Anti-Depressants

[Doclector]

I have bi-polar and I'm refusing treatment, heres why...

It's a part of who I am, whether I like it or not. It's been with me for so long that it's had a hand in most of the things I've done with my life. When I think about it, if I had never been suffering from the frequent bouts of self loathing and the general identity crisis I had when I was growing up, even before I knew what it meant, I would have never sought refuge in the characters I could create with my own imagination, so I would never have discovered and honed my talent for acting, which is the only path I can possibly conceive myself going down in the future. So as torturous as it's been at times, I owe most of who I am to it.

So if I accepted the pills and the therapy, I might become docile, and stable, but I wouldn't be me anymore, which would mean that all I have suffered in my life so far will have meant nothing. If I have to suffer for an art so be it, because surely that's better than not having an art at all. I'm going to do better than simply 'cure' myself. I'm going to life with my illness and make something great out of it.

(This is an entirely personal and subjective reasoning though, so unless you can relate to anything I've said I wouldn't follow my lead)

I have something of a similar tale. I was badly bullied in school, and, to cut a long story short, my head's never been right since. I've never got it diagnosed, partially because I damn well don't care what it's called, and I had aspergers diagnosed, and that has done me no good at all. All a name did was take my eccentricities and attach a stigma, which has caused me more problems than aspergers itself. I'm going off track here.

Anyway, the dark place in my mind that causes me misery, paranoia and isolation is the same dark place which fuels my work as a filmmaker. I kill it, and it'll kill the thing that matters to me most. What's more, I think I have a shot at stopping what happened to me happening to more people. I can films on the subject, raise awareness, if I show them it with enough horror elements thrown in, they won't be able to just ignore the problem anymore.

I've had counselling to keep me stable, and the thought of a pill that could make it all go away is tempting, but I'd lose so much of myself, I really don't think it's worth it.

As said above though, you need to really think about this, though. And also, read into it wherever you can, I've heard some bad stuff about these drugs, but I've also heard some good things. You really need to take this on your own decisions.

 

[Korak the Mad]

OP: take the fucking pills. There's something wrong with you, you're sick, you know how you get better from an illness? by taking you god damn pills.

I hear of a lot of cases of medication, particularly for mental health, just making things worse. There is no guarantee that taking the pills will make things better.

That can be true with certain people, not me but my mother. She went on a different type of anti-depressant and it caused her to get suicidal. I found her right after she tried to kill herself, and was able to get her to the hospital right away. She has apologized for doing that and I've forgiven her.

My recommendation is take the pills, but have someone keep an eye on you to see if you try anything, because there could be a reaction to the medication and you might want to. But take the pills.

 

[Terminal Blue]

One thing from my own experience to strongly avoid unless you are REALLY out of options is the increasingly prevalent (and disturbing) use of anti-psychotics as off label depression treatment. You don't want to be on anti-psychotics for a variety of reasons.

The reason there are lots of different types of medication is that there are lots of different types of depression. For some people (like myself at various points in the past) depression manifests itself through extreme bouts of anxiety or very strong emotional responses to otherwise mundane stimuli. For those people, anti-psychotics can be incredibly helpful. I'll admit they have quite severe side-effects and I wouldn't want to go back on them now, but when it makes the difference between someone being able to go into work or school and not being able to do those things, it's totally worth it.

One common thing people say about medication is that it makes you 'lose part of yourself', heck, I'm seeing that quite a lot in this thread, and I know that's how it feels. But bear in mind you're only seeing that from the inside. I remember when I discussed it with a friend and she just sat me down and said 'look, when you're depressed you're an absolute nightmare to be around and you're certainly not happy yourself - loosing those parts of yourself is no bad thing.' She was right.

I haven't stopped being myself through taking medication, but I've become able to ignore the worst parts of myself and the most hurtful parts of myself. It's easy to cling to intense suffering as something which gives your life meaning, it's easy to minimize it or pretend that you've made a friend of it. You never have though, and when things go to hell it will make you do unforgivable things just to try and make it better.

Medication doesn't have to be about losing anything, it can be about taking control of your own life. That doesn't make you less yourself.

 

[II2]

One thing from my own experience to strongly avoid unless you are REALLY out of options is the increasingly prevalent (and disturbing) use of anti-psychotics as off label depression treatment. You don't want to be on anti-psychotics for a variety of reasons.

-snip-

I see what you mean, and I respect your point of view on the subject. For difficult, intractable depression or other disorders, if an off the use label of a medication can bring a person relief and let them live, rather than unable to stop themselves from becoming a failing train wreck, I'm with you: go for it.

On the flipside though, "they" tried me on anti-psychotics and it was a disaster. I'm used to a whole cornucopia of unpleasant side effects, but my own system just found both Rispiridal and Seroquel completely intolerable. In my case, it DID make me less of myself, because instead of functionality, it rendered me into a state of mute panic and fugue; it felt like someone "handcuffed" my brain. Kinda reduced me to a mumbling simpleton while all the while in some recess in the back of my mind I was keenly aware of the disconnect between my thoughts/feelings and functions. It was pretty gawd-awful repeat experience and certainly made me question the increased prevalence of their prescription to people who aren't delusional or need to stop hallucinating.

0.02

 

[Terminal Blue]

In my case, it DID make me less of myself, because instead of functionality, it rendered me into a state of mute panic and fugue; it felt like someone "handcuffed" my brain. Kinda reduced me to a mumbling simpleton while all the while in some recess in the back of my mind I was keenly aware of the disconnect between my thoughts/feelings and functions.

That does sound.. familiar.

I'm guessing you had a bigger dose than I did. I worked up to about 2mg of Risperidone at peak. Not a big dose by any means.

Yeah, there was a certain degree of disconnect, and sometimes I would fuge out for a while and forget what I was doing. There were other things I didn't like. The lack of energy, the weight gain and constant sugar cravings, the insomnia, the memory loss. But I also went from wanting to throw myself out of a window in a fit of panic every couple of days to never feeling like that at all.

The way I saw it, with the side effects I knew what to expect, so while they sucked I just learned to accept them, and while I was not a great person to be around (I dimly remember standing this girl up because I outright forgot she'd asked me out, I'm told she cried her eyes out) I don't think I was ever truly unhappy. It was a nice rest, and while I was glad when I stopped taking my dose and my symptoms didn't recur I certainly don't regret it.

Nowadays I'm on citalopram, which in my opinion is the most amazing drug ever. I got about a month into taking it and suddenly it just worked. It was pretty excellent timing really as I was in the middle of breaking up with someone who had treated me like absolute dirt, and one day I just woke up and genuinely didn't care. I didn't have to feel like it was my fault or that I'd been a horrible person or that I actually needed that person around but was only lying to myself. I just woke up and got on with my life, and haven't stopped since.

I'm still me. I still feel my full range of emotions. I just get over them like most people do, rather than having them lingering in the background every hour of every day until I want to scream.

 

[Svenparty]

Looking over this thread and the feelings the OP is describing I'm starting to realize that I probably have Depression...The feelings of hopelessness and stress that wash over Me over any work in college is sometimes unbearable.

I function with it by working hard when I can but sometimes I feel I work ridiculously long or think about things too much.

 

[Johnny Impact]

Hahahahaha, I find it hilarious that you're trying to tell someone with chronic depression how it's supposed to feel, or act, or respond to treatment

Well at least I made you laugh.

treated with medication, if you don't take medication you'd can begin to treat the other two causes (psychological and environmental)

My reading comprehension must'd can lacking be still. If you spent a little less time talking shit and a little more time proofreading, you might not embarrass yourself.

people need stop pretending the Brain isn't an organ.

When did I say this?

You talked down to OP like you knew everything. You think because your defective brain makes you feel bad you have license to treat everyone like shit.

You don't.

Get over yourself. And do it elsewhere. This forum isn't suited to people of your temperament. Good DAY sir.

 

[iTeamKill]

It's something I can't control. I will be going about my day like normal then it'll hit like *bam* and I'll just want to lay down and rot. Nothing at all will happen, or I'll just wake up feeling awful.

you know, I know where you're coming from on that. I had that feeling at least 5 times a week back in grade school. My parents didn't want to put me on any medication because according to them, I didn't need it. I would "grow" out of it. When I didn't, they resorted to yelling, giving me extra chores, and even punishing me for "not being motivated" by taking away stuff like video games and not letting friends come over. Same for when I was too depressed to want to study because of the constant harassment and bullying at school. I was supposed to "toughen up and stop complaining."

I guess it kinda worked... I'm pretty normal. I'm self sufficient, I pay my bills on time. About to finish college this December. I mean, its pretty normal to not have been able to keep any single healthy relationship going for more than a month for my entire life, or to never have willingly used the word "love" in a sentence with out the other person saying it first and me simply saying it to avoid an awkward moment of silence... right??

 

[SovietSecrets]

Ive taken them for fun once when I was in pill phase and I felt a bit happier over time, but nothing where I could find out how this helps people. Personally I would rather smoke a bit of weed then take a damn pill. I wish you all the best of luck to you and managing your depression no matter what route you take.

 

[Nieroshai]

Antidepressants only drove me to the brink of suicide because then I felt worthless AND drugged into uselessness. That's when I discovered MMOs. Life has only gone uphill.

 

[AnkaraTheFallen]

Snip...

I've been on them for the past few years, and personally how I feel about them changes each day... sometimes I am fine, but other days I just get more depressed for the reasons you've said, about feeling crippled by them. Despite that I would say if you are really depressed than you should try taking them, if just to feel a little better for a while, and see how you feel about them after a bit... and a lot of meds aren't meant to last your whole life, you'll probably be gradually taken off them in the future if you take them.
As for the transgender part, your doctor is probably worried that the depression would be affecting your thinking and that you don't actually feel like that... seems a bit silly at times since in all likelihood that's what's brought about the depression.

Hope I've helped in some way and if I haven't I'm sorry.Best of luck with whatever you choose to do.

Edit: No doubt others have said this as well, but if you want to talk to someone feel free to message me.

 

[Astoria]

A old friend on mine went on anit-depressants. They did her no good whatsoever and actually in a way made her worse. You need to be very careful with taking meds because if you don't get the right one for you I hear they can make you suicidal. You want to be sure that you have tried absoultely everything you can think of before going on meds because as you've said the thought alone of needing them is itself depressing and if gotten wrong they can and will make you worse.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Before you take drugs, try taking up exercise.

Don't look at me like that. Exercise is very good for your mental health.

No it's not "very good for your mental health." It produces dopamine and prevents things like seasonal depression, but it does nothing for clinical depression unless combined with other treatments like counseling and medication.

OP: take the fucking pills. There's something wrong with you, you're sick, you know how you get better from an illness? by taking you god damn pills.

Anti-depressants do the exact same thing, the only upside is you don't haveto move your ass to get high.
The pills are a temporary fix that will make it a bit easier to get through it(like painkillers), but they don't solve anything, you need a shrink for that.

 

[Pearwood]

The obvious answer is go ahead and with my doctor's advice and get on meds, but I've had a really hard time convincing myself. It just feels...crippling. Oh, so I can't be happy normally so now I have to take medicine the rest of my life to fix that? That sounds horrible. The thought just makes me feel even worse, and I just...I don't know.

Antidepressants aren't just a treatment for symptoms, they can cure depression. Most drugs are given in six month courses and the idea is to cure the patient not just to have them on medication forever. If you're really concerned about side effects though you can request therapy instead, my personal advice would be to do both though.

 

[Asuka Soryu]

I'm on anti-depressants(ie, throw a pill out and pretend I had taken it)

But, I had some before these were prescribed, they caused horrible stomach pains, and the ones before got rid of my depression and pissed me the hell off for no reason.


I find the cure for my depression is action and comedy movies, hanging out with friends, music, reading manga, watching anime, playing video games, drawing(though sometimes that can depress me if I can't get the picture right) and getting money to spend on these things.


I only get depressed if I think to much about my life.

 

[similar.squirrel]

I was put on mood-stabilizers in conjunction with cognitive behavioral therapy a few years ago. and to me, that approach sounds the best. The meds give you a good foundation on which to build coping skills.

I don't know about severe clinical depression. I had extremely low self esteem, and I needed the therapy in order to be able to recognize and deal with certain thought-patterns that would lead to me being unable to function. Does depression have these 'triggers' too?

 

[FalloutJack]

I've found myself incapable of holding down a depression. Mine is a life that gets far too thrown into silliness, anger, and all the rest at random. The one time I thought I might, a car beeped at me loudly in passing and I shouted "FUCK YOU!!!" at the top of my lungs in a rage. I have no capacity for depression, only normal sadness.

I have always been opinionated about anti-depressants. I never take these, obviously, nor any medication on a regular basis. The way I understand it from others, it returns functionality to the mind where depression would otherwise hinder it, but...I find it to be a false crutch of an answer. Rather than learning to walk again, someone dependent on a drug is limping with a cane until they get weened off of it and solve the cause. Even clinical depression has a 'cause', and feel that a thing that cannot remove it entirely is not the answer.

That is only my personal view on the matter. I'm afraid my lack of experience prevents me from knowing what can BEAT depression. Even when I broke a leg at a young age, I never experienced depression. I experienced rage and extreme boredom. I suppose getting your mind occupied helps.

 

[Tonimata]

I was on anti-depressants for a while (Prozac, when I was 12), and I felt like a zombie at all times. Plus, I've seen my brother and my ex-bandmate's lives (an AMAZING keyboardist) ruined because of them.


But sometimes... it's just the only way to not feel miserable