Are relationships overated?

[Ham_authority95]

Okay, before I get verbally attacked (something people tend to do frequently on the internet without first attempting to understand), this isn't a form of trolling, its just something that's been bugging me. For the record I'm happily in one and even so much as considering the big M in a few years or so.

Here we go, basically I'm asking if we put too much credibility and importance into having and being in a relationship, of course it is the basic fundamental part of human existance and its all part of love etc, but is it the be all and end all is what I'm getting at. We spend an incredible amount of time thinking about it and quite often it upsets us or leaves us an emotional shell because it isn't going the way we'd like. For some it comes easy, for others it is hellish. Not always does the problem stem from self esteem, sometimes it could just be someone's lack of luck to find someone fitting of thier personality and other times its because a majority of people just don't find them attractive for some reason or another (I won't go into details). So for people who are not in a relationship, is it really so important that they be in one in order to find happiness?

Quite often we say that we are not complete until we find our other half, but are we saying this because we are in love or because it's true? And if it's true, why is it so easy to decide on a divorce or break-up as soon as things get slightly bumpy?

There is tremendous pressure on those who are not in relationships to be in one, all thier friends and family are in one and they keep asking you when you too will be in one, like as if its as crucial as breathing. But is it so wrong to choose not to be in one? What is a person who is not in a relationship missing out on and are they incomplete as a person? Is there no other means to find inner happiness then through a relationship?

So yeah, if, you're still with me, that's the question, what's your opinion

Relationships are fun for me because it's a source of sex and social activity.

Fuck all that emotional love shit, I want to enjoy it, and I think it's the healthiest attitude for it, as well.

 

[Mikeyfell]

Preface My belief is "To each his own." Everybody wants something different. This is just my opinion, and you did ask.

of course it is the basic fundamental part of human existance

Sex is the basic fundamental part of existence, relationships are modern guidelines set in place to facilitate sex.

Quite often we say that we are not complete until we find our other half,

This makes it sound like everyone's half a person to begin with.

There is tremendous pressure on those who are not in relationships to be in one, all thier friends and family are in one and they keep asking you when you too will be in one,

I believe the saying is "If all your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do it too?"
Don't give in to peer pressure.


It's hard to talk about relationships with out talking about "Dating" so I'll do that first.

Spoiler: Dating rant

The traditional date is dinner and a movie. Those are the two activities where it is actually socially unacceptable to speak. You're drilled from the age of 6 not to talk with your mouth full and there's a big banner add telling you not to talk during a movie. So essentially (If you're a guy) you're down $40 (at least) and 3 hours and you have learned nothing about your date.

Dating and the whole courtship faze of a relationship is nothing but lies. If you've ever talked to a "Ladies man" you know what I'm talking about. "You've got to pick her up at 8, you've got to compliment her shoes, compliment her hair, do this, do that." it's like an instruction manual. Everyone's a different person on a date than in real life. It goes past behavioral modification, there are plenty of out right lies too. I have a friend who has pretended to be a vegetarian for 4 years.

So I don't date any more.

I survived the dating experience once and got into an actual relationship and I had a shit time with that.
As soon as the arbitrary dating phase was over and the "relationship" phase began my "girlfriend" said I had to stop hanging out with my other female friend. I thought I was being punked or something. After determining that she wasn't joking I walked out right there.

The next day she came up to me and said "I just talked to my friends, they told me that X_______ was a lesbian so you can still hang out with her." "No, you're insane, I wont ditch any of my friends for you."

That's how I determined that any person I'd want a relationship with would have to have just as little patience for relationships as I do.

Friends with benefits is what you should aim for. I've never met any two people in a relationship who are still "friends".

 

[Erja_Perttu]

they arent overrated just hard as hell to find the perfect ones x3

been single all my life and im 20 =(

Also, it's impossible to find a perfect one.

If you're asexual, it sure as hell ain't the most important thing ever, seeing as breeding isn't top of the agenda.

I do think that the companionship is worth it if you can find someone worth being with. It can get lonely when everyone you know pairs off.

 

[JoJo]

I have accepted the possibility that I could very well go through my entire life without being in a relationship. Since I'm 19 I'm sure that opinion will change in the future. I do love the idea of a relationship, especially the ones done right. I don't believe there is a the one out there for me, I just have to find a girl I like and date em. Scott Pilgrim showed me that your perfect other doesn't have to have your personality or beliefs, as long as you love each other you'll get through.

Ha, if I was you I wouldn't worry about never being in a relationship, because however crazy/ugly/unattractive/shy/lonesome you may consider yourself there are so many other people out there that there is bound to be someone who will be a close enough match for yourself. Put enough effort in and eventually there should be a pay-out ;-)

OT: I'm still young and not experienced in serious relationships, but currently I'm happy being single. I have faith that knowing my personality, when the time comes in a few years when I actually want a serious relationship that I'll be able to find one. I don't think they're over-rated, but there's nothing wrong with being single either if you haven't met a compatible person yet.

 

[Byere]

only been in a handful during my 25 year life (of which, only been actually going out with people since I was 16-17) and I can tell you this... Yes, much of the time they'll be over-rated and not worth it at all. Finding that one special time makes it all worthwhile though... just don't go and fuck it up like I did and lose him/her.

 

[Sarcastic_Applause]

they arent overrated just hard as hell to find the perfect ones x3

been single all my life and im 20 =(

Tell me about it friend

Relationships i see as conforming to what is socially acceptable. Ive never really seen the appeal (One night stands, party flings, are the only interesting ones). At other times however i can see where people would want someone like minded to spend their life with. So i kind of switch in not wanting a relationship, to desperately wanting a nerdy girlfriend (because im a geek hybrid)

 

[IndianaJonny]

Snip

Relationships, fantastic! From what I understand OP, correct me if I'm wrong, you're refering to the 'partner'-esque relationship, right? Well I'll press on that topic in a moment, but I'd like to add that besides relationships being 'character building', as I think most people here will attest to, what amazes me is that even bad dynamics between people cannot prevent great relationships from existing between them.

I guess this is one of the unwritten benefits of going to university and living alongside people you wouldn't normally come into contact with; you build relationships with all sorts of people. In my case, I enjoy many hetrosexual relationships with male friends of various ages despite some of them holding views that are anaethma to my own style (and I not just talking about fashion-sense here).

In fact, the more 'clash', the more I learn about myself and my own perceptions/prejudices. Let's face it, if we're just hanging round with people like ourselves then the expression "to walk a mile in his shoes" just loses all meaning and we stagnate rather than have the thrilling, exhilarating (and yes, I'll admit, at times arousing) experience of someone up in your face letting you know, reminding you, they count just as much as the next man/woman. You ever had that daydream where you imagine everyone else in the world was a clone of you and then a second later you think how boring that would be? This is why; because love 'em or hate 'em dammit, there are some interesting people out there and life would be no fun without a few personal heroes and villains.

Now, about 'partners', what significance does their relationship hold? Well, to start from the earliest point imaginable, I wouldn't be here if wasn't for a treasured feeling of love between two people so I guess I've got an awful lot to be thankful for. Couples operate in different ways, some finish each other's sentences, some squabble over who would win in a fight between She-Ra and He-Man, but most would agree that their differences are worth, if this isn't already, as I mentioned earlier, what attracted them to each other in the first place and what continues to add the 'spice' to their relationship. Put simply, (and I don't know why I'm saying this since you already know it, being so close to the big M and all, congratulations by the way! Side question: did you pop the question or did your partner?) most couples have weighed the pros and cons and decided it's worth the risk.

But what about, as I think your OP alludes to, when 'pressure' comes into 'couple' relationships? Either forcing people to stay together in a destructive relationship or for otherwise contented singles to pine after the 'comfort' of such a relationship. That's a scary one but it's one where the strength of the overlapping relationships that an individual is involved in come into play. Having the 'network' of people who care about you makes all the difference when it comes to pressure.

We tend to subconciously group off our friends into the 'couples' and the 'singles' and the 'workmates' and the 'teammates' ...etc but when it comes to looking at ourselves we often use the 'fairytale' group for comparison. When looking and relationships we dwell on the happy couples rather than on our equally happy single friends. When worrying about our health we look to the few super-buff members of the team rather than our equally flabby workmates - it's just conditioning that we instinctively compare ourselves with the veneer of the 'ideal' rather than reality. And hopefully, if your 'network' is big enough, you'll have a few obnoxious friends to tell you that

 

[LightningBanks]

I think its just natural and peer pressure that causes it.

I generally hate the way girls treat me, Im always nervous when out and about because of my low self esteem.

But I generally only want a relatioship when I fall for someone. But then I get friend zoned and I feel horrible again. I do feel like Im missing out, a teenage relationship just seems a bit more...innocent than adult ones.

When your not-no(seems like everybodys fucking each other at one point if your single long enough)

Yeah I agree with this, especially when its like the entire of my friendship group has a sex partner...in the friendship group, where Im the the 'therapist'

I dunno, it just wierd thinking that past and present crushes are having tons of relationships while Im left at the side.