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I'd definitely agree with Jedoro. Although I've not been in this particular situation, I know for a fact that relationships that just stress you out are never good, and the more you push the worse it gets. Dump him, find a nice guy you can cuddle up to that won't ignore you, and forget about the prat.
Thanks Zantos. I decided to help myself to a little Christmas wine to deal with this.
I honestly don't get why guys do this? If it's to "keep someone around", wouldn't it just be easier to not deal with a long-distance relationship? I mean, why put the effort of chatting with someone for FOUR years (!), sending them gifts, etc.? Is there something I'm missing here?
I honestly don't get why guys do this? If it's to "keep someone around", wouldn't it just be easier to not deal with a long-distance relationship? I mean, why put the effort of chatting with someone for FOUR years (!), sending them gifts, etc.? Is there something I'm missing here?
Yeah, I got nothing. After working for four years to maintain a long-distance relationship, it's kinda stupid to just let it go like that, unless he just lost interest and is too lazy to actually break it off. I'd just enjoy a bit more of that wine and stop trying to find dude's logic, because there doesn't appear to be any.DreamaSkylar said:
In my experience long distance never works, so well done on keeping it going as long as you have. If he was honestly interested in you, if there was something real there, the idea of you moving to the UK would have him hit the roof for joy, not have him going all weird and shifty.
Break-up, nicely, you can always salvage a friendship from it, if you want it.
Though I am far from an expert.
Break-up, nicely, you can always salvage a friendship from it, if you want it.
Though I am far from an expert.
I could personally never make a long distance relationship like that work, that's why I don't cyber date... ever.
OT: Yes, I'd say dumb his ass. But do it nicely, tell him the distance is becoming a problem, or that you need to move on in your life, something of that nature.
OT: Yes, I'd say dumb his ass. But do it nicely, tell him the distance is becoming a problem, or that you need to move on in your life, something of that nature.
Thanks for the advice, sms and Gmans. I thought he would be really excited about the idea as well...it was really disappointing to see that he wasn't. I've had successful long-distance relationships in the past (the split-ups were caused by the relationships running their courses), but both parties have to be really committed and into each other. I think I would have moved to England or even stayed there in the first place if he were really enthusiastic about being in a relationship with me, or heck, even just telling me that he wanted to be in one with me and wanted me to stay.
When my girlfriend started acting like this to me over long distance, it was because she was emotionally (then physically) cheating on me. It's wonderful to have someone to talk to long-distance, but you can't live up to the rewards both physical and emotional offered by someone in person.
O.K. you don't have to answer this question but I'll ask anyway:
Basically, this sounds like a no-goer - he sounds like he has his own life that he doesn't want you to be a part of and I don't think any effort on your part (both trying to contact him and backing off) will help this.
Sounds like you have enough confidence and brains to get someone who:
- deserves you
- is more suited to you
- lives within a thousand miles of you
Time to end this sad chapter and start afresh methinks.... Good luck
What exactly was this event? This may affect the answer I give.DreamaSkylar said:
Basically, this sounds like a no-goer - he sounds like he has his own life that he doesn't want you to be a part of and I don't think any effort on your part (both trying to contact him and backing off) will help this.
Sounds like you have enough confidence and brains to get someone who:
- deserves you
- is more suited to you
- lives within a thousand miles of you
Time to end this sad chapter and start afresh methinks.... Good luck
It's hard enough to maintain a relationship when the distance is 100 miles, let alone 5,000. It's stifling the both of you, and it seems as though he's already realized this. Problem is it sounds like he's too much of a coward to actually tell you how he feels.
And so he attempts the classic nutless relationship get-out: "Get her to break up with me." So he's a little colder, less forthcoming during small talk, perhaps his friendly teasing cuts a little deeper than it used to, and he begins lying about otherwise innocuous things.
These are all symptomatic of someone who wants a relationship to end, but doesn't want to deal with being the one to end it. If pushed, he might say he "didn't want to hurt you," but the truth is behavior like this is far more poisonous and detrimental than simply coming forward with the, "I don't think this is going to work." Because now you're making yourself sick over whether or not to dump him, to the point of asking strangers on the internet for guidance.
You don't need that. But don't wait around for him to sack up and do it himself, because he won't. It will probably have to be you.
But that doesn't mean you have to make it easy for him.
And so he attempts the classic nutless relationship get-out: "Get her to break up with me." So he's a little colder, less forthcoming during small talk, perhaps his friendly teasing cuts a little deeper than it used to, and he begins lying about otherwise innocuous things.
These are all symptomatic of someone who wants a relationship to end, but doesn't want to deal with being the one to end it. If pushed, he might say he "didn't want to hurt you," but the truth is behavior like this is far more poisonous and detrimental than simply coming forward with the, "I don't think this is going to work." Because now you're making yourself sick over whether or not to dump him, to the point of asking strangers on the internet for guidance.
You don't need that. But don't wait around for him to sack up and do it himself, because he won't. It will probably have to be you.
But that doesn't mean you have to make it easy for him.
I have a question:
If you and your long-distance girlfriend were both gamers, would you ignore chatting with your long-distance girlfriend just to play a single-player game on your own? I mean, wouldn't you be ecstatic to be able to chat with her?
If you and your long-distance girlfriend were both gamers, would you ignore chatting with your long-distance girlfriend just to play a single-player game on your own? I mean, wouldn't you be ecstatic to be able to chat with her?
Speaking from experience, I can say he is most likely embarrassed by the idea of having an 'online' girlfriend. He's also probably trying to get you to break up with him.
Even if I'm wrong, you deserve better (I don't know you personally, but every woman deserves a good man who shows her how much he appreciates her). Leave him; it will make you life much easier. Who knows, there may be some guy who lives closer to you and would love the chance to show you how a lady deserves to be treated.
Even if I'm wrong, you deserve better (I don't know you personally, but every woman deserves a good man who shows her how much he appreciates her). Leave him; it will make you life much easier. Who knows, there may be some guy who lives closer to you and would love the chance to show you how a lady deserves to be treated.
Honestly, I'd say just dump him. I probably would've dumped him a long time ago once all the lies started coming out. True they're small lies, but there's no need to keep piling them on someone who you're supposed to care about.
(btw, when a guy tells you that "you deserve better," 100% of the time what he means is, "you should date me instead!")
From what you've said, it honestly sounds like they guy couldn't give two shits about you. And if your having doubts then yeah, I'd say dump him. Plus if he can't make time for you, then why bother for him?
While I've never been in a relationship, it seems like you should really see someone who well...you can actually see, and see someone who wants to see you.
While I've never been in a relationship, it seems like you should really see someone who well...you can actually see, and see someone who wants to see you.