Are most relationships vaguely beneficial banality festivals until the warm comfort of a grave?

[Svenparty]

Looking again today on my Facebook for more reasons to press my "Nuke everything" button. I saw couplets willing to discuss how lovely the dinner they made each other were and other slightly dull subjects. It seems to me that most relationships are pure dullness based on physical possessions and natural instinct to splurge out horrible children in an overpopulated world.

What I want to know is do you fellow Escapists think that most relationships are circumstance based slogs that are almost painful to watch develop?. I love going out with a girl and having a nice time but as soon as it becomes about Normal matters I am terribly put off. No relationship should be about such attributes but the majority of people will probably say otherwise. All in all are any relationships long lasting with romance or does it end up having to be about instinct or "getting something" over passion?

 

[Ambi]

Maybe it's called "growing up"...

 

[OneStepAhead]

It's called life, and life is hell, nice of you to notice.

 

[Svenparty]

Maybe it's called "growing up"...

Banality is being grown up? Please elaborate, personally it's the most depressing thing in the entire world if you think your main purpose with a person is to impregnate/become impregnated and spend the rest of the time dull as a rock.

 

[Blow_Pop]

I've noticed romance tends to die off eventually. I have friends who are married who into a year of their marriage the romance aspect just completely died. Then again I have friends who have been married 5-10 years and they still have the romance aspect of their relationship. Yeah real world stuff does tend to happen and they do talk about it but it doesn't stop the romance. Unfortunately for romantics at heart it doesn't always last forever and the real world tends to rather rudely invade on your romance. Tis called life and learning how to balance romance and the rest of your life with someone you care for.

 

[supagama]

Looking again today on my Facebook for more reasons to press my "Nuke everything" button. I saw couplets willing to discuss how lovely the dinner they made each other were and other slightly dull subjects. It seems to me that most relationships are pure dullness based on physical possessions and natural instinct to splurge out horrible children in an overpopulated world.

What I want to know is do you fellow Escapists think that most relationships are circumstance based slogs that are almost painful to watch develop?. I love going out with a girl and having a nice time but as soon as it becomes about Normal matters I am terribly put off. No relationship should be about such attributes but the majority of people will probably say otherwise. All in all are any relationships long lasting with romance or does it end up having to be about instinct or "getting something" over passion?

I think the problem isn't that relationships are a drag, but rather, WATCHING them happen is a drag. When you're in love, the person you love becomes your world, and as such, you care about her/his world as much as they do

 

[SckizoBoy]

It's all about the interpersonal dynamic. Some couples can keep the romance going effortlessly, while others find joy in sharing the banality with their other half (I'm of that sort, incidentally). *shrug*

 

[Ironic Pirate]

I believe you're going through something called Nihilism. And unless you're a novelist or a member of an extreme metal band, it's almost as annoying as watching other people being in love.

Looking again today on my Facebook for more reasons to press my "Nuke everything" button. I saw couplets willing to discuss how lovely the dinner they made each other were and other slightly dull subjects. It seems to me that most relationships are pure dullness based on physical possessions and natural instinct to splurge out horrible children in an overpopulated world.

What I want to know is do you fellow Escapists think that most relationships are circumstance based slogs that are almost painful to watch develop?. I love going out with a girl and having a nice time but as soon as it becomes about Normal matters I am terribly put off. No relationship should be about such attributes but the majority of people will probably say otherwise. All in all are any relationships long lasting with romance or does it end up having to be about instinct or "getting something" over passion?

I think the problem isn't that relationships are a drag, but rather, WATCHING them happen is a drag. When you're in love, the person you love becomes your world, and as such, you care about her/his world as much as they do

Yeah, there's a Seinfeld episode to this effect. The schmoopy one.

Bottom line is, other people being in love can be annoying. But moping about how life is pointless or whatever is always annoying. Because life is pointless, for the most part. It's a self perpetuating cycle that exists only to exist. Everyone knows that, and most of us have found our own little way of dealing with it, things such as being in love or playing video games or whatever.

 

[Ambi]

Maybe it's called "growing up"...

Banality is being grown up? Please elaborate, personally it's the most depressing thing in the entire world if you think your main purpose with a person is to impregnate/become impregnated and spend the rest of the time dull as a rock.

I agree that relationships shouldn't centre around possessions and children, but most long-term relationships do become more comfortable and banal and it becomes more about "doing life together" (which those other things are generally a part of) than exciting naive passion. But life doesn't *have* to be boring and you don't have to settle for a materialistic bore with nothing but pregnancy and minivans and renovating the kitchen and "OMG look at the widdle baby booties we HAVE to get these! THEY SO WIDDLE!" on their mind. You don't even have to have kids, although a lot of people who have kids says it's like the meaning of life or something. You can still do a lot of the things you like.

Sure, you won't be part of the singles group anymore, whatever that means. Is the process of searching for someone new romantically or sexually such a big part of your life that giving that up to actually find someone isn't worth it? Does it nauseate you thinking of being one of those dorky pot-bellied old people with slacks and visors (or whatever's cheap and practical when you're old) walking along the beach hand in hand without caring for any of the cool stuff you liked when you were younger?

It's normal to not want or understand long-term commitment or a deeper connection that might exist when you're young and adventurous (or like the delusion of feeling like you are), but when you get older you might just be so busy and tired and jaded that you crave someone there to come home to, or when you least expect it you might find someone and become so enamored with them you won't want to leave them. I know some people in long-term relationships (relatively long-term for teenagers) and they'd burnt through a lot of shorter relationships, pursuits, and hook-ups, and suddenly they just seemed to decide, "I'm over all that and I don't want to let this one go. I need someone".

I kind of know how you feel (avoided relationships for years) and I don't know what it feels like to be content and passionate and have fun in long-term relationships but someday we might understand. I was bought up with all this disney crap and when I was a kid, I said, "how can people love each other when they share a bathroom and see each other when they first wake up in the morning?" and my friend just laughed at me and said I was funny or weird. For a while I've had trouble reconciling the banalities of real life and all the nice fantasies and feelings evoked by various forms of art, wanting to be independent yet romantic and all that. Although I'm not quite as immature and awkward as I used to be, I think I still have some growing up/experiencing to do so I can fully appreciate people and life.

I'm not sure if you're really the same way but I thought I may as well put it out there, and I've taken so long to write this that someone else has probably said a lot of the things I have, but I'm not getting rid of it...

I think the problem isn't that relationships are a drag, but rather, WATCHING them happen is a drag. When you're in love, the person you love becomes your world, and as such, you care about her/his world as much as they do

True. It doesn't really make sense for people's negative/jealous/bitter feelings about other people's relationships to project onto their feelings about their own in the future, but they do. It feels borderline offensive that someone you're interested in is so closed off, or like something you once connected over with your friend is missing, or just like relationship lives are too complacent.

 

[Actual]

You can't go sky-diving every day, you need to learn to take joy and excitement even in the "boring" days, if you're lucky the source of that joy can be your lover.

But I do hate the tendency people have to show-off their mundane daily events on social networks. Example:
"My lovely husband made me this wonderful dinner today [pics attached] isn't he great?!"

That is smuggery right there, and I want to kick you square in the crotch. Even if they were posting about something exciting I'd want to harm them.

 

[Sariteiya]

It's not really banality, it's comfort.

The truth about life is that you have a few thrilling moments, but most of life is made up of the quiet in between. The great secret of love is not the tingling, short of breath whirlwind romance, because that will fade with any relationship (In fact, it's actually kind of an addictive chemical reaction that's not entirely good for you.) What love really is, at least to me, is to find someone to help you spend the in between moments happy and fufilled. Some of the best parts of being in love are just having a good conversation, or playing a game together, or just taking a walk. Having someone to share every joke, to get your obscure references.

If none of that appeals to you at all, then I'm really sorry, but life will never be a thrill a minute roller coaster, and romance never will be either.

 

[Svenparty]

SNIP.

Thank you this was very in-depth and am comforted that I'm not alone in my thoughts on the subject. I get the sense that you are still forming your own feelings on the subject and understood that my intention wasn't a rant against people in relationships but a observation on how "mature" relationships rightly or wrongly work.

I had a girl and in the last few months of the 3 year relationship I realized especially now looking back it seems we were trying to distract ourselves from lack of adventure: waking up to the same face every day and knowing too much routine. I will continue t aim for some passion etc but seems like I'll have to think further on the matters.

It's not really banality, it's comfort.

The truth about life is that you have a few thrilling moments, but most of life is made up of the quiet in between. The great secret of love is not the tingling, short of breath whirlwind romance, because that will fade with any relationship (In fact, it's actually kind of an addictive chemical reaction that's not entirely good for you.) What love really is, at least to me, is to find someone to help you spend the in between moments happy and fufilled. Some of the best parts of being in love are just having a good conversation, or playing a game together, or just taking a walk. Having someone to share every joke, to get your obscure references.

If none of that appeals to you at all, then I'm really sorry, but life will never be a thrill a minute roller coaster, and romance never will be either.

While I understand it's about companionship it seems bleak that it's mainly about someone to talk to. It's not quite the "crazy cat person" but it certainly for me needs to be about more than this. I appreciate your opinion and hope your incorrect about the "thrill a minute roller coaster".

 

[Robby Foxfur]

Well that has got to be the darkest expression of what you see in a relationship I have every heard of. The reason you want to do dull stuff like make dinner with someone is the same reason you want to be with them. You love them, you have such a strong desire to be with them and no one else that even boring dull things like cooking a meal become happy, why? well becuase your with that person.

I hope you find this feeling someday.

 

[Ambi]

SNIP.

Thank you this was very in-depth and am comforted that I'm not alone in my thoughts on the subject. I get the sense that you are still forming your own feelings on the subject and understood that my intention wasn't a rant against people in relationships but a observation on how "mature" relationships rightly or wrongly work.

I had a girl and in the last few months of the 3 year relationship I realized especially now looking back it seems we were trying to distract ourselves from lack of adventure: waking up to the same face every day and knowing too much routine. I will continue t aim for some passion etc but seems like I'll have to think further on the matters.

How will you aim for passion? What do you do to enjoy yourself? Did you ever feel the relationship was holding you back? It's interesting looking at people's relationships, all different kinds.

Sorry if I'm asking too many questions, you don't have to answer.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

From an outside perspective, probably. But I don't care. I'd rather be in a committed, loving banality festival and be seen as dull by all the aloof and alone people than be one of the aloof and alone people.

 

[Svenparty]

SNIP.

Thank you this was very in-depth and am comforted that I'm not alone in my thoughts on the subject. I get the sense that you are still forming your own feelings on the subject and understood that my intention wasn't a rant against people in relationships but a observation on how "mature" relationships rightly or wrongly work.

I had a girl and in the last few months of the 3 year relationship I realized especially now looking back it seems we were trying to distract ourselves from lack of adventure: waking up to the same face every day and knowing too much routine. I will continue t aim for some passion etc but seems like I'll have to think further on the matters.

How will you aim for passion? What do you do to enjoy yourself? Did you ever feel the relationship was holding you back? It's interesting looking at people's relationships, all different kinds.

Sorry if I'm asking too many questions, you don't have to answer.

No worries I can't really answer all your questions with solid opinions but:

1.I think I may just have to have fleeting relationships without any pressure perhaps with more than one person. At the moment I am sort of courting a girl with a wealth of other commitments and we are going in different geographical directions and I feel this highly increases the passion. I don't expect anything of her she has no expectations of me.

2. Mainly draw and write music etc basically. Socially I have always jumped from one person to the next and sort of inherit vague friends although at the moment it is mainly about hanging round with the aforementioned girl.

3 Certainly, I felt in the end very trapped became more about predicting her pattern of behavior. It is very tiresome to know how every argument will end and know too much about someone. That's when small talk about how nice pie is begins. I then began to behave inappropriately and hung around with "riskier" women and in the end I had to end it out of respect.

From an outside perspective, probably. But I don't care. I'd rather be in a committed, loving banality festival and be seen as dull by all the aloof and alone people than be one of the aloof and alone people.

I like to think people you don't have to be aloof and alone just because your not in a committed relationship. Okay perhaps it would be more fleeting but surely if it feels more meaningful then it's the right path to take. I would like to change my opinion certainly but I'm not going to bury myself in tedium because of how others might view me.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

How long lasting relationships work is that you find someone that makes 'normal' good. They obviously think more of their dinner together than you did, because it's something they did together. This tend to make people in relationships look either mental or really boring, but I doubt they would give a shit about what other people think.

On the whole, that's pretty much what a loving relationship is.[sub]and you fucking well miss it when it's gone[/sub]

 

[Galletea]

I don't think you have to let it become banal and dreary. Couples that have to express gratitude for mundane things, like dinner, over the internet make me wonder if their relationship has any meaning, or whether it is a pretence at being a couple, hiding some other dissatisfaction. I find it hard to believe that truly happy people do this sort of thing over facebook. Maybe they do, and nothing is too pointless, boring, or even private to put on facebook anymore, but if you're with someone, you can actually talk to them I know it's bizzare, you could just discuss it over the internet, but you know, words are pretty good.

All in all though I'm still sure that people who talk about the mundane are just trying to distract themselves from the mundane situation they feel trapped in. You don't have to be like that, and it's not what relationships need to be. With any long term relationship you find that there will be times when you get stuck in a routine out of necessity, from work, or other commitments. The thing is that when it gets like that you sometimes need the extra effort to do something out of the ordinary to mix things up a little. Otherwise you get bored no matter how much in love you are, and to pretend you're not bored you tell everyone how nice your dinner was.