I'm just adding to the voices here, but those guys are wankers and they aren't worth either your times. If they can't be civil, they're not worth putting up with. Tell em to stop being cunts or you're through.
Are Men Bullying Female Gamers?
- Thread starter PikaPika2
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I've seen this quite a bit - I'm not a Magic: the Gathering gal, but the few times I've been in casual fighting game tournaments and the like (the sort hosted by a local game store, nothing professional here, haha) there are the guys that immediately lose the decency that they had previously been displaying and get their swagger on, when they're facing me or another gal. (Y'know the stuff. "Don't worry, I'll take it easy on you, little lady." That sort of thing. The fact that I have been called "little lady" multiple times despite being 5'9" never fails to amuse me.) And oh, are they furious if they lose to a lady. (And I'm pretty good. Not finger-blisteringly amazing, but pretty good, so it does happen.)The Almighty Aardvark said:
It happens IRL, it happens online - online stuff is worse, probably due to the anonymity. (I play mostly co-op multiplayer and MMO-esque stuff for my "interact with anonymous online other people while gaming," but a team that has previously been coordinating well will occasionally go to "f--- you c--- b----" hell when I have the gall to speak into a mic while being a lady - especially if I'm giving a suggestion to one of 'em. Not as much in MMOs - only gotten that a few times).
So, OP - whatever control you can exert (you did start the club, even if you said it was more anarchy right now) and get them to stop. Make sure there's ground rules, a "no bullying" policy, and clear definitions of what constitutes bullying and how infractions of the rules will be punished. And then enforce them! No one wants to hang around jerks like that. A lot of colleges have to have a faculty advisor sponsor the club - if that's the case where you are, get him/her involved if you have to. Worst comes to worst, cut and run. Neither you nor your girlfriend need that kinda stuff in your lives. Start a new club, preferably without guys like that.
And to the OP's girlfriend - Kirby's awesome. Good choice.
Common occurrence. I have several female friends who've basically said that the main thing that keeps them from gaming is the people who game. Just too much bullshit to put up with.
As for your problem though, I think you need to start a better club with actually decent people.
As for your problem though, I think you need to start a better club with actually decent people.
OP I'd try and get them kicked out. Most colleges have anti harassment rules including in clubs. You mention it's anarchy so it might be hard for YOU to kick them out. Do you have a faculty adviser who has possibly witnessed this? If not is there someone at the college in a position of power you could go to about this problem with your girlfriend?
If that doesn't work, Leave the club. Start up a new one with very clear set rules on the topic of harassment. Invite more girls to join than guys.
Also, the harassment I get when playing online games (I know you're talking IRL) is the reason I don't play online games. Or when I do it's only with people I know who will make fun of me in the way friends do where I know they're only kidding around (like us constantly calling each other assholes.....)
Also, I feel like there is a lot missing from the story that the OP is telling.
If that doesn't work, Leave the club. Start up a new one with very clear set rules on the topic of harassment. Invite more girls to join than guys.
Also, the harassment I get when playing online games (I know you're talking IRL) is the reason I don't play online games. Or when I do it's only with people I know who will make fun of me in the way friends do where I know they're only kidding around (like us constantly calling each other assholes.....)
Also, I feel like there is a lot missing from the story that the OP is telling.
My answer to your question: no, not exclusively.
A Video Game Club, huh? I don't even know if I could do that. Really, those girls who got into gaming through last-gen BioWare titles are the worst. They only talk about the plot and the characters and maybe the art direction. Ugh. Of course, this is telling more about me than about them but still.
While "Welcome to the Video Game Club, this is my girlfriend." is something that would easily make an og gamer lad grit his teeth, the behaviour you described is undeniably unacceptable but hopefully rare as well.
A Video Game Club, huh? I don't even know if I could do that. Really, those girls who got into gaming through last-gen BioWare titles are the worst. They only talk about the plot and the characters and maybe the art direction. Ugh. Of course, this is telling more about me than about them but still.
While "Welcome to the Video Game Club, this is my girlfriend." is something that would easily make an og gamer lad grit his teeth, the behaviour you described is undeniably unacceptable but hopefully rare as well.
You've thrown in your lot with the wrong pink ball of puff.LiberalSquirrel said:
I think that it'd be a whole lot more manageable issue if so much of the population didn't either contribute to it, or deny that it's a problem in the first place. It's a shame, because I know almost as many women as men who enjoy geeky hobbies, but there's such a small population of them who go out in public events like tournaments because of those kinds of people
Wish I could help but 1.I've never bullied anyone, in my life, and 2.The Video Game Club at my college is full of fucking awesome people (maybe it has something to do that we're all studying Computer Engineering and basically a bunch of nerds), boys and girls alike (less girls than boys tho - about 30-70% proportion).
I'd just say, if you plan on solving this, don't use violence. You aren't kids anymore, you can't hit someone else and merely receive a reprimand or a slap on the hand.
I'd just say, if you plan on solving this, don't use violence. You aren't kids anymore, you can't hit someone else and merely receive a reprimand or a slap on the hand.
I agree, especially considering that based on OP's profile they are 14. Based on that, and the rough English I think it is safe to say they are lying about the college part. At this point it is hard for me not to condemn the OP.White Lightning said:
This of course does not invalidate the discussion, but honestly by the time people reach college they tend to mature up enough to not behave like this. Are you never going to encounter this? Probably not, but I would guess that this kind of person would be in the minority.
I'll say this much, these issues with gender politics in gaming tend to be much more problematic among younger people. I've found, as I and my gaming partners have gotten older, our communities are much more tight-knit and better at self-policing. For example, if this kind of stuff happened during weekly game night or on my Minecraft server, the offenders would be ostracized and ousted right quick. That isn't to say people automatically grow out of their immaturity as they age, as there are plenty of ignorant adults out there, but growing older certainly allows us the time to also grow as people if we're inclined to do so.
I believe maturity, or the lack thereof, plays a big role here.
I believe maturity, or the lack thereof, plays a big role here.
I've never really experienced it personally, to be honest... Not overtly... But there can be a bit of a subtle reaction to me being there that... Well, it's hard to describe.
Honestly though, I haven't seen or heard anything particularly bad happen to anyone I've seen in person...
Online on the other hand... Well, it's hard to escape the impression that gamers are a pretty toxic lot in general. And all the more so if they have to interact with girls...
That's probably not actually as true as it seems, but that's how it comes across.
Not to mention I've had to deal with other girls telling me they basically don't feel welcome. Like there must be something wrong with you if you're a girl, and into gaming, or anything else of a similar nature usually dominated by men...
That's really sad, especially since it seems to be scaring off some girls long before they even have to deal with any actual bad behaviour from anyone...
Still, I have no idea how prevalent the REAL issues are, it sounds like you could've found a bad crowd though. Even if it's much less common than the reputation of gamers would suggest, I'm sure there would still be a few nasty people around...
Could be you just happened to find the handful of people who are just dicks about stuff like this... Or... Not.
I don't really know at this point.
Honestly though, I haven't seen or heard anything particularly bad happen to anyone I've seen in person...
Online on the other hand... Well, it's hard to escape the impression that gamers are a pretty toxic lot in general. And all the more so if they have to interact with girls...
That's probably not actually as true as it seems, but that's how it comes across.
Not to mention I've had to deal with other girls telling me they basically don't feel welcome. Like there must be something wrong with you if you're a girl, and into gaming, or anything else of a similar nature usually dominated by men...
That's really sad, especially since it seems to be scaring off some girls long before they even have to deal with any actual bad behaviour from anyone...
Still, I have no idea how prevalent the REAL issues are, it sounds like you could've found a bad crowd though. Even if it's much less common than the reputation of gamers would suggest, I'm sure there would still be a few nasty people around...
Could be you just happened to find the handful of people who are just dicks about stuff like this... Or... Not.
I don't really know at this point.
Ahaha... That's always weird, isn't it? I'm 6'2" and over 30... And I've had that... Not to mention "Young lady"... And a few other similar things... Seriously? 'little'? 'Young'? ... Is there someone else here, because that doesn't sound like me at all... XDLiberalSquirrel said:
People who are going to insult other members of the club like that need to be forbidden from attending. Just give them the "No thanks, you're not welcome," no warnings, no second chances.
Drop them. Your club your rules. If they want to have a competitive banter situation where everyone rips into one another without holding back, and your girlfriend isn't comfortable with insults/insulting them back, there's a million ways for them to play with like minded others without spoiling things for her. If they see her as a wet blanket then they shouldn't have joined her boyfriend's club, they're the yoko ono's not her. I presume one of the benefits of your club is its a way to meet other enthusiasts away from the internet where anonymity gives morons free reign to be morons. If the dissenters want to act like they're still on xbox live rather than among a social group, then they can go back to where they can be themselves, its not like they have no alternative and your group is their only protected space.
Also, if you're girlfriend is skilled enough. Maybe you could host a knockout tournament where the forfeit is streaking or something. Then when you fix it so all the dicks come last and are desperate for a way to escape the forfeit, let them 'discover' a secret clause that the forfeit is only valid while they're part of the club. Worst case scenario they all leave the club and can only join again by carrying out the forfeit. Best case scenario they carry out the forfeit and your girlfriend is forever armed with misogyny come-back burn material relating to their laughably small manhoods. But this is the teen summer movie solution. Maybe best to just stop inviting them/block them from contacting you.
Also, if you're girlfriend is skilled enough. Maybe you could host a knockout tournament where the forfeit is streaking or something. Then when you fix it so all the dicks come last and are desperate for a way to escape the forfeit, let them 'discover' a secret clause that the forfeit is only valid while they're part of the club. Worst case scenario they all leave the club and can only join again by carrying out the forfeit. Best case scenario they carry out the forfeit and your girlfriend is forever armed with misogyny come-back burn material relating to their laughably small manhoods. But this is the teen summer movie solution. Maybe best to just stop inviting them/block them from contacting you.
You deserve a good ribbing if you choose Kirby and win, especially if you then wonder why people are teasing you. Seriously do you know anything about Brawl? winning with Kirby is like bringing a gun to a knife fight then getting butthurt when everyone complains you brought a gun. He is the best character period.PikaPika2 said:
But congrats for winning though even though you used Kirby, if you want admiration and praise try using a character who isn't universally recognised as the best in the game.
As for you're girl. Isn't she old enough to deal with this stuff herself? If she can't or wont deal with it herself then I don't think you need to make a thread asking for advice, civilly ask them to stop, then if they won't boot them out the club. Simple.
Are you absolutely sure that its because your girlfriend is well.. a girl?PikaPika2 said:
And not because they just hate your girlfriend for any other reason and just say it to not offend you?
Like has your girlfriend said anything to piss them off?
Have any of the members any past clashes with your girlfriend?
Its easy to say that all the others are bad and your own people are all wrapped up in sparkles and platin but sometimes you have to look at yourselfe.
also how about this:
TRY TO TALK TO THEM. Ask them if its really about her being a girl or if there are other things that make them uncomfortable around her.
Perhaps they fear you bringing in your girlfriend will lead to to much drama in the club? (And dont gimme that theres no drama in your live... its college for crying out loud)
So yeah.. instead of antagonizing them or making them look like villains with twirly mustaches...
JUST FUCKING TALK TO THEM XD
See if the female gender is really the root of the problem here or if you have something entirely different on your hansd
If they THEN still behave like idiots... well then you can start treating them like idiots.
Or demolish the club since it certainly has become something that it was not suposed to be.
I love anecdotal evidence! Seems most here learned their lessons from Anita. Listen and believe...
So keeping in mind that I just read some made up stuff here are my completly reasonable answers:
*shaking* It says: "negative experience"
Let me try again *shaking* this time: "sexual abuse"
There you go, as good as any reason given by anyone ever on the internet on a one sided and cloudy story.
I've got a related story here: http://dynasty-scans.com/series/past_future
You are welcome.
l33t.heathen is probably right.
So keeping in mind that I just read some made up stuff here are my completly reasonable answers:
Move to another town/college and live happily ever after or separate since you don't really fit together anyway or murder the harasser with a spoon would be my 3 top recommendations of the day.PikaPika2 said:
Grow some balls, that would literally render the sexist complains mute. Now thats a solution!PikaPika2 said:
Grow some hair on your balls and stand up for her or separate since you don't really fit together anyway. Wait I think I have mentioned that one already...PikaPika2 said:
Now this is indeed a serious problem. How many exactly?PikaPika2 said:
Did you try asking them? I can of course check my magic 8 ball of psychology if you like but the success rate may vary.PikaPika2 said:
*shaking* It says: "negative experience"
Let me try again *shaking* this time: "sexual abuse"
There you go, as good as any reason given by anyone ever on the internet on a one sided and cloudy story.
I've got a related story here: http://dynasty-scans.com/series/past_future
You are welcome.
l33t.heathen is probably right.
Hard to say what is happening of course with hearing only one side of the story. Maybe there is more to it than we (or even OP) know about.
Otherwise they're just dickheads.
Generally speaking, i can say some things from experience. I've been playing video games for over 20 years, much of it online games. I've never been bullied, insulted, harassed, objectified or anything of the like because I am a girl. Not once, with all the hundreds of people from across the world I interact with. So I'm pretty sure it can't be as bad as some people make it out to be.
Otherwise they're just dickheads.
Generally speaking, i can say some things from experience. I've been playing video games for over 20 years, much of it online games. I've never been bullied, insulted, harassed, objectified or anything of the like because I am a girl. Not once, with all the hundreds of people from across the world I interact with. So I'm pretty sure it can't be as bad as some people make it out to be.
Not sure if I'd call this bullying as much as it is a/many assholes who've never gotten the crap kicked out of them for words that come out of their mouths. People like that are rude and their mouths write checks that their butts can't cash. That being said I am not encouraging you to beat the crap out of him/them, just explaining that kind of attitude.PikaPika2 said: