Anyone else have a boss that's driving them batty?

[mecegirl]

I guess this will count as ranting, and I apologize before hand for the tldr, but I guess I just want to know if I'm overreacting. I work at two small bed and breakfasts. One I have been working at for about 7 years now, the second for around 7 months. The second was supposed to be a temporary thing. Most of the inn owners in my city know each other and so I was recommended to this second inn because they are short staffed.

Correction they, she rather, has no staff. So it is just her and myself working at this inn now. I'm sure I let my sympathies get the better of me. At first I didn't understand how boss number two balanced cooking, cleaning, gardening and answering the phone by herself for so long. She was obviously over worked, and it has effected her physical health. Her knees are a wreck, and she always has stomach issues. On top of that she will go days without proper sleep. She's so used to working over 12 hours a day that even with me there she can't really relax. I do a bit of everything and I even completely run the first inn when those bosses are out of town. At the second inn I mostly help out with the cleaning but that boss is going to visit family so I will be running her inn for her during the third week of this month.

After getting to know her for a while I see that she is short staffed because she is the only one who can do things to her satisfaction. She has fired so many people during her time as a business owner. She is just massively hypercritical, and she hovers around just to make sure that you are doing a "proper" job. I admit to not always doing things to her satisfaction but it is mostly small things that get over looked. Things that can be corrected quickly, but she reacts to every little thing like its the end of the world. The constant criticism has been wearing me down but the breaking point was a text she sent me Tuesday night.

Perhaps because she has no one to talk to about work related things she calls and texts me about work related things all the time. Once again I let my sympathies get the better of me. It's understandable that she would want to vent about work from time to time. It was awkward enough that when she is in a hovering mood at work, not only is she tailing me around trying to "help", she does nothing but complain. Everyone needs a sounding board, but her complaints go from the general to the extreme. She has a habit of assuming the worst of people, and hearing her badmouth the guests of her inn makes me wonder why she bothers as an inn owner. I don't need to always hear about her issues with her son, or about what type of sex she assumes our guests are having. Or about how God has abandoned her. The only time its positive is if she's making money or someone left a positive review on trip adviser. I am relatively new to her inn and I understand that she does things differently, so her criticism of my work doesn't bother me most of the time. But she will call or text me after my working hours to voice these complaints about work and about her life. And even to criticize me from time to time.

That text Tuesday night? At 9:30 on a Tuesday night to be precise, it was because she thought that the floor under one of the beds was dusty and asked if I could come in the next day. And just to clarify, she's one of those white glove type of cleaners. At 5'4 I don't have the longest arms, we also wipe the floors down on our hands and knees so its very possible that I missed a spot. I suppose I should completely crawl under the king sized bed next time instead of simply reaching my arm under it when I wipe the floor? Either way, so I missed a spot? It happens. It happens at the first inn I work at too. My bosses at the first Inn let me know whenever I miss something and I will go and correct it. But if they notice that I missed something after working hours they don't text specifically to tell it to me. They just tell me about it when I come in the next time.

And waiting until I come in next time is a very easy thing to do. I rarely get a real day off. My days range from full days to half days. If I'm not at one inn I'm at the other, sometimes both. I am somewhat used to this schedule. It sucks because we can go from being empty to having a full house, so any day off can be thwarted before its begun. But at the moment both inns are empty and today has been my second day off in a row since.. Shit does going on an actual vacation count? These days it seems that I have to call off months in advance and be out of state for either boss to not call and ask if I can come in. On top of that when I'm not working at either inn I'm busy catching up on personal projects.

I think its just fatigue. I see her most every day, I deal with her negativity most every day. I didn't have an offical day off at all last month, Wednesday was supposed to be a day off. No one was checking into this "dusty" room last minute. No one was checking into her inn at all until Friday and even then as it stands that "dusty" room isn't one of the rooms being checked into. Excepting an emergency check in the dust under it could wait until I come into work tomorrow. But she texts me about it anyway, something that wouldn't even take 10 minutes to do and I think I just snapped. I haven't answered any of her calls or texts since then(for the most part the same old texting me bout work shit during my off hours. like who the fuck wants to talk about work when they aren't at work? another text at 1. pm today is what inspired this thread). But unless she sends me something saying that I'm actually needed to work I won't be. Because as immature as it is to ignore her I feel like the added pressures of seeing her face to face would keep me from cussing her the fuck out while I explain why I'm upset.

TLDR

I'm normally a level headed person, but I've made the mistake of letting my discontent simmer too long. Has anyone been pushed to a breaking point by their boss/employer at work? Can we just ***** at each other over actual/ perceived wrongs for a bit? I feel like either I have unrealistic expectations for a employer/employee relationship or she does. But if It's me someone please set me straight.

 

[Foolery]

I feel like either I have unrealistic expectations for a employer/employee relationship or she does.

Nope. Not at all. What you're asking for is perfectly reasonable. That is a toxic work environment, no excuses. I work front desk at a small hotel in the summer months, and I can tell you are spot on in your assessment, she is a bad manager. Fortunately, I do have a good boss, and good staff to work with as a team. Judging by what you've shared here, you're not a team. You've got an understaffed business, with a control-freak manager who can't chill out or be flexible. The texts outside of work are also highly inappropriate, unless it's "Jane, could you pick up more floor cleaner on your next shift, etc". All in all, I'd say get out if you can.

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

You're totally justified in being upset with your boss, OP. She's using you to fill roles as an employee, as a coworker, and as a friend. And that's sort of messed up. She wants to be a stern, critical boss, but also wants to comradery of a coworker, and thinks it's okay to casually contact you outside of work as a friend would (or critique work work via text, which is pretty shitty to do).

That situation would weird me the hell out. I'd quit. When you do confront her, be respectful. You don't want to get a bad reputation seeing as most of the B&B owners know each other.

 

[mecegirl]

Thanks for the input you two. I did finally call her. She was legit worried that I was dead somewhere just because I didn't talked to her for a day and a half. She actually called my first boss today to cry about it. What's worse is that she described it as being "several days" since we hadn't talked. When its only been one whole day and a part of this one. My first boss just told her that either I was enjoying my day off(which I was) or that something was wrong with my phone and not to worry. I spent more time assuring her that I wasn't in a ditch somewhere than dealing with the problem, but I think she sorta gets it? I don't know but I'll probably have to talk to her about it one more time if she calls me like this again.

 

[Redd the Sock]

One thing I learned doing bookkeeping work for small businesses after graduating is that a lot of people got suckered into the whole "start your own business, be your own boss, master your own destiny" schtick when they really don't have the business sense or people skills to do so. One I had wrote notes on napkins and scrap paper and tossed them in bins and gave me grief if I tried to organize it in some proper readable sense. She was also a chronic visitor and really just wanted someone to talk to (only time I was happy to get fired) My current one has a bad tendency to just walk into my office and start taking about something he wants to work on without asking if I can be interrupted, or even knocking. I've seen a lot: comes late and unprepared for meetings. ignores own processes and rules. Forgets day to day tasks and blames you for not reminding them. No effort to enforce policy with those breaking it. A few things right out of a Dilbert cartoon.

You'll never get a perfect boss, but quitting should be a last resort. Calm down, take a breath, and write a polite letter or email expressing frustrations, or if you can without blowing up, actually talk to her. Avoid insulting terms and acknowledge a need for improvement yourself, but mention the inappropriateness of calling you off work hours for anything less than an emergency, or you don't find the badmouthing of guests appropriate or helpful in doing your duties. Sometimes personalities clash and there's nothing to be done about it, but aside from you'd just leave her to be a pain to the next schlub taking your job, it's good in further job hunting if you can show you can try to deal with conflict like this without bailing when there's trouble.

 

[Hurrly]

SHe sounds like a very demanding boss and almost the opposite yet the exact same as mine.
Been working where i am for two and a half years or so as a commis chef with my boss/ head chef taking random days off. That leaves me and sometimes a porter to run the kitchen while he goes and has fun with his mates. iv covered his weeks off on holiday and practically run the kitchen at the moment. However he still sees me as a commis chef despite practically being his sous chef right now. Im training in new recruits, ordering and storing the stock most weeks. And dont forget the cooking and prep.

And yet he is similar to your own boss in that when he is there he needs to be everywhere. from the bar to the kitchen to being a waiter and sometimes even a gardener. He can be very meticulous about things being just as he wants it to be even if someone has found a better way it takes alot of convincing. He will, at times, give you twelve hours notice before you need to come in meaning planning trips or nights out almost impossible.

Being completely honest your post cheered me up knowing im not the only one with an annoying boss even if i am grossly underpaid for what i do he tends not to call about random work stuff on my days off. You should try and explain to her that her constant calling is getting to you and that you need your space. She aint your ma ffs.

 

[Thyunda]

I had a boss who felt that it was perfectly within health and safety regulations to carry bin bags around customers while they were eating. I don't mean that she did it, or even that she encouraged others to do it. Of course, she did both - but what really, really pissed me off was that she'd given me two new members of staff to train, and I trained them according to what worked best for me. I was pretty good at my job. That's why I was given people to train.

Obviously.

So these two new guys are trying to balance trays, a spray bottle, a cloth, a bin bag and whatever else customers might need to keep the restaurant area clean, and, under my guidance, I limited it to collecting trays and shifting food on abandoned tables to the bins already present in the area - no need for a goddamn bin bag. Anyhow, so the boss corners me in the washup and asks "Have you been teaching them to not use a binbag?" I reply, "Yeah, they were struggling to carry everything at once, so I've told 'em to use the bins already out there."
She looked like she might stab me in the face, and says curtly, "That's not how I do it. Nobody empties those bins."
Took me aback, of course, because I empty those bins. Because it's my job. Never had a complaint about the bins overflowing.
"Uh...I empty those bins..." I said, and I think I did very well in not adding "Because some of us know how to do this fucking job."

Then again, this is the same manager who instructed a supervisor to move some broken tables into a different area. The baton was passed down the line, and so it came to me to shift the tables, and I did so. As ordered.
Two hours later, I'm summoned to the manager's office, who demands to know why I was in an off-limits area while the supervisor was in the office with us. I looked at her, I looked at him, and I said "Because [Supervisor] asked me to."
She stared at him. Realisation came over his face, he shrugged and said "Oh yeah, I did."

Pft. Real competence at that place.

 

[FalloutJack]

Well, clearly this woman is an obsessive-compulsive idiot who can't delegate a task or has any common sense. You can't maintain such a place on your own without self-destructing. And she WILL explode, so when it happens...don't get any of it on you. Take over, put out some want ads in the paper, and find some people who want to become staff.

 

[Rylot]

Not much you can do OP. Maybe try talking to a few of the other managers of other B&Bs to see if they can have a little chat with her about how she can't keep this going for much longer. You seem compassionate and want to help out, unfortunately when people are determined to fail and work that hard at it, they're gonna fail.

I used to work nights as a security guard. The job itself wasn't bad. Hardest part was staying awake. But the construction companies that that would contract jobs our to us where complete fucking assholes and the managers at either company I worked for would bend over backwards to accommodate any stupid wish those fuck heads could come up with. I actually got called on New Year's Eve to work at 6 AM the next fucking day. And shifts were 12 hours long. How the fuck am I supposed to stay awake? I don't have any time to plan my won sleep schedule for work let alone a social life.

Now I work retail, which I don't like all the well but I'm at least treated like a human being. I did have one manager who'd freak out and get super defensive any time you'd even try and talk with him. It wouldn't even be anything critical or negative in the slightest. 'Hey, can I get some pennies when you get a chance?'
'Woah, hold on. I've only been here ten minutes! I've got six things I'm doing right now! Hold on!'

I nearly cried with joy when he moved to night shift.

 

[Kae]

Like everyone's said you are pretty much right, she has to understand that there's limits.

As for myself, I have very little patience for bullshit, if a boss acts like that I almost immediately call them out or scold them, and they better not be rude because I respond by cussing back at them and I can be pretty scary when I'm angry, a good trait since it means that if I leave work early because I'm angry absolutely no one will stop me or do anything about it, fortunately despite my strong personality it's very rare that my co-workers don't appreciate me since I'm mostly nice and a very hard worker, plus I stand up for them if I think something was handled badly, that being said I have been fired before for yelling "Shut the fuck up you fucking asshole" to a boss before explaining what she was doing wrong[footnote]Which was yelling at an obviously sick co-worker that he was a useless piece of shit because he was struggling to work because of how sick he was.[/footnote].

Oh yeah and today a co-worker pissed me off so I threw a sandwich at his face before leaving, to be honest it scares me thinking what I would do if I ran out of patience.

 

[teqrevisited]

Thankfully my higher ups have always been reasonable. The only confrontations that have arisen have been when I have been trying to get things done for customers who have been severely mistreated, ironically usually due to the lack of notes in cases made to help them. Proper procedures can be so damn limiting sometimes it's depressing.

 

[Dalisclock]

Your boss sounds a bit nuts. It's great to be ambitious and want everything to be as good as it can be, but some people fail to realize that not everyone wants to spend all their time and energy on the job, especially if the paycheck isn't much to speak of. I can kind of see why she doesn't have a staff other then you. Everyone else likely got sick of her micro-managing/OCD ways and told her off as they walked out the door.

I can empathize. I used to work Military recruiting and had a boss like that, who was NEVER satisfied. It doesn't matter how much we did or how long we worked, we were never doing good enough for his taste. He took a coworker in the back office and screamed at him for 15 minutes(we could hear it through the walls) for sighing, of all things. We routinely didn't go home until at least an hour after the office closed because he was in a bad mood(and he was almost always in a bad mood), and often would tell us to come in an hour or so early for the same reason.

Sadly, the military doesn't allow you to quit(especially not from recruiting) and the fact I was a year or so away from an honorable discharge was one of the only reasons I put up with it for so long. I'm out now and if I had that same situation now, I'd probably have little compunction about quitting.

 

[silver wolf009]

I am a lonely peon, pushing carts to and fro the parking lot at your neighborhood Wal-Mart. I have many bosses, but one in particular, we'll call her Clarice, aggravates me.

Now, my job requires a level of physical exertion that I wouldn't dismiss outright. And when an older woman, approaching her mid 50's, screeches at me through the radio that, shock of all shocks, there are carts still in the parking lot! I get a bit peeved. Something about someone who actually, physically couldn't do my job, telling me exactly how to do my job pisses me off.

 

[Silverbeard]

Snipped

I find my boss as aggravating as you find yours but for exactly the opposite reasons, I think.

I'm a clinical microbiologist and the lab I work at is about a mid-sized facility but not linked to a hospital. My immediate supervisor is inspiring, irritating, frustrating, trusting, funny and peevish all on the same day. He'll barge into my area at random hours during the day, demand to know how high the workload is for that day, how much progress I've made on one or more problem samples and how many overtime hours I can work over the weekend. He'll grab documents and specimens I'm working on at random, peruse them within minutes and then leave them wherever he wants to (typically somewhere I can't find them) before running off to get in someone else's way. He never makes plans for anything- not people requesting time off, resigning, calling out, nothing. Anytime things go to shit (and they do, often), his answer is 'deal with it as best you can'. On top of that he routinely expects me and my peers to work on our weekends. He expects us to call him 'sir' or 'supervisor'. Sounds like a terrible chap to work for, eh?

But despite all that, he's the first one into the lab in the morning and usually the last one out at night. He's never stuck his nose into my plans and ordered me to do things in a specific way. He works through his weekends just like he asks the rest of us to. He'll take one two-week vacation from work each year but not a single day off beyond that- and he'll never refuse anyone else a day off unless someone else asked for the same day off first. He's never in his office because he's always out on the main floor digging into the work like the rest of us. He'll train new hires himself if he can. Once a week he gets on the PA system and tells us a few jokes of varying quality, brevity and political correctness.

I don't know if I should hate this guy or love him, but I do respect him greatly. Maybe that's enough?

EDIT: Suppose I should expand a bit: Would it be enough for you to respect your current boss? You don't have to like her even though she seems to want you to but if you can respect her dedication to her business... well, would that be enough for you to tolerate her?

 

[Scarim Coral]

Sorry op but I went TL DR but I will read it sometime tomorrow (late at night as I typed this).

EDIT- Ok I read it and yeah, it sound like she got issues, ALOT of issues to deal with...

OT- My current boss is been annoying me to the point that I just entered "Do not care" mode when I am at her present. There's no point at acting pissed/ annoyed in front of her as she always pissed off anyway (a lose lose situation).

Normally I'm a good worker (other higher up co workers like my supervisor and other past boss) have compliment me for me being a hard worker but when I am working with her, NOTHING pleased her. The thing is, every other staff agreed with me in that she is a lousy boss to work for!

She is just too profit driven (to the point at blaming every little things that lose a profit) and panick over the litte details that doesn't matter on the long run. She just need to learn that there are time when is it beyond her control and should just chill with me.

Her recent antic has been pissing me off as aparently I got told off for not tidying up the stocks when I had stocking them (I worked in retail). I don't see the point of this as I do this during working hours as in costumers are in so whatever I tidy up, the customers will mess it up.

By all means I do tidy up but ONLY when it's an two hours before closing down and that how we has always been doing it until the recent manager crazy mind changing idea. Seriously there is NOTHING to do in those last two hours other than tidying up so by tidying up earlier will only make the rest of the hours boring as hell!

In saying so however some other staffs had it worse than me like my supervisor (an awesome chill guy btw) cos he get the short end of the stick as she is the first person to go to blame for the lost profits. Heck my co worker was lucky enough to get a transfer when she learn she was coming back (she was transfer in the past) as she really hated her but she was the most optimistic gal I ever met (there is something seriously wrong with the manager to do that to her!).

They should really sacked her by now but if only we can get hard evidence of her exploits (remours going on that she is not honest at paying our wages).

 

[mecegirl]

And the saga continues... Thanks for the encouragement everyone! And for those with similar stories I feel both bad and relived that I'm not the only one. Hopefully cooler heads will prevail and everything can be settled.

Anywho, I was woken up at 7:30 this morning by a text message. I'm staying awake long enough to type this then I'm going back to sleep. We serve breakfast at 9 and depending on the number of guests the one preparing breakfast has to be there at either 7:30 or 8 am to make sure everything is alright. She just texted me to ask if I can do breakfast this morning. I've already spoken to her about this last month. I told her that I don't mind filling in for breakfast last minute but it would be better if she asks me the night before. I know she has trouble sleeping so I wouldn't mind if she asks me the day before or even texted me the night before.

The three times that she tried this(calling or texting at 7 or 7:30) last month I didn't ,respond until it was too late for me to do breakfast. I even explained to her that it would be better to ask me the day/night before. I told her not to wait until she goes 5 days(what she says happens) without proper sleep before asking me, and to just ask me the day before if I can come in. I told her if she goes two or so days without sleep then when she sees me on the third day to just go ahead and ask. With how often she likes to text you'd think she'd take up my offer, but of all the random things she texts me that is never it. She even texted me last night about my work schedule today(which to me is rational, I don't mind texts of that nature.) and my schedule is to come in at 11 am. Last minute schedule changes I understand, but this is just her being irresponsible. If an employee tried to call in super last minute because of lack of sleep she would show no sympathy. She's told me stories of the reasons why she has fired people, and not showing up to work out of the blue was one of the reasons. Anyway, I'm going back to bed.

 

[WhiteFangofWhoa]

Just one worth ranting over, at a place I (thankfully) no longer work at after eight years.

Six years ago, she was assigned as general manager due to experience. Over the next few she began to change the rules and regulations regarding regular managers, all of whom I enjoy working with, redirecting more and more authority to herself. Either as a result of the additional pressure resulting or naturally, she became gradually more and more irritable towards everyone over the slightest error. She began fairly shrill, but I swear she got worse and worse over time- perhaps just age and stress?

You could no longer book sick days or any kind of time off through any manager but her. You had to leave a note and wait for her to get back to you. She became the only one allowed to order new product or uniforms. When she was at the store, you had to speak to her to go to the bathroom, no one else. You get the idea. To top it all off, the store owner, the one person there who technically outranked her is a nice guy who caved whenever she raised her voice. So basically she held power over everything, including shifts and regulations, any changes to which you would not learn about until she screamed them at you. Heaven forbid we actually be told before the shift starts. Even more aggravating was when the technology we used to process orders would break down, and she would blame the user for breaking it even though it breaks at least once a day.

The difference in atmosphere in the store was amazing really. When she wasn't there (she kept completely stable hours) I could enjoy working with any other manager on duty even during busy days. In my last two years there I dreaded going to work when she was there, knowing I wouldn't get through it without a slew of profanity and death threats directed at me. Of course she could never be reported for any of this, because she is the only one we were allowed report to about workplace harassment as well.

Okay, now I'm done. Anyone else have someone worse?

 

[Artina89]

By the sounds of it, she sounds a tad needy and OCD, and you are the only, and safest person for her to vent to, which is a lot of pressure for one person to take at times. Like when you didn't contact her that time when you were off work. Now, when I have a day or so off from work, I don't want to contact anybody that I work with, but that is because I want there to be a nice, neat divide between my work and private life. My current supervisor at work is brilliant, but the one at my old job was an absolute nightmare. The slightest mistake I made, she would threaten me with a disciplinary, and yell at me for about an hour, but when someone else made a similar mistake, she would just let it slide. She would also leave me to do nearly everything, from processing and testing the samples, to cleaning the entire lab. It would mean that my work days were up to 9 or more hours per day when they were only meant to be 8, and as a result of this constant harassment and long working hours meant that I very nearly had a nervous breakdown. Moving to my current job is easily the best thing I have ever done, it is better pay, it is something I have a genuine interest in, more holidays, and the work day has better hours.