I am in a similar position in acedemics. I am also able to talk to anyone and am generally liked by a decent amount of people. People ask me for advice and come to me for a good laugh when they're down. I have several ambitious ideas for the future and am slowly bettering myself as a person.TheAceTheOne said:
I have beaten the ever-loving shit out of myself to get here. I have had to rip doubt and fear out of mind and have tried to destroy whatever sadness and hate that may arise within me.
Everytime I feel like life is too much, I try to rationalize. If that doesn't work, I look in the mirror and try to think of goodness and hope. When that doesn't work, I literally punch myself in the cheek as hard as I can. Why? It knocks me out of whatever cloud has enshrouded my mind. I regain my composure. I make myself better everytime. Suffering forces us to make decisions that can change who we are.
You view yourself as undeserving of what you have. Tell me, have you really suffered enough to feel that? Maybe, purely suggestion, you need to find some time (atleast an hour), sit in ure silence (or the closest to) and think. Think about how you got here. Think about how others view you. Think about how you view yourself. Find what about you that you despise, that you hate, and tear it out. It may be immidiate or it may take time, but it will help; even if it sucks at first.
I don't know if that makes any sense, but it is late here and I am tired. Best of luck to you and solving your problems.
