Are you a "nice guy"?

[cthulhumythos]

i'm an alright guy. i try to be polite to people and kind and nice; but that is because it benefits me in the end usually. i however don't go lusting after women and trying to win them over with my kindness, because that would be kinda creepy to be honest.

not to say i'm not creepy though. i'm just creepy in different ways is all.

 

[ItsAChiaotzu]

It's nice to know that the old stereotype of girls liking jerks is FINALLY going away.

It will never go away I'm afraid. I should probably make a thread about more than half of the guys I liked who went to slutty, more attractive girls rather than me but I have a lovely boyfriend now so I'm not butthurt. [sub]That sounded kinkier that it should e_e[/sub]If I can find love, anyone can.

And to the .01% of this site that are women, what exactly is bad or unattractive about "nice guys" anyway?

I hope that 0.1% was um... what's the opposite of hyperbole? Whatever it is, I hope it was that.
There's nothing unattractive about nice guys, but just because you're a nice guy doesn't mean we're going to be attracted to you. There's a bit more to liking a guy than that, although it does help a lot.
We (read: me ) like a bit of backbone for a partner, a man that'd stand up to us and for us if they had to.
It makes sense in my head!

You can exaggerate about something being small as well as large so that still counts as hyperbole, if it worked like you implied it did, I suppose it would be called a hypobole, but it doesn't and it's not. Hope that helped.

Anyway, I'm kinda nice but I'm also devilishly handsome so I manage alright.

... No? Fine, I also, am kinda lightly sarcastic and mean sometimes and try to never let on quite how needy I actually am, I think that helps.

 

[revolutionaification]

There's nothing inherently wrong with 'nice guys'. In my experience it's more to do with your availability. By becoming really close friends with us, we start to take that for granted, even if we try not to, we're only human. But the minute you're a bit more distant we notice, I assure you, and usually miss the contact.

For example, one of my closest male friends: I've known him for years, and during the first few he apparantly showed interest in me. I was young, so I didn't really notice, and by the time he told me it would have been like going out with my non-existant brother. However, after he sort of drifted away a bit, becoming interested in other people, I realised that for that whole time, I'd always been sort of into him. Nothing came of it, I didn't have the guts to say anything, and I'm otherwise involved now anyway, but every now and then I just wonder what it would've been like.

 

[Ice Car]

In addition, I tend to come off as what I am basically. Shy, not talkative, more willing to blend into the surroundings more than be out there and always talking to people like a social butterfly.

 

[alandavidson]

Generally, I'm a nice guy. And it's bit me in the ass quite often.

But, when certain buttons are pushed I get really mean, really fast. I just don't ever show that side to girls.

 

[hooksashands]

I really despise the idea that we (meaning not just men) are all sinks made to produce hot water, cold water, or raw sewage.

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

I really despise the idea that we (meaning not just men) are all sinks made to produce hot water, cold water, or raw sewage.

Care to elaborate on that metaphor?

 

[Hugga_Bear]

I don't think acting extremely polite at all times, pretending to be friends while you really want something romantic and letting others walk all over you is being nice, in any way or form.

It's only one step down from manipulative in that you're doing it out of fear, but it's a far distance from actually being nice.

People don't walk over you because they're assholes, they walk over you because you're lying face down and basically asking them. And in the end if you ever talk about it they just feel guilty about doing it and you feel bad for letting it happen.

Girls don't reject you because they like jerks or whatever. They don't like you because there's nothing there to like, all there is are nods and smiles. There's no person behind all that extreme politeness. And in the end if you ever do ask her out she just feels extremely guilty about turning you down and you feel like crap for getting rejected.

By acting like a "nice guy" you're hurting yourself and your friends. That's not being nice in any sense of the word.

Real nice guys like helping others, they like giving advice, they like sharing their opinion, they like being just friends with girls, they like being polite most of the time and they don't let anyone walk over them.

EDIT: Real nice guys act the way they do because that's the person they want to be and they don't whine about it. "Nice guys" act the way they do either because they're afraid to act any other way or for the sake of another person (pretending to be a friend != nice) and whenever they get the chance they do seem to whine about it.

This, a thousand times this. The amount of 'nice guys' I see who are pretentious, manipulative dicks is fucking disgusting. If you want to get your dick wet then fine do your play or whatever you feel you need to do to compensate for who you are but you don't get to whine afterwards because opening the door for her didn't make her legs open.

I call it 'Nice Guy Syndrome' or NGS. It's common enough and pretty revolting.
See, I'm a nice guy, an actual nice guy. I'm courteous unless you give me reason not to, I'm polite (ignoring the above paragraph) and I do nice things, from holding doors to covering costs with no worries. The difference between me (and all other nice people) and people with NGS is I don't do it to get laid. I'm nice to EVERYONE. Not just pretty faces or big breasts. I'm also nice regardless of scoring chance. I'm nice because I am, sod knows why.

Oh and you know the really great thing? It's never harmed me. You can be nice without being a complete pushover and nice is not the same as lacking in confidence. Women like confidence it's one of the main reasons 'bad boys' are considered attractive. It's entirely possible while being nice.

So, yeah I don't know. I'm not a 'nice guy' but I'm generally considered to be nice. I have to admit I don't actually like who I am so this is off what people say about me rather than my own feelings. NGS is a painful thing to watch and I'm glad sufferers so often get dumped on their rears, it's an extremely ugly trait.

 

[GodofDisaster]

Yes but I'm far to nice according to some people which I do agree on and I'm also really polite and I've got good manners as well. Although if people are rude to me, I'll snap back.

To sum it up I will snap back at people who are being dicks towards me but at the same time far to nice for my own good.

 

[AceTrilby]

I'm a nice guy, but I balance it out by being a cynical bastard at times. I sometimes wonder if the unbearable cynic or the carefree guy is the real me.

Also, I was asked out a few years ago (role reversal, much?), but still being all 'ew, cooties, yadda-yadda' at the time, I declined. However, the girl and I are firm friends now and have been for a long time. Maybe I'm just lucky.

 

[l3o2828]

Hey guys, just asked a lady friend out today, and I got the whole "You a really nice guy, but..." speech about "not wanting to ruin our friendship" that inevitably ended with "...but I still want to stay friends." [small](Except she's going to avoid me like the plague from now on, so it's not like we're really going to stay friends)[/small] Story of my life...

[/useless whining]

Anyway, is anyone else here a "nice guy" in other people's eyes? By "nice guy" I mean someone who tries to be courteous and polite to everyone, but comes off as having no confidence or masculinity. Someone who has a lot of friends that are girls, but no girlfriend. Someone who when they like a girl, makes the mistake of becoming their close platonic friend because they're too timid to ask them out. Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone. Ect, ect...

[small](In some circles, this is also known as being a "huge, spineless pussy".)[/small]

I've been trying to get rid of the "nice guy" persona for some time now and be more confident and assertive, but I keep falling back into old habits. Does anyone else have this problem? And to the .01% of this site that are women, what exactly is bad or unattractive about "nice guys" anyway?

Oh, and sorry if this topic's been done to death. I couldn't find anything on the search bar, but I have a feeling it's been done before.

Story of my life also, it seems girls only like douchebags. so guess what? FUCK GIRLS.
i don't need the idiot bitches.

 

[Nickolai77]

Yeah i'm probably a "nice guy". Psychological profiles describe me as introverted, and unless i'm with close friends i'm usually one of those people in the background. But i'm not so quiet to the point of being rude, i can and will happily engage with good conversation with people of either sex, it's just that whenever i engage in "good conversation" with members of the opposite sex it tends not to lead to anything, probably because my humour's very self-deprecating and i don't really "stand out" from the crowd or assert myself.

So, i'm not really surprised girls don't come my way, and i know that if i wanted that to change i would need to be more assertive, forward and commanding in social situations. But frankly i CBA changing myself just for the sake of a girlfriend- why should i have to change myself? I know i'm not perfect- i'm lazy and my hair can sometimes look ridiculous, but everyone has their flaws and i'm only human. I'm fairly confident about *myself*, and confident enough not to want to change myself. Which is why girls don't come my way. But oh well, if i am destined not to put my penis in many vagina's then so be it- i'll just live my life and hope to be known as a good, well meaning guy. Which i think anyone with their priorities straight would be content with.

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

Story of my life also, it seems girls only like douchebags. so guess what? FUCK GIRLS.
i don't need the idiot bitches.

No offense, but can we not be in the same boat? Saying fuck girls and calling them idiot bitches doesn't seem to indicate you're genuinely nice to them.

 

[RandallJohn]

Eh. I'm a naturally nice guy who speaks his mind. It's nice middle ground.

 

[l3o2828]

Story of my life also, it seems girls only like douchebags. so guess what? FUCK GIRLS.
i don't need the idiot bitches.

No offense, but can we not be in the same boat? Saying fuck girls and calling them idiot bitches doesn't seem to indicate you're genuinely nice to them.

Well after being nice for over 19 years to everyone i just got a little tired.
But in all seriousness (i was mostly overreacting over there) i'm nice to everyone, it's just that everyone is mean to me for no reason, so thats that.

 

[Lexodus]

No. I used to be, then I realised that that whole "nice guy" thing is total bullshit- that whole speech means "you're whiny or you give too much all the time or you don't hold back and you dump on people or you worship people all the time who just don't want it or you're trying to be nice to get in my pants and I don't like that shit." Be a real man and make yourself a priority, don't follow girls around like a puppy and don't be *too* obsequious. You know how when somebody does one big nice thing for you, it really makes an impact, but if they're waiting on you hand and foot it gets old, or annoying, or worse. Basically, if you're doing that, don't.
Once I sussed that, I turned from "Nice Guy" to actual nice guy. I get on with people and people enjoy my company, I come first and girls can have fun with me, but know if they treat me badly that's it. Part of the deal is not seeming desperate- when you're a "Nice Guy", you seem like you're being so nice only because you want them to drop trou and reward you.

 

[The Stonker]

I take the "Joe" approach, what is that? You say.

Well, don't be a pussy, but patience is a virtue, but not too much of it, that'll kill you.
But I'm an asshole, not in the, "DUDE YOU'RE FAT!" But rather, "DUDE, WE'RE FAT! *Laughs ensue*.
Since that's how me and the buds are.
But it really depends on my mood..

 

[stefanbertramlee]

No I'm extermly egotastic dick.

Though I have an inability to shout and I abhore violence, so theres that.

 

[FlamingForce]

I don't think acting extremely polite at all times, pretending to be friends while you really want something romantic and letting others walk all over you is being nice, in any way or form.

It's only one step down from manipulative in that you're doing it out of fear, but it's a far distance from actually being nice.

People don't walk over you because they're assholes, they walk over you because you're lying face down and basically asking them. And in the end if you ever talk about it they just feel guilty about doing it and you feel bad for letting it happen.

Girls don't reject you because they like jerks or whatever. They don't like you because there's nothing there to like, all there is are nods and smiles. There's no person behind all that extreme politeness. And in the end if you ever do ask her out she just feels extremely guilty about turning you down and you feel like crap for getting rejected.

By acting like a "nice guy" you're hurting yourself and your friends. That's not being nice in any sense of the word.

Real nice guys like helping others, they like giving advice, they like sharing their opinion, they like being just friends with girls, they like being polite most of the time and they don't let anyone walk over them.

EDIT: Real nice guys act the way they do because that's the person they want to be and they don't whine about it. "Nice guys" act the way they do either because they're afraid to act any other way or for the sake of another person (pretending to be a friend != nice) and whenever they get the chance they do seem to whine about it.

You just opened my eyes in a way no article, advice column, friend or book has ever done.
Thank you for that post.

 

[FullMetalAdam]

I used to highly censor what I thought of people, and was well mannered, and all the rest of it. This was mainly during my high school years. The problem was I couldn't take criticism, and had a hard time taking jokes. Now I'm studying in Postgrad year at college, and constantly voice my opinions and crack jokes, etc. I make no excuses for who I am, and present myself as I am with all my flaws and foibles. Some people like me; some hate me. That's life, you live with it and grow from experiences. Nice guys don't want to face that harsh dynamic of having people not like them, and try to help out people constantly expecting rewards. Or moving from being a friend to having some semblance of a relationship with a girl. They are deceitful, many of them, and end up really being one dimensional people. People in general, appreciate a person with depth. A lack of personality can be quite noticeable. In turn, nice guys lack depth of character due to their own issues. In the end, don't be afraid to express yourself and inform other people when they are being stupid, and general ignoramuses. You are in control of your life, no one else. A huge part of it is self doubt.