Anyone got any funny D&D stories?
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When we were in this new demention we found a little vilage plauged with dragons. Being a first time facing them it was hard. Since we killed the mothers children she came down raising hell around us. When she was just about to kill 40 villagers with her flame weapon we got her. then the fun started.
We had a dragon born with no eyebrows that. was a chaotic evil.
Sfter he rolled the dice the player robbie said "I don't have do something evil for a looong time."
He spent all his money on alcamist fire and 2/3 of the town was on fire.
Me and the warrior stoll a couple kegs of ber as the guards at the tower shot me in the ass!
Good times.
We had a dragon born with no eyebrows that. was a chaotic evil.
Sfter he rolled the dice the player robbie said "I don't have do something evil for a looong time."
He spent all his money on alcamist fire and 2/3 of the town was on fire.
Me and the warrior stoll a couple kegs of ber as the guards at the tower shot me in the ass!
Good times.
BTW... Fellow GMasters, altough somewhat funny, let it be a warning for you...
Not pure DnD but Pathfinder (often called "DnD 3.75"). In short : we were playing Council of Thieves campaign (brilliant thing btw, i recoomend it to everyone interested in starting rpg career). In chapter #2 players infiltrated manor of some wealthy person - i don't recall who that was. Inside encountered usual stuff - nightmarish torture chambers, enemies, prisoners, treasures, you know the drill.
Amongst other precious spoils of war they've found severed head of some chick, kept alive by means of magic. Though insane, she was still useful as a source of information. But not only that and here's word of advice : think hard before handing severed but alive heads to PCs. Think hard.
...i hope i don't have to explain why. ;]
Not pure DnD but Pathfinder (often called "DnD 3.75"). In short : we were playing Council of Thieves campaign (brilliant thing btw, i recoomend it to everyone interested in starting rpg career). In chapter #2 players infiltrated manor of some wealthy person - i don't recall who that was. Inside encountered usual stuff - nightmarish torture chambers, enemies, prisoners, treasures, you know the drill.
Amongst other precious spoils of war they've found severed head of some chick, kept alive by means of magic. Though insane, she was still useful as a source of information. But not only that and here's word of advice : think hard before handing severed but alive heads to PCs. Think hard.
...i hope i don't have to explain why. ;]
This is hardly the forum to be embarassed about our gaming habits.similar.squirrel said:
Two brief stories that come to mind are the time our cleric died during character creation. (Back in 2nd ED preists get 1D6+con and he took points out con for a -1 bonus.(thinking wis was more important)) He then rolled a 1, 1-1=0HP and he died. He very quickly made and almost identical character, but put a few more points into con for a 0 bonus. He then rolled another 1. He was VERY careful with his character after that.
There was also the time that a boss was spamming prismatic cone. And our ranger was unlucky enought to be hit with an 8. (for those who don't know prismatic effects are basically roll a D8 to see which of 7 effects happen to you, on an 8 roll twice more and be hit by both.) So basically she was hit by insanity (she failed the willpower roll) then was sent to an alternate dimension. Luckily it was the last session in that campaign xD some memebers wanted to keep going to try and rescue her, but we decided that there was very little chance we would even know WHICH plane she was sent to, much less that she would survive 10 mins on arrival after the whole insanity thing.
Oh my very first game I made a Dawrven fighter. Not 3 hours later he was dropped off a cliff, knocked unconscious, dragged through a swamp and eaten by Aligaotrs. Needless to say, I hated my friends way of saving people. The person he saved then "owed him one." That dropped off a cliff was my one.
I never was much for the Table top RPG's rather I was always more the war gamer, but in the only D&D game I ever played my level 1 wizard some how out lived three level six guys. Heh, the dwarf axed himself in the head, but that might just be GM corruption too.
Not from D&D, but from Dark Heresy which is similar.
Most of our fun happened last week when our characters were stripped and imprisoned for breaking in to some evil lair and stuff. I stand, say "Well, time to get role-playing" and start pulling down my jeans, GM looks horrified and shouts "I will give you 50xp right here and now if you promise to keep your clothes on."
The next 10 minutes we spend trying to threaten, bribe, persuade, whatever the guard while my mate, who plays a sexy female character, sits quietly with some paper. Eventually we ask what he's doing, and he presents to us some very detailed pictures of his character performing very explicit sexual acts on the NPCs also imprisoned. My favourite was the one of the Sam Raimi style cock charge towards his bent over character. Pervy, weird, hilarious.
It's a shame these sort of stories lose their effect when you retell them.
EDIT: Almost forgot one of my favourites. We were taking out a demon host, when after a few feral winks and nudges I told him I wished to approach the altar and join him. As I approach it, I rip down his flag and piss over the entire altar. As a pissed off demon host breaks off eviscerating my friends to charge me down I stand and yell "How was I supposed to know it wouldn't kill him!?!" GM not pleased. Especially when his lovely demon host proceeds to take a greatsword to the face and a sniper fire to the back. BROCK now wears that flag as a cape (after washing it).
Most of our fun happened last week when our characters were stripped and imprisoned for breaking in to some evil lair and stuff. I stand, say "Well, time to get role-playing" and start pulling down my jeans, GM looks horrified and shouts "I will give you 50xp right here and now if you promise to keep your clothes on."
The next 10 minutes we spend trying to threaten, bribe, persuade, whatever the guard while my mate, who plays a sexy female character, sits quietly with some paper. Eventually we ask what he's doing, and he presents to us some very detailed pictures of his character performing very explicit sexual acts on the NPCs also imprisoned. My favourite was the one of the Sam Raimi style cock charge towards his bent over character. Pervy, weird, hilarious.
It's a shame these sort of stories lose their effect when you retell them.
EDIT: Almost forgot one of my favourites. We were taking out a demon host, when after a few feral winks and nudges I told him I wished to approach the altar and join him. As I approach it, I rip down his flag and piss over the entire altar. As a pissed off demon host breaks off eviscerating my friends to charge me down I stand and yell "How was I supposed to know it wouldn't kill him!?!" GM not pleased. Especially when his lovely demon host proceeds to take a greatsword to the face and a sniper fire to the back. BROCK now wears that flag as a cape (after washing it).
My group was just starting our first campaign together. Me and the DM had experience, but one of our members was new and very headstrong. When we entered the first dungeon, right off the bat he runs ahead and opens a door. Inside he sees a few goblins, says "ok" and runs off to open another door. Naturally, me and one of the other guys in our group have to stay behind to fight them. Despite my insistance that he isn't nearly as awesome as he things he is, and that he should stay with the group, he runs down the hall and opens a door only to find 2 big monsters, each of which would be able to kill him alone (I'm still not sure if it was originally planned or the DM decided to be a dick); and to make matters worse, we were in no position to help him. He got the best scared look on his face and said "what do I do now?" I hand him a couple dice and say "now you roll for your reality check."
Variety of somewhat comical stories. I usually DM, so unless otherwise stated... For starters;
There was the Paladin that used a zombie as a greatclub.
I once, as a rogue, dropped a smoke stick and subsequently blinded all of us, but not the skeleton variants that were attacking us...
I've been running a campaign where the players do not really know much of anything about one another. Especially not their stats, but also not their classes and stuff. I encouraged everyone to have some grand secret about themselves that may or may not come out eventually. Unbeknownst to them, but knowst to me, one of the party members is secretly working for the group of cultists they are trying to destroy. He will eventually turn against, and kill everyone in the group. I personally cannot wait.
A friend of mine, in the aforementioned campaign, is playing a female drow. He's male, so I wrote a nice little joke in his character bio for all (but him) to see. He eventually found it, but until then his bio involved him being a homosexual male drow named Shaun posing as a female drow named Shandris. He is also really bad at roleplaying a drow, since he pretty much lets us push him around.
One of the characters in that campaign is a Doppelganger soulknife that does not know about his Multiple Personality Disorder and Mania centered around napkins. That's a fun go-to.
As a rogue, I used my rapier to Insta-kill a swarm that contained "hundreds" of bats, gaining myself the title of "bat-slayer." The mental image of a rogue lunging with his sword and skewering a hundred bats on it was quite funny.
I'll add more as I think of more.
There was the Paladin that used a zombie as a greatclub.
I once, as a rogue, dropped a smoke stick and subsequently blinded all of us, but not the skeleton variants that were attacking us...
I've been running a campaign where the players do not really know much of anything about one another. Especially not their stats, but also not their classes and stuff. I encouraged everyone to have some grand secret about themselves that may or may not come out eventually. Unbeknownst to them, but knowst to me, one of the party members is secretly working for the group of cultists they are trying to destroy. He will eventually turn against, and kill everyone in the group. I personally cannot wait.
A friend of mine, in the aforementioned campaign, is playing a female drow. He's male, so I wrote a nice little joke in his character bio for all (but him) to see. He eventually found it, but until then his bio involved him being a homosexual male drow named Shaun posing as a female drow named Shandris. He is also really bad at roleplaying a drow, since he pretty much lets us push him around.
One of the characters in that campaign is a Doppelganger soulknife that does not know about his Multiple Personality Disorder and Mania centered around napkins. That's a fun go-to.
As a rogue, I used my rapier to Insta-kill a swarm that contained "hundreds" of bats, gaining myself the title of "bat-slayer." The mental image of a rogue lunging with his sword and skewering a hundred bats on it was quite funny.
I'll add more as I think of more.
While not DnD, I'm the GM for my groups Deathwatch games, which is a Warhammer 40K RPG where you play as Space Marines. While this does tend to dial down the craziness due to the sheer powerlevel of the characters, there are still some good stories. A personal favourite would be when our Black Templar decided to utterly level a house containing a rebel stubber position. Bringing up his Missile Launcher and loading a Krak Missile, he manages to roll a misfire. It should be cool though, since there is a 7 out of 10 chance that the missile is simply a dud. Of course, the player manages to roll a 9, causing the Krak Missile to explode inside the Missile Launchers tube. This leads to a chain reaction where all the Black Templars grenades cook off from the explosion, and he has to spend a fate point just to survive. After some deliberation, it was decided that while the Missile Launcher is now unusable, the Black Templar got lucky and the explosion only singed his armor and incinerated his tabard, leading to a very pissed of Black Templar for the rest of that mission.
Another good story was at the tail end of a mission where everyone had been very lucky and not had to spend any fate points, our Blood Angel and Space Wolf found themselves dining together with a rogue trader whom they had chartered transport with. Things went a bit sideways after a bit of bragging from both sides, and things ended with the two players spending all their fate points on an armwrestling contest that lasted for 3 hours, before the Blood Angel finally brought down the Space Wolf with such force that they cracked rogue traders dining table.
An example from when I was a player in a Dark Heresy game, my previous character had just died, and my new character, an adept from a shrine world, was going to be introduced. An imperial guard troop mistok me for a priest due to my character having an aquila tattoo on the forehead as well as wearing robes, and since priests are a combat class decided to drag me to the frontlines. Of course, once we got there things turned sour quickly with suicide bombing children decimating the guardsmen. My character, terrified as he was since he is not supposed to be in combat, attempted to take on the demeanor of a priest, and managed to trick the guardsmen into charging straight towards the enemy lines while my character could stay behind and find someplace to hide until the shooting stopped.
Another good story was at the tail end of a mission where everyone had been very lucky and not had to spend any fate points, our Blood Angel and Space Wolf found themselves dining together with a rogue trader whom they had chartered transport with. Things went a bit sideways after a bit of bragging from both sides, and things ended with the two players spending all their fate points on an armwrestling contest that lasted for 3 hours, before the Blood Angel finally brought down the Space Wolf with such force that they cracked rogue traders dining table.
An example from when I was a player in a Dark Heresy game, my previous character had just died, and my new character, an adept from a shrine world, was going to be introduced. An imperial guard troop mistok me for a priest due to my character having an aquila tattoo on the forehead as well as wearing robes, and since priests are a combat class decided to drag me to the frontlines. Of course, once we got there things turned sour quickly with suicide bombing children decimating the guardsmen. My character, terrified as he was since he is not supposed to be in combat, attempted to take on the demeanor of a priest, and managed to trick the guardsmen into charging straight towards the enemy lines while my character could stay behind and find someplace to hide until the shooting stopped.
ok here's one from my fallout pnp
my players at this point are on a large zepplin owned by npc and large chinese population
and are being pursued by mercs via vertibird
player 2 im going to shoot that holy hand nade at the mercs with a potato cannon
npc thats a terrible idea i say no my blimp my rules we will come up with a plan
player 1 gambling at this point with chinese
player 4 drinking interior bar dry
player 3 helping interior store by sitting there nude and pick pocketing others
player 2 crits with speech check
npc fine just so you shut the bloody hell up
player 1 speaking outside of game no way ill fail unless i crit fail (being 97 98 99 100
rolls big gun's skill roll's 100
blank stare at me, me shaking my head in sadness
49% of chinese there being 80 of them burned alive as zeppelin explodes.
player 1 is incinerated. gun and and caps being only thing remaining
player 3 survives while skydiving while plastered
player 4 survives but breaks right leg and is unconscious for a week
player 2 rolls terribly and actually lands in vertibird and gets captured by mercs
and gains title of downer of the rising sun
end
only thing funnier is the character's themselves in that campaign.
my players at this point are on a large zepplin owned by npc and large chinese population
and are being pursued by mercs via vertibird
player 2 im going to shoot that holy hand nade at the mercs with a potato cannon
npc thats a terrible idea i say no my blimp my rules we will come up with a plan
player 1 gambling at this point with chinese
player 4 drinking interior bar dry
player 3 helping interior store by sitting there nude and pick pocketing others
player 2 crits with speech check
npc fine just so you shut the bloody hell up
player 1 speaking outside of game no way ill fail unless i crit fail (being 97 98 99 100
rolls big gun's skill roll's 100
blank stare at me, me shaking my head in sadness
49% of chinese there being 80 of them burned alive as zeppelin explodes.
player 1 is incinerated. gun and and caps being only thing remaining
player 3 survives while skydiving while plastered
player 4 survives but breaks right leg and is unconscious for a week
player 2 rolls terribly and actually lands in vertibird and gets captured by mercs
and gains title of downer of the rising sun
end
only thing funnier is the character's themselves in that campaign.
Gather young, lads and lasses, and I shall tell you the tale of Krunk the Barbarian.
This was a very new DM. I feel the best way to introduce DMs to the craft is through good-natured trolling. Enter Krunk the Barbarian.
It helps I had magic rolls with this character. He was a half-orc sorcerer, 18 str, 16 charisma. His boon campanion was his familiar bat, named Scrambles the Death-Dealer.
Anyway, we were set on a quest, but no one was playing a rogue. However, Krunk was wiley (12 int, 13 wis), and thought of a solution. He grabbed a log about 3' long and carved "Rogue" into the side, and carved a frowny face in it for good measure. When we needed to tjeck for traps, Krunk rolled the Rogue down the hallway. When we needed a chest open, the Rock broke the lock for us. The DM learned real quick that doors you don't want the players to enter should open inward, not outward because the weakest part of a mage-locked adamantine door are the hinges.
The best part was there was an actual half-orc barbarian in the group, but he could not out-fight Krunk. This particular player had a penchant for taking monkey grip at all times. Why take monkey grip and use an oversized greataxe, when you could be a sorcerer and cast enlarge person on yourself while using a longspear? Damage is only a little less and I now have 20' range (close fighting was not an issue because of the spiked helmet Krunk wore, get close and he head-butted you into submission with it).
Although the DM had other arragnements and the game broke up at 6th level, Krunk managed to be the hero of the party. Enlarge Person, a longspear, and the Stand Still feat made even the widest corridor a choke point to protect the more fragile party members. Color Spray manages to retain some use for a while. Grease manages to shut down anybody. Yes, Krunk the Barbarian might have dropped off the radar, but you can guarantee he's out there somewhere, trying to get the female elf bard and female human fighter into bed with him "to conserve warmths".
This was a very new DM. I feel the best way to introduce DMs to the craft is through good-natured trolling. Enter Krunk the Barbarian.
It helps I had magic rolls with this character. He was a half-orc sorcerer, 18 str, 16 charisma. His boon campanion was his familiar bat, named Scrambles the Death-Dealer.
Anyway, we were set on a quest, but no one was playing a rogue. However, Krunk was wiley (12 int, 13 wis), and thought of a solution. He grabbed a log about 3' long and carved "Rogue" into the side, and carved a frowny face in it for good measure. When we needed to tjeck for traps, Krunk rolled the Rogue down the hallway. When we needed a chest open, the Rock broke the lock for us. The DM learned real quick that doors you don't want the players to enter should open inward, not outward because the weakest part of a mage-locked adamantine door are the hinges.
The best part was there was an actual half-orc barbarian in the group, but he could not out-fight Krunk. This particular player had a penchant for taking monkey grip at all times. Why take monkey grip and use an oversized greataxe, when you could be a sorcerer and cast enlarge person on yourself while using a longspear? Damage is only a little less and I now have 20' range (close fighting was not an issue because of the spiked helmet Krunk wore, get close and he head-butted you into submission with it).
Although the DM had other arragnements and the game broke up at 6th level, Krunk managed to be the hero of the party. Enlarge Person, a longspear, and the Stand Still feat made even the widest corridor a choke point to protect the more fragile party members. Color Spray manages to retain some use for a while. Grease manages to shut down anybody. Yes, Krunk the Barbarian might have dropped off the radar, but you can guarantee he's out there somewhere, trying to get the female elf bard and female human fighter into bed with him "to conserve warmths".
True story, I played a swashbuckler that used that same tactic. It was slightly harmful to myself as well, but falling out of the sky onto someone deals hella damage.Jerieth said:
I have four story and would like to appoligize for the wall (bad at formatting).
1.the First game of DnD i ever played we went out of our way to completely avoid anything resembling the story the DM had made. We fought a bunch of shady guys in an alley because we heard fighting, and immediately after murdering them two of us slept in front of the bar and everyone else wondered off. Eventually people working with the shady guys showed up and attacked us in a bar, after word we went back to not being productive and when we finally did we ran into lots of problems. First we threw a Blessed Molotov in a crypt (lite everthing on fire), talked with a Captain who took us to meet himself, then refused to help us claiming he had to save cats the size of sheds from trees, and the only time he was "Helpfull" was when he came out of nowhere to kill steal
2.I had the idea a one point to collect the heads of the people we kill and fashion them into a "Diplomacy Vest". Was told it be intimidate but i feel that it would show people that the could either go along with what we say or the could be part of the Diplomacy Vest. Fear is a kind of diplomacy, also i was a cleric with no understanding of religion
3.We kept pairing one of the peopl in the group i play with with literally everyone and everything that crossed our path. by the end of the campaign which we never finished he had been with twenty people in total so the current one we are playing has him as the DM. He's said that if we try to repeat what we did before we would be murder by Dire Bears with Dire Badgers for arms that are one fire, so far we've gotten close to enraging the badgers
4.the current one we are doing we ran into a crypt full of skeletons and one of my friends started collecting skulls saying they could probably get use some sort of reward. A few of us decided to go for the screwing him over idea and when we got back to the gaurd captain in town someone yells that he's a serial killer who keeps the skulls of his victims as trophies. His responce was to dump a few dozen skulls on the captains death with the statement he wasn't. later while we where fighting in a fort he decided to explore so he threw a torch down into the forts basement without looking, then procedes to burn a door without any sort of reasoning behind it. At the end of our most recent meeting we had one friend put a bomb on the forts entrance door and rough twenty people rushed the door and exploded into gibblets and two essentially had heart attcks
1.the First game of DnD i ever played we went out of our way to completely avoid anything resembling the story the DM had made. We fought a bunch of shady guys in an alley because we heard fighting, and immediately after murdering them two of us slept in front of the bar and everyone else wondered off. Eventually people working with the shady guys showed up and attacked us in a bar, after word we went back to not being productive and when we finally did we ran into lots of problems. First we threw a Blessed Molotov in a crypt (lite everthing on fire), talked with a Captain who took us to meet himself, then refused to help us claiming he had to save cats the size of sheds from trees, and the only time he was "Helpfull" was when he came out of nowhere to kill steal
2.I had the idea a one point to collect the heads of the people we kill and fashion them into a "Diplomacy Vest". Was told it be intimidate but i feel that it would show people that the could either go along with what we say or the could be part of the Diplomacy Vest. Fear is a kind of diplomacy, also i was a cleric with no understanding of religion
3.We kept pairing one of the peopl in the group i play with with literally everyone and everything that crossed our path. by the end of the campaign which we never finished he had been with twenty people in total so the current one we are playing has him as the DM. He's said that if we try to repeat what we did before we would be murder by Dire Bears with Dire Badgers for arms that are one fire, so far we've gotten close to enraging the badgers
4.the current one we are doing we ran into a crypt full of skeletons and one of my friends started collecting skulls saying they could probably get use some sort of reward. A few of us decided to go for the screwing him over idea and when we got back to the gaurd captain in town someone yells that he's a serial killer who keeps the skulls of his victims as trophies. His responce was to dump a few dozen skulls on the captains death with the statement he wasn't. later while we where fighting in a fort he decided to explore so he threw a torch down into the forts basement without looking, then procedes to burn a door without any sort of reasoning behind it. At the end of our most recent meeting we had one friend put a bomb on the forts entrance door and rough twenty people rushed the door and exploded into gibblets and two essentially had heart attcks
Trapped inside a magical school, our heroes tried to solve the mystery of why it was floating in outer space. They found a brainwashed minion and called the Charms teacher to check. The teacher was an exccentric Eladrin with the same voice of the Yes Guy from the Simpsons but with a slightly higher pitch and constantly used in his speech. But every 'yes' was a long y-e-e-e-e-s.
The heroes talked in Elven with eachother to keep secrets from the minion. "Isn't he going to understand us?" One asked. "I sure hope not or else he knows that I put something nasty in his pockets." *Looks at the minion* I laughed and said: "He looks vaguely at you." "Nah," he replies, "He doesn't know what we're talking about. Besides, you're talking in Elvish to be secretive, that won't work when there's an Eladrin next to you."
The Eladrin replies in Elvish: "Y-e-e-e-e-e-s!" The players laughed their butts off.
We've been through the Tomb of Horrors. Always a laugh behind the DM screen. It's in english for internationalities sake.
The Tomb of Trolling [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJEc4ZP2qHo&list=PLhL6rWa72w-rKEiVcWN8wkkcBWfVJigOE&index=1]
The heroes talked in Elven with eachother to keep secrets from the minion. "Isn't he going to understand us?" One asked. "I sure hope not or else he knows that I put something nasty in his pockets." *Looks at the minion* I laughed and said: "He looks vaguely at you." "Nah," he replies, "He doesn't know what we're talking about. Besides, you're talking in Elvish to be secretive, that won't work when there's an Eladrin next to you."
The Eladrin replies in Elvish: "Y-e-e-e-e-e-s!" The players laughed their butts off.
We've been through the Tomb of Horrors. Always a laugh behind the DM screen. It's in english for internationalities sake.
The Tomb of Trolling [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJEc4ZP2qHo&list=PLhL6rWa72w-rKEiVcWN8wkkcBWfVJigOE&index=1]