Well, I got lucky. I have a wonderful girl, but that's all I'm gonna say on that topic.Glass Joe the Champ said:
I sometimes seem insecure because I try to think of people... It pisses me off.
Are you a "nice guy"?
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I sometimes seem insecure because I try to think of people... It pisses me off.
Didn't read the entirety of the thread but I'll chime in what I learned.
I used to be the "Nice Guy" with the Nice guy Syndrome and all that. Subconsciously demanding the world "why women don't like a nice guy like me".
These last few years I start to realize that I like being nice. Like true nice. Or rather, I like being a good person.
My suggestion and, dare I say, word of wisdom, is this: instead of being the "nice guy", either be yourself completely without feeling the NEED to be nice or polite, or if you're genuinely nice, become the "Knight/Samurai" or whatever you like to call instead. What I mean is the archtypical knight or samurai: noble, honorable, polite, a gentleman, but aim to greatness with moderate ambition and can stand up to rivals and enemies and "kick ass" if the situation really calls for it. I believe it's the next evolution of the true nice guy.
What is left is really for you to think if you're being nice for your own subconscious selfish gains, or you want to go down the noble path and be the Knight?
And never be afraid of rejection. If a warrior gets knocked over, he gets back up to fight, over and over. If you keep lying down, you'll just be finished off.
EDIT: I forgot to say I hope it helps and good luck to you in the future! I figured these out on my own in three years, and I hope by sharing it, it'll take you much less time to reach that.
Also, seeing that you're a Troper IIRC, look up Yamato Nadeshiko. The "clear touch of iron" is what I want you to think about.
I used to be the "Nice Guy" with the Nice guy Syndrome and all that. Subconsciously demanding the world "why women don't like a nice guy like me".
These last few years I start to realize that I like being nice. Like true nice. Or rather, I like being a good person.
My suggestion and, dare I say, word of wisdom, is this: instead of being the "nice guy", either be yourself completely without feeling the NEED to be nice or polite, or if you're genuinely nice, become the "Knight/Samurai" or whatever you like to call instead. What I mean is the archtypical knight or samurai: noble, honorable, polite, a gentleman, but aim to greatness with moderate ambition and can stand up to rivals and enemies and "kick ass" if the situation really calls for it. I believe it's the next evolution of the true nice guy.
What is left is really for you to think if you're being nice for your own subconscious selfish gains, or you want to go down the noble path and be the Knight?
And never be afraid of rejection. If a warrior gets knocked over, he gets back up to fight, over and over. If you keep lying down, you'll just be finished off.
EDIT: I forgot to say I hope it helps and good luck to you in the future! I figured these out on my own in three years, and I hope by sharing it, it'll take you much less time to reach that.
Also, seeing that you're a Troper IIRC, look up Yamato Nadeshiko. The "clear touch of iron" is what I want you to think about.
I am a really nice guy. And because I seemed so nice, a girl asked me out (sorta....). We've been together for a year now 
. Really, being a nice guy isn't a bad thing. I don't agree with your definition though. I am a nice person, but I am still confident. I have a few good friends, no enemies, and several people who are my acquaintances. There is nothing wrong with being nice, just don't let people tread all over you.
EDIT:
I agree with the post above. If "nice guy" means being too nice and not standing up, then I mean that you should be a "Knight". Fight for what you believe in. Stand up. Never give up. Even if you get rejected, don't stop trying.
P.S
Start Fencing! It is one of the paths to Knighthood! Why? I've found that it builds your instinct (and muscle reflex?) to act in situations that require quick action.
P.P.S
By being a "nice guy" I never force it. I just act nice when I feel like it. Apparently that is most of the time.
. Really, being a nice guy isn't a bad thing. I don't agree with your definition though. I am a nice person, but I am still confident. I have a few good friends, no enemies, and several people who are my acquaintances. There is nothing wrong with being nice, just don't let people tread all over you.EDIT:
I agree with the post above. If "nice guy" means being too nice and not standing up, then I mean that you should be a "Knight". Fight for what you believe in. Stand up. Never give up. Even if you get rejected, don't stop trying.
P.S
Start Fencing! It is one of the paths to Knighthood! Why? I've found that it builds your instinct (and muscle reflex?) to act in situations that require quick action.
P.P.S
By being a "nice guy" I never force it. I just act nice when I feel like it. Apparently that is most of the time.
I am a pretty nice guy. I want to be very nice to all my friends, but they are all kinda mean sometimes. I am the kind of guy who wants to create friendships based on trust and friendship, but all my friends find that "gay". As for women I would not know. I can not seem to attract a single female but guys fall for me all the time. Seriously, 5 guys have had crushes on me, but not a single girl. It sucks because I vastly prefer females.
I am too nice to girls, to afraid to ask them out. I guess all the guys who like me dig the submissive type.
I am too nice to girls, to afraid to ask them out. I guess all the guys who like me dig the submissive type.
Currently transitioning out of "nice guy" mode. Going to college in a week and meeting all new people should help.
Can't say I am. But there's a difference between being nice and being boring. The whole "Oh I respect you too much to try and have sex with you right away" crap? Boring, not necessarily non-nice.
Being nice isn't bad. Being a pussy is.
...Where did I put my "type upside-down" macro now again?
Being nice isn't bad. Being a pussy is.
...Where did I put my "type upside-down" macro now again?
So it's lose lose that at that point, how do you know they would really walk all over everyone else if in a dominant position? That kind of seems like pure speculation, and are you saying would rather them be something other than nice or that nice isn't enough?EverythingIncredible said:
My dog must be a nice guy, since he is always happy to see me. Clearly he is manipulative, and has other motives for being nice.
You said it yourself, being more confident and assertive. Both of those things have absolutely nothing to do with being a "nice guy".
Some girls do like dickheads, but to say that most do is completely and utterly wrong. Also, a lot of women who DO date dickheads do it because "nice guys" have no fucking clue how to talk to women and/or are incredibly timid and reserved.
What most people on this site need to learn is that women don't like them because they have no self-confidence, have no clue how to assert themselves, and that annoying pessimistic attitude that plagues this place (and other "nerd" communities) probably doesn't help either.
Most personalities can be attractive if you love your own personality and don't wish you were a big masculine "guys guy". People here keep talking about how "feminine" they are (sorry but since when has "feminine" been staying in your room all day playing videogames?) Truth is i'm probably more feminine and as far from a typical male than any guy on this forum is, short of the transgendered users. But I embrace it, I love it, and I use it to my advantage. I don't have any particular issues with girls because when I like someone I take the leap and ask her out. Simple.
Just turns out I haven't properly liked anyone for ages and the one I did like recently didn't like me back, but thats just the way it goes sometimes sadly and everyone has to learn to deal with that on some level.
Some girls do like dickheads, but to say that most do is completely and utterly wrong. Also, a lot of women who DO date dickheads do it because "nice guys" have no fucking clue how to talk to women and/or are incredibly timid and reserved.
What most people on this site need to learn is that women don't like them because they have no self-confidence, have no clue how to assert themselves, and that annoying pessimistic attitude that plagues this place (and other "nerd" communities) probably doesn't help either.
Most personalities can be attractive if you love your own personality and don't wish you were a big masculine "guys guy". People here keep talking about how "feminine" they are (sorry but since when has "feminine" been staying in your room all day playing videogames?) Truth is i'm probably more feminine and as far from a typical male than any guy on this forum is, short of the transgendered users. But I embrace it, I love it, and I use it to my advantage. I don't have any particular issues with girls because when I like someone I take the leap and ask her out. Simple.
Just turns out I haven't properly liked anyone for ages and the one I did like recently didn't like me back, but thats just the way it goes sometimes sadly and everyone has to learn to deal with that on some level.
before I start, I'd just like to adress a few facts.
fact 1- the escapist has a terrifyingly large antimale feminist population.
fact 2- the escapist also has a large population of lonely spineless wimps who complain about how girls don't like them on the forums about every week.
fact 3- girls are attracted to confidence, whether that manifests itself in a guy being nice, or a complete dick.
fact 4-girls are not attracted to weak spinless pussies, and it's nice to hear that the OP understands this.
ok, glad we got that out of the way. I'm a nice guy, but my confidence is off the charts. like no joke, if I see an attractive girl somewhere who I don't know, I'll just go up and talk to her. you'd be supprised how many are actually really attracted to me, and for that reason, I'm sick of both sides of this argument. I've seen how effective being fearless can be when you're hitting on a girl, so don't give me this shit about how girls never fall for nice guys. man up and realize that it's all about confidence, and not how "nice" you are.
on the other hand, I'm going to go berzerk if I hear one more feminist complain about how guys "steryotype" them by saying that girls like douchbags. I know so many girls who are attracted to guys with a criminal record that I know you're all a bunch of liars. sure you like nice guys sometimes, but if an asshole has even just a little more confidence than a nice guy, it doesn't matter that he will probably grow up to be a sex offender/murderer, you girls are all over him.
fact 1- the escapist has a terrifyingly large antimale feminist population.
fact 2- the escapist also has a large population of lonely spineless wimps who complain about how girls don't like them on the forums about every week.
fact 3- girls are attracted to confidence, whether that manifests itself in a guy being nice, or a complete dick.
fact 4-girls are not attracted to weak spinless pussies, and it's nice to hear that the OP understands this.
ok, glad we got that out of the way. I'm a nice guy, but my confidence is off the charts. like no joke, if I see an attractive girl somewhere who I don't know, I'll just go up and talk to her. you'd be supprised how many are actually really attracted to me, and for that reason, I'm sick of both sides of this argument. I've seen how effective being fearless can be when you're hitting on a girl, so don't give me this shit about how girls never fall for nice guys. man up and realize that it's all about confidence, and not how "nice" you are.
on the other hand, I'm going to go berzerk if I hear one more feminist complain about how guys "steryotype" them by saying that girls like douchbags. I know so many girls who are attracted to guys with a criminal record that I know you're all a bunch of liars. sure you like nice guys sometimes, but if an asshole has even just a little more confidence than a nice guy, it doesn't matter that he will probably grow up to be a sex offender/murderer, you girls are all over him.
"Nice Guy Syndrome" sufferers are entitled little shits who need to harden the fuck up and accept that the universe doesn't owe them a woman.
However, I do get tired of the debate serving to exonerate women from any responsibility to scrutinize and second guess her tastes, as men are expected to.
Of course, my point is less "women should love jobless losers who play video games all day" and more "men should be able to reject women for 'shallow' reasons without society as a whole treating them like monsters for it, just like women are able to."
However, I do get tired of the debate serving to exonerate women from any responsibility to scrutinize and second guess her tastes, as men are expected to.
Of course, my point is less "women should love jobless losers who play video games all day" and more "men should be able to reject women for 'shallow' reasons without society as a whole treating them like monsters for it, just like women are able to."
I dislike the way this topic almost assumes being nice = spineless.
I'm always polite, helpful and respectful. The first to volunteer to drive someone somewhere or who starts doing the dishes before it's even thought of. But I can be immensely stubborn at times and I don't take shit.
I guess I don't have really close female friends though, I do have female friends, quite a few, but they all seem a level behind my male friends in what I would share with, how I would act around etc. I can be completely oblivious too, I once didn't know a girl was interested in me until she practically jumped me, even though the signs where in retrospect obvious. Also because I'm always polite and give people time, this sometimes gives people the wrong impression that I'm interested in them.
I've gone off topic, but I don't think the world is black and white, it's not always bad boys and nice guys and that's often an excuse people use for their own failures. But I will say that what I've found is as women mature they seem to prefer mature and stable, over confident and flashy.
I'm always polite, helpful and respectful. The first to volunteer to drive someone somewhere or who starts doing the dishes before it's even thought of. But I can be immensely stubborn at times and I don't take shit.
I guess I don't have really close female friends though, I do have female friends, quite a few, but they all seem a level behind my male friends in what I would share with, how I would act around etc. I can be completely oblivious too, I once didn't know a girl was interested in me until she practically jumped me, even though the signs where in retrospect obvious. Also because I'm always polite and give people time, this sometimes gives people the wrong impression that I'm interested in them.
I've gone off topic, but I don't think the world is black and white, it's not always bad boys and nice guys and that's often an excuse people use for their own failures. But I will say that what I've found is as women mature they seem to prefer mature and stable, over confident and flashy.
Not so much nice guy, but definitely nice girl. The things I do for people... like lending the guy who repeated and self-admittedly treated me terribly over three hundred bucks to get his laptop (I did get the money back). I've bought him food, let him leave his ex with me while he went out with his mates(I laughed and called it "babysitting"), etc.
It was rather sweet, however, when he was sobbing into my shoulder at the bus station yesterday, telling me that he didn't want to go, that he was going to miss me so much and that he was coming home to me the first chance he got (this was after he almost missed the bus and I gave him $50 going away cash). The sad thing is that he's told me repeatedly that he loves me, but needs to sort his head out. What do you DO with guys like that? (Shaft them quick and I should know that by now... but I just can't seem to let this one go.)
Then there's my other mate, whose flight home I paid for and whose rent I covered for a week because she's flatass broke until she can get back to work. Not to mention she's eating my food.
So yeah, I get the nicknames "Angel" and "Mama" a lot. I'm a good person but very rarely do guys get any further than the sloppy "look after me!" stage, which is quite sad and has led to a whole lotta heartbreak.
It was rather sweet, however, when he was sobbing into my shoulder at the bus station yesterday, telling me that he didn't want to go, that he was going to miss me so much and that he was coming home to me the first chance he got (this was after he almost missed the bus and I gave him $50 going away cash). The sad thing is that he's told me repeatedly that he loves me, but needs to sort his head out. What do you DO with guys like that? (Shaft them quick and I should know that by now... but I just can't seem to let this one go.)
Then there's my other mate, whose flight home I paid for and whose rent I covered for a week because she's flatass broke until she can get back to work. Not to mention she's eating my food.
So yeah, I get the nicknames "Angel" and "Mama" a lot. I'm a good person but very rarely do guys get any further than the sloppy "look after me!" stage, which is quite sad and has led to a whole lotta heartbreak.
Just be yourself, ok?
If people walk on you for being nice, or deny you, you just don't bother with them.
Kindness and respect are some of the best traits a person can have, and being an asshole is just not worth it.
I'm the kind of person that goes out of my way to make people happy.
Even though I've been walked on a bit, I'm not going to change. It just made me learn to avoid certain people.
Being nice is worth it. People will come up to you, and everyone smiles when they talk to ya, it's just nice!
If people walk on you for being nice, or deny you, you just don't bother with them.
Kindness and respect are some of the best traits a person can have, and being an asshole is just not worth it.
I'm the kind of person that goes out of my way to make people happy.
Even though I've been walked on a bit, I'm not going to change. It just made me learn to avoid certain people.
Being nice is worth it. People will come up to you, and everyone smiles when they talk to ya, it's just nice!
Its OK to be a nice guy, but there's a difference between timid-nice guy and a nice guy who is sure of himself. All i have to say is to be confident in who you are or whatever you are doing. Women usually don't like unconfident people, but don't become a cocky asshole.
You have to be nice and confident and honest. That's what works. Just be yourself. Because if you're not you, who are you? She'd probably find out anyways, so you might as well be honest with yourself and her. Because if she doesn't know the actual you, who does she know?
You sound very much like a girl that I know. She goes way out of her way to be nice and helpful to everyone. At one point I was in a similar position as the guy who was sobbing into your shoulder with her, but I came to accept our position as friends. I'm sure your guy will too.Phantomess said: