Are you a "nice guy"?

[Astoria]

There is nothing wrong with nice guys. Some girls genuinely mean it when they say they don't want to ruin the friendship and I meant it when I kept telling a friend no. It just means they value you to much to risk losing you. Other girls might be doing because they just aren't attracted to you. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, you just aren't their type. Of course there's the percentage of girls that say it because they want the smoking hot jerks but they aren't worth your time anyway.

Haha...keep telling yourself that.

I wonder though...in such cases, how would the friendship be "ruined" exactly? Is it because "it would be weird"? Wouldn't it be more honest to say that you simply don't see him as a potential lover, instead of resorting to white lies?

Tell me, how many people do you know who are still friends with their exs? I'm betting not many. Usually even if you do wanna stay friends it doesn't happen because it's just too weird. A girl might always want you in her life and wouldn't want to risk a bad break up because they would mean you wouldn't be in her life anymore. I'm sure girls aren't the only ones who do it either.

 

[The Aimless One]

Nice guys can get the girl just as well as anyone else......
All it takes is a nice girl.

 

[King of the Sandbox]

I'm not a nice guy. I break promises, appointments and faces.

But I don't curse in front of my grandma.

 

[Boris Goodenough]

Yeah I am, but I am also not spineless.

 

[Straitjacketeering]

I'm only nice to my three friends I trust, and any girl that hasn't lost my respect. Other then that i'm an asshole

 

[Thyunda]

In the words of a local girl,
"You're the nice guy most of the time, till somebody gives you a reason to be a dick."

And I like that description. I like that very much.

 

[Carnagath]

I used to be the kind of "nice guy" that you are referring to, and still am to a degree. What has changed is that I no longer accept new "female friends" in my life, I've had enough of that in the past to last me a lifetime. If I meet a girl and I like her, I let her know. If she doesn't respond, I accept it in a polite joking manner and never speak to her again. If she for some reason insists and wants to hang out even though she rejected me (as they often do, girls love to surround themselves with guys that like them), I openly let her know that I don't want to see her anymore and wish her the best of luck. It has helped me maintain only the friendships that matter, the real ones, and protected me from inevitably getting hurt and feeling terrible, as was the case every single time I got friendzoned in the past.

 

[Rawne1980]

Not generally a nice guy no.

I genuinely don't like a lot of people and i'm not the kind of person that can gloss over that by faking niceness.

My wife gave me the pet name "****" when we got together due to me generally being a dick to most people.

I'm nice to her, my kids and my close friends but thats about it.

 

[SixWingedAsura]

I used to be a nice guy. See, society and my parents raised me to believe the false impression that women wanted a nice guy.

Turns out, they were full of shit. So thanks to them, I'm now the wonderful (your mileage my vary), cynical, misanthropic jerkass that I am today. It's gotten to the point where I'd be happy if just one woman finally admitted that no, she doesn't want a "nice guy" and that she never did want a "nice guy."

Nice guys finish last, and if you don't believe me, you're either delusional or full of sh*t.

 

[Vapus]

Nice Guys Finish Last.

 

[averydeeadaccount]

i've got lots of friends who are girls, but i haven`t tried get past the friend zone (don`t really see why), but i`m not out-of-my-way nice either (at least in my own probably biased opinion(no one is a good judge of their own character)), but i don`t mind any of it and im happy with my social position

 

[Vault101]

I used to be the kind of "nice guy" that you are referring to, and still am to a degree. What has changed is that I no longer accept new "female friends" in my life, I've had enough of that in the past to last me a lifetime. If I meet a girl and I like her, I let her know. If she doesn't respond, I accept it in a polite joking manner and never speak to her again. If she for some reason insists and wants to hang out even though she rejected me (as they often do, girls love to surround themselves with guys that like them), I openly let her know that I don't want to see her anymore and wish her the best of luck. It has helped me maintain only the friendships that matter, the real ones, and protected me from inevitably getting hurt and feeling terrible, as was the case every single time I got friendzoned in the past.

are you saying that you coulnt be freind with somone bcause they are female? OR you couldnt be freinds with somone you liked?

"girls love to surround themselves with guys that like them"...that paints us out to be kind of narssisistic, you dont supose they could just...enjoy having freinds?

ugghh sorry Im not going to get all angrey feminiest over this "nice guy" thing, Ive done it too many times before

 

[ripdajacker]

I've surely been on the "nice guy" plateau of agony. The term nice guy is just plain wrong.

A "nice guy" is not nice, he is polite and friendly. He may have an easy time getting male friends, since they:

a) don't see him as a challenge, and he is therefore harmless
b) he is friendly and loyal even though they shit on him

Ironically this is the same reason women sexually despise nice guys. Women, especially pretty women, love a challenge. They don't like to have control, and nice guys offer them exactly that. Women can manipulate nice guys, they can't control a douche the same way.

Incidentally this goes both ways. If every woman except one threw herself at you, you would choose the one that presented a challenge. It's about value.

Nice guys give no value at all, since they clearly don't seem to what they have to offer is valuable. In other words: If you give up control, you are saying that she is more valuable than you are. That's the sign of the beta male. In a nomad society this would result in you now willing to fight for the best food, the best territory and in extension the best woman.

Nice guys indeed finish last, but people have to realize that social life is brutal. It is essentially one great big mating game and is therefore under the influence of evolution. In evolution nice guys don't finish at all.

 

[Togs]

You may think yourself in general to be a nice guy, but Im here right now to tell you that is lie
Even the nicest of guys have some nasty within them, and you dont have to be backlit to be the villain.
Whether it be greed, lust or plain vindictiveness there's a level of malevolence within all of us.

 

[Vault101]

before I start, I'd just like to adress a few facts.

fact 1- the escapist has a terrifyingly large antimale feminist population.

fact 2- the escapist also has a large population of lonely spineless wimps who complain about how girls don't like them on the forums about every week.

him.

"fact 1- the escapist has a terrifyingly large antimale feminist population."

really? cant say I've come across this, or get that impression

as for fact 2....oh yes very much so (and its not THEIR fault, no no its the girls fault...for not likeing them...waaaaahhhhhh)

uhh did I just confirm fact-1? :/

 

[Smooth Operator]

Not really. Like I said before, I'm a guy who is nice (using justnotcrickets ideas) and I have zero problems with relationships.

Being nice doesn't mean being a pushover or being timid. It means being nice, nothing more or less. Confidence is probably the biggest factor in initial encounters, you can be confident without being a dick.

XKCD comic since it's come up a few times: http://xkcd.com/513/

Ya well we got many definitions of "nice guy" so how anyone fits in is always questionable.
I wouldn't call my old self a pushover just a guy who was told he needs to impress girls, oh how he tried, valiant efforts but alas all fruitless.

A simple recent contrast example, I'm at a party where a girl starts ranting about the male dominated society and womens oppression... was quite the hissy fit, playing a prick I can't help myself but to throw in a kitchen comment just to turn up the flames, ignored at first then an hour later she is standing next to me "oh so you're the guy with the big opinions".
Now at this point I can opt out telling her just how I agree with everything and how nicely boring the encounter will be, or I keep up appearances and proceed to have an evening of passionate discussions with this incredible girl.

 

[Kohake]

I consider myself a nice guy, and most people I know do as well, but it's never been a problem. then again, I've never asked anyone out.(because I've never wanted too) It's weird though, people seem to have very diffrent ideas on what kidn of person I am. When hanging out with some of my friends I'll see them joke about each other but not about me. I'm guessing it's because they think I'm a very serious person. But when hangin out with others if feels like it's hard to be taken seriously at all. I don't think I'm acting very diffrent, so I wonder why this is.

 

[Arfonious]

I like to think of myself as a nice guy, but I'm propably kind of an asshole

 

[slippereend]

I think I'm genuinely nice, but I'm no ones fucking doormat.

THIS!! DO THIS!

As a girl I'm getting a bit sick of all these topics about the same thing over and over. Everybody keeps on giving the same answers *girls suck, they only choose those horrible jerks who don't respect them*. Ugh.

That is bull****. Girls like nice guys, but don't try to get their attention by doing everything for them. Show them that you have a life and opinion of your own. Don't let them use you.

Somewhere on these forums there's a similar thread in which one of the girls here posted the perfect answer. Go find and read that.