Anger & Misanthropy- How do you people deal with this crap?

[TheRightToArmBears]

This is a pretty confusing time for me- My emotional problems (there's a chance you might have noticed given the many, many whiny ass threads I've made in the Advice Forum) have usually been about me feeling like crap and this is an entirely different kettle of fish. One of the few things I've been proud of about myself is my calm, pragmatic nature. I haven't shouted at anyone since I was a little kid, I've only ever gotten involved in a fight to help out friends, my temper is almost non-existent.

However, the past couple of weeks I've been finding things that I would normally just ignore have left me seething in anger. A few examples:
-Russel Brand
-Idiots on the internet
-My parents
-Myself (Although I've never had much in the way of self esteem)
-My co-workers (and customers)
-Shoddy customer service from T-Mobile and Yahoo
-People putting The Beatles on a ridiculous pedestal
-Christmas (It's November, fuck off)

This is the kind of minor crap that wouldn't normally bother me beyond a pause and a few deep breaths.

I suppose it's fair to say (as much as I hate the fucking phrase) I'm losing my faith in humanity. I keep trying to tell myself that people are, in general, good and intelligent, but more and more I find myself bashing my head against a wall wondering what the fuck is wrong with everyone.

The problem- at least I hope- must lie with me. Life has taken a series of left turns in the past year (failed relationships, going to university and being miserable, dropping out of university, working a crap job 5 days a week and feeling like a bit of a failure) and I suspect that might have something to do with it. I am working on getting myself out of this hole, but for the moment I'm trapped.

Given that these feelings are new to me, I'm pretty much clueless here. In the past I've always used music to deal with low moods and to burn off any anger, but it's not really doing the trick these days. How do you deal with this? How are you supposed to remind yourself that people are decent when so much bollocks goes on in the world?

 

[Vegosiux]

Get some sleep, you're stressed.

Sorry, best advice I can give, really. But when the slightest slights start to aggravate you, it's time to drop off the grid for a little and just recharge your mental batteries somehow. You know, all the people out there, aggravating you? Fuck them (or maybe not), you don't need them right now, take some "me time".

 

[IllumInaTIma]

Well, just make a little mental list of people whose opinion you give a fuck about. And if person out of that list says something that may upset you, just don't give a fuck! Who the fuck is he to dare to affect your mood?! No fucking one! So don't give a fuck! Give a fuck about your friends' opinions, but don't give a fuck about anyone else's. Works like a charm for me.

 

[Chromatic Aberration]

Myself (Although I've never had much in the way of self esteem)

SimpleThunda and Vego are right. I've been there and know that kind of hatred and pure anger that wants you to just go out and make the whole world burn. But every time that happens, I tend to sit back and ask myself what it is that I hate and why I have these kinds of feelings. The answer is usually that I don't really hate anybody else but myself in that very instance. Maybe because I didn't do what I was supposed to do, failed in whatever I was doing or messed up in all the various creative ways I tend to do so.

Either way, it originates from being frustrated and angry at oneself and not at the others. Hence I'd advise you to take a deep breath and relax a bit - do something that makes you feel better. Maybe even something productive that makes you feel proud for doing it afterwards. This usually helps in my case. Also I recall you being depressed in the past which might very well contribute to this.

 

[OniaPL]

Stop trying to "deal" with anger and misanthropy, and embrace them. All of us are self-righteous assholes, some of us just cover it up better than others, or alternatively deceive ourselves into thinking that we are happy.

I believed that people are decent. I helped people, I protected my friends. In return, the same people gave me shit. I started to be angry. I started to hate people. In the end I wrote it off as bullshit from a teenager, and tried to convince myself that I just have a crooked viewpoint or am biased... But now? I'm 21. I'm still finding myself angry, and I still hate other people.

And I decided to embrace that.

If you truly hate other people, then stop trying to be accepted by others, and stop trying to help the same people you despise. It's really liberating; trash deserve to be treated like trash.

 

[Tsukuyomi]

The world does indeed suck sometimes. A lot of people seem to be terrible in my experience. For...hell, more than five years I've dealt with people who are oftentimes just flat-out assholes as a large part of my life. I spent twenty years plus LIVING with someone who to this day is an asshole despite finding enlightenment. My friends are assholes who are more prone to insult me as a way of joking around than anything else, morale at my job is BEYOND in the toilet, oh and I play League of Legends fairly regularly so you can imagine what I get there.

I felt angry, shitty, and depressed. I looked around at people around me and I asked myself: 'how are they so happy, confident in themselves, and not hating the world just as badly as I do? Why am I the ONLY ONE who is miserable around here when everyone else is grinning like they've overdosed on Joker Toxin?!'

What I realized was that I was in an environment, a state of being almost, that just doesn't mesh with who I am. Having nothing but a bunch of cynical assholes who wouldn't read a book unless they had to, have no passion in their lives except gossiping about each other and complaining about their jobs and how much their lives suck, yet treat ME like a loser because I'm a nerd when at least I have an outlet that isn't making things worse for other people, just doesn't help. At all. and this existed 90% of the time in my life with almost little to no balance.

I deal with it simply by searching to find places and people that DO mesh up with who I am. Places and people that give me the emotional and psychological balance that I need to feel just slightly better.

I understand how you feel. I went through some of what you're going through. I went to college way too young with way too big of an opinion of myself. I didn't respect the teachers and I didn't think much of the work they gave us to do, so I ended up failing classes and dropping out. At first just working was okay, but the job was not good and after many years I began to get angry about it. My body breaking down due to it didn't help either. Really, the best I can say is to find some kind of place, Religious, academic, nerdy, whatever....some place populated with reasonably good people and has a positive atmosphere to help balance out your life.

When I say 'reasonably good' I mean those kinds of people that yeah, they have flaws. But their attitudes make it easy for you to forgive them. People that genuinely mean well despite their downfalls, be it personal or those inherent in humanity. I've only met a few of them but you know them when you meet them and they are something special.

I can say from experience that you may be in a negative space emotionally, and possibly intellectually, so much that any natural balance you used to have isn't enough anymore. You're gonna have to find a space and/or some people that can help get the yin and yang of your life back in some kind of balance. If nothing else: find a setting with potential to be positive for you, then try your hardest to be positive yourself. If there's nothing overwhelmingly negative to counteract you, hopefully the people around you will pick up on what you're doing and in time reciprocate it. "Be the change you wish to see in the world" as I believe someone said.

 

[Foolery]

I can agree on the X-mas one. Saw some ads already.
My first thought was, "You disrespectful motherfuckers, Remembrance day hasn't even passed yet!"
But yeah, get a good night's sleep, for a start.
Decent human beings are rare, I admit, but not completely uncommon. I like to think that a large majority, are just too caught up in their own lives to practice mindfulness. They're not exactly out to get anyone, but their priority is almost always about ways to benefit them, anyone else, well, tough. That attitude can go too far quite often. I simply refuse to help those people.

 

[Flutterguy]

I used to be like this. I had always gotten migraines, by my late teens I would be unable to move or eat for 3-4 days at a time due to them. I know stress all to well. I do not know your situation of course but I can tell you what worked for me: Meditation, getting sleep, drinking plenty of water, cutting way back on caffeine and buying healthy food.

There is a reason people do these things and recommend others to. It works and you will feel better in general. If your family is too much look into cheap housing or move into a friends. If your work is too much hand out maybe 30+ resumes and go on unemployment for a month, or make up an excuse to not go in for a week.

As far as peoples opinions, that's all they are, and you have your own. If someone is going on how the Beatles are amazing just tell them you have tried listening to them and don't feel like talking about it. If people are angry or dumb they are that way for a reason, if you feel adventurous try helping, if not ignore them. They are all just product of experience and environment.

 

[Barbas]

I think I know how you feel. Coming from the city on the other side of the world to a remote village, I don't really see much of the world outside of The Escapist. What I do see is a mixed bag that can be pretty depressing to look at, since the banking crisis really gave this place a f**king backhand. The people I meet on the street are friendly, yet I feel disconnected with them. They're not really the neighbours they should be, because to simplify things, I'm not where I want to be geographically. Reading the news only serves to aggravate me further. The little things that you read or hear about every day do, as you say, mount up over time. Music and the people of The Escapist do help immeasurably, but there is little around where I live in the way of prospects and I cannot see a better time ahead.

My advice is to take heart in the fact that there are many people on this site like you. I've been surprised to hear of the problems even the calmest users have spoken of having. Perhaps I'm more like some people than I thought. Try not to dwell on bad times or look at the "bigger picture", particularly if it's a global picture. Don't worry about the things happening overseas that you can't control. Shrink the picture until it encapsulates only you, the people you care about and the things you have control over. Grow it at a manageable speed and set yourself daily and weekly goals that you can succeed at and chain together. Do not let your mind wander to dark places, keep it occupied. Keep moving and keep fit, make progress in one form or another. Sweep the steps, go for a walk, paint, read, draw, whatever takes your mind off other things.

EDIT: Oh, you're in Britain as well, aren't you? F**king Christmas adverts get on my tits too, but at least the day itself is worth it. People often say life is about taking things one day at a time. You manage the days and the rest will take care of itself. You'll be to the next holiday before you know it.

 

[Tsukuyomi]

I think I know how you feel. Coming from the city on the other side of the world to a remote village, I don't really see much of the world outside of The Escapist. What I do see is a mixed bag that can be pretty depressing to look at, since the banking crisis really gave this place a f**king backhand. The people I meet on the street are friendly, yet I feel disconnected with them. They're not really the neighbours they should be, because to simplify things, I'm not where I want to be geographically. Reading the news only serves to aggravate me further. The little things that you read or hear about every day do, as you say, mount up over time. Music and the people of The Escapist do help immeasurably, but there is little around where I live in the way of prospects and I cannot see a better time ahead.

My advice is to take heart in the fact that there are many people on this site like you. I've been surprised to hear of the problems even the calmest users have spoken of having. Perhaps I'm more like some people than I thought. Try not to dwell on bad times or look at the "bigger picture", particularly if it's a global picture. Don't worry about the things happening overseas that you can't control. Shrink the picture until it encapsulates only you, the people you care about and the things you have control over. Grow it at a manageable speed and set yourself daily and weekly goals that you can succeed at and chain together. Do not let your mind wander to dark places, keep it occupied. Keep moving and keep fit, make progress in one form or another. Sweep the steps, go for a walk, paint, read, draw, whatever takes your mind off other things.

EDIT: Oh, you're in Britain as well, aren't you? F**king Christmas adverts get on my tits too, but at least the day itself is worth it. People often say life is about taking things one day at a time. You manage the days and the rest will take care of itself. You'll be to the next holiday before you know it.

Very much agreed on the 'shrink the picture' idea. I have rather tough anxiety problems and while many events that happen in the world will realistically likely never effect me, hearing about them in the ways that the media puts them out works me up in a very bad way sometimes. People often look at me weird when I say that I don't watch the news, and I can't get them to understand that it's nothing that I can change, only things that I'll worry about, and in the case of things like sports, things I don't even care about. So, well...I don't watch it.

Same thing goes for those hardcore tinfoil hat folks I meet occasionally on the internet. I ran into one on a TF2 server the other day. He was spouting off some disconcerting stuff but it was all so overblown that most folks were just laughing at him and telling him to leave.

Him: "Why are you people so scared of the truth!? You NEED TO KNOW THIS STUFF!"
Me: "Let me ask you this: YOU know all this. Does it make you any happier to know?"
Him: "PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO CONTROL US! THEY PUT (insert whatever supposedly mind-controlling chemical here) IN THE DRINKING WATER!"
Me: "That's....interesting, I guess...but it doesn't answer my question. Are you happier knowing all these things you can't do anything about?"

Long story short he never really answered my question and left angry and confused. The world does suck, but given the nature of truth, lies, the media, and reality in general, I've found it really does help to focus on a smaller picture. Get your life to a place you want it to be first. Then you can try helping to fix the world.

 

[Alistar_Helloise]

This is a pretty confusing time for me- My emotional problems (there's a chance you might have noticed given the many, many whiny ass threads I've made in the Advice Forum) have usually been about me feeling like crap and this is an entirely different kettle of fish. One of the few things I've been proud of about myself is my calm, pragmatic nature. I haven't shouted at anyone since I was a little kid, I've only ever gotten involved in a fight to help out friends, my temper is almost non-existent.

However, the past couple of weeks I've been finding things that I would normally just ignore have left me seething in anger. A few examples:
-Russel Brand
-Idiots on the internet
-My parents
-Myself (Although I've never had much in the way of self esteem)
-My co-workers (and customers)
-Shoddy customer service from T-Mobile and Yahoo
-People putting The Beatles on a ridiculous pedestal
-Christmas (It's November, fuck off)

This is the kind of minor crap that wouldn't normally bother me beyond a pause and a few deep breaths.

I suppose it's fair to say (as much as I hate the fucking phrase) I'm losing my faith in humanity. I keep trying to tell myself that people are, in general, good and intelligent, but more and more I find myself bashing my head against a wall wondering what the fuck is wrong with everyone.

The problem- at least I hope- must lie with me. Life has taken a series of left turns in the past year (failed relationships, going to university and being miserable, dropping out of university, working a crap job 5 days a week and feeling like a bit of a failure) and I suspect that might have something to do with it. I am working on getting myself out of this hole, but for the moment I'm trapped.

Given that these feelings are new to me, I'm pretty much clueless here. In the past I've always used music to deal with low moods and to burn off any anger, but it's not really doing the trick these days. How do you deal with this? How are you supposed to remind yourself that people are decent when so much bollocks goes on in the world?

"Your anger is a gift"
-Aristotle

If you allow it to build up, you will become a geyser of rage. Unfortunately, a geyser makes you harder to deal with for both yourself and those around you.

If you are angry, let it out and learn to channel it. Because anger CANNOT be controlled, only channeled. You try to control it, tell yourself when you can or cannot be angry or buy that garbage about "Oh, you are letting yourself get angry." Feelings are a chemical that humanity can barely fathom right now, but we know they are a chemical. The point is, learn to channel it like a bow and use it to get through your daily life. If you just let it build, you will just let a hot geyser of rage splash unto you.

 

[Moth_Monk]

What's your problem with Russell Brand? He's a funny guy and has a few important things to say every so often.

Edit: There's a quotation from someone, a comedian I think, saying you should respect poor customer service because it means you're being served by human being that has hopes & dreams and that's why they hate their job.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

What's your problem with Russell Brand? He's a funny guy and has a few important things to say every so often.

He's a dribbling idiot. I don't mind him sometimes (namely Get Him To The Greek) but specifically the stuff he said about voting just seems like populist bollocks. Being unsatisfied with politics and politicians is something I can totally understand, but that's not cause to just throw out democracy.

"Your anger is a gift"
-Aristotle

If you allow it to build up, you will become a geyser of rage. Unfortunately, a geyser makes you harder to deal with for both yourself and those around you.

If you are angry, let it out and learn to channel it. Because anger CANNOT be controlled, only channeled. You try to control it, tell yourself when you can or cannot be angry or buy that garbage about "Oh, you are letting yourself get angry." Feelings are a chemical that humanity can barely fathom right now, but we know they are a chemical. The point is, learn to channel it like a bow and use it to get through your daily life. If you just let it build, you will just let a hot geyser of rage splash unto you.

I do. I'm quite into my music- specifically heavy stuff- and usually if I'm getting a bit pissed off I pop a bit of Slipknot on or something like that. If I can I'll play my bass as loudly as possible, and every now and again I'll go to a gig, get smashed and get the crap knocked out of me in the pit (which I did on Friday. Amon Amarth were sick, I could barely move or speak for two days).

And I suppose people commenting on my self-esteem are probably right. It's something I've always struggled with, but as I said, I've been in a bit of a rut lately. I shall try and focus on getting myself together, and hopefully I'll start feeling better about things.

 

[Caostotale]

He's a dribbling idiot. I don't mind him sometimes (namely Get Him To The Greek) but specifically the stuff he said about voting just seems like populist bollocks. Being unsatisfied with politics and politicians is something I can totally understand, but that's not cause to just throw out democracy.

I would agree with that. Brand's politics are as simultaneously paper-thin and loud-faced as the average punk rocker's 'lifestyle anarchism.' This recent burst of attention he's been getting just shows how embarrassingly lowbrow the discourse has become.

Regarding misanthropy, which I certainly share in, I've found that politics are a major double-edged sword. While it's often satisfying to continually hone one's attitude and educate one's opinion on such things, it often also does a remarkable job of spinning my baseline introvert's sociopathy into a dark and nihilistic overdrive. It gets to a point where I have to back away from it completely to restore my calm. Cliched and memed-to-death as it is, I get a lot of solace from things like George Carlin's message that 'it's not gonna get any better, be happy with what you've got!'