding the Number 10 bus down Main Street, minding my own business, when wouldn't you believe it, but Beethoven gets on the bus and sits down right across from me! It was incredible!" "You absolute idiot!" he bursts out in disdain. "If you don't know what the hell you're talking about, do the world a favour and shut up. Everyone knows the number 10 doesn't go down Main Street!"

 

[Jamcie Kerbizz]

After weeks of strong rain a small town's being flooded. The people are starting to evacuate their homes in busses, all of them enter except for the local priest. "No," he says, "god is gonna save me". So the busses leave without him. The water rises. Soon the town can only be entered by boat. One comes by the priests house, trying to change his mind. "Father, get on the boat, the water will continue to rise and you're gonna drown!" but once again the priest refuses. "God is gonna save me" he repeats. So the boat leaves. The water keeps rising. The priest is holding out on his rooftop. A Helicopter comes in, asking him to finally leave the town. But the priest still refuses. "God is gonna save me" he says. So the water keeps rising and slowly and painfully, the priest drowns. At the pearly gates he meets god. "Lord, why didn't you save me, I served you all my life!" he protests. God looks at him. "I tried. I sent ten busses, a boat and a helicopter your way."

It's an older joke, but it checks out.

Yeah, I always loved that joke. It?s also one I?ve often used, as an agnostic, to bridge the gap in discussions both with staunch, fundamentalist Christians and hardcore atheistic science subscribers.

Hmm I know similar variant. It's about a god-fearing farmer that pays for devine service for plentiful crops, organizes a procession and prays daily over his field. And once he and his family starve to death in his final words he curses the God, who 'betrayed' him. To which he hears disgruntled voice from above: 'Oh come the fuck on! Give me break! You could have at least sow the seeds!'