Are you a "nice guy"?

[Ponce Master-General]

I like to think I found a good middle ground for myself, being polite, courteous and respectful, but also being an asshole if the need arises.

I used to be a man with a spine made out of jelly, trying to please everyone, then I got tired of people walking all over me, then there was a dark period when you'd think manners were a concept I hadn't yet heard of. Then I just kind of remembered that it's nice to be nice sometimes, and I discovered that you can have a spine made out of bones and still not be a complete shitheel.

In short, I'm nice to people that are nice to me, and not to people that are not.

 

[Smooth Operator]

No the first guy was right, and the fact that you seem so pissed off that being "nice" never got you anything shows that you fall into that category.

Text conveys no emotion, if you want to read it as such then so be it.

I simply pointed out what works and what does not, and even the first one pointed out bad boy on the outside and softy on the inside is what girls go for, so we can agree on it and put it to rest or keep chasing the nice guy tail.

 

[Jessabi]

I'm a girl, and I like nice guys. I don't get this thing of 'girls only like jerks' - say what? I hate jerks because, well, they're JERKS! Really, any nice guys out there thinking they'll get more attention from girls by being an asshole, don't. Just no. You can be a nice guy and have confidence/be assertive at the same time. Those assholes out there aren't being confident and assertive, they're being arrogant and acting like dickheads

 

[The_ModeRazor]

Nope. Cynical, resentful, scared and mysoginistic bastard with no friends or social life, only a burning hatred for the society that rejects me and myself, for being who end whatever the fuck I am. Life is boredom, sprinkled with suffering and shame. Never had a girlfriend, nor am I gonna get one. People are different - I'm the lonely asshole.

Not wanting to come off as an angsty fucknugget (which I am), here's some music.

 

[artanis_neravar]

No the first guy was right, and the fact that you seem so pissed off that being "nice" never got you anything shows that you fall into that category.

Text conveys no emotion, if you want to read it as such then so be it.

I simply pointed out what works and what does not, and even the first one pointed out bad boy on the outside and softy on the inside is what girls go for, so we can agree on it and put it to rest or keep chasing the nice guy tail.

Text can convey emotion, the words you use help, along with punctuation. Text, cannot convey sarcasm though. The first guy (the one you originally quoted) said that "nice guys" aren't truly nice and are only acting that way because they believe it will get them laid. [healthy] Girls don't like jerks, [healthy] girls like confidence and the ability to challenge them not just let them roll over you

 

[Genixma]

I'm Passive Aggressive. And this one guy provoked me enough at a party that I finally yielded I then proceeded to verbally tear into him til he turned pale white and became a mute for the next two days. God I love societal therapy ^_^

Yes, I'm nice but I'm not willing to be a push over.

 

[Shadowcreed]

Been there, done that,
doensn't work at all im afraid. Being nice gets you fucked royally because people think its a sign of weakness.. Its best to be a complete asshat if you want to get things done seeing as the human race doesn't care about anything other than themselves anymore, so why should you try to make the other guy/girl feel better? nobody will stick up for you, so best to do that yourself.

 

[Smooth Operator]

The first guy (the one you originally quoted) said that "nice guys" aren't truly nice and are only acting that way because they believe it will get them laid. [healthy] Girls don't like jerks, [healthy] girls like confidence and the ability to challenge them not just let them roll over you

Not the part I was referring to, but alright, the chase continues.
To the Batcave!

 

[artanis_neravar]

The first guy (the one you originally quoted) said that "nice guys" aren't truly nice and are only acting that way because they believe it will get them laid. [healthy] Girls don't like jerks, [healthy] girls like confidence and the ability to challenge them not just let them roll over you

Not the part I was referring to, but alright, the chase continues.
To the Batcave!

OK, you win the debate just for that I can't argue with anything there and you made me chuckle, well played and much more effective then telling me not to respond. Kudos

 

[Trololo Punk]

I joke around with people I know and stuff, but I think I'm a pretty nice guy.

 

[Cephei Mordred]

I'll admit that I've become a bit more callous as a result of playing MMOs and having to choose between having time to myself and humoring time wasting morons, to the point where I once told a guildie half jokingly that I'm just a Stepford Smiling Sith Lord, i.e. I'm only pretending to be happy, half the time I just want to force choke a *****. It's kind of odd how being a healer makes you simultaneously more nurturing and more callous.

However, I think it's an exaggeration to say "You have to be an asshole because being nice gets you walked over." Sounds more like a rationalization of more inborn callousness/lack of empathy to me. You can be nice without being a doormat. I generally try to be, but I do on rare occasion turn into an outright jerkass, especially under high stress.

Also, learning to troll practially requires you to Take A Level In Jerkass, so that hasn't helped either. That's another thing...it's tempting to troll people back if they're jerks/trolls themselves, but it can easily lead you to becoming an outright troll even to those who don't deserve it. Just sayin'.

 

[RomanceIsDead]

I don't think acting extremely polite at all times, pretending to be friends while you really want something romantic and letting others walk all over you is being nice, in any way or form.

It's only one step down from manipulative in that you're doing it out of fear, but it's a far distance from actually being nice.

People don't walk over you because they're assholes, they walk over you because you're lying face down and basically asking them. And in the end if you ever talk about it they just feel guilty about doing it and you feel bad for letting it happen.

Girls don't reject you because they like jerks or whatever. They don't like you because there's nothing there to like, all there is are nods and smiles. There's no person behind all that extreme politeness. And in the end if you ever do ask her out she just feels extremely guilty about turning you down and you feel like crap for getting rejected.

By acting like a "nice guy" you're hurting yourself and your friends. That's not being nice in any sense of the word.

Real nice guys like helping others, they like giving advice, they like sharing their opinion, they like being just friends with girls, they like being polite most of the time and they don't let anyone walk over them.

EDIT: Real nice guys act the way they do because that's the person they want to be and they don't whine about it. "Nice guys" act the way they do either because they're afraid to act any other way or for the sake of another person (pretending to be a friend != nice) and whenever they get the chance they do seem to whine about it.

This is the truth.

I used to be the tattle tale in elementary school. I was a selfish spoiled brat. And in middle school I got picked on and wouldn't know how to handle it. I thought I was a good guy, but I was immature and self absorbed.

Actually, it wasn't until Junior year of high school when I saw a movie on T.V. that I realized what was wrong. If you havn't seen the movie breakfast club, you need to watch it. The "rebel" boy in the movie is a perfect example of what women find attractive. You don't need to be a jerk to attract women. You need to be honest. You need to tell a beautiful girl that she is being a !@#$ing retard if that's what shes being. If a bully picks on you, tell them to go !@#$ themselves even if you get punched in the face. You have to LET GO OF YOUR FEAR of others' judgements and actions. The "nice guy" is a rat. He has nothing to provide women, but desires everything from them. He is clingy and if he does get a girlfriend, he can never truly appreciate her because he can't appreciate himself.

The "nice guy" is not actually a nice guy. He is a boring blob that is only out to satisfy himself and has nothing interesting to give to women. As stated in the quote.

 

[Cephei Mordred]

The "nice guy" is not actually a nice guy. He is a boring blob that is only out to satisfy himself and has nothing interesting to give to women. As stated in the quote.

"Nothing interesting to give to women?"

This can cut both ways, you know. To what extent are men allowed to have standards with regards of what a woman can give to him? By "allowed" I mean not treated like a monster for it.

 

[Evidencebased]

I like guys who are "nice", but who also have something to contribute to the conversation. No one (decent) likes a sycophant, or someone who can't hold their own in an argument. Doesn't mean women like being beaten or treated poorly, it means women generally like being in a relationship with an equal who treats her like another human being rather than a delicate flower on a pedestal. If you're going to go limp and roll over the second you're required to have an opinion or initiate anything then I'm not interested in you -- as a friend or anything else.

And the idea that no women like nice guys is just bull, seriously. I work with about a dozen guys in the lab, and they are all happily heterosexually taken and they are all "nice" guys. But they're also funny and clever and opinionated and honest, and have lives that don't revolve pathetically around pleasing some other person just because she has two X chromosomes. Doormat's aren't sexy. And no, you don't have to be a doormat to be a nice person, young guys just often confuse the two.

 

[AngeloG]

Uhhm... other than the grammar... What?
Nice guys are winners from the start, to be able to keep your cool, your politeness, to always be there for people and be willing to forgive no matter what: that is the greatest of moral victories.

@brandon237

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfeys7Jfnx8

 

[GestaltEsper]

The "nice guy" is not actually a nice guy. He is a boring blob that is only out to satisfy himself and has nothing interesting to give to women. As stated in the quote.

"Nothing interesting to give to women?"

This can cut both ways, you know. To what extent are men allowed to have standards with regards of what a woman can give to him? By "allowed" I mean not treated like a monster for it.

That's actually an interesting question. I wouldn't mind getting some input on this.

 

[FamoFunk]

I'm a really horrible person, a complete asshole. Especially when it comes to relationships.

 

[Ickorus]

Not by your definition though I do consider myself to be a nice person.

 

[dystopiaINC]

I think the real problem here is that you got rejected by this chick, she's probably under the spell of another dude. And chances are, if you're my definition of a "nice guy" she should come around once she notices the jock she's going after is a total douche bag. Or if she doesn't notice she'll be living in hell for a wile.

oh i know. girl i was interested in was already dating a guy when i met her. still is. she's engaged now. guys is a complete asshole and an attention whore. not kidding and not exaggerating i knew him before i met her and thought this well before i liked her. hell he the only reason he proposed to her was because she was PISSED at him and was IGNORING him. went to the movies with her once with a group of friends he wasn't in town a the time, went to eat after the movie and the meal was her complaining about the shit he pulls with her. and how she writes it down sometimes like a diary to relive stress and has several FULL NOTE BOOKS of just that. i have met to meet a friend of hers that hasn't told her he may not be right for her.

needles to say i'm a bit bitter about that.

Yeah, that sounds insane. That guy needs to get stuck in the middle of the Himalayas for a while. Teach him something... no, I guess that would just be payback, Ha! But anyway, yeah, I got roped in something similar, but best case scenario prevailed. I was interested in this chick named Ashley, but before I could ask her to homecoming a horny pot-head got to her first. She dated him until he tried to get in her pants. After that catastrophe I used my charm to get her on a date, it was a good date, but it could have been better. She was harder to read than a rock at the bottom of the ocean, I had no idea what she thought of me... so nothing really happened, accept for some good food, the movie Tron, and some conversations that I had to manage by myself. Not too fun... And thats how it was to date her. Then thankfully she broke up with me... but she used the wrong words, she said "I'm sorry, but I've fallen in love with somebody else.". My first thought was 'wait... you were in love with me?'. She had fallen for a jock, and she got cheated on and all heart-broken. Now shes with another pot-head. So at least she got to know both ends of the stick before starting all over again.

well you at least had a chance wit your interest. mine was dating that prick before i met her. it wouldn't have been so bad if i had a window of time where i knew her when she was single and i never made my move, then it wold be my own fault for not moving fast enough.
but from what i gathered from her long time friends she was dating another guy, he was an ass like her current boyfriend, and he dumped her, she rebounded with her current rather quickly (like a few weeks) and has been with him ever since. i met her at the start of senior year when i had a class with her. she'd already been dating him since sophomore year. thats were i get the most bitter about it really.