Any good tips on how to be more open to talking about sex?

[Sir_Auron_the_Badass]

Let me get right to the point. I wasn't exactly raised in an environment that was supportive of talking about sex/sexuality or anything really similar. Due to some religious reasons (raised Catholic, but left for personal reasons) my parents didn't exactly talk about the issue; they didn't condemn it, but they seemed to go out of their way to avoid the issues. In fact, my father only just got around to "the talk" last year, and it was pretty half-assed. My middle & high-school friends and fellow classmates also rarely addressed the issue, and when they did, it was mostly in a negative way. Now I've been at college for nearly 2 years, and people are always talking about it in one way or another. The problem I have isn't that I see the topic with disdain, but that the massive amount of hush-hush/shameful stigma I was raised around partially ingrained itself in me. I just don't feel very comfortable when a conversation topic heads toward sex, and when it does, I just shy away and say nothing else even though I want to continue conversing.

So how about it? Anyone willing to share any good ways to kick this annoying habit effectively?

P.S. Just to be clear, I don't want to be the kind of guy that slips innuendos into everything he says, or the one to be brash and over-the-top about this topic. I just want to be able to have a mature conversations without getting embarrassed about it.

P.P.S Yes, this is a copy from the Advice Forum for those few that saw it, as I've learned that that forum hardly gets any traffic compared to this one.

 

[SilentCom]

I really opened up a pandora's box of sexually related topics with my "How do you see virgins" post, not that there's anything wrong with sex-related topics in this forum. That's what I get for my curiiousity =P

OT: I think that the stigma is part of it while not the only factor relating to the silence over sexual talk. People tend to refrain from talking about sex in public and instead talk about it in private or in the company of trusted people. I don't think it's a bad thing that people keep relatively silent about sexually related topics because people are sensitive to others. How often do you want to hear about some random person's sex life while on the bus or other public area? Personally I wouldn't. Also, parents don't want their young children to hear these kind of things until they are old enough or mature enough to understand.

My suggestion to having conversation about it is to have it in the company of those you trust talking about anything with. Like us =D

Edit: Also, I get sort of embarrassed too during conversations about sex, I think it's sort of normal.

 

[Dags90]

Start by saying all those naughty words to yourself until you can say "vulva", "labia", "penis", "vagina", and "pink sock" without hesitating or feeling awkward.

They're just words.

 

[Seives-Sliver]

You should try to lose the stigma you have of talking about sex, start off small and work your way up, a conversation on the internet over it, talking to a friend in private, then try it in public, the more used to it you get the easier it will be.

 

[lynnfire]

I had a similar situation when I was growing up. I found talking about sex kind of embarrassing, even around those I trusted and felt close to. Then I had one night out on the town with a really good buddy of mine, where we got really drunk and ended up having a really really long drunk walk home at the end of the night. We got to talking about everything, no inhibitions! (thats what alcohol does!) However, when I began to talk to him about my sexual thoughts/interests/whatever, he got kind of shy.

That made me realize that probably most people are embarrassed to talk about sex when just starting out. I was no different, and neither are you it seems! How I got over it was just to take a deep breath, know that what I might say could embarrass me, and then just do it anyways. Kind of the same way I got over stage fright. Now I find talking about sex really EASY, with just about anyone, stranger or no.

So that's my advice: Just Do It.

 

[Terminal Blue]

You clearly recognize that you have an ingrained response, so I don't see what anyone can tell you which will help. You have to force yourself to ignore it. The more you push yourself to contradict those learned associations the more you will unlearn them. It might be awkward at first, you might even come across as a bit silly, but just make yourself do it and it will quickly stop being an issue.

Tell your inhibitions to fuck off. Grit your teeth and talk. Don't worry about sounding like an idiot or saying something wrong, just push the words out. You don't have to say very much, just throw something out even if you think it sounds silly, even if you haven't really thought it through.

In time, you just get better at talking about it. You find the words which work for you and which have meaning to you. But you can't be taught it, you just have to learn it through doing.

 

[Sir_Auron_the_Badass]

I really opened up a pandora's box of sexually related topics with my "How do you see virgins" post, not that there's anything wrong with sex-related topics in this forum. That's what I get for my curiiousity =P

OT: I think that the stigma is part of it while not the only factor relating to the silence over sexual talk. People tend to refrain from talking about sex in public and instead talk about it in private or in the company of trusted people. I don't think it's a bad thing that people keep relatively silent about sexually related topics because people are sensitive to others. How often do you want to hear about some random person's sex life while on the bus or other public area? Personally I wouldn't. Also, parents don't want their young children to hear these kind of things until they are old enough or mature enough to understand.

My suggestion to having conversation about it is to have it in the company of those you trust talking about anything with. Like us =D

Edit: Also, I get sort of embarrassed too during conversations about sex, I think it's sort of normal.

Actually, this topic came about for me when my roommate started talking about sexuality related issues and he noticed me trying to back out of the conversation, which I normally don't do unless I'm in a bad mood. He simply asked me what was wrong talking about those issues, which got myself wondering why as well. Also, it's not that I particularly care about people talking all about their sex lives in an open discussion, but I want to be able to handle it maturely when it does come up instead of looking like a prude by not addressing it at all.

 

[emeraldrafael]

I'm pretty sure theres a factor of embarrassment in every discussion of sex.

Just go have it, becomes much easier to talk about after you do.

 

[Paksenarrion]

It depends on how you view the discussion. If you treat it as a scientific discourse and use scientific names, I believe you would have a relatively easier time discussing such matters. It would also help if the person you were talking to is someone you can confide in, and takes the conversation seriously.

I hope this helps!

 

[Sir_Auron_the_Badass]

I'm pretty sure theres a factor of embarrassment in every discussion of sex.

Just go have it, becomes much easier to talk about after you do.

I'm sure it would be, but that's much easier said than done for an engineering major. The workload is so drastic I barely have time to meet up with friends, let alone pursue a relationship. Doesn't mean I haven't be trying when I can, just that I haven't had any luck so far.

 

[Sir_Auron_the_Badass]

It depends on how you view the discussion. If you treat it as a scientific discourse and use scientific names, I believe you would have a relatively easier time discussing such matters. It would also help if the person you were talking to is someone you can confide in, and takes the conversation seriously.

I hope this helps!

I don't really know any place other than a sexuality/biology/medical class I could really use them in scientific terms without it being even more awkward than it would normally, and those aren't classes that engineering majors will have in their schedule. As for the other...as I said, my parents won't really deal with the issue, and the next closest person I could confide in is my roommate, and he's basically gone most of the time I'm not swamped with homework.

Kinda made myself sad with that... I often (increasing every month) really wish that I had chosen a different major so I would actually have a decent amount of time to get to know and hang out more with friends.

 

[Risingblade]

Watch a lot of porn make innuendo's in your head but don't state them out loud, just think more about sex in general and you'll eventually be able to talk about it

 

[Sir_Auron_the_Badass]

Watch a lot of porn make innuendo's in your head but don't state them out loud, just think more about sex in general and you'll eventually be able to talk about it

Um, actually, I've kinda been doing that quite a bit for the past few years when I'm alone; it's just when the subject comes up in public (most likely with some friends) I almost instinctively clam up even more than usual. I kinda get the feeling that they think I'm sexually repressing myself because of that, but it's more because I can't seem to relate to or share experiences that regard sex and dating, so I feel I can't really add anything to the conversation.

 

[Radelaide]

Get the hell over feeling awkward and realise that HOLY SHIT sex is a normal thing people do?

Always a good place to start.