Are Men Bullying Female Gamers?

[PikaPika2]

Hello. I recently posted a question about advice for my Girlfriend and I got a lot of responses from you all. She was really excited that these people gave her this advice. I recently started a "Video Game Club" at my College and some people started saying that my girlfriend shouldn't be allowed because she's a girl.
I talked to them about their behavior and it got better for a while... but then it just got worse. They started calling her a B**ch and other names. My girlfriend called me and asked if I could post this topic on the forums. She wanted me to do it because she was scared to post anything at all.
She was afraid she might be cyber-bullied.
So I need your help; What should we do? What should SHE do? What can I do to help her?
My Girlfriend wanted to include her own words; "So many people think that girl gamers either horrible, lazy, or sluts. Why do they think that way? And I'm not unskilled either! I won a Super Smash Bros. Melee tournament event at our friend's house. Kirby was who I chose, and people made fun of me for it." She really is a gem. Anyways, I want your opinions.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

That... really sucks. It sounds like you two need to find a better gaming social circle honestly. I know that it might leave a bad taste in her mouth, but I hope she can come to see that this reaction[footnote]*hopefully*, I sure as hell hope for the love of god this is not the norm.[/footnote] is not the norm. Regardless, there are much more mature groups of gamers out there.

As for the question of why they think this way?
My knee-jerk answer is very insulting.

 

[PikaPika2]

Thanks. The unfortunate part is that I started the club.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

Thanks. The unfortunate part is that I started the club.

Do you have any influence over how it's ran?

 

[ShadowsofHope]

Honestly this just looks like a very particular group of individuals who have issues with women, and not a problems with "gamers" specifically. It's awful to be treated that way, no less, but try not to generalize. I can only speak from personal experience but I practically live in the Texas of Canada and girls have never been ostracized from gaming circles where I live. In-fact they tend to make up the majority of them, whether more JRPG focused or Western focused. Most of my friends growing up were female gamers.

Gamers are no more prone to being assholes than anyone else. They are just an easy target due to their bad apples already being loud in an already culturally stigmatized subculture.

I'd echo Eclipse and simply find a better gaming circle if those people can't be reasoned with. Stubborness is one of the toughest human vices to overcome..

 

[PikaPika2]

Not anymore, Space Lizard. Honestly it's gone from Democracy to Anarchy.

 

[Hoplon]

It's a sad truth, but you may have to take a hammer to some thumbs. (kidding)

As said before, just going to have to drop them like they have ebola. nothing else to do about such people honestly. It's up to them to get that it is unacceptable behaviour and this is your only effective way of doing that.

 

[Ryotknife]

Whoa, thats a bit on the nose. Its common for there to be insults, pranks, hazing, or whathaveyou (and we are talking about college kids), but it is not suppose to be malicious or personal. That goes beyond the typical college fratboy immaturity.

 

[PikaPika2]

Okay, I'll try Jabbering Fool (Username, not an insult). But that Ebola joke made my Girlfriend and I laugh hard.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

Okay, I'll try Jabbering Fool (Username, not an insult). But that Ebola joke made my Girlfriend and I laugh hard.

If you want to rub salt in the wound, play Frozen's "Let it Go" as you walk out.

 

[PikaPika2]

OMG that's awesome.

 

[The Lunatic]

Not that I've really noticed.

I think assholes online will be assholes online.

If you sound fat, they'll insult you on it.

If you sound gay, they'll insult you on it.

If you sound like a girl, they'll insult you on it.

If you sound old, they'll insult you on it.

If you sound white, they'll insult you on it.

If you sound Arabic, they'll insult you on it.

If you sound black, they'll insult you on it.

If you sound posh, they'll insult you on it.

To put it down to just targeting women is untrue and really gives more merit to the random insults than is deserved. People who do this kind of thing are generally young, so, yeah. Blaming everyone for the actions some angsty teens is a bit silly.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

Yeah tell them to get fucked and back out of the room waving two middle fingers at them.

this is how you quit the club.

 

[the December King]

This isn't about gamers, it's about the folks in your club.

So, she beat all the boys at a game- good work for winning! This isn't meant to be snide, but was she expected to be showered with praise- do your friends approve of others when they are the best and beat everyone else, or do they get insulted and mocked? It's a group-dynamic thing, is what I'm dancing around. Does she win all the time, or do you guys do teamwork-focused games, too? People who lose in competitions become bitter, and lash out sometimes, and if it is a constant competitive environment where they lose all the time, then they might resent her just like they would anyone else who cannot seem to be toppled. If it's a teamwork-focused club or series of games, I'd say that there is something wrong with them that goes beyond 'sore loserdom'.

I mean, ideally, the sex of the player would not matter at all... I have a friend who kicks ass at StreetFighter 2, but he loses to another friend of mine from time to time- she's got a cadre of characters she focused on, and really can bring it when she wants to, but in the end they all just have fun because they are just games, and we are all old enough to have ourselves invested in many diverse things, so we don't feel demeaned.

Calling her a bee-word is really rotten, especially if it isn't happening in the context of trash talk which, before anyone comments on it, I do not condone, but merely observe that in the heat of competition sometimes tempers can flare, and people will lash out, boy or girl. It's a poor excuse, but better than her specifically being hated.

 

[Sleepy Sol]

Not every gamer thinks that way. I would say the majority of well-adjusted people who play games do not think that way.

And frankly, if your girlfriend can't feel comfortable in that environment because dicks are being dicks (and mentioning her gender like it means something when she just wants to play games), and there's no way to make their behavior stop after multiple attempts, I would say you should just give it up to whoever wants to control the hellhole and take your leave.

 

[madwarper]

and some people started saying that my girlfriend shouldn't be allowed because she's a girl.
I talked to them about their behavior and it got better for a while... but then it just got worse. They started calling her a B**ch and other names.

Ok, I don't know you, your girlfriend or any of the members of this club... And, it seems by the OP that you are insinuating that the members of the club have some misogynistic, "no girls allows" mentality. If that's truly the case, then that is not cool.

But, to play devil's advocate, I have to question, was that really the case? I mean, have you considered that you're too close to the person in question that seems to be the center of the strife to form an accurate view of the environment? Is it at all possible that it's not that she's a girl, but perhaps there was something about her personality that the rest of the group found off-putting?

Though, at the end of the day, she's your girlfriend and it might be better for the both of you to cut ties and walk away from the club, rather than to try to fit the square peg into the round hole.

 

[Phasmal]

Eh. Some people are like that.

I don't think it's unique to gaming, but it seems to be more common in gaming than perhaps in other places. Seems to be because people view it as a `guy thing`. Which is dumb, but there's not much you can do about it.

Nothing really I can advise your girlfriend to do except try and not let it bother her, and don't let it discourage her from playing games.
Try and find people who are accepting and hang out with them, don't bother trying to please people who would discount her. You're not going to do it.

Does make me think, are there guys who used to be hostile to girls playing games and then changed their minds? They'd be interesting to talk to, but I guess some people might not want to own up to that.

 

[Sniper Team 4]

Honestly, and I hate to say this, tell her not to let on that she's a girl.
(For the sake of my sanity, I'm going to type the rest of this like I'm talking to her.)

If you have a headset, don't talk into it. Don't even turn it on. Make friends with your gaming skill and then, once you think you're close enough and they respect you enough, then you can clue them in to the fact that you're a girl.

If your username is possibly a reference to a girl name, change it. My Avatar is Ada Wong from RE4, and every now and then I get the question, "Are you a girl?" and I just ignore it. If I say yes, I get hit on and then insulted. If I say no, I'm a pervert.

If people online start trolling you, block them. Online stuff you can't really combat beyond that because, as this gamergate and Anita and so many other things have shown, many gamers can't stomach the idea of a woman having a different opinion (or existing as anything more than a thing to be hit on) and they will torment and harass as long as they have the Internet to hide behind.

If people in real life start calling you that stuff, stand up to them. Start calling them out on their sexism in front of others. Single them out. Do NOT let them blend together and start drawing support from the crowd. If fact, you do that. Look to someone else in the room and ask them what they think of the person calling you a *****. Drag other people into it until it starts to get uncomfortable for them or the person doing the insults. Make them understand and stand up for what is right.
If none of that works, leave. That person, or group of people, are not worth your time. Tell your boyfriend about it, and hopefully he'll stop hanging out with them too. People like that are poisoned on a fundamental level and really can't change. It's better to just cut ties with them. There are gamers out there who will accept you and make you feel welcome regardless of your gender.

 

[Tsukuyomi]

1: Your girlfriend did NOTHING wrong. I can't emphasize that enough. She's trying to enjoy what she enjoys with other people who shares her interests. There's NOTHING wrong with that. She shouldn't be ashamed, worried, or anything else.

2: Speaking as a guy who has seen, tried to prevent, and been pissed off by, events like this, my first impulse would be to smack each and every one of the people who gave her a hard time upside the head. HARD. I have chewed my friends out worse than your average Drill Sergeant for that kind of behavior. It's not fair to the woman, it's not right, and all it shows is that you, for WHATEVER REASON, can't handle a pair of boobs in your vicinity. What EXACTLY do they think is so bad about it? How is it IN ANY WAY BAD THAT YOU HAVE FEMALE GAMERS HANGING AROUND A GAMING CLUB?! I'm all for a better ratio of men to women in game culture. I get tired of crude humor, cursing, and yelling 24/7. Plus, yes, I just like having ladies around. They're nice to talk to and have fun with, and hell, I might just find a date if I'm lucky. If I'm not? Oh well. Still nice to have a mix.

Obviously you can't REALLY smack them, but drop them like a ton of bricks. If they can't behave then they have problems. They either need to deal with them, or get out. If you're an official club at your college, their behavior could affect your standing as one and any possible funding/support you get from the college.

They're just being immature little pricks. Draw the line and tell them if they want to stay, they need to be tolerant of EVERYONE. If they can't be, they're gone. No discussions, no whining, begging, or pleading. You're not whipped or a pansy or anything else. If they genuinely think that then god knows what their social lives are or in the future will be. Be firm with them and don't tolerate that kinda shit.

If they're willing to make an effort? Great! Encourage them and keep an eye on them. They're probably not gonna be perfectly able to interact with your girlfriend overnight. Gaming isn't the all-boys' treehouse anymore, and that's for the best. If they're willing to learn to accept that, help them with it. If they can't...well...there's always the door....